| Barker's Beauties Rawk. |
| Col. Jason Christopher Baker - Vocals |
| AKA: The Ringleader, Ass, Eddie Haskel, Rosco the Bosco, Jason the Sensation, Gorgeous George, homo... |
| Duty: Rawkin' the hiz-ouse with his patented vocal stylings. |
| DOB: March 30, 1982 |
| Favourite Pastimes: Prank calls, getting ABSOLUTELY HAMMERED |
| Jason |
| Influences: Thom Yorke - Radiohead Matt Good - MGB Richard Bachman - Author Eddie Vedder - Pearl Jam Douglas Coupland - Author Gord Downie - The Tragically Hip John Lennon - Musician David Fincher - Director Rivers Cuomo - Weezer Richard Linklater - Director |
| "I want to [expletive deleted] your kids and make them bleed. I've got Ill needs." |
| Patented Move: Stage diving into pre-teen groupies. |
| Favorite Lyric of All-Time: "Those patio lanterns They were the stars in the sky Those patio lanterns Lighting up our lives" |