Disclaimer: Laurell K. Hamilton and the Berkley Publishing Group do not authorize this author. All characters that you recognize belong to Laurell K. Hamilton except for the ones created by the people in this group. This is solely for entertainment purposes.

 

Rating: R just to be on the safe side.  ^__^

 

Author’s Note: I know that typically that most shifters wouldn’t know what happened during their first change, but as the author I’m taking creative license here.  Just suspend the reality of the Anitaverse for a moment.  Thanks!

 

Author’s Note (2): I would like to take this time to thank my beta for being so patient with me.  Also without whom I would be lost and nothing would ever get done.  Thanks also need to go to my cheering section that wouldn’t let me give up on this story even if that had been my inclination.   You guys are the best!  Now without further ado on with the show….

 

 

Chapter 16

 

 

The scene was awful.  If the uniforms throwing up at the curb didn’t give it away the smell sure did.  It was bad, one of the worse scenes I’ve ever been at.  It wasn’t confined to just the house.  This one had started in the front yard. A blood trail led from about the middle of the yard to the front porch where the actual bodies started.  There were intestines and other internal organs strewn across the well-manicured lawn and hanging from the lower branches of a tree.  It seemed liked sacrilege in the middle of this neighborhood. This one was staged for maximum carnage.  It was like something straight out of a Hollywood horror flick.

 

The scent of blood was still strong in the air.  Without thinking about it my nostrils flared taking in that scent.  It was the kind of smell that you could wrap around yourself and get lost in.  I controlled the urge to get down on all fours and lick up the spilled blood. Trying to concentrate on other things helped some, but I had to cross my arms and grip my elbows.  How many people were at this scene?  Was our killers’ scent here?  There were so many scents that they overlapped, becoming so mixed up that you couldn’t identify one particular smell.  I wasn’t able to determine if our killers’ smell was mixed in this jumble.  I was sure it was, but how did I narrow it down?  I had great questions.  Sadly I had no answers.  It was frustrating as hell.

 

The violence was escalating at an alarming rate.  This scene had been engineered to draw the most attention.  The three television crews were a testament to that.  The uniforms were holding them back without too much difficulty.  I turned my back on them and made sure not to make eye contact with any of them.  It would be like inviting them to speculate.  That wasn’t something that the investigation could afford.

 

I was waiting on the inner perimeter of the scene for Anita.  She was after all the preternatural expert.  If any one could give us an insight into this bizarre crime spree it would be her.  The wait however was killing me.  Normally I have the patience of a saint but when the pressure was on I became short tempered and grouchy.  I, in essence, became a three year old too long without a nap.

 

Glancing at my watch for perhaps the fifteenth time in about three minutes, I swore vehemently enough to cause the closest uniforms to jump.  I was just about to look at my watch again when Anita made her grand entrance.  The press, which by now had grown in size, flocked to her.  She blew them off without so much as an eye blink.  The uniform at the edge of the scene looked to me and I nodded. 

 

She moved purposefully towards where I was standing.  She was clad in her coverall and I could see a pair of latex gloves hanging out of one pocket and a lump that was probably her tape measure in the other.  Her Browning was a clearly visible bump under her left arm.  Her brown hair framed her face, which was set in grim lines.  She stood beside me her clear brown eyes taking in the sight before her.  “What’ve we got?”

 

I shrugged my shoulders.  “Don’t know.  Not allowed in the house,” I pulled my sunglasses low enough on my face to show her my eyes. “Too close to the full moon.  A liability,” there was sufficient scorn in my voice to choke a horse.

 

She put a hand on my shoulder, “You can’t really blame them for being wary Luna.”

 

My top lip peeled back from my teeth and I snarled at her.  She jerked her hand back fast enough that if I hadn’t had enhanced vision I wouldn’t have seen it move to hover over the butt of her gun.  “I can,” I said my voice barely more then a growl.  “And I do.  They preach tolerance but dole out only hatred and contempt.  They call me the freak.  ME!  I didn’t ask for this, hell I don’t even know how I got this way.  Yet I’m the freak!” My voice was becoming lower and gaining bass.  Strangely I wasn’t getting angry at least not physically but it was a sort of indignation.  “It’s like being born a crack baby.  Neither of us asked for it but we still suffer the consequences of other’s actions.” 

