Chapter Eight: Living To Die



"Piper" Brian muttered as he caught her mid fall. He shook her a little, but no response. He peeled her back, blood smears on his shirt. He pulled her seemingly lifeless body into his arms. She weighed practically nothing, and he carried her with ease down the stairs.

Leah looked on wide eyed.
"What happened?" she winced
"Piper cut herself, I'm taking her to the hospital, it'll take that long for the ambulance to get her, you follow" he announced as he rushed out to his parents car he'd borrowed for the day.

He pulled open the door and placed her gently down onto the passenger seat. Her face was pale, lifeless even. Strands of her hair draped over her eyes, the rest pulled back into a loose ponytail. His heart wrenched, he looked just like Hannah had.

He sped through the little bits of traffic there were to the hospital, thankfully only a few minutes away. He pulled into a handicap parking space, caring little that the car would most likely be towed. He raced around to the passenger side.

I blinked quickly, as Brian opened the door beside me. My head felt light, my body weak, almost like it wasn't even there. He picked me up with ease and slammed the door behind me.

I slipped back into darkness.

Brian raced through the hospital doors, panic deep in his heart. His muscles tightened, he couldn't breathe, all he could think about was Hannah, his little cousin he cared so deeply for, and the tragic circumstances that could possible take the other fragile creature in his arms off this earth forever.
"I need a doctor, or something" he called, her blood now soaking through his clothes, smeared across his arms.
A nurse in a pristine white uniform looked on in fright.
"What happened?" she asked as she hurried Brian into an empty trauma room.
"She, she did this, she cut herself, she's been slipping in and out of consciousness" he cried frantically as he placed her on the bed.
"How long?" the nurse questioned, checking her vital signs
"I dunno, about 10 minutes, she was conscious when I found her"
"Boyfriend?"
"Friend, is she going to be okay?"
As the words sprung from Brian's mouth a doctor walked through the door.
"She looks like she's lost a lot of blood, slow heart beat" the nurse and doctor bantered between each other.
"Get her into OR" the doctor replied, then turned to Brian as another male nurse came in
"Do you know how this happened? What she used? Did she take anything beforehand?"
"I'm sorry" Brian muttered, his hands shaking, his heart clenching "I don't know, I think she used a knife, but I don't know anything else"
Piper was quickly wheeled out of the room.
"Is she going to be alright?" Brian questioned, breathing erratically
"We hope so"
Then the doctor left. Brian tried to follow, but was gently told he couldn't go into the OR. He fell against the wall, tears streaming down his face, she couldn't die, she just couldn't.

My eyes were dewy, my head buried deep into the hospital pillow. There was yet another drip in one arm, the other sewn up, then bandaged over with a material that made me want to itch it. The pain was only subtle, but this after they'd given me pain killers. I had no idea how deep I'd cut, and no idea what they'd done. I wondered if maybe they had given me a blood transfusion, and I prayed they hadn't, it always seemed like a gross idea. A few nurses had come in to check on me, I think maybe I was put on suicide watch, they had strange looks on their face, like they were trying to figure out what type of person would purposely do this to themselves - the answer, I did not know, I was so far lost I wasn't even sure who I was anymore. The old Piper doesn't want to die, but the old Piper is already dead.

I don't know what possessed me to try and take my own life, I cant explain to myself let alone anyone else. As I lie here staring up at the white ceiling I wonder if maybe I've lost my mind, but I know, its still there, I just no longer control it.

I can never give an answer to why, because I don't even know if I have a reason. I've come to a point, where if I live, I'll die slowly.

There was a slight knock on the door, and Brian's face peeked in through the door.
"Can I come in?" he questioned his voice low and croaky, like he'd been crying
I nodded slowly, though turning my head away in shame He walked slowly in and closed the door behind him. a hysterical mom had already been in, and I'd asked her to leave, I really didn't feel like her lecture, or her distain that her daughter could even imagine doing this, she didn't understand I'd lost control of 'that daughter'.
As I turned my head to look at him, I noticed the smears of blood on his clothing, was that mine?
"I'm sorry you had to see what I did" I whispered, tears forming in my eyes
"Piper, you need to get some help, your depressed and -"
"No, I'm not depressed, I'm not sad, I'm not some freak that cant control her feelings" I snapped, unaware I was just that
"You tried to kill yourself"
"I know, you don't have to point out the obvious"
"You almost succeeded"
"I'm sorry you had to see that"
"Would you have gone through with it?"
I looked away again, how could he ask me that?
"Piper? Would you have?"
"Yes, probably" I whispered into the pillow
"Why? Why would you take away something so beautiful from this world?"
"Because I don't have any reason to live, don't you see that? I'm slowly but surely rotting away, and tell me, what hurts most, dying slowly, or killing the pain quickly?"
"You have a reason to live Piper, life itself is reason enough"
"Not my life. Could you please just leave" I sighed, wiping my eyes briefly

He backed away and out the door without another word as I softly cried myself into a slumber.


~ At The Same Time ~

"How is she?" Leah questioned, tugging Brian's arm gently
"I'm sorry Mrs. Charmers" Brian sniffed, pulling away and walking quickly down the hall




Chapter Nine
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