Chapter Eighteen: Envy Runs Hot

~ THE NEXT MORNING ~
It was almost 9 o'clock when I met the others down in the restaurant for breakfast. I'd hardly slept at all last night, I think because there was just too much filling my head. I hated the feeling of no control, I had no control over what happened to that boy, I had no control over what would happen in the aftermath, I had no control over most things that were happening to me, and I think it is that which scares me the most.

I sat down silently, answering their questions about how I slept with a simple smile. Alleah was staring at me across the table, a scathing look on her face, not that I cared. I ordered only an orange juice, I'd lost all forms of an appetite.
"Is that all you're having?" Belle smiled as she picked away at a plate of pancakes, which Nick was also busy demolishing
"We're heading back on the road, you should full up good and well" Nick grinned as he finished his mouthful - he was so much like a weird older brother it wasn't funny.
"I'm not really hungry" I shrugged. That was the truth I wasn't hungry, like I couldn't bring myself to eat
"Anyway, what were you talking to Papa about?" I questioned Belle, deciding to deter the subject from my eating habits
"Oh, just stuff, nothing much" she shrugged, slapping Nick's hand away from her drink
I smiled, I don't even know why it bothered me that Belle was talking to him, she would never tell Papa about Brian and I, I knew that.

~ TWO DAYS LATER ~
Dear Diary

Well, the last two days have been far from boring, not only have I been doing the shows, I've also had to deal with the fan fair created by the shooting. Most people understand that *I* had nothing to do with it, I wasn't the one that pulled the trigger, and no one wanted him to die. There are a few people who blame me, and the whole government, I suppose there will also be those people looking for something to create picket lines and marches for, wont there? I've heard second hand that there are a small amount of people that do blame me, I suspect his mother is one of them, from the vengeance in her eyes. They seem to think that it's my fault he was obsessed, that I shouldn't be so alluring - I never realized I was been. I don't really wear anything that reveals my stomach, skinny or not, I'm just not comfortable with that, and I don't believe I dress any differently for anyone else my age, so why do I ask for it? I wont understand that, and in all honesty it makes me angry, but I just smile, like I was taught, smile and say that these are tragic circumstances, and I wouldn't want anyone hurt, but the officer was thinking in the best interests of everyone around, that of say nothing at all.

Despite all of that, I still have one sane and beautiful thing in my life - Brian. We try to see each other as often as possible. I never knew the value of one hour until you spend it waiting to meet the love of your life. I feel so close to him now, more than physical attraction, its almost like we connect in a way no one can understand but us. Last night we talked about the future, the tour only has about 10 shows left in it, and I think that scares us both, because then what happens to us? He'll go his was, and I'll go mine, and they'll be separate. Brian told me last night that he wont let that happen, and I know I wont let that happen either, we've talked about the future and decided that we would see each other in secret as much as we could until I was "old enough" in the laws eyes, then we would let our parents and friends know, but keep it out of the media for as long as we could - I never understood why it was there business to know who's dating who, but I suppose they make it that way. So that's what will happen, we'll be together, forever.

After grueling studio time during every waking second of the tour my album was finally finished. It contains 12 songs, 2 of which I had a hand in writing. The album itself was very well crafted to slot right into the pop market. Personally I wished they had let me write most of the songs, I had so many already down on paper, but I was informed that the first album needed the names of well known writers to make it up the charts, it needs that backing. I agreed, simply because I wasn't going to argue, but I was promised the chance to start writing for the second album, which, to keep "Me" alive they would start creating within the year. The record party was tonight, selected media people were invited, along with the guys some of their friends and family. Papa wanted to come, but Grandma had come down with a cold, along with my brother, he thought it best not to leave them - which is probably true. I'm not sure what to expect tonight, but I have this feeling that something is going to happen.

Riyan.

~ THAT NIGHT ~
I stepped into the room with Belle as a crowd bustled around. We'd been there for almost an hour, just waiting for the last of the guests to arrive. I was wearing a simple pair of customized jeans and silvery backless top, my curly hair puffed up by the makeup artist and falling down my back, I seriously thought it looked like I had just woken up, but she quickly informed me, the look was in - I simply agreed, and wondered when people would stop informing me about things that really effect me more than them.

I saw Brian approaching from the other side of the room, and I wanted to giggle like a girl in love - because I was.
"Hey, you look gorgeous" he whispered as he gently kissed me on the cheek.
This act wasn't at all a problem, all the guys did it, so we figured no one would even noticed, and no one ever did.
"So do you" I smiled softly
AJ appeared to the side of us, Alleah latched onto his arm.
"Hey Sexy" he purred, as he too pecked me on the cheek
"You sexy bitch you" I laughed at him
"Come on, lets mingle" Alleah pouted, knowing full well there were a few media celebrities around.
AJ sighed, but followed he direction waving goodbye to me.
~ LATER THAT NIGHT ~
I was given a plaque with the CD jacket, cover and disk itself framed with the date on a gold mounted plate below. They were making a big deal about it, but again I was informed - I WAS a big deal. I thanked everyone that helped me create this record, I thanked the boys for their guidance and their faith in me. I thanked my parents for everything they'd given me, and I dedicated the plaque to my beloved mother, who I missed and loved dearly.

I'd answered an array of questions and posed for zillions of photos, basically I'd done everything I was asked to, now all I wanted to do was be with Brian.

The boys were hooting wildly as MTV presented me with a large banner work of pictures and letters sent from fans around America and South America, it was then I think I first realized the impact I was having on people on a larger scale. The thing was huge and it was dedicated to me, how could I not be so honored?

"Yeah baby, wooohoooo" AJ called out from the crowd Alleah frowned in annoyance.
"God what is the big deal, so she gets a big piece of paper, who cares?" she muttered
"God Alleah, stop the negativity, that's your cousin up there, and she is an amazing person, she's beautiful, she can sing and she's got her feet planted on the ground, you should be proud"
"I don't get it, that's all. She's funny looking, her arms are too long and she sounds like ever other little girl"
AJ snapped his head around.
"Do you ever not act like a total bitch? Shit Alleah get over yourself" he scathed as he dropped her hand and walked away.
Alleah muttered her disgust as she stormed out of the party.

Alleah made her way back up to the hotel room fuming. It was always Riyan this, Riyan that.
"God what's the attraction, she's just my stupid cousin who used to milk cows and jump in mud puddles" she muttered to herself as she opened the hotel door, and slammed it behind her
"Riyan so beautiful, so fucking perfect. Ha! My ass" she laughed to herself as she removed her high heels and dumped them on the living room floor.
She wandered mindlessly for a while, searching for something to do. She slumped down onto the couch and flicked on the TV, she surfed channels, finding nothing to keep her interest. She turned around and starred at the closed door of Riyan's room.
"Humm, I wonder?" she smirked as she walked into the room

Alleah sulked around the room just looking. The pillow caught her eye and she knew she'd found the target. She lifted the pillow and smiled to herself.
"God, she is too easy" she laughed as she picked up the journal and carried it back into the lounge.

She sat down on the couch and opened to the first page.
Property Of Riyan
Don't touch - PRIVATE

Was written across the first page, with doodles and drawings across it.
"Who's going to stop me?" Alleah thought
She flipped through the first few pages, nothing but ramblings about how exciting and weird things are, her thought, feelings, and so on.
"Blah, blah, blah, surely there has to be something of interest in here" she sighed, settling down to read the rest.

She stopped suddenly as she turned to one page, her mouth gaped as she read the passage over and over in her mind.
"Oh My God" she breathed in complete shock.

Chapter 19
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