Doris and Daisy found a lighthearted diversion. Every day at noon they gathered to watch Anshel chopping wood for The Island's cooking fire.
Now that's what I call a man," said Daisy with a sigh. Doris shook her head in agreement. Doris lusted after this sexy Yeshiva stud from day one. In comparison, Anshel made Doris' boyfriend Felix look like a wimp. The two watched in awe at the manly spectacle. Anshel overheard Doris say to Daisy, "Men are gorgeous, but they're stupider than cows." Daisy became uncomfortable with that remark and decided to go talk to someone who doesn't talk back... her plants.
With Daisy out of the way Doris made her move.
“Anshel,” Doris shouted… “Hey Anshel! Whadda ya deaf? ANSHEL, I'm talkin' to you!” An embarrassed Anshel turned and looked at Doris.
“It’s hot, why don’t you take your shirt off while you chop wood?” Doris asked.
Anshel looked scared and thought a while for an answer. "I have a nipple ring and I don't want The Chief Rabbi of Lithuania to find out. I got my nipple pierced last year at this time in Chicago," he blurted out.
"Chicago?" Doris shouted! "It STINKS! Anyway, I was in Chicago last year at this time and I know all the places to get pierced..."
"Did I say Chicago?" Anshel interrupted nervously. "Have you ever been to Peoria?"
"No," Doris replied bewildered (and a bit bewitched and bothered too).
"Then I got my nipple pierced in Peoria," Anshel said quickly before running off for morning prayers.
The Yeshiva Boy was shaken up over Doris' boldness and sexual advances. He spoke to Katie and then things really started heating up. She suggested Anshel levy (not to be confused with Anshel Levi, Dolly's brother-in-law) charges against Doris and Daisy for sexual harassment. Katie took up his cause right away against the two. Katie stormed into Doris' room, breaking her TV.
"Whaddidja do that for?" Doris screamed.
“You are a fascist female chauvinist rope holding cow,” Katie protested.
A confused Doris said, “I understood ‘you’ and ‘are’.”
Katie ignored her and went to prepare her case to bring before the tribal council.
Doris took it all very lightly, mostly because she didn’t understand most of the words Katie was using. She was more upset about her broken TV. Daisy denied the charge and called her old friend Mrs. Hatch, Dr. Marc Chabot’s administrative assistant. Mrs. Hatch’s grandson was on a nearby island and she needed him desperately to help in her defense. Daisy and the grandson had known each other... forever and ever more.
At the tribal council, as expected, Katie attacked Doris and Daisy.
“You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth?” Katie barked at Doris.
“I swear, G-d Dammit!” Doris answered innocently. The jury mistook that innocence as arrogance.
“Did you call Anshel stupider than a cow and make sexual advances?” Katie quizzed her.
“Before or after dinner?” Fanny interrupted jokingly, causing a lecture about disrupting court procedures from Claudia.
When Doris finally understood what was happening and became furious. “Whatcha problem Katie? You’re so jealous of what the BIG GIRLS are doing you had to rat me out? If you were in your Villa in France, hungry and dying of thirst I'd let the vultures get you before I'd give you tapioca or water!”
"Water? Jamais!" Katie said laughing. "Perrier maybe!"
Doris then turned to Anshel and yelled, “Whadda ya going to do, get one of your girlfriends to scratch my eyes out? There are snakes and rats on this island. Katie is a SNAKE and Anshel... you are a rotten RAT-fink-fruitcake. RAT-FINK-FRUITCAKE. RAT-FINK-FRUITCAKE.” With that Doris sealed her fate. Next it was Daisy’s turn.
“Did you watch Anshel chop wood, call him stupider than a cow and make sexual remarks to him?” Katie asked.
“No,” Daisy answered. “I just listened. Doris was the one who called him a cow. I stopped to keep Doris company. I’m a go-a-longer, not a sexist! I have a friend due here any minute to vouch for me.”
“Well, where is your character witness?” Katie said impatiently.
“Character witness? I HAVE NO CHARACTER! NO CHARACTERISTICS OF ANY KIND,” Daisy shrieked.
“That’s not normal,” countered Katie.
“I’m normal, I swear!” Daisy protested.
With that Doris yelled out "G-d Dammit" from the back of the room and Good Rose shouted, "What's normal, you and my sister Claire?"
After order was restored the trial continued:
“My friend will tell you when he gets here,” sulked Daisy.
“Could this be the time Richard deserts you?” questioned Katie.
“Richard hasn’t deserted me… and he never will”, Daisy assured Katie.
The group waited as long as they could but Richard never showed.
They voted Doris and Daisy off The Island. The group told Daisy to get off their island while Doris was evicted, broken TV and all. The next day Daisy read about her friend Richard and understood why he never showed up.
The front page of The New York Times read:
Richard Hatch Wins One Million Dollars in Survivor
As for Doris, she tried her acting skills to get back on The Island. First she tried waving her hands over her face hoping they would think she was a totally different girl. No one but her boyfriend Felix ever believed that ‘trick’. Doris then tried to sleep her way back on The Island with a female guard. This didn’t work either. The guard was interested but never really believe Doris was attracted to her.
The conclusion?
Doris MAY BE a prostitute but she is DEFINITELY NOT a thespian.
