Chapter Two: Mirror, Mirror



It was 7:30 and after strict watch of one of the ‘nurses’ at the clinic (who told me I couldn’t leave till I finished the food on my plate) I starred down at the empty plate and hated this place even more. I asked to be excused, and although most of the girls were typing emails away at the computer or watching Friends on the TV, I scurried to my room.

It would of course be typical they didn’t have toilets in the rooms, there was a communal one down the hall, but despite their best efforts, they couldn’t change me, I had a routine to stick to, I needed to be fit.

I closed the bathroom, which was simply a shower and hand basin, drew back my hair into my hand and turned on the coldwater tap. I emptied my stomach with a wrenching cough, it seemed harder than usual, but I continued, till I felt weak, which was my sign to stop. I stood against the wall for a while gathering my strength, then I walked back into the room and decided it was time to pack.

To my surprise someone knocked on the door as I pulled a backpack from the draw. I threw it down the side of my bed and opened the door slowly. Carmen stood there, her softly tanned face smiling at me.
“There’s someone I’d like you to meet, Piper this is Hannah, you’re new roommate”
“What?” I gaped as the tiny sandy blond shyly walked into the room
“If you need anything Hannah, call me” Carmen spoke gently as she only briefly touched Hannah’s shoulder
I watched as she slowly and quietly made her way to the bed, she sat down and cried. I was taken aback to say the least, she looked so frail.
“They making you stay here too?” I questioned, slipping back over to my side of the room
“Actually” she sniffed wiping a tear “I checked myself in, I'm sick, I need help” she stated dryly
I starred at her oddly, but refused to pursue it any longer. I grabbed my backpack from where I’d hidden it and began to pack
“Are they letting you leave?” a voice questioned behind me, a timid, barely voice
“Not quite, I'm running away, but I swear if you –“
She shrugged me off.
“I'm not going to say anything, they cant make you change”
“I don’t need to change”
Now it was her turn to look at me oddly.
“I don’t have an eating disorder, I don’t need to be here” I snapped
“I suppose” she spoke, shying away “anyway, I'm Hannah Littrell” she smiled, extending her hand
“Piper Charmers” I responded shaking her hand gently, almost afraid I would break it


~ Midnight That Night ~

I awoke to the soft beeping of my phone alarm, I shut it off and hurried into the bathroom. I changed quickly into black pants and jumped and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I caught for just a second the reflection of my face in the mirror, immediately I wanted to break it, smash the image in front of me, I couldn’t understand why it was so hideous to me. I shook my head of it’s thoughts and splashed my face with cold water. Before I realized it, I had my finger down my throat, trying to rid any form of Piper Charmers that lay there. The acid burned my stomach as nothing but vile came. I coughed loudly, begging for just something, anything to come out, then I would leave, then I would be okay. My head spun, I looked up and saw the nightmare of myself starring back at me, then nothing.

Hannah sat awake in her bed, she heard the tormenting sound of Piper in the bathroom, she wondered if she should call someone, but the moment passed. Things became quite, then a loud crash sounded out and Hannah jumped from her bed. She ran into the bathroom and found Piper sprawled on the floor, her head cut open from the bang against the sink. She rushed out into the hall and down to Carmen’s room.

Sleepy eyed Carmen answered the door, to a panicking Hannah.
“Piper, she’s, she’s down, there’s blood, and stuff, I don’t know what happened, the bathroom she’s in the bathroom” Hannah cried hysterically


~ The Next Morning ~

I awoke with a splitting headache and different surroundings. There was a clear liquid draining into my arm through an IV. I was in the hospital. I was slipping in and out of slumber when Carmen came in, my first thought was to Carl, it was obviously morning, and I hadn’t met him.

“Don’t worry about your boyfriend, he was sent on his way” she spoke almost sympathetically, reading my mind
“You cant keep me here” I spoke, almost moaned as I tried to sit up
“Piper, you’re highly dehydrated, you’re grossly underweight and you have a huge cut on your head from when you fainted”
“I was tired, that’s all. Look Carmen I have I life I need to get back to, what do you think people are going to be saying about me? I'm the head cheerleader and I’ve missed, people will notice that and start saying things, I need to go home, I don’t need to be here”
“Why do you have to live up to other’s expectations?”
“Stop it, stop putting some sort of physiological turn on this. I don’t live up to anyone’s expectations but my own, is it bad to want to be fit and pretty? Does it make me a bad person to take some control in my life?”
“The problem is when that control is killing you Piper, and it is, and it wont stop until you recognize it”
“I do not have an eating disorder” I announced, feeling as though no one was ever listening to those words
“Piper, I want you to do me a favor”
I almost laughed.
“Look in here, and tell me what you see” she said as she slowly pulled a wall mirror from the ground and held it in front of me
I scathed at my reflection.
“It’s me” I muttered, turning my head away
“Tell me exactly what you see”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth, tell me the truth, what do you see?”
“A girl with crooked teeth, too high cheekbones” I spoke painfully “messy hair, a silly little nose, eyes too close together, too small, eyebrows that aren’t the same size” tears streamed from my eyes “I see me” I whispered finally as I buried my head in my hands and cried.
“All I want to do Piper is help you see the truth, you’re beautiful, your teeth aren’t crooked, your cheekbones and defined, you’re hair just needs a brush” she chuckled slightly “You’re nose is pretty, you’re eyes are amazing, and no body ever gets their eyebrows exactly the right size. You’re not 100 percent perfect Piper, when you see that, you’ll see your beautiful”
“Could you just leave me alone please?” I sniffed, turning my attention away from her
She nodded as she got up and left.