 

I turned away from her then.  How could I expect her to understand?  She wasn’t the one being ostracized by her co-workers.  The minute we’d hit the scene and the blood had hit my nostril my eyes had shifted.  A couple of the officers had even gone so far as to draw their weapons.  I’d had no choice but to do the same.  Lopez had put himself in the line of fire.  Only Dolph’s direct command for them to stand down had gotten us anywhere.  After that I’d put the sunglasses on and been told to wait outside. 

 

Where I was least likely to eat the evidence, some joker cracked.  My comeback had been something along the lines of preferring my meal a little more active.  I’d only had to remove the glasses and give a low growl before the fool had stumbled away pale and frightened.  It hadn’t been cute but I had proven my point, or so I hoped.

 

Anita sighed harshly.  “I’ll go see what I can do.”

 

“Don’t bother.  They’re already spreading rumors that I’m in league with these things,” I choked off unable to talk because of the lump in my throat.  It wasn’t right; it wasn’t fair, but then again who ever said life was fair?  I pushed the glasses up high on the bridge of my nose, thus concealing my freakish eyes.  Eyes that let everyone know I wasn’t human, not any more.

 

“Luna,” Anita started.  I shook my head and pointed to the door.  Dolph was emerging from the house.  His face was blank.  Whatever was in that house would give her nightmares.  Of that I was sure.

 

“Anita, we’re ready for you,” was all Dolph said.  It said everything and nothing.  How could one man be so vague?

 

Turning I scanned the crowd of onlookers.  There was the usual amount of busily scurrying uniforms and crime scene investigators.  Not to mention all the bored housewives and assorted elderly couples that had nothing better to do.  Last but not least was the media, piranhas in search of a feeding frenzy.

 

From the corner of my eye I caught a flash of something moving.  Curiously it wasn’t moving towards the scene but away from it.  I turned and caught a glimpse of the person.  At least I thought I did, but my eyes had to be deceiving me.  It couldn’t be the same person.  It just couldn’t.  The last time I’d seen him he’d been chained to a table and I’d blown his hands off.

 

Diego stood there waiting for me to get a good look at him.  When I finally did I could see Diego’s smug smile from more then a couple hundred yards away.  It wasn’t possible I kept telling myself, as I stood frozen.  From across the distance he blew me a kiss.  It opened an old hurt.  Before I could even process what I was doing I was moving, closing the distance between us.  He grinned broadly then calmly lowered himself into the waiting vehicle.  The Browning was in my hand before I’d even thought about it.  By the time I got to where the car had once been it was half way down the street and moving fast.  “Damn,” I swore as I raised the gun skyward.

 

The crowd stood frozen for a second.  It was long enough for me to realize what I’d just done.  I’d just made the evening news.  I groaned inwardly and approached the nearest uniform.  His bright green eyes were wide.  I didn’t know if it was from fear or awe, and at this point I’m not sure it really mattered.  “Officer,” my eyes flicked to his nameplate “Bradly, is there any reason you didn’t see fit to stop him?”

 

“I-I-I thought. That is to say he,” Bradly paused taking a deep breath.  “He didn’t seem like he was doing anything other then checking out the crime scene like all the others,” his eyes raked me.  “Ma’am,” he said contemptuously.

 

My eyes narrowed behind the mirrored lenses.  My voice was hard and cold as steel.  “Just how many people make a habit of blowing kisses at on duty officers,” I queried as I fisted the front of his uniform.

 

“That’ll be enough, Bastion,” Dolph’s composed voice said.  “Officer Bradly will be giving a full statement to Zerbrowski.  Now kindly release him.  I need to speak to you.”  With that he strode off confident that I would obey. 

 

Oh I would, in my own time.  I jerked the officer closer to my face.  My nose took in his scent.  He exuded fear like a fine perfume.  My tongue flicked out and licked his cheek.  He shuddered with what could only be revulsion.  “I’ll be seeing you Bradly,” my voice a soft seductive purr.  It was a promise and a threat all rolled into one.  I released the nice uniform and patted Zerbrowski’s shoulder. 

 

“Remind me not to piss her off,” he muttered as I walked away.  That just struck me as funny and the laughter bubbled up from inside me. I really couldn’t have said why, it just did. By the time I joined Dolph and Anita I was in a fairly good mood.  That however quickly changed when I took a good look at their faces.  Whatever they had to say I was not going to like.

