Disclaimer: Laurell K. Hamilton and the Berkley Publishing Group do not authorize this author. All characters that you recognize belong to Laurell K. Hamilton except for the ones created by the people in this group. This is solely for entertainment purposes.

 

Rating: R just to be on the safe side.  ^__^

 

Author’s Note: I know that typically that most shifters wouldn’t know what happened during their first change, but as the author I’m taking creative license here.  Just suspend the reality of the Anitaverse for a moment.  Thanks!

 

Author’s Note (2): I would like to take this time to thank my beta for being so patient with me.  Also without whom I would be lost and nothing would ever get done.  Thanks also need to go to my cheering section that wouldn’t let me give up on this story even if that had been my inclination.   You guys are the best!  Now without further ado on with the show….

 

 

Chapter 17

 

 

The fear and adrenaline pushed back the beast long enough for me to get a head start on my pursuers.  However it wouldn’t be denied forever.  Unlike earlier when I’d flowed through the forest this time I fought it tooth and nail.  Branches pulled at my clothing and whipped at my face.  Tree roots tripped me and the skin of my hands was abraded and bleeding.

 

By now my coat had been abandoned as it had tangled up in the low hanging branches of a seemingly grasping tree.  My shirt was ripped and torn leaving bloody spots on the white cotton.  My jeans were about the only thing that seemed to survive intact.

 

I stopped to listen.  I listened not just to the superficial sounds of my pursuers but also to the sounds of the night, the sigh of the wind, the sounds of the night animals effectively going about their nocturnal business.  If my would-be attackers were out there they weren’t close.  I breathed a sigh of heartfelt relief.

 

My reprieve didn’t last long.  In the next instant a blinding pain gripped me.  Only sheer force of will kept me from crying out.  Tears blurred my vision.  I collapsed onto the cold hard ground.  My fingers dug into the earth.  I could feel the skin along my back splitting.  I’d waited too long and now I would be stuck trying to find my ruined coat in the morning. 

 

The sound of breaking bones was more then even I could bear.  A small whimper escaped my lips; it quickly turned to a scream.  The pain was so intense that I was sure I was dying.  Somehow I didn’t think I’d end up going out trying to shift, but that’s the way it looked.

 

As I watched, my finger slowly broke; they folded themselves in half widening and gradually gaining dirty grey fur with a distinct rosette pattern.  My terror increased as the bones in my face lengthened and my jaw gained teeth not meant for a human mouth.  My shoulders and hips bent at unnatural angles.  I could actually feel the layers upon layers of muscle that quickly formed over those joints. 

 

Pointlessly my toes tried to dig into the hard packed earth.  I hoped to be able to stop this excruciating torment knowing all the while that it was less then useless.  My body continued to change heedless of my desires to stop it.  My torso lengthened and thickened just as I expected it to.  The ground beneath me was soaked.  It’s that clear goop my mind instantly supplied.  In that moment I realized I was no longer in control of my own body.

 

I was along for the ride.  It was a strange sensation, not unpleasant exactly, but not comforting either.  My body began to shake the excess moisture from the fur.  It sounds strange but I realized in that moment why Richard always referred to the beast as a separate entity.  Those that found the acts that I was about to commit reprehensible wanted nothing more then to ignore what they really were.  While I was not one hundred percent sure that I wanted to do this I wasn’t about to deny who and what I’d become.  I realized that it’s not what you are that defines you but what you do.

 

My shaking limbs barely supported me and I knew I needed to get going; “they” were coming.  I’d left them a trail to follow.  I hadn’t meant to but it was nonetheless done now.  A clenching in my stomach reminded me that I still needed to feed.  Feed first then hide.  My priorities set, I moved with the night.

 

Ears twitching for the slightest sound of either my unwanted company or food prospects kept me alert.  My nose twitched.  ‘Food,’ I thought darkly, ‘and close by.’  Moving with the new stealth my body had unnaturally acquired I followed the scent.  Eyes constantly moved looking for other predators. 

 

The smell grew stronger.  It was wounded.  The coppery scent of blood filled the air.  My mouth watered at the smell.  It was a large rabbit.  Its screams were like music to my ears.  Cautiously I approached the fallen prey.  Its eyes were wide, frantically searching for its den. 