“Is she okay?” Hannah inquired tapping her feet on the floor of the hospital
“She will be” Carmen smiled, sitting down next to Hannah
“Hannah” Brian called, running down the hall
She looked up surprised to see him.
“I went” he paused to catch his breath “to the clinic to see you and they said you were here, is everything okay?”
“I'm fine Brian, I’m here for a friend” she smiled simply
“Oh, good, cause you I thought well you know”
She stood and embraced him tightly.
“Thank you for caring enough, could we walk?” she questioned, her white thin arm clutching to his
“Sure” he nodded
The walked down the hall, Hannah placed her head onto his shoulder and breathed quietly.

“Why do we do it? I’ve always wondered that” she spoke
“Do what Han?”
“Punish ourselves, for something we cant control. I make myself sick because I feel sometimes like it’s the only way to be well, why do I do that?” she shook her head in disbelief “It’s like there’s two of me, one side want to be well, wants to dance and wants to sing, but another side wants control. Do you think that’s what it is, control? I sometimes think I'm punishing myself for having control, I don’t make sense Brian, it doesn’t make sense, I just want to be well” she cried softly into his shoulder as he hugged her tightly
“I'm gonna be right here for you Hannah, I promise”
She looked up, her eyes laden with tears.
“I know, I know you will be, I can always count on you” she sighed “But, could you do me a favor?” she inquired, lifting her head from his shoulder
He nodded.
“Promise me, that you will do everything in your power to try and save the ones that can be saved” she whispered
“You can be saved Hannah, you can be helped”
“I wish and I pray that were true, and maybe it will be” she half smiled, though her heart knew she was lying.

They wandered back down the hall, and Hannah stopped outside Piper’s room. She grabbed Brian’s hand and held it between her own.

“Promise me, the girl in here, will never turn into me. Do that for me Brian, save her, as if you were saving me”
Brian looked at her oddly, the request was made as though she knew she wouldn’t live.

“I’ll save the both of you” he smiled
“Piper is stronger than me, you’ll see that when you meet, she has the power to change things for many more people, I can feel that, promise me”
“I promise”
She kissed his hand gently and crawled into his arms.
“You’re my best friend Brian and my best cousin. Remember me, I love you” she sniffed, her words barely heard


~ That Night ~

Brian awoke with a fright in the dark hotel room. A weird feeling surged through his body as he looked around the thick black of the room.

“Hannah?” he whispered


~ At The Same Time ~

“Time of death, 1:05 am Sunday the 25th of September” the doctor said solemnly as the nurse beside him pulled up the white sheet

Carmen paced around the halls, her eyes stained with tears, her body shaking as she remember what she’d found after checking on Hannah. She was curled up on the bathroom floor, blood and stomach vile in the basin beside her, she had no pulse and wasn’t breathing, she looked like a sick cat that had been carefully put to rest. Carmen suspected she’d thrown up one last time, not because she wanted to, but because she knew nothing else. Her stomach lining was so stripped she began throwing up blood, her heart, so weak, gave in and she had a heart attack. As a grim faced doctor approached Carmen knew she’d lost her, she knew she was dead.


~ Later That Morning ~

Brian raced into the clinic as Carmen approached him.

“I'm so sorry” she whispered
“How did this happen, you’re supposed to care for her, you’re supposed to stop this” Brian cried
“Hannah’s heart was very weak, it gave in and they couldn’t resuscitate her, I'm sorry Brian, we all dearly loved Hannah” she reached into her pocket and retrieved a note “she left this in her room for you” Carmen spoke softly before back away
Brian opened the note, sat into one of the chairs and began to read.


Dearest Brian

I leave you, not because I want to, but because I have to. Please know there was nothing you could do, nothing anyone could do. I'm safer now, in god’s hands and I'm watching over you, as you once watched over me.

I pray that you will not forget me and not forget the promise that you made to me. I walked through a living hell well on earth, but you were my light, it’s my duty to share that light with others. I do not know how to explain this to you, as I cant really expect you to understand, but if there is one thing you must know about this disease, which eats away at you from both the inside and the out, is that as long as it is in us we are not us.

Thank you for your comfort and you’re strength, I will love you always

You’re little cousin
Hannah




Chapter Three
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