No one in my family was allowed to complain because nothing could ever be wrong. If one thing was wrong that might mean everything was wrong. And that simply wouldn't do, for my family was deeply invested in maintaining the appearance of normality.
After a while I didn't believe my own eyes and ears. If a situation seemed not quite right, my perception must be wrong. So I just kept quiet about everything.
Today I will allow my inner child to complain about an unfair situation. I hear her complaint and I listen carefully. I can trust my inner child's perception of reality. *I don't have to be quiet to be good.*
Perceiving reality is difficult both for perpetrators and their victims.It challenges perpetrators to take responsibility for their crimes secretly committed.
At one time in our life we might have needed to believe that the perpetrator would never do anything to hurt us or that adults we might have dared to tell would never disbelieve us or ask us to forgive and forget. We were not strong enough to stand on our own and perceive reality.
There is such a strong taboo against "telling" that perceiving the reality of incest also becomes taboo. When the time is right, the memories and feelings about the betrayal arise in us. We begin to perceive what really happened. And though we may still deny our own perceptions, sharing them with others who are supportive can help validate the truth of our experience. *Help me to see and to understand the truth of my life.*
Relationships(abusive)betrayed and hurt us; relationships(healing)will bring us new life and serenity. Perhaps all we knew growing up were abusive relationships. These resulted in wounds, brokenness and isolation. Such relationships were governed by fear, domination and control. They are always one-sided and destructive.
Healing relationships, on the contrary, teach us that our true nature is not apart from one another, but a part of one another.
As we learn to love deeply and respect ourselves, we grow in reverence for all creation. No person, no part of the universe, is ours to dominate or manipulate. Each is potentially a means of healing relationships.*I am a valuable part of all that is.*
Today I will celebrate my recovery by eliminating the need to take hostages in relationships.
Fear prompts me to control and cling to those closest to me. This fear emanates from the desperate child within me who is afraid of being hurt. Yet controlling and clinging only drive away our loved ones and make our worst fears come true. Now I know that when I feel tempted to lose myself in a relationship, my inner child is yearning for the parental approval she never received. I am her source of validation, not anyone else.
When I give my inner child the love and nurturing she craves and deserves, her death grip on other people loosens.Today I will stop controlling and allow my loved ones to be themselves. *I am the source of validation for my inner child.
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