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Apologies Owed

Chapter One:

Carly woke from sleeping with a start, and instinctively reached for Sonny. Finding nothing but cold sheets, and not knowing what had wakened her, she hastily pushed her tangled blond locks from her face. She scanned the bedroom noting its emptiness, and feeling slightly perturbed, though unsure why, she stood quickly.

Gathering her satin robe from the chaise lounge, near the foot of the bed, she slipped it on. Quietly making her way toward the stairs. Her breathing calmed when she heard the soft murmur of her husband, coming from the living room, Carly's natural curiosity took over once she was assured of Sonny's safety, and making sure to keep quiet, she crept to the top step and hunkered down to do what she did best. Eavesdrop. Nothing prepared her for what she overheard, however.

~*~

Sonny's eyes closed and his left hand rested on the bridge of his nose, pinching it absentmindedly. Before him stood his best friend and right-hand man, Jason. Jason's face was a stoic mask as usual.

"So what your saying is, that you woke me, from a sound sleep, warm in my wife's arms, so that you could tell me your leaving town? Cause your in love with Elizabeth Webber, and you can't be with her, so your gonna run away?"

Jason flinched slightly at the bare bones assessment of his motives for leaving, but managed a curt nod in affirmation. Jason heard a strange noise, but then realized it was the sound of Sonny grinding his teeth together. Jason nearly backed up a step at the rage evident on his friends' face, but managed to hold his ground.

"Well then GO! But this time do you mind saying goodbye to my wife, your other best friend? And you might wanna try apologizing to her as well!" Sonny said fiercely.

Jason looked hurt at the implication that he wouldn't say goodbye to Carly, but realizing it was justified, simply bowed his head. He was, however, puzzled by Sonny's second statement.

"Why would I need to apologize?" Jason asked.

"Well, for one, you're leaving again. And two, because once again, she was right, about something you vehemently denied. She said that you had more than "friendly" feelings about Elizabeth, and all you did was tell her she was acting jealous and stupid. Obviously, she was neither, so you owe her an apology." Sonny said matter-of-factly, though his gaze burned brightly at the other man, daring Jason to contradict his statements.

Jason took a step back, at the fierceness in Sonny's gaze. Then gave a brief nod. He did owe Carly an apology. He didn't know why he had bothered to deny his feelings for Elizabeth, to Carly. Carly was unusually perceptive.

She had known, long before he was ready to admit it to himself, that he had romantic feelings for Elizabeth. Perhaps he should consider the fact that Carly had also said that Elizabeth returned those feelings?

Sonny nodded once and then continued. "Carly has shown her instincts to be accurate, time after time, and you and I as well, have done nothing but disparage that talent. Well, I, for one am gonna make sure she is encouraged. And you and I both owe her that apology."

Jason agreed with Sonny, but lifted his eyebrow questioningly at Sonny's inclusion of himself in the apology owing dept. Sonny saw his look and shrugged.

"I'm just as guilty of not believing in my wife's on-target instincts. She was dead on in the Hannah debacle. She also hit the nail on the head about your feelings for Elizabeth. Her instincts where people are concerned are excellent." Sonny sighed heavily, and went to the bar. He poured himself a small brandy, before continuing.

"She stood by your side for years. Accepting scraps of affection from you, she was faithful and honest about her feelings for you. I disparaged and ridiculed her about them, as did so many other people. I called her names: slut, tramp, and whore, when she wasn't any of these. You kept her hanging for years, man." Sonny moved to sit on the couch, turning his back to Jason.

"She took it, she took the insults from everyone, as if it were her due, and you did nothing. You didn't defend her you defended her attackers. The mother of the child you called son, was made into a pariah, with assistance from you. And she accepted it." Sonny's voice was soft, yet impassioned. His fingers tightened with anger around his brandy glass. Sonny missed the way Jason's face betrayed his shock. In Jason's head the wheels began to turn, processing the accusations leveled against him. And he had to admit, reluctantly, the truth behind them. Sonny continued on inexorably, not even glancing at Jason.

"She is a smart, talented woman. Beautiful, not only on the outside, but her heart, it's the most beautiful part of her. She is a wonderful mother, one who fought with anything and against anyone, to keep her son with her." Sonny thought back to when he had first found out from Carly that he was going to be a father, her first thought was of both her children's safety. She wouldn't have kept him from his child, but she wasn't gonna let the Quartermaines take Michael either.

"She hasn't heard any words of praise from either of us, nor from her own family. The people, who should know her best, we're the ones who keep up the image of her golddigging persona, because it's easiest. That's the one, everyone else is able to accept not the truth. She deserves so much better than either one of us, and everyone has made damn sure she thinks that she doesn't deserve US!" Sonny turned to face Jason, his fury evident in his face.

"YOU, yourself, acted as if she had betrayed you, when she slept with me. HOW! How had she betrayed you? You and she weren't sleeping together, you weren't together in any way, and you weren't ever going to be, according to you. She had remained faithful, for three years, not even sleeping with her husband AJ, until she came upon you and Elizabeth. Her instincts were, once again, alerted." Sonny closed his eyes, remembering that night.

"She came to me, a man she had every reason to believe hated her, and asked me if you were with Elizabeth. I said no, but then spewed filth at her, saying that unlike her, Elizabeth was worthy of you. But I got that wrong. YOU are not worthy of Carly. You allowed her to marry that wife-beating, alcoholic bastard that was your brother. You knew when she gets desperate her plans get messed up, yet you gave her no assurance, no help. You let her be incarcerated in a mental ward, for shooting the man who had kidnapped her son and your girlfriend, and you stood by and did nothing. What the FUCK is your GODDAMN problem?" Sonny's voice remained low, but gave the impression of yelling.

Jason's face crumpled with the grief and guilt as his fears about AJ were confirmed, and his own sins against Carly were laid in front of him.

"I honestly don't know. I should have taken Carly with me to the Island. Or stopped her plans involving AJ and the Quartermaines. I knew they were dangerous. Even before that I should have taken care of Tony or at the very least gotten her out of Ferncliffe far sooner, or bought the judge. But I didn't. I let her feel like a guest in her son's life, letting Robin dictate his care. I let people with worse backgrounds and crimes judge her and use her past against her, and that includes you." Jason said, keeping his gaze on the far wall.

"And as far as your 'betrayal' goes, I had no right to feel that way and I know, knew that. But it was such a shock, especially on top of being shot. It was as if I realized in that moment that she was gone for good, that I had lost my girl to my best friend." Jason states honestly.

Sonny switches his gaze from the fireplace to glare up at Jason furiously, unable to comprehend the utter selfishness in that last statement.

"You wanted to be able to move onto greener pastures, but still have her stay faithful to you! You're such a FUCKING BASTARD!" Sonny said with a glare at his friend.

Chapter Two:

Carly stood up quietly as she heard Sonny calling Jason a bastard. Moving quickly away from the stairs, her eyes were filled with tears. Wiping them from her face she made her way back to the master bedroom. Going to the bathroom she splashed cool water on her tear-streaked face, cooling the burning in her eyes.

Refusing to meet her own gaze in the mirror, she was unsure what she thought about the conversation she had just overheard. But she did know that she had to get back to bed. Sonny would come back to bed soon and she didn't want him to guess that she had been eavesdropping.

She lay down on her side of the king-sized bed, wrapping her arms around the satin covered pillow beneath her head. Burrowing her tear-reddened eyes in its cool softness, she worked to relax herself.

Back downstairs:

"Yeah, I am a bastard. I owe her more than just an apology." Jason said, his tone soft and serious. Sonny just nodded, still angered by Jason's admission.

"Will you help me?" Sonny nodded again, and the two walked out of the penthouse, planning together. Several moments later, Sonny walked back inside, alone, feeling very satisfied.

~*~

Carly had just managed to relax herself, enough to hopefully fool Sonny, when she heard the heavy tread of feet on the staircase, that indicated that Sonny was on his way up them. Deliberately relaxing her body even more and deepening her breaths she feigned sleep as she felt Sonny's body dip the bed on his side.

~*~

Sonny climbed into bed, beside his wife, placing a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder and whispered softly to her slumbering form, "I love you Carly." And he lay down, pulling her unresisting body to his own and fell asleep.

Carly breathed in the scent of her husband's cologne and let herself fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

~*~

The next morning:

Carly woke slowly, realizing that once again she was alone in bed. Sighing resignedly, she glanced around the room. Noting that Sonny's suit jacket was still at the foot of the bed, she knew he wasn't far. Remembering the conversation she had overheard the night before, she woke fully.

Wiping the grit from her eyes, still slightly red from crying, she walked into the bathroom shedding her nightgown along the way. Stepping into the frosted-glass and marble shower, she turned the hot water to full and stepped beneath the spray. The heat wiped the last vestiges of sleep from her head and her brain began functioning.

Taking a step back from the situation was something Carly was unaccustomed to doing, but saw the necessity for. She realized that although she had heard Sonny tell Jason that they owed her an apology, it didn't mean that they would follow through. Too many times Sonny and Jason both had expressed their pride and respect for her within the confines of the PH, and then proceeded to let everyone disrespect and ridicule her outside of it. She would not let herself become trapped in thoughts of the rest of PC someday seeing the true Caroline Benson Spencer Corinthos. They would always throw her past in her face, she would always be in the wrong and there wasn't anything she could do about it.

'God, you'd think after so long, I would be used to the close-minded attitudes of the Port Charles elite!' Carly thought, sarcastically to herself. 'But, recently, I can't even seem to get into trading insults with AJ, I just wanna run off and hide!'