 

Moving swiftly I grabbed the rabbit in my massive jaws and snapped my head back and forth, cleanly breaking its neck and silencing its tormented cries.  My brain refused to understand what was happening.  I watched with an almost clinical detachment as the rabbit quickly disappeared. 

 

Hunger satisfied for the moment I glanced around the small clearing.  It was too wooded for my liking.  I’d have preferred a rocky outcropping to the close growing trees.  I moved without even thinking about it, searching for a spot more to my liking.  I was careful to keep my eyes moving and my ears open.  “They” were still out there looking for me.

 

A powerful scent hit me.  I couldn’t help but sniff the air.  Male, large, feline, all of those I could determine simply from smell.  Intrigued I wandered around the area.  Another stronger smell spiced the air.  It was still male, large, but this one was canine.  I’d wandered into someone’s territory. 

 

My eyes widened.  I needed to get out of here, now!  Turning and sprinting away I ran head long into the one thing I’d been hoping to avoid all evening.  My pursuers.  There was roughly a half a dozen in a semi-circle all growling and snarling.  My own growl of frustration echoed in the small clearing.

 

One of the over eager females, a lioness I think, made to jump at me and I sidestepped her.  She landed awkwardly half on her side and I efficiently crushed her windpipe under my paw.  In a dim corner of my mind I realized that she had changed back to her human form.  Blood seeped from a corner of her mouth.  She was dead.  The thought didn’t bother me.  It was a kill or be killed situation. 

 

I may have been outnumbered but that didn’t mean I was going down without a fight.  Her family, pride I believe is what it’s called, roared in outrage and several of them charged me.  I took vicious swipes at a couple of the smaller females who fell back howling in pain and anger. 

 

Pain lanced through me.  One of the larger males had gouged his claws into my flank.  Turning I managed to knock him loose but not before he’d raked long furrows into my hide.  Discretion is the better part of valor, or so I’ve heard.  I knew there was no way I could take them all on and only a fool would try.  I am many things but a fool had never been one of them.

 

Knowing I was probably leaping from the frying pan into the fire I turned and fled into the canine’s territory.  I was hoping against hope that he’d be back soon.  The jackals behind me were in hot pursuit.  Another of the lager males took a swipe at me sending me end over end.  Getting up I dodged another blow.  I kept going; I had no choice.  I was *not* going to die, not here, like this.

 

They were getting closer.  The blood loss was slowly catching up to me and if something didn’t happen soon I was as good as dead.  My unwelcome companions took great delight in swatting at me and nipping at my heels.  The sounds of growling and howling could be heard in the distance and taking a sharp turn, I headed in that direction.

 

I was weakening and I knew it; so did those that followed my frenetic flight.  Calling upon reserves that I didn’t even know I had I broke into another run.  I was running full tilt towards my only hope of surviving the night.  The harsh lighting gave me pause.  If I’d had a facial expression I knew my brows would have been pulled together in confusion. 

 

Panic washed over me.  What if I’d run into some sort of trap?  My eyes scanned the area.  It was full of wolves.  Richard.  In my pain and panic I’d run straight to the wolves. My brain short-circuited, and in the small corner that I’d relegated myself to I began to laugh hysterically.  He’d never give me sanctuary.  He hated what he was, what we were. 

 

The other part of me, the one still in control of my body, took shaking faltering steps toward the Ulfric.  My belly was low to the ground as I could get and still move, my head downcast.  I was trying to be as non-threatening as possible.  I didn’t know if it was working or not.  Even as a wolf Richard’s bearing was that of subdued power and grace. 

 

Sneaking a peek at his eyes they were a curious combination of chocolate brown edged with the yellow gold of his beast.  One of those that had followed me calmly came into the blazing light.  For the first time I noticed that my pursuers had been a menagerie.  There was a wolf, most likely Diego, a few lions, and strangely enough a leopard so dark that you could barely make out his rosettes. 

 

The two wolves seemed to be having some sort of wordless communication.  Richard’s eyes flicked down to look at me dispassionately.  I felt my heart sink.  I looked around the clearing hoping that someone would step in if Richard decided to deny me.  My eyes landed on a black wolf not far from where I lay at the Ulfric’s feet.  Jamil, but even as I thought it, I knew he wouldn’t.  He wouldn’t go against his leader.

