Disclaimer: Laurell K. Hamilton and the Berkley Publishing Group do not authorize this author. All characters that you recognize belong to Laurell K. Hamilton except for the ones created by the people in this group. This is solely for entertainment purposes.

 

Rating: R just to be on the safe side.  ^__^

 

Author’s Note: I know that typically that most shifters wouldn’t know what happened during their first change, but as the author I’m taking creative license here.  Just suspend the reality of the Anitaverse for a moment.  Thanks! 

 

Author’s Note (2): I would like to take this time to thank my beta for being so patient with me.  Also without whom I would be lost and nothing would ever get done.  Thanks also need to go to my cheering section that wouldn’t let me give up on this story even if that had been my inclination.   You guys are the best!  Now without further ado on with the show….

 

 

Chapter 19

 

 

Richard stared at me with his mouth hanging agape.  It was kind of funny, in a sick and twisted sort of way.  I hadn’t meant to say that and didn’t even know where it had come from.  It was out now and there was nothing I could do about it.  Eventually he closed his mouth and gave me a long considering look.

 

Mindless of our nudity he led me away from the others.  He sat down on the ground and motioned for me to do the same.  I looked dubiously at the ground.  I freely admit that sometimes I can be a prissy bitch and this was no exception.  I was *not* going to sit on the ground without something to cushion my behind.  Sighing he reached up and pulled me onto his lap.

 

I wasn’t expecting that.  Now I could see what Anita had found so attractive about this man.  He was for the most part patient, kind and understanding.  His hands moved restlessly over my back and I was grateful that I didn’t have to look at him.  It was going to be hard enough to tell him what happened without having to see the doubtful expression on his face.

 

My fingers danced over his forearm and my brows drew together.  My voice was soft and hesitant as I began.  He listened to my tale never once saying anything.  It was as if he were absorbing and assimilating the information so that he could question me later.

 

The unusual tale that poured from my lips was like something out of a fantasy novel, strange, fascinating but ultimately to be discounted as bunk.  I knew it and yet I couldn’t seem to make myself stop.  The hardest thing I’d ever done was look at his face to gauge his reaction. 

 

Richard’s dark eyes stared down at me his mouth pursed, and his gaze assessing.  I closed my eyes and lowered my head; it was exactly that look that I’d hoped to avoid seeing.  I could feel the burning pressure of tears behind my eyes.  As much as I didn’t want to cry in front of him it didn’t seem there was any way out of this.  “I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” my voice came out hoarse and strangled.  A single tear escaped my closed lids and trailed down my cheek.

 

He brushed that tear away with his thumb.  Using his fingers he lifted my chin.  I kept my eyes squeezed shut.  In part it was so I wouldn’t have to see his face but also to hold back the tears that threatened to flood.  His voice was soft and gentle when he spoke.  “Luna, please open your eyes.”  I did so grudgingly.  He smiled.  It was a beautiful smile.  “To start I don’t think that you’re crazy.  Your story is unique.  While it’s not unheard of for new shifters to have bizarre dreams their first night somehow I doubt that’s what you’re saying it was.”

 

I shook my head.  This was my life I was talking about and as crazy, and deranged as it sounded I couldn’t change it.  God, how I wished it was as simple as a bad dream.  It would make my life so much easier if it were.  Unconsciously I wrapped his arm around my waist and leaned my head on his shoulder, my forehead cradled against his neck.  I watched as his pulse beat a steady pace.

 

Would it be considered rude if I didn’t want to talk about this anymore, I wondered.  I knew that I needed to deal with this but I didn’t think I was ready for the fall out that would accompany such a thing. Either guessing my mood or he was just as reluctant to deal with it, as I was, he said, “Do you know what happened last night?”

 

The tone he used caused shivers to race down my spine.  There was something about the way he said it that let me know that last night had a lasting effect far beyond merely asking for and being granted asylum.  I wished I could have told him yeah I did know.  Sadly I was lacking anything even remotely resembling an answer.  The subtle pressure of his chin let me know he was rubbing his jaw on my hair.  I guess whatever was coming was hard for him.

 

“Luna, how much do you know about the lukoi,” he asked.

 

I bit my lip.  I knew a lot much more then a new comer should.  How much could I tell him I knew?  What could I safely know?  Good questions, but as was usual for me lately, I had no easy answers.  I’d stick to the truth as much as possible.  It would be much simpler that way.  I shrugged, “Not too much.  Why?”

 

One of Richard’s hands strayed to my hip while the other reached up and grabbed my jaw forcing me to meet his eyes.  “Luna, last night,” he trailed off as if looking for the right words.  Absently his thumb stroked over my chin.  “Last night when you came to us, the way you came to us,” he sighed.  Clearly he was frustrated by not being able to make himself understood.  “What were you looking for when you came to us,” he finally asked.

 

His brown eyes burned into my blue green gaze.  “Sanctuary.  To not die,” I said in a small voice.

