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   (L to R) Phyllis (my stepmom), me, my Dad Taken in Hawaii, August 1997. Written by me in the Fall of 1997 My father and I are sitting in the dining room at this house, discussing the issue of Bill Clinton as President over a cup of freshly brewed coffee. An hour has passed, and other topics have come up as well. I am reminded of how similarly our minds work, and how many viewpoints we have in common. I am happy I have turned out like my father, considering I did not grow up with him. My parents divorced in 1980, when I was five years old and my brother was seven. Being so young, I had no idea what the word "divorce" meant. I remember my mom coming home from the library with books from the children's section which she attempted to use in hopes of explaining to me what was going on. All I knew was that Dad was not going to be living with us anymore, but I did not understand exactly why. Now that I look back, I do not think a five year old even needs to or is able to understand why. So, for most of my childhood, it was my mom, brother and I together. My mother tried her hardest to be a loving parent, who would do anything for her children, but she was overprotective. Living this sort of sheltered life, I felt that I missed out on many of the experiences that most of my peers had, like going to parties or to the movies with boys. This is why it was exciting to go and visit my dad. My dad remarried shortly after the divorce, so all of a sudden I had an extended family: a stepmother, brother and sister. My dad and his new family moved to Florida, where my brother and I visited him two to three times a year (depending on what teh judge said was best for everyone that year). Not only was it exciting to spend time in a warm state with great beaches, but also my dad was much more lenient with us. He allowed us to stay up and watch the late movies on HBO and to go out with our stepbrother and sister and their friends. Not to say that there were not some rules, but it was practically 180 degrees different from living with Mom. I greatly looked forward to seeing my dad, and I got along wonderfully with my stepfamily as well. We did many fun things while my brother and I were there: Disneyworld, Epcot Center, water parks, restaurants (my favorite was Chuck E. Cheese), even traveled to other states to stay in condos on the beach for a week. Dad had a speedboat that provided us with many adventures, such as waterskiing on the Sound, fishing in the Gulf of Mexico for those salt-water creatures who were feeling unlucky that day, or exploring around in hopes of finding a nice sandbar to spend the afternoon at. We always had a huge Christmas, with what seemed like thousands of packages under the tree. Yes, we were definitely spoiled when we went to Dad's. "If only my life was always like this," I used to think to myself, "my dad is so cool." I always shed a rainstorm's worth of tears at the airport as my brother and I said our good-bye's and boarded the plane to go back to Michigan. Many of the great times in Florida have stayed with me. I definitely loved my father, but at the time, I focused on the fun and material things, not the emotion I may have been feeling. I think this is normal, though, for a young child, as it is a self-centered stage in life. When I was in high school, my dad and stepfamily moved in Vermont. In 1993, I graduated from Sturgis High School in Michigan and moved out to the Green Mountain State as well. I had been accepted to the University of Vermont, and wanted to be close to Dad. After all those years of spending limited time with him, I moved there with the notion that things would continue to go smoothly and we would make up for all the lost time. Unfortunately, I started to take for granted the fact that we lived near each other, and focued on developing my new college life and all the freedom that came with it. Dad and I still got along well, at least. But that started to deteriorate when my first year at UVM was over. It is of the utmost importance to my dad that I get a college degree. He wants me to make a nice life for myself and live comfortably, and firmaly believes that the best opportunity to do so is with a college education. But, I decided not to return to school and moved in with a boyfriend who became abusive. Dad was unhappy with the decision I made, begging to leave the unhealthy relationship and offering to help me start over. This really put a strain on our relationship. I was mad at him for not accepting the decisions I had made, and he was stressed out and disappointed. A year later, I came to my senses, left my boyfriend and returned to UVM. Going back to school only lasted a little more than a month, though, as I decided to withdraw from my classes. To say the least, my father could not have been less pleased witih me. Even though I had begun to understand his want for me to finish college, I took his reaction and pressure personally and rationalized that he was only going to like me if I was in school, and I resented him for that. Now I know that I could not have been more wrong and realize that his pressure was out of love and his desire for me to have a good life. Then, in the summer of 1996, something clicked between my father and me. My dad, stepmother, my boyfriend (at the time) and I went out for dinner one evening. Nothing unusual happened during the meal, but when I left the restaurant, I realized how much I truly love my father. It finally occureed to me how much I saw of myself in him-- looks, personality, and goals. I continued to pursue these feelings by making the effort to set up plans with him, and he did the same with me. Gradually, he and I grew closer and closer. Unfortunately, my dad got a job offer and moved to Iowa in September 1997. I was heartbroken when he told me the news. I felt reluctant to give up the time we shared together. I knew he was going to be happier at his new job, but I selfishly wanted him to stay. The night before he left, we all went out to dinner for the last time and I gave him a letter I had written earlier in the day. I wanted him to understand how happy I was with our relationship after all the tough times we went through. That letter was very similar to this essay I just shared with all of you. Addendum: I hope you enjoyed reading my essay. As it turns out, I decided to move to Iowa too! *smiles* I moved out here right after Christmas of 1997. But, unfortunately (again), my father was unhappy here with his job and accepted a job with the Marine Corps in Hawaii. So, though we are no longer physically together, we still talk and email each other a lot.
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