Chapter Three: The Walking Dead



I yawned absentmindedly, my eyes still half closed as the morning sun tried to steal away more sleep. I opened my eyes a little wider realizing more sleep was a hopeless wish.

“Annabelle, what are you doing here?” I muttered, rubbing my eyes
She smiled down at me softly, but I could read her face like a book, what she saw scared her.
“I wanted to see how you are, you were sleeping so I just decided to stick around, your moms around here somewhere” she smiled happily, as Annabelle usually did.
“You don’t need to be here” I announced
“I know but-“
“You know what kind of a hell hole I'm in? I'm not sick Annabelle, you told mom that I was”
“I did what I thought was best”
“You thought wrong”
“So I'm supposed to just sit back and watch you die?”
“I'm not sick!”
“You need help Piper”
“Get out of here” I huffed, waving her away
“You can push me away and you can hate everyone, but you cant deny the truth” she muttered as she walked out the door

Just as she walked, a stranger walked in. He had tired red eyes, it looked like he’d been crying. His hair was rough and uncombed, curling down his forehead like a trickling tap.

“Piper Charmers?” he asked softly, a southern accent forged into his kind voice
“Yeah, and you would be?” I inquired, blinking quickly with the rising sun in my eyes
“Brian, Brian Littrell. Hannah was my cousin” he looked down as he said her name and instantly I knew something had happened “She died last night, heart attack” he finished
“Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn’t know her very well, but what I did know, she was a lovely person”
“She cared a lot about other people, sometimes not enough about herself. That’s why I'm here, before she died, she made me promise something”
I looked on with wonder.
“She made me promise that I wouldn’t let what happened to her happen to others, she told me about the feeling of confusion, and how you do what you do, how she did what she did, because she wants control and she thinks that’s the only way to get it. I cant fully understand you or this disease-“
“Hold on, Brian I'm sorry about what happened to Hannah, but I'm not the same, I don’t have an eating disorder”
Brian looked at me strangely.
“You look like Hannah when I first found out about her problem, she was the same, she denied it black and blue until it almost killed her, then something clicked, she realized she had a problem”
“I don’t have a problem”
“I made a promise to my cousin”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“You were the promise. She made me promise that I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to you, she saw strength in you, and she saw leadership in you, she never wanted anyone else to have to go through the same thing she did”
“Well you’re job’s done, I don’t have a problem” I sniffed
“Who are you lying to, me or yourself?”
“You don’t know me at all Brian”
“No, I don’t, maybe that’s what helps me see what you refuse to”
“I don’t have an eating disorder”
“But you are sick”
“I push myself, yes. And I try to do better, yes, but why is that so bad to everybody”
“You’re trying to control something you the have the control over”
“Maybe you should go” I muttered, knowing his was hitting a tender spot
He nodded once and backed away out the door.

I slipped my head back down onto the pillow, why was everyone saying I had a problem? I didn’t, did I?


~ Later That Afternoon ~

I was finally out of the hospital, but back at the clinic, now sitting in a group therapy room with a bunch of shaky girls with large bulky jumpers pulled down over their legs and a smiling 30-so women with braided hair sitting at the front of what looked to be a squished circle of chairs.

Carmen had told me to attend this ‘session’ because it would help me see there were others like me. I wanted to scream, I didn’t need to be here I DIDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM.

A small blond looked around nervously as the blond women, introduced as Natasha, asked her to say her name and age.
“Alison, and I'm 15” she said softly
The next girl went, Jessica 16, the next, Jamie 14, Ally 17, Kelly 15, Paula 19, Beth 18, then me;
“Piper 17”
There were three more girls after me, Megan 13, Jenny 13, and Sandy 14. It was almost scary to notice how young most of the girls were.

“Okay, thank you all” Natasha smiled, they always smiled in this place “most of you are new comers here, and that’s the first and hardest step, so first of congratulations for been here. The point of this meeting is to basically just share what you’re feeling with others who are feeling the same way, look around you, each girl in this room has gone through, or is going through the same thing you are, so you’re not alone. Who would like to start by telling me, or us, how they are feeling right now.
Paula raised her hand, and Natasha nodded.
“I think I'm scared, it wasn’t till my mom started crying because of what I was doing I realized I had a problem. I never thought I did, and sometimes I still don’t, I just think, so I'm active and so I don’t eat a lot, but the truth is I ran for miles on end till I practically collapsed and I didn’t eat at all, but it wasn’t till I saw my mom crying and my little sister refusing to eat that I saw how it was affecting them, you don’t just ruin yourself, you hurt the people you love too” she cried, Beth beside her wrapping a thin arm around her for comfort
“That’s very true Paula, thank you”
Megan, a small willowy brunette raised her hand.
“I started throwing up when I was 10, my parents split up and I didn’t know how to deal with that, I thought that couldn’t control anything, I couldn’t control the fact they didn’t stay together, so I needed to control myself, that’s why” she lowered her voice and shrugged, we all knew what she was trying to say.