 

He squeezed his eyes shut as if I’d said something wrong.  Perhaps I had but I had told the truth.   “You know I was kind of hoping to hear something different.”

 

“Why,” I asked.  Curiosity killed the cat, some dim part of my brain chimed in.

 

“Because Luna, this complicates things.”  He looked down at me the confusion must have shown clearly on my face.  “Because this means that last night it was more than simply saving your life.  It means that we really did just grant someone Greip status,” he said harshly.

 

“Okay hold it,” I interrupted.  “I didn’t *do* anything.  All I wanted was to not die.  Is that really so wrong?”  I could feel that my brows had pulled together and my mouth was turned down.   I was two shakes away from being severely pissed.  “Besides I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”  I’d ended my tirade on a shout.

 

I couldn’t just sit there any more.  I climbed out of his lap and began pacing in front of him.  Jeez, you’d think he’d realize that.  What did he expect me to say?  ‘Oh I just wanted you to save me?’  Yeah right, get real!  That was so not going to happen not in this lifetime.

 

Richard had by now stood and was staring down at me with his arms crossed over his chest.  His face and countenance all said that he was totally frustrated with me.  “Do you have any idea what you’ve gotten yourself into,” he asked then decided to answer for me.  “No of course not.  That would be too easy, too simple.”

 

Angered beyond reason I advanced on him.  Some dim corner of my mind shouted I was either stupid or had a death wish.  Maybe it was some of both.  Either way I found myself almost nose to nose with one of the most powerful lycanthropes in the entire city.  “I didn’t ask for this either,” I spit every heated word in his face.  “Please spare us both.  And just tell me what the fuck is going on, and how to get out of it.”

 

His handsome features twisted into something grotesque.  “Fine, you want answers, here they are.  By giving you Greip status we have declared you a ‘grasper’, which mean that you have no clan, pack, or pard of your own.  It also means that any male in this pack has the right to claim you.  And *if* there is more then one then it will be an all out no holds barred fight.  Do you have any idea how many single men there are in this pack?”

 

“About a hundred,” I answered automatically.  He looked stunned.  Oops.  I’d forgotten that I was going to be playing dumb.

 

His eyes narrowed to dangerous slits.  “Exactly how did you come up with that figure?” His voice was deceptively calm.

 

I shrugged my shoulders.  “The lukoi have roughly around six hundred members.  The current male to female ratio is 2:1, which would leave around two hundred men.  About half of those are going to be in a serious relationship.  Leaving roughly about a hundred single men.”  A sudden thought occurred to me.    “Hey, wait a minute!  Don’t I get a say in whether or not I want to be with whoever the winner is?”

 

“No,” he said succinctly.  “Luna, you have to realize that with your status comes a responsibility from the pack to protect you.  Part of the protection rests in the hands of the men.”  I snorted; he gave me a sharp look.  “Like it or not we are a male dominated society so either you get used to it or we can let your friend have you back.”

 

I could feel the blood draining from my face.  He was serious.  Deadly serious!  I sat down hard, unmindful of the dirt and debris of a few minutes before.  Christ!  This just couldn’t be happening.  Couldn’t my life, for once, just be nice and peaceful?  So now my choices were either accept whoever won the right to claim me, or I could go back to Diego and die.  I hung my head; there wasn’t really a choice. 

 

Craning my neck to meet Richard’s eyes, “Why me,” I asked in a timid voice.  Inside I was a violent mix of anger and despair.  One part of me wanted to yell and scream and rile against fate for making my life a new layer of hell.  While another quietly cried that I had done everything like I should and I still felt like I was being punished.

 

In the end it didn’t matter.  Not really.  I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my forehead against them.  Tears were gathering in my eyes and I didn’t want him to see them.  A warm rush of power danced over my skin jerking my head up right.  I glanced at Richard relieved that he’d felt it as well.  His eyes were a swirling mix of brown and gold, and I knew without a mirror that my own had done the same.

 

He stretched out his hand to me, and for once I took it without comment.  “We’ve lingered too long.” 

 

When we hit the clearing I was surprised to find a good number of people had already left.  There were roughly about thirty people.  Some were clothed but most were still nude.  As Richard and I entered their attention was riveted to us.  It was unnerving.  It made me long for something to cover myself with. 

 

Richard’s eyes scanned the crowd as if looking for something.  He made a disgusted noise as if he didn’t find whatever it was.  A flash from the corner of my eyes turned me to the left.  A young man came running into the clearing and skidded to a halt in front of his Ulfric.  “They’re in the woods,” was all he said.

 

He might as well have said they’re burning us out.  What few people that were left quickly fled.  A handful of people stayed behind.  The Hati and Sköll came up to their leader.  Surprisingly they were both dressed.  Shang-Da was in his usual monochrome color scheme.  Jamil was wearing a tight white, and what I’ve often heard call wife beater, tank top and a pair of snug black Levis.  They both held a set of clothes.

