Giles walked up behind Willow and stopped, unsure of what to do. She was leaning against the lockers, her head buried in her arms. Her whole body shook with her sobs. He lay a gentle hand on her shoulder and she whirled around and buried herself in his arms.
"G…Giles," she sobbed. "Why? Why did this have to happen?"
He held her, stroking her hair. "I don't know, Willow. But what happened doesn't change the way he feels about you. If it had, this wouldn't be so hard for both of you. He's frightened and hurting, just like you are. I have a feeling he's only here because he didn't have anywhere else to go."
She pulled away and looked up into his eyes. "I'm finally getting my life back on track after years of not moving. I was standing still for so long and now that I'm starting to take steps forward, he comes back and I'm right back where I started." Her sad gaze begged him for an answer. "I don't know how to do this, Giles. I can't…I love Oz. I want to help him. But I love Xander. And I'm so afraid that helping Oz is going to hurt Xander."
"I can't give you the answers, Willow. I can only tell you that we're here for you." He smiled. "It's not easy. And it's not fair. But if you love him, you have to go back in there. I wish I could tell you that you're all going to walk away from this intact…"
"But you can't. I know." She sniffed back her tears. "He's scared, you know that? Oz is. He's scared of something and he's scared to tell us."
"He may be scared, but he's here. And that means he'll tell us." He hugged her once more. "Ready to go back in there?"
She nodded. "Giles, will you promise me something?"
"Of course, Willow."
"When this talk is over, however it ends…will you remind Xander that I love him?"
A twinge of pain went through Giles as he grasped what she was telling him. Poor Xander. "Of course I will."
She looked up at him and he thought he'd never seen eyes that sad. "Oz is his father," she said softly, as though that explained everything.
Perhaps it did.
The library was silent as they walked back in. Buffy took Willow's arm and guided her back to her chair. The redhead looked up at Oz and managed a trembling smile. "Sorry. Go on."
Oz nodded, holding in the urge to take her in his arms. "After that, it was all downhill. I should have done the right thing, the noble thing, and gotten out of your life right away, but I loved you and Connor too much to want to walk away without a fight. But I couldn't fight her. I don't know if it was magic, but it felt…wrong."
"I researched the spell after she told me about it," Willow said quietly. "It was a one time spell. Of course, that doesn't mean she couldn't have used something else."
"I stuck it out as long as I could. And I would have gone on longer, trying to deny her then trying to deny her to you, except one day I came home early." Willow looked up at him, questions in her eyes. Xander pressed his lips tightly together, struggling to hold onto his control. Whatever Oz was going to say next, Willow had never heard.
"You were on the phone to your mother. You were telling her how horrible things had become, how you felt as though you were doing something wrong. You defended me to her, assured her that I wasn't cheating on you, promised her I was being an attentive father. You made it seem that it was all your fault our lives were crumbling around us when we both knew it was mine."
"And then you asked her about Xander."
Xander closed his eyes, trying to pretend he was somewhere else. It had been a long time since he'd played "Anywhere but here," but he still knew how.
"And I realized that maybe, if I got the hell out of your life, you might have a chance with him. You'd given up on someone you loved for me, and I couldn't even give up on someone I didn't like. I know," he added holding up his hand to stop her from speaking. "I know that I didn't have much choice. But I felt like I'd failed you in too many ways."
"So I filed for divorce." He pressed his fingers to his eyes and rubbed them. "And it was a relief almost to be away from the mess I'd made of your life. I wanted you to be happy, so I tried to distance myself from you. But I couldn't go too far away, because I love you. And Connor."
"And then Katherine stepped in?" Willow asked.
"Yes. She frightened Connor, told him things, tried to make him think I didn't love him, didn't want him. So, as hard as it was to take myself completely out of your lives, I did it because the consequences were even worse."
Xander finally spoke. "So, if you're so afraid of what Katherine would do then, why are you here now?" He said it lightly, no animosity in his voice.
Oz nodded. "She's trying to make a pack. She's turned two of the other band members since I left Willow. I didn't know about it until recently when she tried to convince me to run with them at night. I refuse to be free, knowing what could happen, but she wants to run wild. When I found out what she was doing, I told her that she needed to release me. The wolf would pine for her during the full moon, but if she'd undo the spell, I could be free as a man."
His eyes traveled to Willow. "I could be free."
She nodded but refused to comment. Oz gave an almost imperceptible shrug and continued. "She laughed and I realized, far too late, that she was more than a little bit insane. I ran. I took a few things, piled them into the van and disappeared. I left about a week ago. I tried to get here before the full moon, but I didn't quite make it. I got the time of the sunset wrong so, instead of approaching Willow and asking her to lock me in the cage, I chased her there."