It went around the circle, young girls and older ones, all saying the same thing, they just wanted to control their lives, or they wanted people to like them, I of course kept quite. Afterwards as we were all leaving, Natasha stopped me.
“You didn’t speak up” she said
“I didn’t feel I needed to, see I don’t have the problem that all these girls have” I spoke sternly
She half smiled.
“I hope you learn to look deeper into the mirror” was all she said
I didn’t reply just walked from the room.

“Sexy” Carl announced as he saw me coming
I rushed into his arms and hugged him tightly
“They let you in?” I laughed with joy, I was just happy to see someone who wasn’t convinced I needed to be here
“Its amazing how far you get, daddy been a big lawyer and all” he smiled as we embraced again
“Damn, look at all these moping people, I wish I could take you out of here” he half smiled as we walked around the outside area
“It’s hell” I muttered
“They try and make you fat around here huh?” he laughed in a hushed whisper
“Pretty much” I sighed
“Don’t let them ruin you, you are just perfect, no rolls” he announced into my ear
I simply nodded and smiled graciously.
“I got something for you” he said as he was on a park bench away from the others
“What?” I questioned
“Sneaked it in just for you” he pulled out a small bag of white powder
“Cocaine?” I hissed under my breath
“I know you don’t do it, but I was thinking it would keep you sane you know, taking this stuff, will help you deal with been in this place till I can get you out for good”
I looked at him oddly.
“Just take it, you don’t have to use it, if you want to, you know how its done, you’ve seen us all do it”
I reluctantly took the bag and shoved it down my bra.

“Can I go down there too?” he laughed


~ At The Same Time ~

“I'm flying up for the funeral tomorrow” Kevin spoke sadly down the phone, he’d been close to Hannah too, but not nearly as close as Brian
“I cant come back right away” Brian sighed
“Don’t worry man I understand, you need some time”
“I made a promise to Hannah I intend to keep, I don’t know how long that could take”
“You alright man?” Kevin questioned
“I'm okay, but I made a promise, and I got to keep it”
“Alright, well Nick’s expecting you to call”
“I call him now”
“Alright man, take care”
They said their goodbyes and hung up, then Brian dialed Nick’s number.

“Yo?” Nick answered
“It’s Brian”
“ROK”
“Hannah died last night, the funerals tomorrow, so I'm not going to be back for a little while, I spoke to Kevin so he’ll fill the others in”
“Man, I'm sorry, Hannah was a nice girl” Nick said sympathetically
“You’re good with talking to girls aren’t you?” Brian inquired
Nick half laughed
“Not entirely”
“See I made this promise to Hannah to make sure this other girl got you, know, better, but this other girl wont talk to me, she doesn’t think she has a problem” Brian sighed “look its too complicated don’t worry about it”
“You really want to get involved with another one of those girls, I mean I loved Hannah and all, but she was screwed up mentally”
“I know, I know. She knows she was, but she said this girl still has the power to change the outcome, its like she thinks this girl Piper, can change the world, can stop all the other girls, I don’t know, maybe Hannah was going insane, but I made a promise, I gotta keep it”
“Just don’t run yourself into the ground”
“I wont”
“You want me to fly up?”
“Na, it’s cool, I’ll be okay”


~ Later That Night ~

I yawned loudly as I closed the door to my room behind me. I got an almost creepy vibe from the room, but that was probably only because I knew Hannah had died here, I would ask to be moved tomorrow.

I flopped down onto the bed and heard what sounded like paper crunching beneath me, I lifted up the pillow and saw a note with my name on it. I unfolded it and began to read.

Please let my cousin Brian help you, he’s an amazing person and he’s always cared for me, but it was always too late. There was nothing anyone could do, because long before I died, Hannah Littrell was dead, Ana killed her long ago, please know this, please understand this, he couldn’t help me, no one could. But he can help you.

You may not believe you have a problem, but look into the mirror, look deeper until finally you see the truth, you’re the walking dead. Look at your eyes, do they shine with the same glory they once did? Look at your heart, does it beat with the same intensity it used to? Look at your soul, does it crave for life anymore? Your heart may beat and you lungs may breathe, your blood may stream through your vein, but you are not alive, not till you see, and not till you understand.

Let him help you understand, well you still can, before it controls you. I believe in you Piper, I know you can do what I never could – break free.

God Bless
Hannah




Chapter Four
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