 

I felt teeth close around one of my back legs.  Acting on instinct only I turned and clawed at that wolf.  Claws raked down his muzzle, a muffled growl of pain caused the teeth to tighten.  I screamed in pain and rage, lashing out at the wolf.  Striking him in the chest, it was enough to dislodge him. 

 

Turning to face my attacker was impossible.  I was too weak at this point.  My flight, blood loss, and too little food combined to make me little more then easy prey.  Cautiously the black wolf edged forward.  Richard’s eyes snapped to him and he halted his progress.  I don’t know who was more surprised by my whine, Richard or I.  All I know is that I didn’t want to die.  Which is what would happen if he refused me.

 

Time froze while the injured wolf and Richard stared at each other.  My eyes drifted shut.  If I was denied I didn’t want to see death coming for me.  I was shocked when I felt heat radiating from above me.  I didn’t wanted to look but I had to know.  A quick peek revealed a soft pink stomach edged with honey colored fur.

 

If I’d been able to cry in this form I would have.  Richard had done the one thing that I was sure he wouldn’t.  He’d protected me.  There would be questions, no doubt about that, but for tonight I didn’t have to worry about anything.  The relief I felt was so great it was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders. 

 

The Ulfric stood there a long moment before unleashing a long, loud howl.  Others quickly joined him.  It was something of a surprise when the wolves began to edge closer to us.  I wanted to cringe away.  It was too much too soon.  That urge was quickly squashed; if they sensed any more weakness not even their leader would be able to save me. 

 

Silently I endured numerous noses being pressed against me.  It was strange.  Their warm breath filtered through my fur.   It was comforting and yet at the same time disconcerting.  I had no idea what was going on.  Something primitive told me that I really didn’t want to know.

 

When the last of the wolves had scented me, there was no other word to describe what they were doing, as one they turned and fled into the forest.  I watched them go.  It wasn’t like there was much else I could do, not at this particular time.  All of the stress I’d received throughout the day caught up all at once.  My eyes fluttered closed.  I just need a little nap.  ‘Just a little cat nap,’ I thought.  It struck me as funny and I laughed in my near silent corner.

 

I’m not sure how long I lay there in slumber but it wasn’t long enough I decided.  However the constant prodding of a cold wet nose wouldn’t stop nudging me.  That’s when I caught the scent of food.  My eyes opened warily.  There in front of me was a hindquarter of an animal I couldn’t define.  I turned my eyes and found a blonde wolf, very obviously male, his silver eyes seeming to plead with me to eat.

 

Turning back to the proffered meal I took a small bite.  This seemed to be what was expected and the wolf dropped to the ground next to me.  Slowly I ate.  I ate until there were only bones left.  Pushing the bones around with my shortened muzzle I wondered what I should do with them. 

 

Staring at them seemed rude and ungrateful, but I had no desire for them.  I turned emerald green eyes to the blonde wolf.  He inched forward his eyes never leaving my face.  Hesitantly he reached out and took the bones from between my paws.  When I didn’t react he pulled them closer and began to worry them.

 

Fascinated I watched as the bones quickly disappeared.  He licked his chops looking completely content.  I dropped my head down on my paws wanting nothing more than to sleep now that I was fully sated.  The wolf took his cue from me and did the same.  Slowly some of the other wolves made their way over to us and dropped down around us. 

 

Their combined heat was lulling me to sleep.  My eyes were so heavy I was surprised that I’d been able to keep them open this long.  This kind of peace and contentment were unexpected after the harsh trial I’d endured earlier.   I wanted to enjoy this feeling of belonging a little while more before I actually gave into the fatigue that was dragging at me.

 

I wasn’t sure how long this feeling would last but I was going to make the most of it.  The clearing filled with wolves most of whom dropped tiredly to the ground.  A few cast curious glances over at the crowd gathered around me.  I wanted to see Richard’s return but my exhaustion along with my now full stomach conspired against me.  With the thought that I would have to thank the Ulfric for his kindness my drifted eyes closed.