Chapter Fifteen - Love To Hate


Dear Diary
As the bus heads through yet another state, I wonder for a moment where this road will lead me. Sometimes I wonder what the future after the tour will hold, will I still feel this magical feeling I have when I'm with Brian? I haven't had the guts to ask him what will happen after the few weeks we have left, I'm not sure if he knows either. I hope with ever ounce of passion I have inside myself that we'll always be together and as soon as the world views me as old enough to love, we'll be together for real.

Riyan

I only wrote a small entry, mainly because I wasn't sure exactly how to express what I was feeling, I don't think words could ever really do these feelings justice.

I yawned quietly, it was mid afternoon, but I was exhausted, as normal I got hardly any amounts of sleep and I had a box full of fan emails to reply to. I didn't run the website, like I could possibly find the time to do that as well, but I did try to reply to the emails I got, it was hard and sometimes very repetitive but I owed those people a lot in my own mind.

I got to work, replying as best I could to the adoring letters and congratulations, I answered questions and gave the best pieces of inspiration I could.

Riyan,

I received your letter, well I thank you for your response, I don't think you understand. We're going to be together, I love you, and I'm going to kiss you and touch you and make love to you all night, you're going to scream my name and beg me to stop as I do you faster, you're gonna wake up in the morning next to me, covered in our sweat melded together through a night of passion. That's what's going to happen, so there is no point fighting it, if you refuse me I will tie you down and have you that way, it's your choice, the easy way or the hard way, but there is no way out, you cant fight it.

I starred at the letter is disbelief, I'd not received a graphic one like this before and I pretty much knew what to do with it. I was told if I received any abusive ones, or ones that made me feel uncomfortable, like this one, that I should forward them straight away to the person who monitored the website and they would forward it onto the authorities, this one did make me feel uncomfortable so I would send it on its way.

I carried on replying to the other, less intimidating, emails, but got tired within a few hours. Yawning again I decided to get what little sleep I could.

It seemed like only a matter of seconds since I'd lay down before Alleah woke me up, I looked at her annoyed as she muttered something about me been wanted in the arena. I pulled myself off the bunked and made my way into the arena, my eyes were drooping and my head was throbbing I was in desperate need of sleep, they had been pushing me so fast and so hard.

"Yeah?" I questioned walking up to the stage director
"They want you to tune up your performance" he smiled as he held a clip board in his hand
"Why? What's wrong with it?" I sighed, they had me doing different dance routines almost every show now, so I would come across more "real" or something like that.
"I don't know, don't ask me" he laughed, pointing over to Michael

I wandered over to Michael, who smiled softly at me.
"We just need to refine your movements, we want you to be the best"
I scoffed at him, I hated the whole "we" business, it seemed like *I* was the one doing all the work.
"Fine" I sighed tying my hair up and clambering up onto the stage.

"Riyan, are you okay?" Brian questioned as he stood backstage
"I'll be fine" I yawned brushing him off
"How much sleep did you get last night?"
"Uh"
Truth was I must have only got about an hour or two, plus the measly hour I got on the way here.
"Maybe you should take a break" he said, concern on his face
"I cant, I'm refining, I have to be the best" I muttered through gritted teeth

The music started as I practiced the routine, as one of the backup dancers watched on, kindly helping me.


"Michael" Brian announced as he walked up to him
Michael turned his attention away from the stage as Brian stopped in front of him
"You need to give her a break" Brian said sternly
"Riyan? Why?" he laughed
"She needs a rest, look at her, she's lost weight and she's deprived of any good sleep"
"You, Brian, should know that's all part of it"
"Not at her age, you're pushing her too hard, she's going to break"
"Don't tell me how to do my job"
"Damnit, Michael, your job is supposed to have her best needs in mind"

My head was spinning, and everything around me got strangely blurry, then without warning everything went black.

Brian looked up at the stage as he small body crumbled into a heap.
"Shit" he cursed as he bounded up onto the stage
"Riyan?" he questioned, taking her head into his hands
Belle and Nick who were backstage watching, rushed onto the stage.
"What happened?"
"I don't know, she just collapsed" the dancer spoke softly
Brian felt for a pulse and thankfully, she was still breathing.
"Call a damn doctor" he shouted at Michael, who timidly obeyed.

My eyes fluttered open, and I looked around the strange surroundings. A nurse walked into the room, smiling softly at me, my vision was still a little blurry and blinked trying to regain perfect sight. Brian wandered in, followed by the Belle.
"What happened?" I whispered, my mouth dry
I looked to the right of me, and saw an IV that was attached to a needle placed o my hand, I squirmed at the sight of it, as a clear liquid was pumped into me.
"You fainted, doctor says your highly dehydrated and exhausted" Brian smiled
"How long have I been here?"
"About 3 hours" Belle replied
My eyes drooped closed, as I struggled to keep them open.
"Get some rest baby" Brian whispered as he kissed my cheek
"What about the show?"
"Don't worry about that, we'll get Belle to open for us" he laughed
"You're no use to us with an IV attached Riyan, get some sleep" Belle grinned
I smiled thankfully at them before I lay my head down and closed me eyes.