Leaning forward, Carly placed her forehead against the shower wall, right under the showerhead. Letting the scalding water cascade over her body, she continued her internal dialogue. 'Even arguing with Alexis has become tedious, and she has always been a good target. What with her constant fawning over Sonny and silly little 'episodes'. And let's not forget her utter disdain for me! What have I ever done, TO HER, to make her treat me so callously?'

These thoughts and others just like them, continued to swirl through Carly's head leaving her more confused than ever. As she finished her shower, she stepped from the elegant stall into the steamy bathroom, grabbing for the plush Egyptian cotton bath sheets left in the towel warmer, by her thoughtful husband. Wrapping herself in it, she finally looked to the steam-covered mirror. Taking an edge of the towel, she wiped clear a section of the mirror and peered at the reflection it revealed.

At first all she saw was the same angry and bewildered young woman who had first arrived in PC so many years before, intent upon finding the mother who had given her up for adoption. Back in the beginning, she hadn't wanted to destroy Bobbies' life, but instead of going through with the safe and good 'Caroline' plan, she had done something stupid and done a 'Carlybabes' plan instead.

Now, looking closer, Carly began to notice the small but definite changes that marked her face. Some negative, like a few wrinkles here and there, (more than likely induced by her own foolishness) and the somewhat sad light in her eyes. But the anger and desperation that had once been present in her eyes, was gone. And laugh lines now creased the edges of them, giving her unusually somber appearance a strange lift.

What stared back at her now, was a maturing woman, a wife and a mother, a friend and a businesswoman. Seeing this, Carly felt a bit of her usual confidence, (some would call it cockiness), return. Making her way to the bedroom, she went to her closet and picked out an outfit.

Choosing a soft charcoal gray, business cut dress, with a high-collar and her trademark, short skirt, she paired it with a pair of classy black pumps and sheer silk stockings. Then moving to her jewelry case, she found classic gold hoops in an outrageous size, and put them on. Quickly doing her hair up in a severe yet stylish upsweep, she softened the look with pale pink makeup. It gave her an unusual mix of serious businesswoman, soft ingenue, and pure sex appeal. Which on the whole, worked only for her.

Carly followed her nose, after finding Michael's room empty, ending up at the dining table, where her family sat eating breakfast. Her beautiful redheaded son sat beside his dark-haired father, a study in contrasts, as they enjoyed a breakfast of waffles.

"Oh, yummy! Does that taste as good as it smells, Mr. Man?" Carly asked as she moved to give Michael a kiss. Tasting the syrup in his loving peck on her mouth, she exaggeratedly licked her lips and made nummy sounds. "It does! Well you boys better have saved me some!"

"We did, mommy! I'll go get it for you." And with a quick jump from his chair, Michael ran to get Carly's plate. Carly made to follow, but Sonny stopped her.

"We fixed a breakfast tray, which we were gonna bring to you in bed. Its right on the kitchen table. He wants to be a big boy, Carly. Let him do this for you." Sonny said softly.

Carly smiled nervously, but took a seat, managing to sit far away from Sonny. They said nothing to each other, both seeming anxious, and avoiding each other's gaze. Just then Michael walked from the kitchen, triumphantly carrying the heavy plate to the table, before proudly placing it in front of his mother.

Carly reached over to her bright, sweet child, ruffling his silky red locks, lovingly. "Thank you very much, Mr. Man. It looks lovely, and you did such a great job in bringing it out to me. You really are a big boy now aren't you?" This last bit was said sadly, though her son seemed to miss that, cause he nodded enthusiastically. Sonny didn't miss it, but he refrained from saying anything, just watching the loving exchange thoughtfully.

Carly glanced up from her son and caught his gaze upon her, his eyes thoughtful and penetrating. She lowered her eyes, focusing on Michael's chattering. She missed the way Sonny's eyes narrowed and his gaze became more thoughtful.

Sonny noticed that Carly was avoiding his eyes, and had yet to speak with him. She focused her attention on Michael, as Sonny studied her closely. She as always looked stunning, but something seemed off, besides her behavior with him. Looking closely at her face, he noticed the redness of her eyes, which she hadn't been able to disguise with makeup. She looked paler than usual, and despite professing hunger to Michael, she wasn't eating, simply pushing her food around in circles, while she listened to Michael tell a story.

Sonny was becoming increasingly panicked, and knowing that if his wife's avoidance of him was any indication he was in some way responsible for her behavior. Resolving himself, remembering his and Jason's plans, he stood up from the table, and walked past her seat. He ignored the way she seemed to shy away from him, placing a gentle, loving kiss on her hair and squeezed her shoulder.

"Love you." He stated softly, kissing Michael's hair and making his way upstairs, to finish getting ready for work, though his thoughts remained on his wife.

Chapter Three:

Despite Carly's resolve not to let her previous evenings activities color her perception of Sonny, she couldn't help it. She felt joy that he would defend her so vehemently, yet at the same time embarrassed that he felt that he must do so. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the face or even speak with him at all, instead focusing her attention on Michael.

When she shied away from his touch, she immediately wished she could undo it, but chose to pretend it hadn't happened. Now as she sat, in her office at Deception, sorting through the mounds of paperwork, which stacked up daily, she wished she hadn't of woke up last night.

It was so much easier to think of herself as the tramp everyone had labeled her. Carly was disrupted from her disquieting thoughts of herself, by the unexpected arrival of Laura Spencer in her office. Without a word to Carly, Laura grabbed the proofs from Gia's last photo shoot, straight from Carly's desk, and sat down in one of the armchairs.

"God, I can't believe that once again you were late . . . don't you understand the need to invest your time in this company. It's not like you can't spare the time, I mean you have a fricking nanny, and nothing else to do. Can't you at least make an effort?" Laura says snidely. Carly merely watches her silently, her head cocked to the side, listening intently.

Laura continues to prattle on, (trying to find some fault in Carly's work, but finding none), for several minutes, before realizing that Carly has yet to say anything in response. Laura stands up and glares down at Carly, and asks her angrily, "Are you even hearing what I'm saying? God, why did I get stuck with an idiot for a partner?" Laura mutters under her breath.

Whatever else Laura was about to say is cut off by a sharp gasp, that makes Laura take stock of what Carly looks like. What she sees stuns her into silence. Carly has tears pouring down her face.

Carly stands and moves to the small couch set up in her small, broom closet of an office, turning her back on Laura. She starts to speak her voice low. Laura has to strain to catch what she says.

"When I was a teenager, I had a goal, a dream. I was gonna be a world famous designer. I wanted to design the clothes everyone would wanna wear. That way no one could call me Poor Trashy Caroline Benson. I was gonna have a wonderful marriage, and a family who loved me." Carly looks up, into Laura's eyes, her own shining with a mixture of bitterness, regret and resignation. "I guess one outta three, ain't so bad. Right?"

Laura stands looking at Carly in shock. The wistful quality of Carly's tone not escaping her, she moves as if to offer some form of comfort, but finds it impossible once Carly shies away.

Trying to give her something, not sure what, Laura replies, "Carly, isn't it two outta three?"

"Well, I don't see you wearing one of my gowns, or anything, do you?" Carly says, her back still turned.

"No, I meant your family. You have an amazing marriage, but your family loves you as well."

"Oh, I have a wonderful, loving, generous husband," Carly pauses, thinking briefly of the night before. "And an amazingly bright and balanced son, both of whom love me, I have no doubts of that. But my family," and Carly turns to look at Laura incredulously, "that's a joke, right?"

Laura starts to speak, to find in some way an argument, but is cut off by Carly.

"My mother, cares more for the opinions of the people who hate me, than for me. She is usually the first to reprimand me, even when I have done nothing wrong. I don't know my father, and frankly don't care to, since he would be just another person to look down on me. My uncle would rather see me dead, my "aunt" and business partner hates me and wishes she could somehow buy me out. My cousins don't even know me, though one of them doesn't mind letting his fiance' harass me, and he does it just as much as his father does. My own brother would rather I not exist, since I was the one to break his "happy" family up." Carly is practically shouting, and tears are once again streaming down her face.

Laura looks and is horrified, but not by Carly's words or behavior, but rather her own. Realizing just then how little she knows her niece, and how much of what she does know is taken from sources that have little reason to be complimentary. She reaches out, once again to Carly, but Carly is too quick and runs from the office.

Carly whips past Elton, who was poised to enter the small office, after hearing shouting. Laura leaves the office slowly, and turns to the gaping man.

"Get Sonny on the phone, we've got some things to discuss. Transfer him to my cell." Laura turns to the bank of elevators, knowing she must follow her distressed partner.

~*~

Downstairs in the lobby of the Deception business offices, Carly is at a dead run, desperate to leave. To get away from the knowledge that she has bared a part of herself to someone who could, and probably will use the information against her. 'How could you be so stupid? All you did was open yourself up for more heartache!' Carly chastised herself, but her thoughts were interrupted, when she crashed headlong into someone else.

The person grabs hold of Carly's arm, to steady her, and turns to inspect her for injuries, asking, "Are you alr- . . . oh it's you!" Carly closed her eyes in agony, the one person she wishes to escape most of all, Liz.

Liz instinctively lets go of Carly's arm, wanting to escape as much as Carly does. She is startled to see Carly look so out of it, and doesn't know how to react. Carly just looks at the younger woman, silent. Liz is about to ask Carly what's wrong, having become worried at Carly's lack of response when they both hear shouting.

"Carly!" They both turn to the voice. Carly sees that it is Laura, and unable to contain the panic in her heart, bolts from the lobby.

"Liz, stop her! Please!" Laura calls out. She is sincerely afraid for Carly, she looks so hopeless.

Liz, unsure as to what is going on, but knowing that something is desperately wrong with Carly, responds by rushing after her. She is too slow, however, only catching a glimpse of Carly as she slams the door on a cab that races away from the building. Laura races up behind Liz, talking a mile a minute to someone on her cell phone.

"Liz, did you see which way Carly went?" Laura seems a bit frantic.

"She got into a Metro Taxi, and took off down Hamilton. Laura what's going on? She looked really out of it." Liz may not like Carly at all, but she couldn't help but react to the abject fear in Carly's eyes.

Laura ignored Liz's questions and continued to talk with the person on the phone. "She was in a Metro Taxi, and went west on Hamilton. Okay. Okay. I will. Thank you Sonny. Keep me updated. Bye." With the end of her conversation, Laura shut off the phone and seemed to sag a bit. Turning to Liz, Laura took a deep breath and releasing it, stared into her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Liz. I can't tell you what's going on. It's private. But yes, Carly is really out of it. I just hope I did the right thing, by calling Sonny." Laura said the last bit under her breath, but Liz heard it anyway, and wondered.

Liz first puzzled at the fear in Carly's eyes. 'Did Carly get caught again in one of her 'plans'? Was she using someone again? Who had she hurt this time?' But these thoughts quickly left her head, as she remembered that fear. It had looked like Carly was afraid of Liz. 'Carly afraid of ME?'

Laura had turned back to the bank of elevators and was holding one for Liz to board with her. Liz boarded, slowly turning these thoughts through her head. As they arrived at Deception's offices, she pulled out her cell phone. She pounded a number in, and waited impatiently for an answer, while she watched Laura talk quietly with Elton.

Suddenly a voice was on the other end, and with a bit of trepidation in her voice, and praying that she was doing the right thing, Liz began to speak.

"Hello, Jason, I think you should know something. . ."

Chapter Four:

Jason had just entered Kelly's when his cell phone rang shrilly. Taking it out of his coat, a bit distracted as he reviewed the plans Sonny and he had just gone over for the surprise for Carly. His voice sounded far off as he answered.

"Morgan." He said simply.

"Hello, Jason, I think you should know something . . ." Came the soft feminine voice on the other end.

"Elizabeth? What's wrong?" Immediately pulled from his thoughts on the surprise for Carly, he was thrust back into them by Liz's next words.

"Jason, I just got to Deception, and Carly well, she ran out. I think something is wrong, really wrong, Jason. She seemed so, so scared." Liz's voice remained soft, but Jason could hear how affected she was by the revelation about Carly.

"Do you know what happened?" Jason could feel his anxiety level rise at the thought of a distressed Carly running around feeling scared.

"From what I heard Laura saying, she ran out of her office after a brief confrontation between the two of them. But Laura is really worried too, she called Sonny. And Jason, when I looked in her eyes, she was so afraid, of me. . ." Liz's voice trailed off, confused.

"Liz, I need to know if you know where she went."

"I saw her get into a Metro taxi, and head west on Hamilton. Jason, I know she and I don't get along, well that's an understatement, but what I saw, she needs you." Liz said softly, knowing of the special relationship between Jason and Carly, and despite having hated it in the past, she knew in that instant it may fade, but it would never break.

"Thanks Liz. I know where she's headed." Jason paused, and then said softly, "Thank you Liz."

Liz knew he was thanking her for more than just directions, and responded equally as soft. "Any time Jason, any time."

Jason hung up, and headed out of Kelly's. As he stepped out of the diner, he caught sight of Sonny as he raced past, headed toward the docks. Knowing that Sonny had probably heard from Laura, he raced after his friend. Hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst, as he usually did with Carly, Jason wondered what had placed his friend in such a state, where even one of her 'enemies', Liz, could see her fear.

~*~

Jason skidded to a halt beside a motionless Sonny, standing on the walkway of the docks. Looking over Sonny's shoulder, Jason was shocked to see an empty dock. And judging by the scared look in Sonny's eyes, so was he.

"Sonny, I'm sure she's fine." Jason said, trying to think of places where Carly could be.

"She always comes here, she said that watching the water is soothing, calms her down." Sonny said brokenly.

"I know, she told me that it reminds her a bit of Florida. The water." Jason said, becoming a bit worried at Sonny's reaction.

"She was acting strange at breakfast this morning. Remote, listless. She even shied away from me, didn't want me to kiss her." Sonny said, toneless.

Jason was shocked, Carly was a very physical person, and loving a person as far as she was concerned contained lots of touching and kissing. For her to rebuff a kiss or touch from Sonny was practically a neon sign that something was wrong, and from Sonny's expression, Jason could tell that he was aware of that fact. Jason didn't know what to say to Sonny.

"Jase, help me find her. From what Laura told me, she is hurting, and scared. I, I need her, Jase."

"I know, I know. Liz, she called as well, told me Carly looked afraid, of her." Sonny's head shot up at that.

"Carly has always been afraid of Liz, it's one of the things that caused her to act out against the girl in the first place. Liz is exactly what Carly wishes she could be: respected, liked, loved for who she is, treated fairly." Sonny said softly.

Jason's eyes closed, feeling the familiar guilt at what he had done to Carly, surface. Opening them again, he saw his expression mirrored in his friends eyes. Putting out his hand, and placing it on Sonny's shoulder, Jason tried to assure his best friend. "I will find her Sonny, and together, we will find a way to fix this."

Sonny turned his eyes towards his best friend, managing a tight grimace, in place of a reassured smile. Somehow he didn't think it would be so easy.

Chapter Five:

Johnny knew he should have called his boss, immediately, once he had found Carly, but he hadn't. He had watched this woman for years, he knew she needed time to sort things thru in her head, before she could handle being around the boss. Otherwise, she jumped to wild conclusions and made even wilder plans. If given the chance to sit and contemplate, and think everything thru, she was calm, and rational even.

So despite the knowledge that his boss, would be frantic, and that he could lose not only his job, but quite possibly his life, he did not notify anyone, as to Carly's whereabouts. He simply watched her, guarding her as he had for years, not only from outside forces, but this time, hopefully from herself.

~*~

Carly knew that Johnny was not far from her, standing in the shadows as he usually did. Her tears had long since stopped falling, in the taxi ride. But her eyes still glistened with them. She had gotten out of the cab, two blocks away from the Deception offices, and turned around to walk back. She had figured that Laura had called Sonny by this point and she was probably worrying him to death, but she needed the perspective a long walk would give her.

She had known the exact moment that Johnny had found her, had felt his eyes on her instantly. But ignoring her friend and guard, she continued her walk. Carly deliberately chose to avoid the docks, Kelly's and the penthouse, figuring Sonny and possibly Jason would look for her there first. Instead she chose a route she only took when in dire need of calm, or advice.

Walking among the silent gravestones, and monuments to important people long since dead, Carly made her way to a secluded corner of the cemetery. There were only three gravestones, each marked simply. The central one said, Lily Corinthos, Beloved Wife. The one on the right, Stone Cates, Beloved Brother and Friend. The one on the left was much smaller, and simply said, Baby Boy Corinthos, We Loved You.

Carly pressed her fingers to her mouth, kissing them gently, and then placed them on the stone marker, beneath which lay her child. Her hand shook, but she ignored it. She mouthed the words to a brief prayer, and then aloud said, "I miss you, Baby."

Behind her was a stone bench, which she gratefully sat upon. Turning to the elaborate stone cross that dominated the center of the three graves, Carly sighed. Reading over and over, the words marked across it, she finally spoke aloud.

"You were beloved of him. More than that, you were respected by him. Not only by him, though, but by everyone. So maybe, maybe you know what I can do, what I can say, to him, to make him realize, what everyone else already knows, what he used to know. I am worthless, I am trash. I ruin everything I touch. I am impulsive, and rash, and I hurt him. I need to stop hurting him." Carly was in tears again, her emotions flooding out of her.

"He hated me, and it was easy to understand why. I had hurt the people he loved, he cared about. Robin and Jason. He called me names, he told me I was worthless, and he would look at me so coldly. . ." Carly's voice trailed off.

"Now, we are married. What started as hate, turned to lust, and now to love. How many people can claim that?" Carly laughed softly. Her eyes focused on the tiny gravestone, on the left. "We made a child together, and we are raising my son together. We sleep next to each other nearly every night. We got remarried, in a church, pledging to God that we would stay faithful, and together forever. I love him, with every fiber of my being." Carly spoke passionately to the spirit of the one other woman who had been in her position, married to Sonny Corinthos.

"But last night, I woke, to an empty bed. I heard voices . . ." And Carly began to recite what she had overheard the night before, then she paused for a moment and began telling what had happened today.

"Today, my partner, my aunt, berated me. Nothing unusual. But, for some reason, I couldn't keep up the illusion. The one, in which I was able to handle the hate, the disrespect and the abuse aimed at me. I couldn't hide behind my mask, I couldn't hide my fear, and my sadness any longer. So I did what I do best, I ran." Carly laughed sardonically, shaking her head. "Only this time, I was found pretty fast." She aimed a quick, humorless smile, in the direction she knew Johnny to be standing.

"Lily, why is it that the mere thought of someone sticking up for me, of defending me, terrifies me? It's what I've claimed to want for months, and yet I couldn't look Sonny in the eye this morning, I backed away from his touch. . . Why can't I accept the idea that he wants to apologize?" Carly asked, knowing that her questions wouldn't be answered.

Because, if you believe, it makes you vulnerable. said a soft, ethereal voice. Carly looked up sharply, what she saw made her gasp. . .in front of her stood Lily!

Chapter Six:

Lily was dressed in a simple white gown, that flowed around her body in an eerie non-existent wind. Her dark hair was highlighted by a celestial light from above. Carly could not tear her eyes from the vision in front of her.

Carly, do not be afraid. I haven't come to harm you. Lily said.

"I know. I don't know how I know that, but I do." Carly replied, puzzled by her lack of fear.

I am here as a messenger. Lily turned to look down upon her own grave. A soft smile turned her face from merely pretty into a vision of celestial beauty. Carly saw at once what had drawn people to this fragile beauty. Her true heart shone for everyone to see.

Less than a year ago, your voice was what drew Sonny from a place of tranquility and beauty, a place where he could be at peace, with myself and his sons beside him. Your voice, your love, and most importantly just you. I couldn't hold Sonny in that place, nor could the image of his two sons, and only you could make him want to live again. You made the man we both love, live. Something he hadn't done in many years. Lily's voice was soft, and yet her words rang out in the stillness of the cemetery.

"Your wrong, Lily. He did not live for me. I live for him. He and Michael are the only reasons I wake each morning, the only reasons I make it through each day. I don't know why he loves me, and I have no doubts that he does, but I don't see how he can. I don't deserve it." Carly said each sentence simply, as if trying to explain something inexplicable.

He loves you for your heart, for your strength. For your intelligence, your beauty. I saw it in the garden that day, he heard your voice, and he knew, knew he couldn't stay with us. He needed to be with you.

"MY STRENGTH! What strength? I am always so afraid. Afraid that someone will come along and point out how weak and useless I am. Afraid that he will see it and leave me. Afraid that my child will grow up and see it. I'm so afraid all the time, why doesn't anyone see that?" Carly cried out, tears cascading down her face.

Lily touched a soft hand to Carly's tear-streaked face, and Carly could feel a strange warmth fill her. Carly strength isn't always being unafraid. Sometimes it's simply acknowledging the fears and pushing beyond them. You always think you have to do it yourself. You don't, you have Sonny, and he desperately wants to help you.

"But why am I always so afraid? My fear is what makes me do such awful things, come up with such horrible schemes and plans that always backfire. I know they love me, but how can I stop being so afraid all the time?" Carly was practically pleading with the other woman for answers.

Carly, I am merely a messenger. I am sent here to help you, yes, but I cannot give you all the answers. You must learn on your own, how to turn your talent for plans and schemes to your true benefit. Yes it's true for years you have used it to plan revenge upon your mother, schemed to keep your son, and then to keep yourself out of jail. Now learn to use that talent for the benefit of your company and your family. Lily said with a small wry smile upon her face. I can only give you that as a suggestion. I have watched you and Sonny for the past year, I have seen as he has fallen in love with someone the polar opposite of myself, and I have rejoiced.

Carly's head shot up in astonishment. Lily smiled again, mirth bubbling forth in her face and voice as her tinkling musical laughter poured forth.

Yes, I have rejoiced, Carly! I saw his love grow, and I saw yours as well. I saw his joy return, I saw him smile more, and laugh more, and brood less. And my heart sang. Carly, I can't make you unafraid, I can't remove the causes of your fears, but if you make yourself a little vulnerable and tell Sonny of your fears, he can help you. Don't reject him, Carly, you need each other. Lily said while looking deeply into Carly's eyes.

"I know. I can't promise anything, other than that I will try." Carly said, her eyes never leaving Lily's.

Lily reached out a hand to Carly, placing it gently on the other woman's shoulder, squeezing it gently. I know you will try Carly. You are stronger, braver and more loved than you think. Never forget that. And before Carly's eyes, Lily began to fade away, the celestial light fading. Carly stood suddenly, trying in vain to grasp hold of the other woman.

"Lily! Don't go, I haven't gotten a chance to . . ." Carly's voice trailed off as she felt the soft hand of Lily brush her face.

Your son is safe with me, Carly. I tell him everyday of the two stubborn, brave people who are his parents. I will watch him everyday till it is your time, and then you shall see your beautiful son. I pledge it. And a whispering wind brushed past Carly's cheek, like a fleeting kiss. Carly sent a brief and silent prayer to God, thanking Him for the guardian angel He had chosen for her family.

Carly sat again, and once again tears flowed down her face, but this time, a light of joy had entered her eyes, as she contemplated the words Lily had spoken.

~*~

Once Laura had gotten off the phone with Sonny she had made her way back upstairs to her office. Liz trailed behind her, each of them lost in thought. They arrived to find Elton twisting his hands in an anxious manner.

"Mrs. Spencer? What happened with Mrs. Corinthos, is she okay?" Elton was genuinely distressed, he liked the younger woman, and her feistiness was adorable.

"I don't know if she is okay, Elton. But I hope she is, I really do." Laura said wearily. She was upset with herself, she had spent the elevator ride up to review her behavior with Carly and found herself mightily ashamed of herself. She looked over to Liz, before shaking her head tiredly, and asking Elton if there were any messages, he responded in the negative and she moved to her office in a bit of a daze.

Liz remained out in the reception area, taking a seat on a plush cream colored couch. Elton made his way over to her, his curiosity rearing it's ugly head.

"Ms. Webber, is everything okay?" Elton's strident voice was toned down considerably.

"Huh, uh, what? Oh, everything is fine, I guess, I hope. . ." Liz's voice trailed off. "I've never seen Carly look that way."

Elton looked curious and a little worried. "How did she look?"

"Vulnerable, scared. And what was truly strange, she was scared of me!" Liz said with astonishment in her tone.

"Oh. . . she's always been kinda scared of you." Elton said plainly.

Liz whipped her head up to look at Elton, and began to laugh incredulously, until she saw that Elton truly believed what he was saying. "You, you've got to be kidding me!"

"No, no, she has been. You mean you never saw it?"

"N-N-No." Liz stammered in bewilderment.

"Mrs. Corinthos and I talk, sweetie. I am honored to say she even confides in me a bit. She once told me the story of how she and Mr. Corinthos ended up together. Have you ever heard the tale from Mrs. Corinthos' side?"

"No, only from Jason's." Liz said, her own curiosity peaked.

"Well, honey, it doesn't paint you in the greatest of lights, but she never once doesn't take responsibility for her own actions. She knew what she was doing was wrong, yet she was devastated."

"Why? I mean it's not as if she and Jason were together. She was married to A.J. and Jason and she were merely friends. Jason told me that much."

"What? Jason didn't happen to mention that he had kissed her earlier that week? Not a friendly kiss either, but a passionate one. And he had promised to get her out of her marriage to Mr. Quartermaine. She thought that he meant so that they could be together."

"I had no idea."

"Of course not, sweetie. Cause you only saw the one side of Mrs. Corinthos. The one everyone sees, what you didn't see was . . . well, her." Elton patted Liz's hand and stood to answer the ringing of the phone.

Liz began to think back to all the times she had jumped down Carly's throat without once having a true reason. Liz flushed painfully as she realized that more than half the times, she had been very wrong to do so, not only had it not been her place, but she hadn't had reason to at all. Remembering the time where she had accused Carly of using her dead son as a meal ticket with Sonny, Liz cried silently, knowing that she would be unable to forgive anyone who had done the same to herself.

'Maybe I haven't left Lizzie behind.' Thought Liz to herself, referring to her days before Lucky, and before her rape. Liz remembered how truly cruel and thoughtless she was in those days, and conceded, at least to herself, that she had been doubly so to Carly. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Liz stood resolutely, determined to find Jason and find out the whole truth.

Chapter Seven:

Meanwhile at the Brownstone, Bobbie had just finished cleaning up a spectacular mess her son had left in the living room, and was getting ready to collapse in exhaustion on the couch, when the doorbell rang. Bobbie rose and went to answer the door, and was shocked to find Sonny on the other side. Noticing his expression she moved aside to let him in, alarmed by the blankness she saw.

"Sonny, what's wrong? Is it Michael?" When Sonny shook his head no, Bobbie asked, "Is it Carly? Of course it's Carly, when is it not? What's she done this time? God, that girl sometimes. . . " Bobbie trails off.

Sonny looks up shocked. He knew that Bobbie underestimated and was somewhat demeaning to Carly but to outright assume that Carly had done something wrong, without getting any of the facts, well it didn't seem like the Bobbie he knew! Was this what Carly had to deal with all the time?

"She hasn't done anything. I came here looking for her. She was upset. . ."

Bobbie cuts him off. "When is she not upset about something?"

Sonny continues, ignoring Bobbie's interruption. "I thought she might come her, I guess I was wrong." He stands to leave, his back bowed in defeat. Bobbie stands up in shock, she has never seen Sonny like this before.

"Sonny, Sonny, what happened?" Bobbie puts out her hand to stop him. He simply looks down at the offending appendage, and Bobbie quickly drops her hold on him.

"Why are you asking? Do you all of a sudden care?" He says bitterly.

"What do you mean?" Bobbie asks, bewildered.

Sonny merely gazes back at Bobbie, his eyes wet with unshed tears, but his mouth is pulled into a snarl. "Do you care about her at all, Bobbie? She's your daughter, for chrissakes!"

"Of course I care! How dare you!"

"Oh, I dare. I dare, because with one insensitive comment, you proved how uncaring you truly are. Do you even know your daughter?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bobbie is practically screaming.

"Do you even know what is happening in her life? What she has been going through?" Sonny looks up into Bobbies eyes, his face enraged. "Do you?"

Bobbie is in shock. She has never seen Sonny so out of control. And she had no clue what he was talking about. She loved Carly, she really does, but so often the girl confounded her.

"What is going on, Sonny? What is wrong with Carly?" Bobbie pleads, knowing that if it has Sonny this upset, it must be big.

"Today, she broke down, while at Deception, and ran out." Sonny says plainly.

"WHAT! What the hell is wrong? Why did she break down? I thought things between you two had worked out? Did she cause a fight with Laura?" Bobbie asked, concern evident in her voice.

Sonny winced at the last question. How could someone who supposedly loved her daughter so much, know so little about her?

"No, Bobbie, she didn't cause a fight with Laura. In fact Laura was the one who called me, worried sick about Carly. You see, things haven't been all that great with Carly lately. And we," Sonny pointed his finger at himself and then at Bobbie, "Have been treating her like crap for so long, that I think she's finally begun to believe it."

Bobbie raises her brows in confusion.

"Why is it that everytime Carly comes to you with a problem, you blame her? Why didn't you support her in her marriage to me? Or in any of her plans? Or at all?" Sonny asks, his angry words flying fast.

"Because she never thinks things through! She just reacts! She's always rushing in head first, never thinking of the consequences, and then she drags everyone along for the ride! I can't do it anymore." Bobbie says fiercely.

"Do you know, that any one of her plans, would have worked. Yeah, they would have, cause their pretty clever, but you know what she needed, was someone to help her execute them. She needed someone on her side. And you know what, you never are. Neither am I. So you see, she needs more than someone who will berate her, and belittle her, she needs someone who can be there, even when she screws up. Someone who will hold her hand, and help her plan something new."

"How can you say that? How can you stand there and condone the plans and schemes she comes up with?" Bobbie says sarcastically.

"Because I love her, and I accept her, flaws and all. She is my wife, and my friend. she accepts me and my flaws, and still loves me. The same way she does with you, and with Jason and with Mike. She has one of the most caring hearts of anyone I know."

"Caring hearts? She stole my husband, destroyed my marriage! She slept with two men and got pregnant by a third. Then conspired to keep her child away from its father!"

"Bobbie, she was 21 years old, when she first came here. She was hurting and angry. And yes, vindictive. But she has told me, that at the time, she honestly and truly thought she was in love with Tony. With Jason it was different, he was her protector, her best friend. And she did love him, but she mistook loving a friend for being IN love. With A.J. it's much more complicated than you think."

Bobbie sat back and truly listened as her daughters husband spoke of her. She acknowledged the truth of his first statements, thinking back to that first year when she only knew Carly as Carly Roberts, nursing student. Even then she could recognize a restless spirit when she saw one. And she had seen the hurt and anger in parts as well. She could even see how Carly could love Tony, she had, hadn't she. Even the situation with Jason made more sense, but what was so complicated about the A.J. situation?

"What's so complicated about A.J.? Huh? She and Jason lied that Michael was Jason's and when she was found out, instead of running away with Jason and Michael, she accused Jason of kidnapping and married A.J. She never loved him, and she was planning the whole time to make him into a drunk, so she could get full custody." Bobbie said angrily.

"What's so complicated, is that it worked! Do you get that it worked! She made him into a drunk, and he made her into a battered wife!" Sonny yelled.

Bobbie's eyes widened in horror, her hand coming to her mouth, as if to stifle the scream that was trapped in her chest. Sonny looked ashamed, he hadn't wanted to spring that on Bobbie, he figured that if Carly had wanted to tell her, she would have. He lead Bobbie's shaking figure to the couch, and sat down beside her.

"H. .he. . .he hit my baby?" Bobbie said, haltingly, as tears began to slide down her cheeks. Sonny reached up and brushed them away, before nodding slightly. Bobbie began to sob, her heart breaking. Sonny reached over and pulled the distraught woman into a crushing embrace.

"Yeah, he hit her. She doesn't talk about it much, but what she does say is that it was pretty bad. She always brushes it off, says something witty, or changes the subject, but it takes hours, sometimes even days for the fear to leave her eyes again. And I can't do anything! Cause now there isn't any proof, of what Junior did." Sonny said tears in his eyes again.

"Tell me what happened today, why she broke down?" Bobbie asked tentatively.

Sonny looks her deep in the eye, as if to see if she was truly worthy. Then he began to speak, telling Bobbie what Laura had told him. About the confrontation in Carly's office, to her running out of the building, and then the fact that she couldn't be found. He told her of how worried he was, he told her briefly of the problems they had been going through, how he had tried to push Carly away, for her own good, and how Carly had fought for him, for them. And he cried, as he thought of her out there, alone, not knowing, not really, how much he loved and adored her.

Bobbie sat quietly, listening to her son-in-law speak of a woman she didn't know, her own daughter. She listened with her heart open, and tears running down her cheeks as Sonny told her of how truly hurt Carly had been by her. And as she sat there, she realized one thing, conclusively, that no matter what, she loved her daughter, and this time, she was gonna fight for her.

Sonny and Bobbie sat for awhile, talking about Carly, when Sonny received a phone call. Speaking briefly with the other end, he hung up and made his way to the door. Turning back to Bobbie, "She's been found." Bobbie had to run to keep up with him, as he ran to the waiting limo.

Chapter Eight:

As Bobbie and Sonny spoke about Carly, Jason was across town, at Jake's, searching for Carly. He thought it unlikely that she would be here, but decided that covering all her normal haunts was sensible. As he walked in he senses were assaulted by the familiar stench of cigarettes and stale beer.

He glanced over to the pool table and not seeing a well-known head of golden blonde hair, he turned to the bar and signaled to Jake. Jake came over immediately, having a certain amount of affection for the stoic blonde man.

"What's up babe?" Jake said in her cigarette and whiskey roughened voice.

"Has Carly come in at all today?" Jason said without preamble.

Jake considered quickly, "Not that I recall. Haven't seen much of her lately, at all. Not since she married Sonny." Jake was one of Sonny's former informants, and was good friends with the man as well.

"Why, what's going on with the girl now?" Jake asked, she may have a soft spot for the other woman, but that didn't mean she didn't know how Carly operated.

"I can't really go into it, Jake, but it's bad, and it's not something she did. It's something that was done to her." Jason says hoping to deflect anymore questions.

Jake looks horrified, "Was she. . .uhm. . .I mean was she, you know?"

Jason looks puzzled for a moment, not really understanding what Jake was asking him. Then he too looks horrified, both by the very thought, and by the fact that he had even come close to implying it. "NO! No, she wasn't raped!" he hissed under his breath.

Jake breathes a deep sigh of relief. She herself had gone thru that torture, and couldn't imagine the bright, beautiful flame of a girl being snuffed out in that way. Her fears relieved, she turns back to Jason, curious about what HAD been done to Carly to make this normally unemotional man, show so clearly emotion.

"Jase, I know that whatever it is has you worried, so I'm gonna leave you. But I will keep an eye out for Carly." Jake said sincerely, her careworn heart beating sympathetically for both Carly and Jason. And if Jason looked this way, then Sonny must be positively stricken, she thought.

Jason nodded his thanks, making his way slowly to the door. Taking a last lingering glance around the bar, his gaze laying briefly on the pool table, and then the jukebox, as he remembered simpler times. The sound of his cell phone shook him abruptly from the memories. Answering it with his trademark, "Morgan." though a bit more curt than usual, he listened for a moment, before making his way out the door at a dead run.

One thought ran through his head, 'She's been found.'

~*~

Bobbie was forced to truly review her behavior of the past, towards her impulsive daughter, as Sonny's plush limo streaked through the streets of Port Charles, toward Harborview Towers. And it left her feeling ashamed and angry with herself. The revelation of A.J.'s abuse shouldn't have come as a shock, and the fact that it did, were blows to her. Bobbie should have known that her daughter was being harmed, she herself had undergone that terror, and that pain, and that her daughter had, made Bobbie feel the urge to scream. Yet she sat silently, contemplating her shame and anger, watching her son-in-law brood.

~*~

Carly sat upon the ottoman, facing away from the front door, the fire crackling merrily in front of her. She sat very still, simply watching the flames dance, feeling the warmth seep into her body. She could feel Johnny's eyes on her, watching her like a hawk, as he had done since he had found her. Carly said nothing, just kept running Lily's words through her head.

Carly strength isn't always being unafraid. Sometimes it's simply acknowledging the fears and pushing beyond them. Pushing beyond the fears. Make yourself a little vulnerable and tell Sonny of your fears, he can help you. *~* You are stronger, braver and more loved than you think. I have to believe in the strength, and make myself more vulnerable, in order to truly realize the love that Lily talked about, thought Carly to herself.

With that thought firmly in mind, she smiled slightly. She may not know what was going to happen in the next few minutes, but without a doubt it would involve being berated by Sonny for worrying him, a quick lecture maybe. But she knew in that instant that this was what Lily was talking about, that she would have to open up to Sonny, tell him everything. That getting past the fear of that, would truly be a lesson in both vulnerability and strength.

The sound of the door crashing open, roused her from her thoughts. Turning around slowly, she found that Sonny wasn't alone, he had both her mother and Jason with him, Laura bringing up the rear. And peeking from behind was. . .Liz? Simply watching them as they watched her, Carly was silent as she waited.

Before the questions could begin to fly at her, Carly took a moment to truly look at each person before her, and with tears a mere glimmer in her brown eyes, she gestured for each of them to join her and sit down. She had a story to tell.

Chapter Nine:

Carly looked at the anxious faces arrayed before her and smiled inwardly. 'This is it, no backing out now girl!' She thought to herself, feeling a sense of peace for the first time that day.

Motioning for everyone to take a seat, she moves her gaze from them, and again focuses on the fireplace. She had the feeling it would be easier to tell her story, if she wasn't looking at anyone. She wasn't sure where to begin, but knew that these people, her family, friends, even her enemy, needed to hear this.

~*~

Sonny's breath stopped as he saw his wife sitting safely in their living room. He sent up a quick thank you to God, for he had kept up constant prayers to Him all day long. He made as if to go to her, when he noticed how detached she seemed. Again concerned, he paid no attention to the other's who had crowded the door behind him.

Her attention turned to him, and with relief he noted her sparkling eyes, something that had been missing that morning. He was about to speak, demand to know where she had been, what she had been thinking, when she had run off the way she had. But at her gesture, he closed his mouth, not really knowing why, other than the look in Carly's eyes. He found himself sitting on the spacious couch, following her silent directions.

~*~

As everyone settled down, arraying themselves upon the couch, Carly took one more deep breath. Then as soon as everyone settled in, she began to speak.

Note: this is in first person.

It was the first day of kindergarten when I met Charlotte Roberts. I was 6 years old, and from the wrong side of the tracks. She was my age, and from Ocean Vista Estates, the rich part of town. We met when she saw that I was being picked on by a 4th grade boy. She charged to my rescue.

Flashback

"Oh look it's another piece of white trash!" said the whiny voice of Donny Wateson, a fourth grader, holding tightly to the pig tail of a small blonde girl, Caroline Benson.

Tears poured down the tiny girls face, as she attempted to extricate herself from the older boys' ham handed grip. She couldn't really understand why this big boy and his friends were making fun of her. She had been sitting quietly in a alcove, reading her favorite book, as she waited for the recess bell to ring, when this boy had ripped the book from her and pulled her hair.

Suddenly a war cry rang out across the playground, causing heads to turn, as a short blond streak aimed itself at Donny's midsection.

"OOOF!" Donny toppled over, automatically releasing his grip on Caroline's hair, as he crashed to the pavement. Above him stood a tiny pixie-like girl, wearing a fierce expression on her face.

"You big bully! You better not do that again!"

Turning from the fallen fourth grader, the pixie girl bent down to look at Caroline, and introduced herself.

"I'm Charlotte Marie Roberts. What's your name?"

Caroline looked at this young girl, gratitude shining from her eyes, and shook her hand. "I'm Caroline Leigh Benson. Thank you!"

"No prob. He does it to everyone, but he won't try it again. Wanna go play on the monkey bars?" And the two girls skipped off to play until the bell rang, sealing their friendship instantly.

End Flashback

She was my protector, my sister. We were rarely apart, I spent most nights over at her house, cause Mama Virginia worked nights. She was the only person I really trusted, after the truth came out about my adoption.

When people spoke about one of us they talked about us both. It was always, Carly and Caroline. Caroline and Carly. It didn't matter to us that she was rich and I wasn't. Her parents were so kind to me, they really loved me too.

We had plans to go to the same college, working our way thru at her dad's restaurant. I would work the tables, and she would work in the kitchen. She was going to get a business degree and I was gonna get a degree in clothing design. Then we would open a boutique together, I would design and make the clothing and she would run the store.

Two days before our graduation, we had a major fight. Our biggest one ever, though for the life of me I can no longer remember what we fought about. She stormed off, got into her little Geo Metro, and drove off. I ran after her, determined to apologize.

I watched as she turned the car around, she was heading back. She saw me as I waved to her, from the parking lot of the school. She laughed and mouthed 'I'm sorry.' I mouthed it back, before making the sign language sign for 'Love You', she laughed again before she moved out into the intersection. I laughed back at her, so glad that she forgave me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a car speeding down the school boulevard, swerving back and forth. In an instant I knew, but it seemed like time had slowed down around me, except for that speeding car. I lifted my arms to signal to her to get out of the way, screaming at her, but it was too late.

Carly never saw the car that hit her, but I did. I will never forget the look on her face, it was confusion. She didn't understand what I was trying to say. I remember the exact make and model of that car, a Ford Taurus, station wagon. Bright red. The driver was drunk, a middle age guy, dark hair, with a mustache. He hit her Geo Metro at over 85 mph. It shocks me, that I can remember what the guy looked like, what his car looked like, but can't remember what we fought about.

I began screaming, and people poured from the building behind me. I ran toward the wreck, but was thrown back as the car exploded. I don't remember anything else, but I found out later that I had a dislocated shoulder from the fall, but that I still had attempted to get to Carly. Three people had to restrain me, and I couldn't be calmed until the paramedics sedated me.

I was kept sedated for the next week, missing her funeral. My Mama Virginia stayed by my side that entire week, but I had other visitors. Carly's parents. I don't really remember it, but I do remember the charm bracelet they gave me. It was Carly's, and she had been wearing it. . .when. . .well when she died. The police had given it to them, and they had given it to me.

I missed my graduation, and later was told that I had received two awards from Art class, and had been awarded a scholarship to the school we had both applied. I fell into a deep depression, and couldn't be shaken from it.

I ended up going to school, but I was so angry and sad that my grades suffered. Things began to spiral out of control, and I was losing more and more of myself to things like drinking and drugs. I spent two years acting crazy and being angry at the world. My Mama Virginia threw me out of the house, but I didn't care. The one person who saw me, was gone. I may as well have been dead too. I attempted suicide on my 20th birthday, taking a double handful of Trazadone, and washing them down with Stoli vodka.

Two weeks later, out of the hospital, having signed myself out, I headed to Port Charles. I was determined to ruin my birth mother's life, the way my life had been ruined. I never really faced the death of Carly, instead I became her, I think in some ways, to avoid her death.

My life in Port Charles has been one horrible experience after another. I ruined so many lives, trying to find my own life. I never really apologized for it, but I also never forgave myself for living when my best friend died either.

I destroyed Bobbie's life, by not only stealing her husband, by letting her think that her daughter had died, before revealing who I was. I destroyed Jason's life by ruining his relationship with Robin. I ruined A.J.'s life by making him think he was a drunk again, and then making it true. I kept his son away from him for over a year. I ruined Sonny's life by sleeping with him. But I came out on top in this. I got a loving husband and wonderful son out of all the crap I've pulled.

Today I came into a realization about myself. I don't want to be apologized to, until I could be forgiven by you all, and until I could forgive myself.

Chapter Ten:

Silence rung out in the penthouse, as Carly ended her tale. She couldn't bear to look anyone in the eye, not wanting to see their anger or pity. She kept her hands tightly clenched in front of her, elbows resting on her knees, hair covering her face, as she stared at the floor.

Sonny was the first to react to her story, moving to crouch in front of her still figure. His large tanned hands, moved to cover hers, only his eyes betrayed his hurt when she flinched away from him, but instead of changing course, he simply grabbed hold of her smaller, softer hands in his own. Rubbing his thumb soothingly over her pulse point, his right hand moved to her face, gently forcing her head up with a finger on her chin.

"You heard us last night, didn't you." Sonny stated simply. She nodded her head, tears running down her cheeks.

"I-I didn't mean to. . .honest, but you left me alone, and so I went to look for you, and I heard you and Jason talking about me." Carly said softly, her eyes still unable to meet her husbands.

Sonny and Carly had practically forgotten the others in the room with them. Everyone watched silently as the two talked, each working through their thoughts about Carly's revelations, but still listening.

"Oh god, sweetheart. You just don't get it do you? I love you, and what you did as a teenager, the things you went through, only make me love you more. You may have done some awful things when you first arrived here, but there is no reason that anyone in this room, or out there in Port Charles, should still be holding these things against you. You have done so much good, and it's always overlooked by me, Jason, everyone. I just wanted to make sure it couldn't be done anymore."

"Sonny, I did awful things for years! I - I killed my best friend! I tried to kill myself! I ruined my mama's life, and then topped it off by killing Mama Virginia! How can anyone possibly forgive me!" Carly cried out.

Bobbies' head jerked up, tears flooding her eyes as she heard her daughters broken voice as she accused herself of murder.

"Don't you dare!" Sonny and Carly looked up, shocked out of their little cocoon.

"DON'T YOU DARE! You didn't ruin my life, you may have tried at first, but even I know now, you ended up falling in love with Tony," Bobbie said in clear ringing tones. She stared deep into her daughters eyes, trying to make her understand. "I forgave you years ago. And I didn't do it simply cause it was the noble thing to do. . . Honey you're my daughter, and I love you, and no matter what, I always will. And I know for a fact that your Mama Virginia felt the same way. I may not have always shown my love and support for you, but I can promise to try, from now on. "

Carly's face crumpled once more at the truth she saw in her mother's eyes. Sonny moved to the side, to let mother and daughter embrace, tears streaming down each of their faces. Still no one else spoke, simply watching the emotional scene being played out.

Carly let out a half-strangled laugh, which Bobbie echoed and soon the two were laughing boisterously, a cathartic release of tension, that made the whole room sigh with relief. Carly took a glance around the somewhat crowded living room, her shoulders still shaking slightly with laughter, and repressed emotion. Her eyes lighting on Jason, she moved to his side, taking his hand in her own.

"I never really thanked you, for always being my savior, but now I can. I can also apologize for the many things I did to make your life harder than it needed to be. I tried breaking up your relationship with Robin, I lied to you, cheated you out of a life with Michael, and simply hurt you constantly, but you were always on my side. Thank you, and I'm sorry." Carly said simply, her eyes focused on the man she would always call friend.

Jason brushed his hand over Carly's cheek and looked deep into her eyes, his talent for picking out lies made it easy to know that Carly was sincere, but even if he hadn't had the ability, he would have known that. "Carly, I forgive you. You deserved my forgiveness a long time ago, and you deserved my apologies as well. I never once defended you, to Robin, to Sonny, to Liz or to any of the Quartermaines. I let you be hurt by people, and never lifted a hand to truly stop it. Can you forgive me?"

Carly threw her arms around her friend, hugging him tightly to her. He in turn wrapped his strong arms around her waist, hugging her back. He caught the eyes of his mentor, friend and brother, Sonny, who simply mouthed to him. 'Thank you, brother.' Jason simply nodded back to Sonny, before closing his eyes tightly and hugging Carly more fiercely.

Carly gave him a peck on his cheek, before tugging on him slightly to make him release her. She glanced around her, really taking in the diverse crowd in her living room, for the first time. Spying Liz, Carly faltered, her eyes lowering to the floor, unwilling to gaze into the eyes of the younger woman and see the disdain and hatred there.

Liz sees how Carly avoids her eyes, wearing that same fearful expression she had that morning. The one that had shown Liz how wrong she had been about Carly. Taking a deep breath, Liz walked up to Carly, her insides quaking with the fear of rejection.

Carly was unsure as to what to make of the other girl, and for a brief moment backed away from her, before realizing that this was another thing that she had to find her 'strength' for. Liz looked shocked for a moment that Carly had backed away in fear from her, but realized that this exactly what Elton had spoken about.

"Carly, I realize that you and I have never been friends. Hell, you and I haven't ever spoken kind words to one another. But it was shoved in my face today, that I don't really know anything about you, and I have said and done awful things to you, based on the words of others. I never gave you a chance, so you never gave me one. Today, I realized that I hadn't come so far away from my own alter ego, Lizzie, who was just as vindictive and scheming as 'Carly Roberts'. Can you forgive me?" Liz said softly, her eyes searching the other woman's face.

"Liz, nothing you said to me, was something I didn't think about myself. That's what made me so angry, and so hurt by what you said. If others, like yourself could see the ugliness that was me, then how could I hide it from myself." Carly said, just as soft. "I also envied you so much, you had the perfect boyfriend, an independent life, and you were adored by my family, while I was reviled. And on top of it all, whenever you said something horrid to me, I was the one who was expected to apologize, you were never in the wrong."

Liz looked somewhat stricken, until then not truly grasping the way she had mistreated Carly, but Carly wasn't finished.

"Liz, I had heard stories of your rape, and your terror. And I wanted to reach out to you, but was too afraid of being shot down, to make the effort. I wanted to tell you then, how much I felt for you, and understood your pain." Everyone stopped and whipped their gazes to the two women, as what Carly said and had implied, sank into their brains.

~*~

Carly ignored the rest of her audience, choosing to focus her gaze on the other woman in front of her. Liz's eyes widened in horror, as she saw the pain in Carly's eyes, and recognized it as a mirror of her own. Carly nodded her head slightly, and Liz couldn't help the tears that fell down her face.

"I never talked about it, I never confronted my rapist, and I never got justice. He was a pillar of society, a professor, a man whom everyone loved. And I was poor trashy, suicidal Caroline Benson."

"A year ago, I was back in that place again, being hurt, by someone stronger and more powerful than I was, and was once again unable to find justice. And again I had no one I could really tell about it, cause I knew no one would believe me. I was trash, and a liar. When you accused me of using my baby to get out of the Quartermaines, I was devastated, not simply because you had said it, but because in a way it was true. I would have done almost anything to get myself out of the hellhole of a marriage I was in, but one thing I would have never done, was hurt my child. That was the only thing you ever said to me that I have to forgive you for, and honey, I already have."

Liz was speechless, tears pouring down her face as Carly spoke. Giving into a desperate impulse, she darted forward, wrapping Carly into a fierce hug. Carly was at first too stunned to do anything, but soon was returning the embrace, just as fiercely.

~*~

Sonny watched as his wife and the young woman, who at times was her worst enemy, gripped each other, in silent sympathy. Silently he raged at this new information about the fragile psyche of his wife, vowing that he would give her justice. Unbeknownst to him, his thoughts were echoed by everyone in the room. As well as an unexpected guest. . .

Chapter Eleven:

Luke had arrived at the Deception offices, hoping to find Laura available. Instead he found the offices practically empty, save for the slightly strange receptionist, Edward, uh, Elvis uhmm. . .Elton, yeah that's his name!

"Mr. Spencer, what a surprise to see you here!" Elton said, his tone a bit harried. He understood the fact that Carly had had a breakdown, and appreciated the fact that Laura was making an effort to be supportive to the girl, but did they have to leave him all by himself? It appeared that even Elizabeth had gone over to the Corinthos' residence. Perhaps what he said had made a difference. . .but still!

"Yeah, well, where's Laura?" Luke said uncomfortably.

"I believe that Ms. Spencer is taking care of some important matters, with Mrs. Corinthos." Elton said, hedging a bit. He was no dummy, he knew that Mr. Spencer and his niece, were not on the best of terms, and didn't want to witness any violence.

"So Sweet Caroline is causing trouble again, huh?" Luke said harshly. Elton cringed inwardly, knowing that once again Carly was being blamed for trouble around her.

"So what did she do this time?" Luke asked, his features tightening into a familiar scowl.

Elton had had enough, HE liked Carly, had seen her vulnerability and sadness on more than one occasion, even heard the stories of what led up to her being ostracized by her uncle and most of the rest of the town. But unlike them, he had also paid attention to the deeds of the other residents of PC and because of it refused to let anyone's hypocritical opinions color his judgement. So before Luke could open his mouth and spout more vilely untrue words about his own niece, Elton spoke up.

"ENOUGH! Dammit, am I the only one in this provincial town that realizes how sanctimonious you ALL are? Have you ever even spoken to your niece, and really listened to her in return? Do you know anything about her life, at all? All I've ever heard about you, MR. SPENCER, is your disdain for rules and your wild, wacky plans, most of which in some way misfire! And you have the nerve to HATE your niece for showing those same traits? What gives YOU the right to be judgmental when it comes to anyone else? You are such an utter and complete TWIT!" Elton said the last bit in a shout. He had been flinging his hands around dramatically up until that point but he ended up practically poking a hole in the other man, as he fiercely tried to make his point clear.

Luke was stunned into silence by the terrific rant, his mind taking in the words, and slowly processing them. Turning away from Elton, who was panting slightly with the relief that comes from having gotten an opinion of your chest, after a long period of keeping silent, Luke made his way silently and thoughtfully to the elevator. Elton panicked slightly at the unusual silence after his outburst but instead of saying anything further, he turned back to his work and let Luke Spencer deal with his rant in his own way.

~*~

Luke's way of dealing with it, was to go over to his niece's home, hopefully to prove the other man wrong. His plans however were severely derailed, when he arrived there, only to find no guard on duty outside the door. Instead of turning to leave, Luke decided to try the door, which swung open slightly, and silently. And was immediately captivated by Carly's tale. Hearing for the first time, her side of the tale that led up to her arrival in PC, as well as her confessing to attempted suicide, made things clearer in his head.

He had always known that he was mistreating his niece, but to see how much his treatment had truly affected her, was a harsh wake up call. Her tender forgiveness of Liz, further opened his eyes, to how he had misjudged her. But it was her soft disclosure of her own rape, coupled with his anger at himself, that had him entering the penthouse.

~*~

As thoughts of justice and vengeance ran through the heads of all the men in the room, each of the women was thinking of how truly alike they were. Bobbie thought of her young life as a prostitute, the life which had given her so much pain, but had also given her Carly. Laura thought of her rape at the hands of Luke, and then again by Stavros. Liz, for a moment relived her rape, seeing it again, made her realize how truly lucky she was. Carly simply breathed a sigh of relief, telling her secret had lifted an enormous weight from her shoulders, one she hadn't realized she had been burdened with.

Sonny and Jason exchanged looks, knowing that whatever it took, they would find the man who had hurt Carly and then they would destroy him. Carly would have justice. Johnny was echoing their thoughts, although he silently added to himself, that if there was any real justice in the world, it would be Carly dealing out the punishment.

Everyone was startled out of their thoughts by the slight creaking of the door. As one, everyone turned to see who was intruding upon this revealing moment. Carly became rigid, as she saw who had entered her home. She pulled out of her embrace with Liz, and moved to stand as far away from the intruder as she could. Not wanting to see the hate and disdain in her uncles' face, she averted her eyes, completely missing the stricken look Luke sent her way.

Luke could no longer ignore the fear in Carly's eyes, and ignoring the others in the room, moved to stand in front of her. Bobbie went to intercept Luke, but Sonny, having seen the look in Luke's eyes, held her back, silently signaling for Bobbie to just watch. Laura had also seen the look in her ex-husband's eyes, and knew that whatever happened next would forever change the lives of the people in this room.

Luke took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. And without making anymore moves toward Carly, began to speak, but before he could utter a word, Carly was talking, her voice low enough that everyone had to strain to hear her.

"I never had a real family. . . I had Carly and I had Mama Virginia, but I never had a family like the Spencers. I never had the closeness, the unconditional love of a family, with cousins, an aunt, an uncle, a brother, a father. All I had was Mama Virginia and Carly. And the moment I came to Port Charles I was intent on destroying everything I never had. And I can't apologize enough for that. So I wanna know why you're here, Uncle Luke. Are you here to call me more vile names, to threaten my life, what is it you want from me? Do you want to tell everyone in this room how vile I am? They already know all the bad shit I've pulled, more than Mama Virginia ever told you. . . So what do you want from me?" The plaintive cry echoed in the silent room.

Luke looked down, before bringing his searing blue eyes up to meet the equally intense brown eyes of his erstwhile niece. In that moment he saw himself in those eyes and in the schemes she had pulled. Never one to easily admit that he was wrong, he had no clue as to how to go about doing so.

Without removing his gaze from his nieces', he began to speak, his cigar-roughened voice harsher with suppressed tears. "I have always known, deep down, that the reason we didn't get along, was cause we were too much alike, but it took the angry words of someone on the outside of the situation to make me face it. You're a Spencer. Doesn't matter who you're married to, you're a Spencer, through and through. And it may have taken this to make me realize it, but it was always in the back of my mind. You're me, the schemes, the lies, the plans, that's me. So no matter what else you are, you are my family, and family always comes first for the Spencers. I have always been the fixer, and baby-doll I can't fix this for you, but there is nothing in the world that I wish I could do more. I said hurtful things to you, because I couldn't handle my part in giving you away. I hated that Aunt Ruby made Barbara Jean give you up, but instead of welcoming you into the family I made sure you knew you weren't appreciated. But Sweet Caroline, you were, when you were born, you were wanted, not just by Barbara Jean, but by me. I thought that it would be a chance to do some right, and instead I did more harm. . . Can you forgive me?"

His hands shook as he reached out to brush away tears from Carly's face, he had to ignore her instinctive flinch, knowing he had to show her the truth of his words. Wiping away the tears with his left hand, his other reached to pull the unresisting girl into a heartfelt hug. And held her tightly as she broke into sobs. Her arms went around his waist, holding him in a death-grip. His hands stroked her hair away from her face, as he leant down and placed a loving kiss upon her forehead, whispering into her ear, the same words he used to comfort Lulu when she had a nightmare.

Carly turned slightly in Luke's embrace, to pull her mother into the loving hug. The three stood in the middle of the room, sharing the closeness long denied them. Those around them, simply watched, feeling a sense of completion and finality in that long awaited affection.

Epilogue:

Okay a significant jump in time here, sorry, but I needed to move the story along some.

It had been six months since the day Carly had taken to calling the Official Apology Day, and things were becoming better. Carly was finally seeking help with the trauma of her rape, suicide attempt, and the abuse she was dealt at the hands of AJ. Her therapist was a wonderful source of information, both with Carly's emotional problems stemming from the suicide attempt and rape, but also as a witness in the case against AJ in the new custody hearing.

Carly and Liz were becoming close, a surprise to them both, as well as most of Port Charles. They never discussed with outsiders the way they had become friends, but did talk about the rape. Liz was quickly becoming a wonderful source of strength for Carly when it came to dealing with the repercussions of her admission. Gia was a surprising addition to their friendship, when they met up with her one day at Kelly's, after a rape counseling session, and the three were nearly inseparable.

Sonny, Jason, Johnny and Luke teamed up to find out more about Carly's rapist. And even though they attempted to keep it from touching Carly, she knew the minds of her husband, best friends, and uncle. But instead of discouraging them, she told them what she remembered of her college professor, knowing that it was the only way that they would feel as if they had done something to make it better for her.

It came as no surprise to her, to hear that the man who had raped her, a well respected college professor and family man, had been accused before of raping other girls. That his reputation had protected him so well that he was able to prey on other girls as vulnerable as she had been. So when he was found bound and gagged outside a Florida police station, with a taped confession on his person, it didn't surprise her that the other girls began to come forward with their tales. He was prosecuted on 14 counts of rape and even child molestation, and would spend the rest of his life in a maximum security prison.

Sonny and Carly were more open about a lot of things, Sonny even went so far as to start telling her a bit about his other 'business', knowing that it eased her mind to know what was happening in his life. The topper of course was the wedding. Yes, Sonny and Carly were married for a third time. This time most of Port Charles attended, with Carly being escorted down the aisle on the arm of her Uncle Luke, with Michael as the ring-bearer. Laura, Bobbie, Liz and Gia acted as her bridesmaids. Sonny had Jason as his best man of course, but also had Johnny as a groomsman, Lucky, and Nik filled out the rest of the wedding party. The two said their own vows, openly declaring their love for one another.

The days that followed were happier, and Carly made an effort to heed the wishes of her guardian angel. She lived each day with a love in her heart, she let herself open up again, and soon her ideas for the company were making the stock rise and her partner beam. She had never before felt so content, though one thing nagged at the back of her brain. . .

~*~

"Sonny, what exactly were you planning on doing to apologize to me?" Carly asked one afternoon. She had just arrived home from a long photo-shoot with Gia and Liz. Since the three had become friends, Carly had had an idea for the two faces of Deception, Pure Sin and Pure Innocence. It was a world wide hit, and Laura and she were thinking of more ideas for the two young women to expose them further in the fashion industry, including a new line of clothing, designed primarily by Carly herself.

Sonny had also just arrived home, a long day at his coffee warehouse, followed by an even longer meeting with Benny about his other business, and he was exhausted. He sat on the large sofa, his head against the back, his feet propped up on the ottoman. At her question, he lifted his head to look at her more closely.

"I had planned to make a very public apology. In the middle of the Grille, during lunchtime, on a Wednesday. Jason was going to do the same thing, and then I was going to ask you to marry me again. But we did that." Sonny said simply. Carly couldn't help but gawk at him.

"You, you were gonna. . .oh SONNY!" With that Carly leapt into Sonny's open arms. Hugging him close to her, snuggling into his loving arms, she kissed him repeatedly.

Just as they started to become hot and heavy, the front door opened and Alexis walked in, unannounced. The two on the couch separated as she barged into the room.

"Sonny, I've got some paperwork that I need you to review, so that I can make it part of your new contracts. . . oh sorry, am I interrupting?" Alexis said in a smarmy tone.

Before Sonny could say a word, Carly left his arms, making her way to the stairs. She knew that despite his recent openness with her regarding his 'business' he didn't stop Alexis' mistreatment of her. She knew she had to make some concessions in her relationship, and her being more informed was enough for her to ignore the attitude that Alexis pulled with her.

Sonny, however was fed up, everytime he had a moment alone with his wife recently, was interrupted by Alexis. And each time, Carly left the room without a word. . .

In a lightning moment of insight, he knew that she was only complying with his old wishes that she remain out of his business, and was both touched and upset. He knew that this was just one way that she was trying to give him what he needed, but he needed her more.

"Wait, Carly." Carly stopped her trek up the stairs, turning to watch her husband in puzzlement. "Alexis, now is a bad time. That's more than obvious. My wife has been more than patient with this, she doesn't bring home work with her, and I should follow her example, and you should respect the fact that this is my home, not my business. So unless it's life or death, and I mean that literally, I don't want you bringing business into my home after business hours. You can bring those papers to the warehouse, tomorrow, and I will look them over. Also, I think that you should start looking for another place to live. I'm not so sure that it's completely ethical for my attorney to be living next door to me." Sonny said calmly, clearly dismissing the attorney.

Alexis looked stunned, she was so used to being able to come over whenever she had a panic attack, or needed to vent. She enjoyed the small bit of power she had, that whenever she came over with work, Carly had to leave. Obviously things had changed!

Carly stood on the stairs, looking just as stunned as Alexis, though joy was slowly taking over her features. Quickly making her way over to her husband, she wrapped an arm around his waist, looking up at the attorney. "What is it Alexis? Shocked that my husband would choose me, over work, or is it over you?"

Sonny had to bite back a grin at the snippy tone of Carly's voice, recognizing that she had something to say to the snooty lawyer.

"And Alexis, if you need any help finding a new place to live, don't come to Sonny. He's not a real estate agent. Now if you don't mind, Sonny and I were in the middle of making love, so why don't you make your way out that door, and over to your own home. Buh-bye!" And with that, Carly escorted the dazed lawyer out the door. Before closing it completely, she turned to the guard on duty. "Max, if you don't mind telling the other guards, that Ms. Davis is no longer allowed to simply enter the penthouse, she must have an invitation, or it must be an emergency."

Max looked up at Sonny, confused. Sonny merely nodded his head, affirming what Carly had said. Max shrugged his shoulders, and told the Corinthos' that he would let the other guards know of the change.

Pushing the door shut, Carly turned to face her love, her husband, contentment shining from every pore. Sonny smiled, pulled her to him, and together they made their way up the stairs, to make love. It was a new life for them both, and neither had any more apologies owed.

The End

Okay, so a semi-cheesy ending, but with all the angst and anguish that I poured into this story, I thought I should end it happy. So sue me!

© 2008 Bernita Balekian