 

The pair exchanged glances prolonging my discomfort and increasing my unease.  Distantly I noticed that my beast took notice of the possible chance to emerge but appeared, if that’s even the right word, to be sated for the moment.  Whatever Jamil and I had done earlier hadn’t just been sex; it had a larger more lasting effect.

 

Even my patience is not endless.  I crossed my arms over my chest and could feel my brows pulling together.  The silence was beginning to become irritating.  “Well,” I snapped rudely.

 

Dolph’s frown rivaled Anita’s; both looked extremely unhappy with me.  Well fine we could all be grumpy together.  I didn’t like to be kept in the dark any more then either one of them.  I looked from one to the other willing them to spill whatever it was and end the suspense.  Finally Anita shrugged her small shoulders and Dolph sighed.  Without a word of explanation he handed me a plastic baggie with a piece of white unlined paper in it.

 

Turning the baggie over my heart stopped beating, or at least that’s the way it felt.  It was a note, a simple note, harmless right?  My eyes read, and then reread the note not once but several times.  This couldn’t be happening.  My vision was beginning to grow dark around the edges, and I was experiencing a curious dizziness.  From dealing with my sister I knew that I was about to pass out.  Without regard for personal dignity I put my head between my knees and drew slow, deep, even breaths. 

 

When the feeling had passed I stood up, still a little shaky but bearable now.  Again my eyes flowed across the message that read: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Don't worry Luna, We're coming for you!  Fear seized me for a moment.  That couldn’t be right.  It just couldn’t.  I didn’t know anyone, save Dayla and Jared.  So it wasn’t like I’d had time to make enemies in this town.

 

I met Dolph and Anita’s eyes.  They were wearing twin expressions.  The next thing I heard I was not going to like.  I could already tell.  Anita dragged a hand through her dark brown tresses before her face settled into a blank mask.  Well I wouldn’t be getting anything out of her.  Not now. 

 

Dolph turned to the smaller woman and seeing the expression on her face turned to me.  He looked mildly uncomfortable, but I couldn’t be sure; I didn’t know him well enough to judge his emotions.  He sighed.  He managed to make it sound painful.  His massive hands clenched and unclenched.  He was upset about something and I had a vague idea as to what it was.  “Luna, as much as I hate to do this.  I have to take you off this case.”

 

“What!” I interrupted.  “You can’t do that!”

 

“I can, and I have Luna,” his voice was hard leaving no room for argument.

 

“God damn it, Dolph!  That isn’t fair!”  I was being childish and I knew it.   That however didn’t make me feel better.

 

His voice betrayed none of the emotions he was feeling, if indeed he was feeling any at all.  “Bastion, you’re here by removed from this case.  If I hear of you trying to work this out on your own you’ll be facing a review.  Is that understood?”

 

I ground my teeth.  I couldn’t believe this.  Well actually I could.  Diego was a sneaky son of a bitch and now his careful planning was paying off.  God, what I wouldn’t have given to show that smug bastard up.  I crossed my arms over my stomach.  I opened my mouth to say something truly scathing but he held up a hand. “You’ve got some vacation time coming up.  I suggest you take it.”

 

If he’d have slapped me in the face I wouldn’t have been more surprised.  He’d in effect told me that I was now on leave.  My nostrils flared and it took everything in me not to growl at him.  “Fine,” I told him brusquely.  I turned on my heel throwing over my shoulder, “Make sure Lopez gets a ride back to the station.”

 

The camera crews hadn’t left and there was no way I was going to be able to make a graceful exit.  My solution, to not even try.  I ducked under the yellow crime scene tape and strode to the car.  I blithely ignored their ignorant questions.  One brave soul grabbed my arm and I blew a fuse.  Slamming the guy on the nearest car my voice a dangerous whisper in his ear.  “Touch me again and you’ll be up on assaulting an officer charges, got me?”  His jerky nod was enough for me and I let him go.  I guess none of the others were willing to get an interview after that as they all studiously turned back to the macabre scene before them.

 

The ride back to the station was one I could have done without.  I was still fuming as I ascended the stairs to the squad room.  As soon as I made it to my desk Buchanan was there.  “Look Bastion I know this is going to be hard for you.”

