by Mommy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blindly you advance,
Growing and readying
To emerge into our world,
Cells multiplying,
DNA programming
Every aspect of you.
I'm not ready for you.
Stay. Wait. No.
But I'll love you so much.
You'll want for nothing,
My little Tristin.
I would die for you.
My little Tristin,
All the fun we'll have
Showing you the wonders of this world-
Going for walks,
Watching cartoons,
Singing you lullabies,
Holding you close.
I carry you inside me,
Glowing from the inside,
Knowing of my treasure.
The brightest days...
Warm smiles and love...
Walks in the park...
Toys I'll have to pick up...
I can hear.....
Your newborn laughter...
Your cries for me to be near...
I can smell.....
Clean sheets and baby powder...
Milk and shampoo...
I can feel.....
The softness of your skin...
The love we share...
And you, growing day by day,
Safe inside me.
I shouldn't have gone to the parties.
I shouldn't have gotten sick,
Or taken that medicine
That poisoned your fragile body,
Or gone for that long, cold walk.
I should have protected you,
Carried you safe, uplifted you...
If I had, you might still be with me, love,
But now you're gone.....
With my "I'm coping" smile pasted on,
And you think I'm fine,
That I've forgotten my angel,
My sweet little baby
I had for such a short time,
Kept safe within my womb.
You don't realize I remember
Every second of his precious existence,
Every moment, every dream I had for him.
You don't see that I uphold his memory,
That I won't forget, ever, and neither should you!
You don't know that I live through this personal hell
And do it without your support.
You, my friends, you just don't know me at all anymore.
I begin to wonder if you ever did.
But you can't help your ignorance,
So leave me in this darkness that you don't see...
That you won't see.
Not the me you knew me to be.
A lot of things have changed,
And I will never be the same.
I've grown, I've known,
And a part of me has died...
But I must pick myself up,
Brush off the dirt,
Face up to the hurt,
And go on living...
On your fluffly white cloud in the sky
You look down on me,
And smile so gleefully,
Pointing me out in the crowd,
And acting so very proud,
Saying to your friends, "Look, look it's her!"
"That one's my Mommy, what a wonderful girl!"
And as I look into the sky,
My eyes mist, and I almost cry...
But I know that you are happy,
And there you wait for me
And so I smile instead because
You and all the ones we love
Are watching and waiting up above.
and at ~~Babies in Heaven~~
