Pastor Shaun’s Theological / Philosophical Light Bulb Joke Corner

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the lightbulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They always use candles instead.

Q: How many evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself.

Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One. But they are still in darkness.

Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?

A: CHANGE?????

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to bind the spirit of darkness.

Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

Q: How many independent baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical

Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one.

Q:How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?

A:Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30?

Q:How many member of the church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?

A:5. One to change the bulb, 4 to serve refreshments.

Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

Q:How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman.!

Q:How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?

A:10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job!

Q:How many worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

A:1 - he just holds it in the socket and the rest of the world revolves around him.

Q:How many University chaplains does it take to change a lightbulb?

A:None - they wouldn't change it in case it offended any other sincere lightbulbs.

How many Classic Foundationalists (epistemology) does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on whether the bulb is incorrigible or not...

How many Inerrantists does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, the bulb is not really broken. If we could see it through 1st century eyes and worldview, we would see that the bulb is PERFECTLY FINE.

How many Errantists does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly. It is impossible to have a bulb that is free from flaws-they ALL are burned out--if you look closely enough, with an open mind, and WITHOUT your dogma. You can't 'fix' this problem.

How many Quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Depends on the room size--you need to fill the room first with blind-folded scientists. Then, upon a signal, they all remove the blindfolds and look toward the general area of the 'old' bulb. Then, when the waveform collapses, whoever is CLOSEST to the newly 'congealed' bulb, grabs it, and WITHOUT blinking, makes the change. Also, this procedure MAY required one additional physicist to remove a dead cat from the room

How many Natural Selectionists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well actually, we won't even TRY to change the bulb. We will simply stop using the room that has the burned out bulb, and start using only rooms with FUNCTIONING bulbs. That way, over time,....

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two--one to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.

How many Classic Idealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one--he prays, God turns his head to pay attention, the light bulb moves!

How many Analytic Philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

None-its a pseudo-problem...light bulbs give off light (hence the name)...if the bulb was broken and wasn't giving off light, it wouldn't be a 'light bulb' now would it? (oh, where has rigor gone?!)

How many Reformed epistemologists does it take to change a light bulb?

1.37--and that needs no explanation because it is a properly basic belief.

How many monists does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, there is only ONE monist...

How many deconstructionists does it take to change a light bulb?

On the contrary, the NILE is the longest river in Africa.

How many liberation theologians does it take to change a light bulb?

None--WE shot out the bulb in the name of Christian revolution!

How many Kantians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two to change the phenomenal bulb; and one to explain that we might not have actually changed the bulb-an-sich at all.

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one (to aim the x-ray machine) but the bulb changes very, very slowly.

How many Creation Scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to change it quickly, and one to point out that no transitional forms occurred at all.

How many Nietzschians does it take to change a light bulb?

.00001

How many Heraclitians does it take to change a light bulb?

None--its never the same light bulb again anyway

How many Process philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one really fast one--to stand in front of the bulb and block it from prehending the attribute of 'brokenness' in the next 1/32nd of a second!

How many Humean's does it take to change a light bulb?

None--since the bulb actually contains a gaseous substance, and thus contains no 'abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number' nor any 'experimental reasoning concerning matters of fact and existence' it will simply be removed and thrown in the fire...

How many speech act theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

Do you really want to know or are you simply asking me to change it?

How many philosophers of language does it take to change a light bulb?

None--we can't see the referent through the opacity of the phrase 'light bulb'.

How many phenomenologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only a couple, but by the time they get through with it, the 100-watt bulb has been reduced to a night light.

How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, they won't do it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure they're really in the dark...

How many modal logicians does it take to change a light bulb?

In WHICH world?

How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, why fight it?

How many Anselmists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one is NECESSARY.

How many Aristotelians does it take to change a light bulb?

Exactly four (it's a causality thing)

How many theodicists does it take to change a light bulb?

100-one to change the bulb, and 99 to explain why an infinite God of love would allow darkness to occur in the world at all.

How many solipcists does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually there are none left in existence...they simply "solipcided away."

How many fallibilists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but I COULD be wrong about that.

How many Epicureans does it take to change a light bulb?

None-they're too busy taking advantage of the darkness!

How many Hegelians does it take to change a light bulb?

None-the bulb is just at one dialectical pole between 'bright' and 'dark'--it will eventually synthesize these into at least some dim glow for us...

How many Cartesians does it take to change a light bulb?

None--unfortunately, when the bulb blew out, they were all so shocked that they stopped thinking for that brief moment--and 'poof', they all just blinked out of existence.

How many Kuhnian constructionist philosophers of science does it take to change a light bulb?

You're still thinking in terms of 'incremental change'--what we really need is paradigm shift...we don't need a bulb with more attributes added on, we need ubiquitous luminescence.

How many decision theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

PROBABLY two.

How many leaders of the Jesus Seminar does it take to change a light bulb?

I really don't think they can do it anymore; but then again, maybe I am too cynical.

How many leaders of the Jesus Seminar does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, they couldn't find the bulb and gave up, muttering something about it must have been eaten by wild dogs or something like that...

How many leaders of the Jesus Seminar does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, at first we thought maybe they could do it, but when they looked at the bulb they decided somehow that it really wasn't the bulb in question and put it down, and for quite some time now, they have been in the kitchen trying to 'unscrew' an onion--and there's not much of it left either...(hmmm...I just noticed something...when you look at an onion from the side, with its stem still attached, it looks like a letter from the alphabet...odd)

How many chaos theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just get the butterfly to flap its wings a SECOND time.

 

 

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