 

He didn’t even get to finish.  “Hard?” I asked.  “Hard is finding out the world’s not fair.  This is ridiculous!  This is my life we’re talking about and I don’t even get a say in the matter.”

 

His voice took on a hard edge, “Bastion, you know that you can’t be in on this.  Not now.  Not after what we found at this site.  You’re no longer one of the helpers; you’re one of the ones we help.  You know the rules.  We can’t afford to bend them even a little.”  His eyes were as hard as his voice as he continued his tirade.  “We’re under the microscope here and even if we were inclined to let this slide there’s too much risk involved.” 

 

I didn’t need a mirror to know my whole persona radiated anger.  He stared at me for a long moment.  In that time he managed to look older and somehow more tired.  “Bastion, if there was any way to do this.  You know that we’d do it.  We look after our own around here.  There just isn’t.”

 

His little spiel took all the wind out of my sails.  That didn’t mean I was any less angry or hurt.  It’s just that I could relate to what he was saying.  I know I’d given this same speech on more than one occasion back in California.  I ran a hand through my hair.  My frustration was at an all time high.  As if having amnesia wasn’t enough now someone wanted me dead.

 

Somebody upstairs must really hate me.  What did I ever do to deserve this kind of hell?  Whatever it was it must have been major for my life to have been turned upside down like it had.  Shaking off those dreary thoughts I gathered up my stuff making a point of leaving the case files on my desk. 

 

The journey to my own vehicle was far longer then it should have been.  First I’d forgotten my coat.  Then I’d forgotten my keys.  On the last trip I’d made sure that I had everything, and if I didn’t then I obviously didn’t need it to begin with.  That hallway always gave me the creeps and being alone didn’t lessen the feeling, it made it worse.  The tingling of my skin just bothered me more then I was willing to admit.  I’d have to ask Buchanan about that some time.

 

The sky was dark when I got out to the parking lot.  I wondered if I’d been inside that long.  Granted the sun had begun its slow descent on the way back to the station.  It still didn’t seem like I’d been inside long enough for the sky to darken this much, but I shrugged it off.  Nothing I could do about it now.  I’d just go home and, the thought stopped there; I didn’t have anything planned for tonight.  I was forgetting something.  That much I was sure of.

 

Not being able to figure out what I was missing troubled me.  It had to have been something major for the feeling to persist this long.  I squeezed my eyes shut before rubbing my hands over my face.  I tried to relax so that maybe it would come to me but that didn’t help either.

 

I parked my truck and walked up to my apartment.  The fact that I couldn’t remember something was grating on my nerves.  I went through the motions of coming home, throwing my keys in the dish by the door, and hanging up my coat, making dinner.  It didn’t help. 

 

I began to feel angry all over again.  Dolph and Buchanan both had told me I was out of the investigation.  Never mind that it was my neck that was on the line here.  Silently I fumed.  They couldn’t do this to me.  I wouldn’t let them.  But here I was none the less, stuck inside my apartment, with nothing more exciting to do then stare at the walls.  When I found those assholes tearing apart my life I was going to kick some major ass.

 

My upper lip peeled back from my teeth.  I stood abruptly; I was not going to stay here.  Grabbing my coat I headed out into the night.  Since I didn’t have to be to work tomorrow I didn’t have to worry about staying sober.  I wasn’t watching where I was going though and I should have been as I nearly ran some guy down.  I quickly apologized then took a look at him.  He looked familiar and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why.

 

The guy stared at me a moment before gruffly telling me to watch where I was going.  I nodded slowly and continued down the street.  The feeling that I knew him wouldn’t leave.  I turned to take another look and was stunned to find him gone.  That was too strange.  I darted a glance across the street and back to where I had collided with him.  Nothing.  It didn’t make any sense.

 

Damn it!  None of this made any sense.  Nothing had made sense since I’d woken up in the hospital.  Drink!  That’s what I needed.  I needed to stop thinking so much and just get thoroughly trashed.  I ran a hand through my hair and walked down the street.  The bar was a dive.  One is pretty much like another for my purposes.  I took the last available seat at the bar.  The bartender looked a little surprised but strolled over and asked for my drink.

