My Poetry

TRICIA

I have set aside this area for my poetry. Alot of it was written when the storm was around, at different times. There is also alot of pain in these, so again I ask that you use discression while viewing this particular page.

I THOUGHT....

I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND A FRIEND
I THOUGHT I HAD A PLACE TO BE
I THOUGHT I WAS ACCEPTED
IT'S NOT EASY TO BE ME


I THOUGHT I WAS STRONG
COULD HANDLE THE PAIN
I WAS THE FOOL
PLAYING YOUR GAME


I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASY
TO FORGET THE HURT INSIDE
CRAZY FOR ME TO THINK THAT
WITH TEARS IN MY EYES


WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?
WHAT AM I TO DO
I CAN'T SHAKE THIS FEELING
I'M HURTING FOR YOU


I THOUGHT I FOUND
SOMEWHERE I THOUGHT I WAS
I GUESS I DON'T BELONG
REVELATIONS FROM ABOVE


I CAN'T BE STRONG
CAN'T HANDLE THE PAIN
TIRED OF THE FOOL
DON'T KNOW THE GAME


IT REALLY ISN'T EASY
FORGETTING INSIDE
CRAZY ME THINKING
TEARS WILL NEVER DIE


I CAN'T GO FROM HERE
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
CAN'T BEGIN TO FEEL
HURTING FROM YOU


I DIDN'T FIND THOUGHT
I REALLY WASN'T THERE
I GUESS I WON'T KNOW
if anyone would CARE

WRITTEN 12:30PM MAY 19, 1998

Did you ever Feel....

Did you ever feel left out?
Did you ever feel alone???
Don't know what to do?
Feel like I'm far away from home


When I was young
Thought the future was Bright
now that future seems
like a dim and fading light


Did you ever feel Blinded
Not knowing where to go?
You keep looking for an answer
Only emptyness to show


I am thinking while writing
Why do I feel this way
Not sure what I'm doing
Feel like I've gone astray


Did you ever wonder why
Did you ever dare
My thoughts keep on racing
so very much to share


Did you ever feel Frightened?
Not knowing how to end?
I wasn't sure how either
my thoughts I try to send


Did you ever hear a whisper
Deep within your soul
Desperate for an answer
What is my role


Did you ever hear the quiet
In the middle of the night
It gets so loud sometimes
I long for Deafness instead of fright


I'll end my story now
even though there is no end
My thoughts are with you
I'm glad I have my friends


Written 5/29/98 6:51PM




You will never Know

you will never know how I held you
when you cried alone at night
you will never hear the song I sang
you will never know the pain I'm in
packing your things in boxes


you will never know how hard it was
when you went to Kindergarden
you will never hear my sobs
while I was alone
Packing your things in boxes


You will never hear my whispers
when you needed a secret
You will never hear my heart beat
when I hold you close
packing your things in boxes


You will never know how I hoped
for all your dreams
You will never hear my applause
or see my smile
packing your things in boxes


You will never know how much
I really love you
You will never see the pain
in my eyes
Packing your things in boxes


You will never know how much
I hurt when you ran away
leaving me helpless and
alone
packing your things in boxes


You will never know how hard
it has been
with out you by my side
keep holding on to hope
packing your things in boxes


I will never hear Mommy again
from those lips that curse my name
I will never be the mom you want
you've replaced me, today
packing your things in boxes


Hope upon hope, wish upon wish
My love is tried and true
But you will never know these things
avoidance was on your mind
packing your things in boxes


You will never see the light
never know the truth
showered by material things
can you see your pictures off the wall?
packing your things in boxes


written 6-10-98 at 11:51 am

The Fear from Within

Can't you hear the thunder
Can't you see the rage
I am very hurt inside
Open the book and turn my page


I thought together was
Forever in your eyes
My vows to you were meant
Now all I do is cry


You asked me to be whole
as I used to be
But when I look in your eyes
Pain and distance is what I see


Our marriage used to be strong
Stability was never a fear
Now all I have are questions
As I wipe away another tear


I want to believe and trust
I love you so damn much
you don't seem to be happy
I long to feel your touch


We've been through many things
and love always saw us through
Now you have other friends to
say I love you to


If all they are is friends
and lovers never to be
what is saying the same
phrase supposed to mean to me?


I need to know you love me,
deep within yur soul
I need to feel secure in us,
So please tell me whats my role?


Am I still your wife?
and are we still close?
I just can't find your feelings
and I need to know this the most.


You are confused, I know my dear
but losing you is My biggest fear...
I need to know where we are...
and mostly, where do we go from here.


written 9/15/98 at 9:30pm


It was Just...

It was just a touch
a warm embrace
thats how we started
at a gentle pace.


It was just a kiss
with passion shared
thats how we connected
and became a pair.


It was just a smile
tendered affection
thats how we began
moving in that direction


It was just a word
spoken with care
thats how we felt
so strong and rare


It was just a love
real and true
thats how we were happy
when beginnings were new


It was just a care
in our life
Thats how we became
man and wife


It was just many years
together and true
Thats how we started
We were both blue


It was just a hurt
hard to overcome
Thats how we felt
saddened and glum


It was just a love
to begin and end
that's how we began
our wills to bend


It was just a touch
too gentle to miss
Thats how it all started
with that first kiss


written 9/18/98 at 1:13 pm

Emotions


If I were to write all my thoughts
my feelings, my fears
I then wonder would it frighten you away


My needs, my desires are passionate
and strong
You alone prevail in my heart.


With all of my heart
and all of my being
My love for you grows with each passing day


I wish so much for you
my love, my life
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you


I hope you will find the love in your heart
that empowers my inner being
My love for you has conquered my fears


I don't wish to frighten you
I just want to stand by your side
I want for you to feel the same as I do deep inside


If I told you my love was intense
would it blow away your mind?
Would you want to try, to be with me; until the end of time


In all the past would you forgive
mistakes I've made along the way
Could my tears wash away the pain?


We have suffered together
As well as apart
Together is where we need to be


I am frozen in time
as my love is unrequited
Does time really heal inner wounds?


Does it matter I hurt you unknowingly?
would the distance disappear in time?
I feel so empty inside


We have always been there as friends
my love still flows and hurts me now
I fear the pain I feel


Emotions run deep; emotions run true
I must hide mine, until the sun dawns
and shines on us, a friend is all I can be

No Title

You asked me to trust in you
to have faith in all you do
I asked you not to hurt me
so why am I so blue


You brought your love to me
Like it was sent from above
I was a scared child
but it was you that I loved


I gave you everything I had
Happiness I had never known
but now you're distant with me
your love in not being shown


I have done what I can to make you happy
but it is others comfort you seek
My pain and hurt are so deep inside
They cut and kill me slow and meek


I have asked for you to talk with me
I can't stand all this pain
I don't know if you will leave me or stay
I want to come out of the rain


I am frightened and very lonely
My heart and soul ache for you
when we said our vows were forever
I understood that to be true


I have always been happy with you
you're my light, my world, my love
I don't want to be without your love
we need help from the Angels above


So I am sitting here without you
as you drift further away it seems
I want the Angels to help me
put us back together as a team


It seems like it has been forever since
you held me close in your arms
I ache to have you near me
I long for you to keep me from harm


I love you more than I can say
more than words could ever express
Here I sit sobbing and waiting
alone awaiting your gentle caress

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