PART VI

His eyes flicked up when he heard her moan. Paris quickly snatched up his tricorder and vaulted to her side. He ran the scan of her vital signs, and the first genuine smile in days shadowed his lips. He crowded up besides the biobed, pausing a moment to brush a stray wisp of hair from her forehead. At his light touch, her blue eyes crept open.

She didn't say anything immediately. Her eyes darted around her surroundings, and her brow furrowed. As she began to push herself up, Tom gently grasped her by the shoulders to ease her back onto the biobed.

“ Easy, Captain, you've been pretty sick.”

She glanced at him with a funny look on her face. “ Sick?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“ A fever. It's been spreading like wildfire the past week. The doc just came up with the cure.” He stared at her, expression shadowed with concern. “ You don't remember anything?”

Her gaze was distant for a moment, as if in thought. “ It's all a blur.” She took in a deep breath of air, then her gaze fell to the hands on her shoulders. Tom realized himself, and quickly withdrew them. Her gaze flickered away.

“ The crew?” Her voice was sharper.

“ We had about 38 crewmembers down. The doctor administered the cure to them, and he's making his rounds to the rest of the crew now.”

“ When can I go back on duty?” She demanded.

“ The doctor wants to watch you for two more days. If you're still fine after that, then you can go back on *light* duty shifts.”

She nodded. Her eyes clamped shut again, as if with effort, and she settled into the biobed. “ Well, Mr. Paris, if that's all--”

Tom's insides shriveled. She was just going to dismiss him. She was still hurt. Gods, he should have tossed that enhancer out the airlock the minute Harry showed it to him!

A twinge of panic snaked through him; somehow, he knew that if he let this professional impasse exist between them now, it would always exist between them. He had just lost B'Elanna, he didn't want to lose Kathryn, too. He licked his dry lips, jaw clenched.

“ No, that's not all.”

She didn't open her eyes. “ If it doesn't pertain to ship's business--”

“ It doesn't.”

“ Then we have nothing to talk about.”

“ I think we do,” He rejoined. He took a deep breath, and continued, “ You've been sick for a while now, so I can understand if you're not up to talking, but... just listen. Please.”

Her eyes remained closed, and she said nothing. Her hands were clutched tightly together over her stomach, her knuckles white.

Taking her silence as a positive sign, Tom whispered, “ What I did... it was wrong. I know that. I don't want you to get the impression that I meant to hurt you. I didn't... not like this. If I could take back that day... Gods, if I hadn't been so stupid... Kathryn, I'm so sorry. Please, I'm not asking you to forgive me, I just want you to understand that I would never intentionally hurt you. It kills me that I hurt you... I never meant to.”

He let out a jagged breath, his eyes flickering briefly over her face. Her jaw was clenched, her pallor seemed to increase. He reached out helplessly, touched her hand in a wordless, apologetic gesture. The skin was cold to his touch, and he drew back a few steps when he realized what he was doing.

“ I'd die for you, Captain. We all would.”

With those words, he retreated. Her blue eyes flickered open just in time to see him disappear into the office.

* * *

Torres took a deep breath. “ Fine, I'll tell you--”

“ Damn right you'll tell me--”

“ But you have to promise to *listen* to the whole thing first, before you get angry.” Her midnight eyes flickered down briefly. “ I suppose you have to find out sooner or later.”

Chakotay nodded curtly. “ I promise to listen to it all. Just tell me about it.”

B'Elanna sank back into her chair and took a deep breath. She released it when Chakotay lowered himself across from her.

He kept his expression carefully neutral as she hilighted just what Tom had told her about the prank, what went wrong, how much Tom regretted it... Not a flicker of emotion registered upon his face, to her own relief. She found her own voice harsh at times when relating the incident, but quickly forced her tone to be even and measured again. She finally trailed off. Chakotay already knew the rest of the story.

She sat back, scrutinizing his expression. His face was a dispassionate mask, but his eyes seemed darker. Torres studied him for a few seconds more, concentrating on her own breathing as the silence stretched on. After a few moments, Chakotay nodded curtly, rose stiffly to his feet. A vein throbbed in his forehead.

“ Thanks. That's all I need to know.” He cut the words out harshly, and it was then she noticed his clenched fists, white knuckles.

“ Chakotay--”

He whipped his back to her.

“ Chakotay--” She leaped forward, placing a hand upon his bicep. The muscle leaped at her touch, and she pulled her hand back as if burned. He didn't look at her as he strode towards the door. She called uselessly, “ Where are you going?”

He glanced back at her, his features promising murder. A crazy little smirk came across his face before he plunged out into the corridor.

B'Elanna had a bad feeling about this.

“ Torres to Paris,”

“ B'Elanna?” He sounded out of breath.

“ I think Chakotay's headed your way... And he's mad.”

* * *

Chakotay found Paris lounging against the wall right outside of sickbay, blue eyes shadowed with... anxiety? He slowed to a halt, staring at the younger man, suddenly finding his mind blank. He had forgotten just what he had come to do. After his talk with B'Elanna, all he could think about was that this bastard had hurt Kathryn, that this little son of a bitch would to that to her, that he would lose Kathryn to this asshole.

Tom stood up straight, unfolding his arms. His gaze clashed with Chakotay's for a few seconds, then he looked down. “ I never meant to hurt her.”

Chakotay glared at him, seething.

“ It was never supposed to end up like it did,” Tom continued.

Chakotay's glare was fire, but he still found himself at a loss.

“ I care about her, Chakotay,” Tom admitted softly.

Chakotay suddenly remembered what he had come to do.

He took a rapid step forward and slammed his fist across Paris's jaw, feeling a burst of exultation as every angry emotion exploded in one motion. A sickening crunch accompanied his fist, and Paris was whipped around. The younger man regained his footing quickly, like a cat, and raised his fist to deal Chakotay a blow, cradling his jaw with one hand. His blue eyes blazed, and ripped up to meet Chakotay's dark ones, to look him in the eye as he slammed him back. A heartbeat past, and in the back of Tom's mind he noticed something in Chakotay's eyes that he was all too familiar with.

The fight, the momentary rage, heaved out of Tom, and his hand dropped to his side. Chakotay blinked in surprise, and Tom backed up a couple of paces. The two men gasped for breath, gaping at each other from across the corridor.

“ Just tell me one thing, *Paris*,” Chakotay finally snarled. “ Do you even give a damn about her in that way? Do you ever think about her like that? Do you ever dream about her, wish she would smile at you in that certain way, spend nights in torment because she can't-- can't ever be what you want her to be...” He trailed off, voice ragged.

Tom gazed at him for a long moment, thoughts flickering over the past few days-- B'Elanna's words to him in sickbay, the memory of Kathryn's smile, the dappled sunlight that seemed to halo her that day she freed him from Aukland, the acceptance she gave him, even while everyone else despised him... He spoke finally, “ I was never allowed to think of her in that way.” He tapped his heart meaningfully. “ But I guess she's always been here. I just... never realized it.”

Chakotay shook his head heavily. “ You're a damn fool, Paris.” He turned away wearily, and stalked off down the corridor, mumbling, “ A damn fool.”

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