 

“MGD, and a shot of tequila.  Keep ‘em coming,” I told him meeting his eyes.  I don’t think he was expecting that.  Have you ever noticed that people get agitated when you keep direct eye contact?  This guy radiated fear like sweet perfume.

 

He coughed nervously, his hand sliding below the surface of the bar.  The gun was on the wooden counter before I’d even thought about it.   One of my eyebrows arched as I continued to stare at him.  His eyes shifted to something behind me.  “If he so much as touches me I’ll put two bullets in you and tear his heart out for good measure,” I stated.  The terror in the room increased ten-fold. 

 

The man’s voice was hoarse, strangled almost.  “We don’t want any trouble.  I think it would be best if you left.  Before I call the cops,” he warned.

 

I laughed; that sent the tension through the roof.  He was right. The last thing I needed to do was cause a scene.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The pain began at the small of my back and slowly worked it’s way up my spine.  Oh my God!  How could I have forgotten?   I stood quickly tucking the gun back into the waistband of my jeans.  Christ!  How I could I be so fucking stupid!  Turning, I hit a wall of flesh that under other circumstances would have made me hesitant to engage him in a physical dispute, but this was so far from ordinary that I couldn’t help but sneer up at him. 

 

Being the smallest kid on the block for as long as I have has its advantages.  It meant that people like this one never really got to me.  I was used to it.  The man actually seemed openly hostile.  That anger triggered my own and I growled low in my throat not bothering to hide my true nature.  I guess he wasn’t expecting that and literally jumped away from me.  I stalked out of the bar.

 

A glance at the sky revealed a perfectly full moon.  That completely round orb was the new bane of my existence.  I had nowhere to go.  I would not under any circumstance go to Anita’s.  They’d made it quite clear how they felt about me.  Being new didn’t mean being dumb.  I knew that I didn’t want to run the risk of trying to shift back at my apartment.  I was liable to eat someone. 

 

I scanned the street looking both ways.  I don’t know what I was looking for, but I was hoping to find something, some clue about where to go.  I needed it fast.  The change was coming and I didn’t know how to stop it.  A flash of green caught my eye.  I turned slowly watching with mild curiosity as the guy I’d previously tried to run down moved down the street.  I hadn’t noticed it before; I’d been so caught up in my own funk that his true nature had eluded me.  Watching him walk now I knew what I was looking at.  Shifter.  The word screamed in my head endlessly.

 

My naturally suspicious nature was aroused.  This was far too big of a coincidence but right now I was out of options.  Waiting only a couple of moments longer to let him get a rather large lead on me I moved to follow him.  I couldn’t tell you for sure because even I couldn’t see his face at this distance but I could have sworn that he was smiling.  A sinking feeling in my stomach told me I should stop right now, but I couldn’t let it go. 

 

Every instinct I had screamed that he knew I was following him, and I had to agree with them.  However I didn’t have a whole lot of choices at the moment.  It was either follow him or try and find somewhere to shift on my own.  Neither alternative appealed to me.   I cursed my own stupidity as I continued to tail the strangely familiar man.

 

We wound our way through the city.  The buildings thinned out and there were more and more open spaces.  The man ahead of me ducked into a stand of trees.  I stood there a few moments again debating the wisdom of chasing him.  In the end I think we both knew I’d continue on my fool’s errand. 

 

The night sounds were calling to me and I wasn’t strong enough to resist their call.  Slowly, cautiously, I entered the wooded area.  The very lack of lighting around here raised the hairs on the back of my neck.  It was reminiscent of the hallway at the station house.  My eyes adjusted to the lack of light and the beast rose within me clamoring to be free. 

 

I clamped down upon that urge.  Soon enough I would give in and let it reign.  For the moment I wanted a better look at my surroundings.  There was no trace of the man I’d been following.  Tentatively I sniffed at my jacket but as I feared the scent was too faint.  I wouldn’t be able to track him by smell.

 

Ahead of me I could hear raised voices.  Their words were unintelligible at this great distance.  What did carry across the span that separated us was the anger.  Carefully I approached the sound.  My beast halted me.  It instinctively told me this was as close as I could get without getting caught.  So I stilled as best I could and listened.

 

“Jesus, Diego!  What do you want from me?  She was right behind me when I entered the trees!”  That voice I knew it. Suddenly the guy from earlier entered my mind.  Why couldn’t I place his name?  It felt like I should have known it.  I was sure I did know it but as I grappled with it, it floated further away from me.