"How did you know she'd be at the school?" Buffy asked.
"I called her house. Her mom wouldn't let me talk to her, although she had to let me talk to Connor. After a while, I think she just started erasing my messages." He looked at Xander. "I got a hold of Xander the other day and asked him how Willow was. He was fairly non-committal, but he did tell me you were working here."
Willow looked across the table at him. "Why didn't you tell me, Xander?"
"He asked me not to. Said he didn't want to worry you or bother you, he just wanted to know how you were doing." Xander glared at the other man. "He lied to me."
"I had to know there was someplace I could come to you where Connor wouldn't be at risk." Oz sighed. "I didn't know how much everyone knew, so I didn't know what kind of reception I'd get. I didn't want to find myself at the wrong end of a silver bullet."
"Do you think she'll come here?" Willow stared down at her hands. "Do you think she'll come after you?"
"I don't know. But I wanted to warn you that she might. I don't want anything to happen to you or to Connor, Will."
"Well," Giles stood up. "I think I have some information to look through. Oz, could you stay for a bit and answer some other questions for me about…her?"
He nodded. "Is it all right if I get something to eat?"
"Of course. I think we could all use something, don't you?" Giles glanced around the table expecting everyone to nod.
"I have to get home." Willow said as she shook her head. "I have to get back to Connor." She glanced at Oz. "I'll bring him by the library in a while, if you'd like?"
Tears filled his green eyes. "You would?"
"Of course," she managed a small smile. "He's your son."
"Thanks." Swallowing hard, Oz drummed his fingers on the tabletop. "So, what do you do for a living?"
"I have a landscaping business. I redo people's lawns, make sure there are stakes handy for Buffy, should she have to fight people, and make Sunnydale a beautiful place. What do you do?"
"I…was in advertising. I don't know what I'll do now." He slumped his shoulders, staring down at his rapidly moving fingers. "Are you sleeping with her?"
Xander was about to answer, when he stopped. "You already know the answer to that, don't you? You can tell."
Oz nodded. "I wanted to see if you would tell me the truth."
"I love her."
"So do I."
"So, we're right back to senior year. You've got the official relationship, I'm the guy on the side." Xander laughed bitterly. "Only this time, you've got more than a Pez witch as your ace in the hole. You're the father of her son."
"And you never will be." Oz's tone was flat, as though this argument was the last one he wanted to be having.
"What does that mean?" Xander's voice matched his in tone.
Looking up, Oz gasped in surprise. "She hasn't told you? Oh. Shit."
"Told me what?" Xander was familiar with the sinking sensation in his stomach. Years of rejection and longing for women he couldn't have had made it like an old friend. "What hasn't she told me?"
"I shouldn't…"
"You have to." Xander met his eyes. They both knew this was a battle and for either of them to truly win, there needed to be a fair playing field. "Please?"
"There were complications when Connor was born. The doctor said she'd never be able to have another child." Sorrow laced his voice. "I'm sorry, Xander."
The younger man got up from his chair and made his way to the library doors. "Don't be. And tell Giles and Buffy that I'm not hungry. I'll meet everyone back here in a little while."
Willow sat in her car, her head buried in her hands. She'd thought she had cried all her tears a long time ago. But sitting there, the two loves of her life both hoping for something good to come out of all of this, was too much for anyone to handle.
Especially her.
She knew what was right. Oz loved her. Oz was Connor's father and deserved to be with and raise his son. She also knew what was in her heart. Oz had ties now to Katherine, whether they were of his own making or not. He would always want her. He would always need her.
And more than two years of rejection and physical distaste was a little hard to forget.
She took a deep shuddering breath and started the car. Driving toward her house, she thought about Xander. He loved her. He wanted her. He loved Connor.
She loved them both. And she had no idea whom to choose. Or how.
Pulling into the driveway, she parked and climbed out of the car. Connor came out of the front door like a shot, barreling into her arms. "Mommy!"
"Hey sweetie!" She swung him around and carried him to the front door. Her mother was standing there, her eyes shining.
"How was your evening?"
"Quiet." Well, that wasn't a lie.
"What did you and Xander do?"
"Do?" A soft flush covered her cheeks. "We didn't do anything."
Sheila laughed. "I didn't mean that, Willow. It's just, this is the first time you've spent the night there. The first time you've not been here when Connor woke up. He was fine with it by the way, once he knew you were with Xander." Brushing Willow's hair back out of her eyes, she smiled. "I was just hoping…"
"I'm going to shower and change. Then I'm going out." Willow spoke stiffly. "Could you get Connor ready? He's going with me."
"Where are you going?"
"To see Oz."