Celibacy forum and more discussing celibacy issues as they involve the whole person-	Carol's Closet of Thoughts Photos and stories
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PREMISE

Since celibacy does not occur in a vacuum but in a whole human being,this subject is not just cut and dry. That is why I have other topics here that I think relate to the whole integrated outlook of celibacy. My experience with friends, when discussing a subject, is to have everyone read similar, if not identical, articles so that we have a common ground to spring from in relating our opinions or experiences.

Sometimes we agree that what we read is "full of it". Sometimes we agree totally, and often we do not agree, but in the process we all learn about ourselves and others. That is why you will notice links and books of conflicting opinions and stances below. It seems that sometimes you have to read something that is not valid to help guide you to what you can know is true. Like sending out feelers for the edge of the cliff. Also, what seems untrue at one point in our life - because of past paradigms and experiences -we will suddenly think is true later in life.

So I don't want everybody to just read my favorite list and think just like me (too boring),but provide more of a forum so ideas and this page might grow. Be sure to look at each link with wisdom. Some pages have good points, but they may not be totally on the mark for you (and I). You(and I) can still learn from the thoughts presented, and what they say about humanity ,in general, and maybe yourself (and myself), in particular.

I like to include quotes from others because:

*These people say it better than I.
*I hope to pique your interest to read the whole book and get the whole idea.
*I want to get it right and not paraphrase them incorrectly

DEFINITIONS

What is celibacy? Is it different for different goals or people? Does it have different uses? I do not believe that celibacy means a person has no sexuality. Our sexuality is part of who we are. On the simplest level it is determined by our genetics. We are XX or XY, or we have various levels of testosterone and estrogen.

These facts do form a framework that we all live in, whether married or celibate. Most of this is genetically determined. Then there are the experiences we each have as male and female that add to who we are. Reflect on the role of gender, orientation, degree of desire, object of excitation, developmental experiences (things that happen to you), behaviors (things you do that you control), and relationships on your sexual identity as it stands now. Is it different now than when a child? Can you see this going on in others? We are all sexual creatures, but not all choose to express this thru genital pleasure. Ask yourself why you are celibate?

"Celibacy is not merely a spiritual phenomenon. Celibacy-that is,the nonreproductive,sexually inactive stance in the service of some group even for a period of time-can be a natural phenomenon." A.W.Richard Sipe

"Celibacy is a freely chosen dynamic state, usually vowed, that involves an honest and sustained attempt to live without direct sexual gratification in order to serve others productively for a spiritual motive."A.W.Richard Sipe

"Sexuality is more than genital activity,'it is who we are as body-selves who experience the emotional,cognitive, physical, and spiritual need for intimate communion - human and divine'. Celibacy does not require a destruction of sexuality. It is as much about 'what it means that we as body-selves participate in the reality of God, and as body-selves reflect upon that reality' as other sexually active human lifestyles"Janette Gray

"Celibacy is often defined as not sexual, rather than as a different experience of human sexuality. To be celibate requires a consciousness of sexuality rather than a denial of it."Gray

"My understanding of my sexuality has been broadened and deepened through my relationships. because I made a commitment to be celibate it means that I have made choices about how I enter those relationships." a celibate sister.

It seems to me that celibacy is another responsible way of living with our fellow man. Another way to show love to others on this world. Another way of being generative. Another way to learn of God.

Whether married or celibate there will be failings, feelings of loneliness, frustration, happiness, at-one-ness, and love. I think our media wrongly pushes the message to couple when not all are meant to or even want to. I wonder if all the consternation, about finding a mate, comes from too many people trying to pair off for the wrong reasons. Would many people be better off realizing the possibility of celibacy.

I will not look at other options of sex outside of marriage, since in my mind that path is fraught with emotional,sexual,spiritual,health, and maturity risks. Other pages go into that with enough detail. I am trying to touch on a unique subject.

CELIBACY VERSES TO CONSIDER

Matt. 19:10-12
1 Cor. 7:1,2,7-9,25,26,32-40
1 Cor. 9:5
1 Tim. 4:1-3
Rev. 14:1,4 with vs. 2-5.

WHY BECOME CELIBATE ?

A person should consider why they want to be celibate. Is it a feeling in your bones? Or are you reacting to a sexual trauma? Are you simply celibate because no one has asked you to bed? Was it forced on you by a physical-medical reason? Are you vowed to it because of beliefs?

I believe this will influence your other feelings and opinions about celibacy. The feelings and opinions could be true for you, but they will be a filter that will prevent you from hearing what you may "really" need to hear. So try to break some paradigms.

SEXUALITY IN ALL OUR LIVES

More than one author has mentioned the broad meaning of us as sexual beings. Barb DeAngelis, a psychologist, says sexual activity is anything ranging from holding hands to intercourse. Desmond Morris,an anthropologist, list levels of relating starting with a look to voice to touch to intercourse. I think this backs up the idea that we are sexual beings with out having to express it with intercourse only. There is a wide range of ways to express it and be celibate and satisfy "skin hunger".

"Another effect of dualism is the focus on orgasmic sex,a genital fixation over other expressions of sex....If the narrowing of sexuality's' focus to the genitals is a mark of alienated sexuality, its diffusion through out the body reflects its sanctification. (see masturbation ) Such awareness would highlight the fundamental difference between women's experience of sexuality and the male sexual dynamic of tension and release." J. Gray

"BY continually seeing celibacy in contrast to marriage, celibates themselves have become overly focused on genital renunciation. Celibates have a different experience of human sexuality rather than no experience...they could begin to challenge Christian dualism about sex and begin to address the problem that 'our so-called Christian sexual ethics is really an ethics of marriage rather than sexual ethics'" by J. Gray

I think that looking at the examples of celibates, married people and deviates helps one begin to see the true and good role of sexual intercourse in forming proper intimate relationships. We need to learn what God hopes for sex for married people, and what he hopes for celibates. My bible had a heading for some verses that struck a chord with me. It said "Forming Intimacies with God". I think that is what we all need to learn to do with God and with each other.

So how does sex do this? After I sleep maybe more on that.

MASTURBATION

I still am keeping my eyes open on this matter. I don't believe that biblically a person can forbid masturbation.

But like all things spiritual one needs to know the motivation and goal. Plus it depends on your definition of celibacy. Many things I read say celibacy is NO genital pleasure, but just as many mean no sexual intercourse.

Like most things there is balance. Are you choosing to be celibate forever or just till you "find the right person"?Will masturbation affect relationships in the future, such as how you view role of sex with wife. Will sex mainly become source of tention release and not the communication and bonding that it shoul be?Is it done when feeling lonely? Would it be better to address the real problem. Otherwise does it become a crutch like food and drugs?It would be better to learn real intimacy with friends.

Is pornagraphy and fantasy invloved?I would have to say this is not appropriate, since it objectifies sex and usually the people invoved.If it is just relieving tension? Is this appropiate or does it disipate a good source of energy? People are always where I get the time and energy to do the things I do.

I think there might be something to be learned from Paul's NT writings. He says if you can't control your self then better to marry. This may apply to excessive masturbation.DO the prohibitions against adultery mean having sex with another or just without wife?

Well I'm sure I can fine tune this but running out of time today.

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© 1997 andorian1@hotmail.com

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