I don't know how long I was asleep for, but I woke up to find Alleah sitting on the other side of the room, flipping through a magazine.
"Where'd everyone else go?" I questioned, taking a sip from the cup of water on the table beside me
"They had a show to do, Daddy said I had to stay here with you" she snapped, looking up only briefly
"Alleah, what have I done to you that makes you hate me so much" I questioned, irritated at her constant bitchyness
She ignored me, but flicked the pages harder.
"You obviously don't want to be here, why don't you go"
"Bet your ass, I don't want to be here. God you're such a baby you cant even look after yourself"
"I don't need you Alleah, and if you're so adamant you don't want to be here, why don't you just leave, I'm sure Papa can find someone else to take you place"
I know I replied in a nasty tone, but I was so sick of her, I didn't need her.
"Fine" she huffed, standing up and slamming the magazine down onto the chair
She stormed out of the room slamming the door roughly behind her.

I snuggled back down into the bed, muttering cuss words to myself, I never understood how some people could be so conceited and so selfish like Alleah, but the world was full of people, who are so used to getting everything their way, they have everything placed in front of them, and they think the whole world owes them a living, so much so that they don't care who they trample on to get what they want, I hate people like that and I always will. If I was up for Miss America, and they asked me what would be the one thing I would get rid off, I wouldn't say war, I wouldn't say hunger, I would say selfish conceited people who care about no one but themselves, blind to the world around them - and that would stop wars and that would stop hunger, because its those sorts of people that create those situations.

~ AN HOUR LATER ~ Alleah sulked around the bus dragging her feet in boredom. She flopped down onto the couch and fingered through her long hair. Her eye was drawn to Riyan's empty bunk, she smiled as she stood up and walked over to it. She looked down for a second before lifting the mattress.
"Too easy" she laughed taking the diary from its hiding place, "she's always writing in this stupid thing, there must be something entertaining in here" she grinned to herself
She walked with the diary in her hands back over to the couch and flipped it open.

"Alleah" Belle said knocking on the bus's door.
"Argh" Alleah muttered as she quickly replaced the diary and walked to the door
"Can I help you?" she inquired opening the door
"I have to get some of Riyan's things, they want her to stay in hospital for a while" she smiled, inviting herself in
"Whatever" Alleah muttered
Belle walked to where Riyan had instructed her, she took a pair of jeans, her PJ's a change of T-shirt, and her make up case and placed them into a duffle bag. Lifting up the mattress she took the small book from underneath and Riyan had asked her and dropped that into the bag as well.
"Ta, I'll tell her you said hi" belle announced as she walked out, closing the door behind her
"Whatever" Alleah sulked, she'd seen Belle take the diary, so now nothing entertaining was left.

~ THE NEXT MORNING ~

I woke up as the sun pierced through a gap in the curtains, I yawned quietly as Belle smiled across at me.
"Morning sunshine" she grinned, putting down the book she was writing in
"How are you doing?" she inquired, walking over to the side of the bed
"Tired, I suppose" I whispered quietly, still half asleep "where's Brian?"
"Getting some breakfast, he spent most of the night here, so I sent him to starch" she smiled
"He didn't need to"
"You try tell him that" she grinned "he really cares about you Riyan"
"I care about him too" I smiled softly "Can I tell you something?"
"Sure, you can tell me anything"
I smiled again, I really did feel like I could tell Belle anything.
"I'm in love with him, I want to spend forever with him" I sniffed, the emotion so raw
She smiled sweetly as she rubbed my shoulder.
"You'll have that forever" she whispered

~ 2 DAYS LATER ~

I went back to the tour with renewed energy, I'd spent 2 nights in the hospital, Michael was hardly happy about it, but all of the boys refused to let me back until I got the all clear from the doctors, I was lucky to have their support.

"Looking good" AJ grinned as I stepped aboard the bus
I looked at him with a grin on my face as I poked my tongue out.
"Bye baby" Alleah grinned as she forced AJ's attention back to her
She planted a kiss on his lips before hopping on the bus afterwards.

I flopped down onto the couch and flipped on my laptop, with my now renewed energy I thought I would reply to some fan mail.

I looked at the mailbox in wonderment, there was over a hundred emails all from the same person, I knew in an instant who it was. Curiously I clicked on the first, I knew I should either delete them, or forward them onward, but I was curious.

DON'T HIDE FROM ME

Another one,
YOU SEND THE AUTHORITIES ONTO ME, IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT YOUR FUTURE?
Still another,
I TOLD YOU NOT TO FIGHT IT, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT ME, AND WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU SENT THEM ONTO ME RIYAN, THEY'LL TRY AND STOP ME, BUT THEY WONT SUCCEED, YOU WILL BE MINE, IF I CANT HAVE YOU I WILL KILL YOU.

I stopped there and quickly showed rushed to the front where the driver and my bodyguard were talking. I gave him the run down of what they said, my hands shaking there was something about this guy that sent a shiver down my spine.
"It's alright Riyan, we'll get this guy" he smiled softly, trying his best to calm me down

~ 3 DAYS LATER ~

Michael had told me the emails had been traced to a College Campus in New York, his dorm room was stormed, but apparently his friends hadn't seen him in about 3 days, which co-insides with the when I received most of the emails. His room, Michael had informed me, was covered in pictures of me, posters across the walls and articles scattered across the floor, there was also a box filled with clippings of me, Michael wouldn't say what else was there, leading me to the assumption whatever it was they didn't want me to know, which would only mean it had to bad - I suppose a part of me definitely didn't want to know, so maybe it was best that they didn't tell me


Chapter 16
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