Chapter Sixteen: Facing Those Demons



A male hand went to touch me and I screamed as loud as I could, my whole body was shaking wracked with a pain I couldn't pin point.
"Keep him away" I cried, tears staining and burning down my face
"Piper" the male voice called next to me.
"NO, NO, NO, Please don't hurt me" I whimpered

"What the hell is going on?" Brian snapped, looking over at Leah
Leah ignored him and ran over to the couch.
"Mommy, keep him away, please" I cried, holding my legs up with my arms
"It's okay Piper, its okay" she spoke softly, stroking my head
"Piper" Brian said softly
I shook my head, and pushed up my foot, warning him off
"It's me, Brian"
"Keep away from me, mommy I want to go home"
"You are home sweetie, I'll take you upstairs"
She led me slowly out of the room, up the stairs and into my old room.

I sat onto the bed and clutched an old friend, Mr. Squiggles, the old worn teddy bear with one eye. Mom closed the door behind me, and I heard the soft tap of feet walking back down the stairs.

My hands shook around the bear, my eyes were burning from rubbing my eye. My heart was beating fast, my palms were sweating, something was happening and I didn't know what, all I could see was a broad smile of a man, hair, a beard I think. I quivered, I could feel breath on my skin, the sandpaper feel of that beard. I cringed and huddled closer, the vision was so clear yet so alien to me.

"What's going on?" Brian demanded when Leah walked back into the lounge
"You see what you've done? She should have never gone to that therapy, to that place" Leah announced, picking up the shattered pieces of glass
"What's wrong with her?"
"This isn't your business, it's family, you're not" she stiffly replied
"I have a right to know!"
"No you don't! Get out of my house"
"I'm not leaving if Piper's not with me"
"Stay away from her, that's my daughter"
"And she has a problem"
"Get out" sternly she thrust a finger in the direction of the door
"Not without piper"

I starred at the blade of the switch knife, I supposed I had hidden it in my room a long time ago. I was captivated by it, slowly turning it, the light glistening off the blade.
"Please die ana, for as long as you're here we're not" I whispered to myself. My eyes darkened and I thrust the knife dead center into the pillow beside me. There were multitudes of feelings all boiling inside me, guilt, anger, hate, sadness, I could control none of them.

Tears swept down my face, like acid rain to the trees, eating away at my flesh in my own mind.
"as long as you're here we're not" I whispered, pulling the knife back up to eye level
"Please don't, please don't hurt me" a voice whispered.
I looked around the room, searching for the source of that voice, when I saw no one, I realized that voice was mine.
"Please, get off me, no, you're hurting, stop, please stop" I cried
My sadness switched to anger and I hoisted the knife into the air. I brought it down with a brutal force into my own forearm. I screamed in pain and dropped the knife to the ground, spilling my crimson blood across the carpet.

The door burst open. Leah rushed to my side as I cried helplessly to stop the man.
"Please mommy, don't let him hurt you, look" I cried showing her my forearm

Brian looked on in horror, this wasn't Piper, she sounded like a child a small scared child that didn't realize she'd just stabbed herself. He ran downstairs and gathered the picture that had put her this way. He carried it back upstairs into the room and stood at the bedside as Leah cleaned up with wound on Piper's arm.

"Piper" Brian spoke
I looked up at him, my eyes crystallized with tears
"Whose this man?" He flipped around the photo. I screamed again, the beard, the breath, the pain.
"No, no, keep him away"
Mom snatched the photo from his hands.
"What do you think your doing?" she screamed
"Who was that man Leah? What did he do to Piper?"
"This is none of your business"
"She's your daughter, doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"Fuck you, I am protecting my daughter"
"More likely protecting yourself, whose the man? What did he do?"
"Keep away from my family"
"Piper?" he knelt down beside me
"Yes?" I whimpered
"Do you know who I am?"
"A bad man?"
He shook his head
"It's me Piper, Brian. The one who cant cook, the one who pushed you on the swings, the one that loves you" He reached for my hand, and I didn't take it away
"Brian?" I blinked for what seemed a thousand times
"Yeah, it's me"
I cried quietly, my throat dry and hoarse, from doing so.
"Whose the man Piper?"
I bit down on my lip and shook my head, the pain in my arm still making me cringe
"Piper, please, whose the man?"
"He's a bad man"
"Stop this" Mom hissed beside me
"I'm a bad girl" I whispered
"No Piper you're not, what happened? What did the bad man do?"
"Leave her" Leah hissed
"I'm taking Piper" Brian announced reaching for my arm
"No please god, don't. I'm sorry, I tried to make things better" Mom cried dropping to the floor like a stung fly
"What? Tried to make what better? Whose the man?"

She sighed quietly and placed her hand up to her forehead
"My brother, her uncle Bill" she spoke, barely above a whisper
"What did he do?" Brian pushed the question
"He" a sniff "he sexually abused her"
I blinked a few times, then a memory buried so deep finally came to the surface, a memory of an 8 year old girl who tried her hardest not to breath a night so people would think she wasn't there, an 8 year old girl that felt things she never should have.
"I remember" I whispered, leaning against Brian for support. I looked Mom directly in the eyes, but I say a lady 10 years younger.
"You never believed me" I spoke calmly, "I told you he came in at night and you never believed me, for 12 months you never believed me"
"I'm sorry Piper" she cried
"You told me I was bad for lying, you told me bad girls don't go to heaven, you told me that, you told me I was bad" I exclaimed, my hands shaking as I pointed to her
"He told me that I was pretty, and that when I was pretty people would do that to me, he said I couldn't control it"
I felt two arms hold me, I thought perhaps Brian thought I was going to faint.
"He hurt me mommy, and you told me I was bad" I looked up at Brian
"Can we go? Please"
He nodded and held my hand as I stepped off the bed. I would have to get my arm seen to, but right now I didn't care, I had the memories of a small girl to put to rest.
"Piper, wait, please, I'm sorry, I wanted to-"
"You never stopped him" I sniffed, turning my head back to her
"I could never control him, and even after you found out the truth, you hated me didn't you? He was your favorite Brother, and it was my fault he got arrested, you blamed me, didn't you? You told me I should have controlled myself, I shouldn't have attracted him, I couldn't control it mom, I was 8. That was all I wanted now, I wanted control, did I need suffer because that's what I was told?"
I turned back around and followed Brian from the room, then from the house, and from the life that had destroyed me from the inside out.


(3 Months Later)

My feet drifted carelessly through the sparkling pool water as I shielded my eyes from the sun and starred out into the distance.

I came to realize my mother had blamed me for Bill's arrested and I had blamed myself. That had been the cause of my parents divorce only a short period after. Dad filled me on some of the pieces that were still lost. When I was eight, uncle Bill came to live with us, he and his wife had just gotten divorced, for reason dad could only speculate on. Mother had always been fond of her brother Bill, she seemed to look up to him, he was a successful doctor and a wealthy man, and she was young, with a daughter and a husband with a small law firm that had yet to 'take-off', for a year Bill would come into my room, tell me that it wasn't his fault what he was doing, he couldn't control it, he would tell me, I shouldn't tell mommy because she would be angry with me for attracting him. I would cry sometimes and he would place a pillow over my face, almost suffocating me, a few months later Mom noticed blood in my underwear she asked what had happened and I told her the truth. She yelled at me telling me I was a bad girl and a liar and I should say such things, so afterwards I didn't. Dad of course knew none of this, and Bill carried on for another 5 months, his 'visits' became more frequent, and he would ask me to do other things, like touch him, and kiss him down there, I didn't want to but he told me Mommy would be annoyed if I didn't do what he said. One night I got so scared that before he came I hid under the bed, he got angry at me for hiding and made me do things that even now, I cannot talk about. It was that same night as he was hurting my small body, dad had not taking his usual medicine and couldn't sleep, as he was walking past the room he heard noises, grunting, he said. He thought I was having a bad dream so he opened the door and flicked on the light and caught Bill on top of his 9 year old daughter. He yanked him off and slammed him against the door, just kicking and screamed and punching him. mom woke up and came into the room to see Bill on the ground bleeding from the mouth and clutching himself in t groin where dad had hit him with my bedside lamp. Dad was holding me, and I was crying to him. Mom asked what was going on, and dad told her what he'd seen. The look on her face was of pure astonishment, perhaps disbelief. I remember crying "I told you mommy, and you said I was lying"

After that, dad moved out with me, and Bill went to jail. I was questioned by the police and told I should see a therapist. Dad agreed and sent me to one, back then they would tell parents the best way for a child to cope is if the thoughts are put out of their mind. They agreed, not knowing any better and I was subject to hypnotherapy that convinced me none of it happened, that is why the memories seemed so foreign to me. Dad said mother gained custody of me and my brother (who was born shortly after this happened).

I think mom always blamed me in a sense for what happened, though she'll never admit it I think she was sexually abused as a child as well, the way she sticks up for such an evil man.

My whole childhood had been about the lack of control, Bill couldn't control himself, and I couldn't control the situation. That's why I found an outlet that strived on control - anorexia. My therapist thinks that there's a possibility that part of me was struggling to maintain control and be pretty, but the reason I took it so far was because of what my uncle said, "as long as your pretty, people will do this to you" that was why I strived to kill myself and tried to starve myself to death, however I didn't succeed because another part of me what dying to live.

I sit here now, in sunny Florida, with Brian by my side. I weigh 100 pounds, and I'm 5'4, a healthy weight, and I've never felt better. I have told Brian my deepest secrets and confronted my demons, and now I truly believe that Ana has left me, though much will lie in her wake, and stay that way forever.




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