 

The African-American bodyguard handed Richard a pair of cut off blue jean shorts and a white t-shirt.  The Asian bodyguard handed me some matching sweats.  I gratefully pulled the offerings on.  They were two sizes too big but they’d do in a pinch.  When my quizzical gaze landed on him he scanned the crowd before muttering, “It was the best we could do on short notice.”  He gave me a piercing look then.  “I want them back.  Preferably in the same condition you got them.”

 

His tone and stance were enough to piss of the Good Humor Man.  I didn’t know whom the clothes belonged but I resented the insinuation that I would purposely mistreat them.  Roughly I started to remove the sweatshirt.  Richard placed a hand on my shoulder effectively stopping me from taking the thing off.  “I’m sure Luna won’t let any harm come to your outfit.”  His voice had cut through the tension and effortlessly put us at ease.

 

“C’mon we need to get going.  We can’t let them get too close.  There would be too many questions,” he said softly.

 

I nodded but yet again I felt like I was forgetting something.  Squeezing my eyes shut I tried to figure out what I was missing.  There was a gentle tug on my wrist and I felt myself moving forward when my eyes shot open with a start.  I stopped dead in my tracks. 

 

I could feel my jaw drop.  No, it couldn’t be, I thought.  The thought wouldn’t leave me alone.  That had to be the answer.  Why I’d felt like I was missing something.  I could have laughed but I didn’t.  I wanted to cry but couldn’t.  I was in a hell of a situation.

 

The three men were staring at me like I’d lost my mind.  I wiped my hands over my face and sighed harshly.  The seriousness of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks.  “They’re looking for me,” I told them.

 

“What!  Why?”  The three exclaimed in unison. 

 

“Well maybe not me specifically but they’re looking for whoever the ruined clothes belonged to.  I’m sure if they’re in this deep then they already know they’re dealing with a shifter.  Not just that but,” I stopped.  The conversation with Richard came back to me.  I didn’t want to tell him not after what he’d said earlier about protection.  It would have been too much, and it would have proved him right.

 

“Luna,” Richard prodded.

 

I scrunched up my face, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see him gloat.  “They’re expecting to find me dead.”  I rushed on before they had a chance to interrupt me.  “Yesterday we had a fresh crime scene.  There was a note,” I paused and licked the corner of my mouth.  This was where it got hard.  Sighing I opened my eyes and looked at them.  “They want me dead.  They want me dead and I have no idea why,” I finished hoarsely.

 

Strong arms wrapped around me and suddenly I couldn’t hold back any more.  I began to cry.  I cried for everything I’d been, everything I could no longer be.  Most of all I cried because a part of me was grieving the loss of my humanity.  I could never be human again.  Oh, I could play; I could pretend, but that’s all it would be, an act.

 

The tears had slowed.  I could hear the low masculine hum of nonsense words, feel the warmth of those hands as they stroked my hair and over my back.  When I felt like I could act more like myself I pulled away.  I never even looked at who had been comforting me.  I murmured a thank you.

 

“Luna,” Richard’s voice cut in.  “This is what a pack does.  It comforts *and* it protects.  There isn’t one without the other.  Or at least there shouldn’t be, not in a healthy pack.”

 

My eyes opened slowly.  I was biting my lip.  I really didn’t want to face what was going on here.  That wasn’t an option however.  I had to go and face the police.  I had no idea what I was going to tell them about the body that was in the woods, if there even still was a body.

 

I faced the three men, “I have to go meet them or they will find this place.  And I really don’t want to be any more of an inconvenience then I already am.”

 

The three had matching scowls.  It was almost funny but I managed not to laugh.  “You’re not an inconvenience,” Jamil started.

 

One of my eyebrows arched and I gave the trio a disbelieving look.  “Uh-huh.  Riiiiiight.  And I’m so going to buy that because of?” 

 

The men shifted around uncomfortably.  “Okay so you’re not a walk in the park, but you were only doing what you had to do in order to survive.”  I was surprised that this came not from Richard or Jamil, but from Shang-Da.

 

I blinked my eyes slowly.  If I didn’t know better I’d say that he was blushing but that couldn’t be.  In any case it didn’t really matter.  I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hands and sighed.  They wanted to leave but I couldn’t.  The police were out there looking for me. If not me per say then a dead shifter.  I had to get to them before they got much further into the woods. Now the question becomes how do I get them to let me go? 

 

“Richard, we can’t let them come any closer.  You said it yourself; there’d be too many questions.  I have got to go out there and let them know that I’m alive at least.” I tried appealing to his common sense.

 

“You’re right.  *We* can’t let them come any closer,” he replied.

 

Confusion clouded my face and my oh so intelligent response was, “Huh?”

 

“I’m going to go with you,” he stated blandly.

 

My eyes widened as understanding set in.  Oh, Anita was so not going to like that.  I opened my mouth to try and dissuade him but the look on his face had me closing my mouth without ever saying a word.  Could my life get any worse?  Never mind don’t answer that!