 

Shrugging, I pushed that thought aside.  It wouldn’t do me any good to worry about it now so I listened.  “You should have waited to see if she was going to follow,” Diego’s voice cut threw the night and my heart.  “If we’re going to get away with this we’re going to need her.  This has to fall on someone and unless you’d like to die in her place.” Diego sound almost bored as he delivered this last blow.  “Besides Michelle said we’ve got to have her.”

 

Fear clutched me.  This couldn’t be right.  Tears were gathering in my eyes.  How could I have been so terribly naive?  Dimly I wondered if any of them had ever really loved me.  I supposed that now it didn’t really matter.  He wasn’t the same person I’d fallen in love with, none of them were.

 

A twig cracked dangerously close to where I was standing.  My senses were on high alert and my eyes scanned the surrounding darkness.  It was a fawn.  Merely a fawn, then it dawned on me that the voices had halted.  Shit!  They’re coming this way and if I’m not gone I’m dead.

 

Giving into the beast I let it guide me swiftly and quietly away.  I ran, dodging trees and fallen logs as if I did it every day.  Stopping to listen, I needed to know if I’d been discovered.  It didn’t seem like I had.  Pain ripped through me and it took everything in me to muffle the scream tearing at my throat.

 

My skin burned and I knew that I couldn’t put off the change any longer.  I stood there in the darkness weighing my options.  Should I just shed my clothes and let nature take its course?  Or did I stay and try to find out why Diego wanted so desperately for me to die?  Guess there wasn’t a choice really.

 

A set of steely cold fingers dug into my arm telling me I’d lingered too long in my thoughts.  Turning to face my opponent I was shocked to find not Diego or the man I’d been chasing earlier but a new face.  His name came easily to my lips. “Anthony,” I whispered.

 

He flashed me a brilliant smile.  That smile took me back. Late nights spent doing nothing more strenuous then watching WWE’s Raw is War.  Of their own volition my fingers traced the lines of his face.  He turned his face into the contact.  A soft rumbling purr was my reward.  He opened his bright blue eyes.  The warmth in their depths took my breath away.  His husky voice said things that I’d guessed but never had the courage to ask.  “I’ve always wanted you.  Not because you were a sight to behold, but because you never looked at me as less than a man.”

 

Recognition dawned on me then.  I’d never realized how tall Anthony was because he’d always been confined to a wheelchair.  There was no chair present.  In slow motion I watched as he lowered his head.  I had a moment in which to decide.  His lips were gentle.  They pressed against mine and slowly his tongue flicked out caressing my bottom lip.  I opened for him not really thinking about it.

 

He pulled me flush against him.  We were lost in the sensations coursing through us.  I can’t speak for him but I couldn’t explain why I was doing this.  It went against everything I thought I knew about myself.  For some strange reason I couldn’t seem to make him stop, and I didn’t even know if I wanted him to.

 

All I knew was that he was able to keep the darkness in me at bay.  A darkness I felt sure would swallow me whole.  He broke our kiss and stared down at me.  His eyes were shining in the darkness.  He cocked his head a moment as if he could hear something no one else could.  Suddenly he drew back his hand and slugged me.  I tasted blood.  He’d split my lip.  My eyes clearly conveying my confusion, he gave me a sad smile before he hissed, “Run.”

 

Staring at him he looked to be holding himself in check.  There was something different about him now.  His eyes had bled grey.  His whole demeanor had changed.  It wasn’t just his beast; there was something else controlling him.  He didn’t want to hurt me but apparently he was in the minority.

 

His dark hair fell into his eyes as he slowly stalked towards me on all fours.  Grey eyes pleaded with me while his actions screamed that if I didn’t leave I would be dinner.  A shiver ran up his spine.  Funny until then I’d never even noticed his lack of clothing, or more accurately his lack of a shirt.

 

My eyes watched in muted fascination as the skin rippled again.  This time it sprouted fur to replace the skin.   A hoarse scream was all the prodding I needed.  As the sounds grew in strength so did the feeling that “they” were coming.  With one last glance at my changing former friend I turned and did the sensible thing.  The only thing any sane person would do.  I turned and ran.  I ran as if the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels.