Chapter 1: Getting to Know You
Logging onto Cybervenue.com
Logging in as billy_burrew
You see here karen07,
dopie20, sleepy78, jc_1s_hot, krazy15, crunkboy19, Jscott77,
timbergirl420, mine15, malena14
Karen07 says BILLY!!!
Dopie20 says Hi Billy!
Jc_1s_hot says hi
Billy
You say Hi Karen,
dopie, Jc, and sleepy. Hi all! Whassup?
Crunkboy19 says has
anyone ever seen the guys in here?
Timbergirl420 leaves,
heading for 'NSYNC
Karen07 says not
much billy, you?
You say Not a lot,
just relaxing after work....am pooped!
Dopie20 says LOL!!
Jscott77 says age/sex/location?
Sleepy78 says 21/f/MO
You say 27/m/NC
Dopie20 says 20/f/WI
Jscott77 says 27,
Billy? Wow...you must be the oldest one here....and you're
a guy?
You say yeah yeah.....someone
gimme my cane....or find me my walker....jeez! LOL
Karen hands Billy
his cane
You say Thanks...Karen!!
Jscott77 says LOL....that's
not what I meant...you aren't that old!
Dopie says How old
are you Jscott77?
You say Uh-huh...sure....I
know what you meant....hrumph! LOL!!
Karen says LOL!!
Jc_1s_hot says Hey
Billy....how is your story coming? Is Karen still beating
up on Chris and Joey?
Jscott77 blushes
Malena14 says Who
is your favorite NSYNCer?
Timbergirl420 says
JUSTIN!!
You say Lance and
JC!
Karen says JC
Dopie20 says Billy
likes the two twinks! LOL
Karen07 says LOL...yeah!
Jscott77 says What's
a twink?
You say A twink is
a guy who (like a twinkie) is light and golden on the outside....with
a yummy creamy center on the inside.
Dopie20 says LOL!!
That is so funny!
Jscott77 says billy?
RU g.a.y?
Karen07 says Here
we go again!
Dopie20 says LOL
You say yep...I am
g.a.y. at least the last time I checked....LOL...lemme go
kiss a guy just to make sure.
Karen says Billy....behave!
You grin evilly at
Karen07
Jscott77 says Hey...that's
cool...and you like NSYNC.....cause of their looks, huh?
You say No...not
just that....I went to see them in concert in Raleigh..they
are AWESOME showmen. I had the most fun. Yeah they're cute
and all, but I also love their music too...I like dance music
and have loved NSYNC since I first heard I Want You Back out
at clubs. I hate the stereotype that the only reason gay men
listen to NSYNC is because they are hotties...some of us like
their music too!
Karen07 says Wow....go
Billy....get mad!
Jscott77 says No...I
didn't mean it like that....you're really overreacting Billy!
You say Really? I
just re-read what you typed....it makes it sound like I had
the right reaction. Don't worry....tho...I don't hold grudges!
LOL
Karen07 says oh really?
I think Billy reacted right....you made it sound like he would
only like them cause of their looks. That's pretty closeminded
Jscott77.
Jc_1s_hot says Go
Billy
Jscott77 sighs
Jscott77 I didn't
mean it to sound like that....man....you have some staunch
supporters here Billy!
You smile at Jscott77
You say Yeah I do....tho
sometimes we go after each other....you know....weed out the
weak ones in the pack. LOL
Karen says Yeah...we
like Billy....HEY!
Karen says Weed out
the weak ones? LOL
Jscott77 says to
you Do you have AIM?
You say to Jscott77
I have AOL......my s/n is billburrew
Karen07says Billy?
How is that story coming? Have you killed me off yet?
timbergirl420 leaves,
heading for 'NSYNC
Jscott77 asks you
"Are you on AOL now?"
You say No....you're
impending doom is a chapter or so away....LOL...I hope to
write it this weekend if I get some free time. (I hope)
You say to Jscott77
"I can get on AOL in just a second. Did you wanna chat there?"
mine15 says Karen....why
is Billy gonna kill you?
Jscott77 says "yeah....if
you don't mind?
Karen07 says It's
all part of Billy's story, I play the part of the villain
You Go Away From
Keyboard
Welcome To America
Online
You've Got Mail!
Jscott7777:
Hi there....thanks
for getting on AOL. I just wanted to chat with you in private
and tell you I am sorry. I didn't mean what I said in the
chatroom...it came out all wrong when I typed it.
BillBurrew:
No problem
man. It takes a lot more to get me riled up. I talk softly
and carry a big stick, knowhatImean?
Jscott7777:
Oh really?
LOL....well I talk LOUD...and I carry a BIGGER stick!
BillBurrew:
I am glad I am not the only one who watches way too much cartoons!
<grin>
Jscott7777:
Yeah! I love
cartoons! So...what were those girls talking about with that
story? Are you a writer?
BillBurrew:
No...not professionally.
I am a graphic artist. I design catalogs and other printed
pieces for the company I work for. I write erotic fan fiction
about NSYNC and BSB. It's fun and lets me say things I wouldn't
be able to talk about with anyone. I can just add it to my
stories.
Jscott7777:
Wow! Erotic
fan fiction, huh? That sounds....interesting.
BillBurrew:
Yeah. I have
2 Long term stories going, one of NSYNC and one of BSB. The
NSYNC story is a little more fantasy-based. I gave them all
X-Men type powers. It made it fun. I have gotten a LOT of
email about that one. I also wrote a more me-based one with
the BSB. I guess I am the main character and its about what
happens when I win tickets to go see them in DC, where I used
to live. I also wrote a really nice short story with the BSB,
tho it was really kinda sad, it was also my most read story...I
got some 70+ emails from that story in just a week...most
from girls who told me it was nice and made them cry. I pounded
that one out in one night, I was inspired.
Jscott77:
You write A
LOT! It sounds like you have more fun with the NSYNC story
and release more emotions in the BSB stories. Where are these
stories....I'd love to read them sometime if that's OK.
BillBurrew:
Sure that's
OK...Just email me and tell me what you think of them. I have
them all on my website, as well as getting them posted chapter
at a time on the nifty erotic stories archive. The address
for my site is:
http://www.oocities.org/billy_burrew
the nifty archives
web address is:
http://library.gaycafe.com/nifty
Jscott77:
Kewl. Lemme
get a pen and write down those addresses. What's on the archive?
BillBurrew:
Lots more stories...they
are skewed out into different topics....like college, athletics,
celebrities, military, etc. It's kewl. That's where I first
got inspired to write fan fiction about my favorite bands.
Jscott77:
That's awesome!
I love to read stories. I can't wait to read yours and the
others on the archive.
BillBurrew:
Thanks. I enjoy
writing them. So...are you still in high school, or college,
or work?
Jscott77:
I am a musician,
songwriter and singer. It's kinda fun, though I am having
the worst problems with my latest song. I can't seem to make
it come together.
BillBurrew:
I have had
that problem writing my stories and at work....I just ended
up having to put them aside for a bit and do something completely
different.....then go back later. It looks better and seems
easier then.
Jscott77:
Really? I guess
that is what I am doing now. Just chatting and not thinking
about it too much.
BillBurrew:
Good! Chat and play online now and tomorrow it will be fresh
and new for you to finish.
Jscott77:
So Bill.....where
in the US are you?
BillBurrew:
I live in Chapel
Hill, NC...home of the UNC Tarheels. (for now) Where are you?
Jscott77:
I am staying
with a friend in Fl while I write this song....His family
has a nice house. What does for now mean?
BillBurrew:
Florida huh?
I am waiting for my lease on this house to be up, then I am
gonna be moving to Florida. I can't stand cold weather....I
have never liked it. So....I will be looking for a job and
a apartment in Florida, probably Orlando, come June.
Jscott77:
Wow. So you're
just gonna up and move here? That's gonna be a change for
you.
BillBurrew:
Well...I dunno....I
never really got into North Carolina. It's just kinda screwed
up. I moved here from DC and basically have yet to make a
friend here in this damn state. The people here are just not
very friendly....or maybe I just forgot how to make friends
after living in DC for so long. Anyways, I hope it will be
a positive change. My biggest worry is gonna be finding out
where is a nice, affordable area to live in, and finding a
job that will keep me down there.
Jscott77:
The job market
down here is pretty good. I'll keep an eye open for any graphic
artist positions. I will look in the paper and see if there
is anything I can see. Apartments should be really easy to
find. I guess its just a matter of looking around down here,
maybe coming and visiting for a few days.
BillBurrew:
Yeah. I will
probably do that sometime in April or May. Thanks for looking
in the newspaper for me. I do check online but sometimes its
better to just page through the paper itself.
Jscott77:
So, what do
you do besides writing and chatting?
BillBurrew:
Well....I love
to cook, and work out at the gym and design stuff on the computer....just
for fun. I like to ride my bike (tho I don't do it that much....the
drivers around here are nuts....I am afraid to ride on the
roads.)
Jscott77:
Yeah. I know what you mean....its murder on the roads. I'm
glad there are bike paths down here.
BillBurrew:
What about
you? Do you like to go out to clubs and bars? Movies?
Jscott77:
I love watching
movies.....just laying around in bed watching movies all day
when I can. I like to go out dancing with friends, but I am
not big on drinking. I like cooking, but am not too good at
it, and I love to just play on the net, find out new stuff,
ya know?
BillBurrew:
Yeah. I haven't
done a lot of all day movie watching from bed. I normally
stay up late and chat and then sleep. When I sleep, I sleep!
I have actually slept through a whole day, and woke up at
like 7 pm. I used to be able to DRINK....when I lived in DC.
I used to go out with my friends and just get knee-walkin'
drunk. Now...I just don't do that anymore. I have to drive
home and won't drive if I have had more than 3 drinks, and
I really don't know anyone to go out with here so I just kinda
go out to a bar and nurse a few drinks and go home.
Jscott77:
You don't dance
when you go out?
BillBurrew:
Oh no! Not by myself! I used to dance when I went out with
my best friend from DC, now I just kinda do my best wallflower
impersonation.
Jscott77:
So...you dance
with your best friend but not alone? That seems kinda silly!
BillBurrew:
I don't dance
at all anymore. My best friend passed away this spring about
a week before his birthday, so I just don't dance anymore...its
just no fun for me.
Jscott77:
Aww...I am
so sorry...its not silly...jeez...I feel like a dick for saying
that!
BillBurrew:
Why? You didn't
know. He died and I just haven't really felt like dancing
or anything. I just kinda have to deal with it and have to
get over it.
Jscott77:
Well...I am
sorry. I didn't mean to...intrude.
BillBurrew:
No problem...no
intrusion...you didn't know...and I told ya. That's one of
the reasons I wanna move to Florida, to just get away from
it. Leave my bad memories here in North Carolina and start
out fresh down there.
Jscott77:
That's kewl.
That definitely sounds like a plan.
BillBurrew:
Yeah. It should
be exciting. <grin>
Jscott77:
Well...I am
gonna head off here and check out these websites. I'll email
you after I read your stories and tell you what I think, OK?
BillBurrew:
Sure...that's
kewl. Do you mind if I put you on my buddy list. I'll say
hi if I see you on when I am on.
Jscott77:
No...I don't
mind at all. I already put you on my list here...is that OK?
BillBurrew:
Yeah. Well...I'll
let you go. Have fun reading...don't get overwhelmed at the
nifty site. There is a lot to read there.
Jscott77:
Oh...OK...thanks
for the warning. I am still amazed that that many people write
fiction like that. This will be really interesting. Later
Billy! Thanks!
Logging onto Cybervenue.com
Logging in as billy_burrew
You see here karen07,
dopie20, sleepy78, jc_1s_hot, krazy15, kisses4u, crazy4jrt,
Lanceslove, Joeysgirl79
You say Hi y'all!
Whassup?
Dopie20 says what
did you say sleepy?
Karen07 says Hi Billy.....not
much u?
Dopie20 says Hi Billy
Jc_1s_hot says Hey
Hey Billy!
Sleepy78 says I asked
what happened that made Lance collapse on stage?
You say Not a lot.
Just checkin my email and seeing who was online. I wuz kinda
bored.
Jscott77 enters
You say Hi Jscott.....what's
up man?
Dopie20 says Hi Jscott.
Jscott77 says BILLY!!!!
I just read your story. It was really good. I liked it!
Karen07 says Hi Jscott
Kisses4u says NO!!!
Don't read his stories! They are just SICK! He write g ay
fiction and makes Lance get in bed with another guy! ICKKKK!!
DON"T READ IT!!! Lance and the guys R not G ay!
Dopie20 says LOL!
You're his best reader kisses4u!
Jscott77 says Who's
to say they are all straight kisses? You don't know them.
They might like guys! I think his stories are awesome! I still
have to read the BSB stories. I was gonna read the short one
first, then work on the long one.
Karen07 says Hey!
I am in his story. Stop bashing it! I think he writes pretty
good!
Sleepy78 says I like
Billy's stories. They are kewl!
Kisses4u says I hate
them. Billy's not a real fan. Real fans wouldn't make stuff
like that up about the guys!
You say Well...I
am of the mind that negative opinions are like buttholes.....everyone
has one....no one really likes to hear them!
Dopie20 says LMAO@Billy!!!
Karen07 says LOL
Billy!
Jscott77 says Dam!.....Go
Billy! LOL
Kisses4u leaves,
heading for chat lobby
You say Aww......she
left. She is, so far, my only heckler. I am all broken up
that she left. And if you believe that.....I have some nice
oceanfront property in Arizona I can sell ya!
Jscott77 says Man....she
was RUDE! I am glad she left. Does she ever say anything nice?
Karen07 says Yeah
Billy....I can tell you are just SO sad! LOL
Dopie20 says No...she
just acts like a complete bit ch to everyone. She says she
knows the guys and that they chat with her a lot. I kinda
doubt it!
You say Oh yeah Karen....I
am really put out by it. I mean, I may have to go to therapy.
LOL
Sleepy78 says Billy!!!
LOL
Karen07 says I REALLY
doubt she knows thew guys!
Jscott77 grins evilly
at you
You wink at Jscott77
Jscott says to you
Wanna chat on AOL?
You say Sure....one
sec...lemme sign on there and off here.
You say Hey guys.....I'll
be back later. Keep the embers burning in here,
Welcome to AOL
You've Got Mail!
Jscott77:
Hi! So....are
you always the center of attention in the chat room?
BillBurrew:
No...sometimes
I just lurk. Other times...the gurlz bring me out and make
me talk!
Jscott77:
So you're a
lurker sometimes, huh? LOL
BillBurrew:
Yeah. So...did
you get a chance to read anything from the nifty archive?
Jscott77:
No.....I looked
through it tho...WOW....that's a lot of stories. I saw yours
in the boy bands area, tho when I looked through there. I
wanted to read your stories first before I started on the
others.
Hey....I like your
webpage....that was cool what you did with the signs and all.
BillBurrew:
Thanks! I worked
on that site for a whole night one night. I looked up and
it was 7am. I just shut the machine off and went to bed. I
think I was lost in time for like 6 hours....just getting
the light effects right on the signs and all. Then I did the
story logos and everything. It was fun!
Jscott77:
Yeah. I looked
at the logo for the NSYNC story. That was pretty awesome!
You use Photoshop, huh?
BillBurrew:
Oh yeah! Photoshop
5.0 is my friend. LOL
Jscott77:
I wanted to
ask you. How long have you been gay?
BillBurrew:
Hmm....that's
a seguway. I have been gay since I was little. I used to hang
out with a guy in my neighborhood and we used to play with
each other( I mean PLAY..and I ain't talkin hopscotch.) That
was like, in 2nd grade. I guess I knew around then or maybe
even before.
Jscott77:
HOLY! That
young? Wow! I dunno if I am gay or not, but I think I am.
Were you always open about it?
BillBurrew:
NO!!! LOL.
Not at all. I was in the closet til freshman year in college.
This girl from the basketball team I managed and I were out
renting a video and she picked me up a gay newspaper. She
must have known. LOL. I found out later that she was bi. I
miss seeing her. She and I kinda drifted apart the last year
or so of college. She was so kewl.
Jscott77:
Wow. So you
came out then?
BillBurrew:
No.....I had
some guys hit on me, and some guys do more than that. <grin>
Then my friend from work ( I worked at the Hard Rock Cafe‚
in DC when I was college) took me to Tracks, the big gay bar
in DC. We were there for my managers birthday. We watched
a male stripper and my friend gave me a buck to put in his
underwear and he came over and kissed me full on the mouth.
He was cute. I enjoyed it. I didn't come out to my other friends
til senior year cause I had some problems sophmore and junior
year with my roommates being freaks. The one had heard a rumor
I might be gay and made my life miserable so I just didn't
tell anyone anything til senior year. Then a friend of mine
accidentally told my roommates and my sister about a guy I
was starting to see and it was all out of the bag. Then my
mom found out and tried to keep it from my dad, who somehow
knew and told my mom he knew a year later. It was a painless
process...for the mostpart. Sometimes it was a little uncomfortable...but
nothing major.
Jscott77:
Wow....you
are lucky. My friends would probably just completely go off
if I came out to them.
BillBurrew:
Never assume
that, tho. I did and came to find out that my friends were
all really REALLY cool with it. Even the ones that always
made the gay jokes and cracks. They were all supportive. My
sister thought it was so awesome, I became a topic of conversation
at her parties. "I have a gay brother"...Jeez...LOL
Jscott77:
Really? Maybe
I will tell them! I'll wait for the right time and just sit
down and tell them.
BillBurrew:
Remember. Nothing
about your friendship with them has changed, you just wanted
to let them know something important about yourself and your
life. If they freak out, don't get mad and hate them....give
them some time to let it sink into their heads and give them
another chance. If they still are buttheads about it...then
they weren't really your friends in the first place.
Jscott77:
Thanks Billy.
I love talking with you. I can be so open...its like having
a blanket of fog lifted off me for a while.
BillBurrew:
I like chatting
with you too. Its made me remember what I was like when I
was your age, for good and bad, I guess.
Jscott77:
Huh? What kinda
bad stuff?
BillBurrew:
I have changed
from the guy I was in college. I used to be outgoing and gregarious,
now I am kinda reserved and more timid. I used to be a pretty
happy kinda guy. I always used to be cheery, almost nauseatingly
so. Now I just feel like I am just kinda older, more cynical
and kinda bitter and alone. I watched this commerical the
other day for a car, and they asked if the you when you were
17-18 would be happy with the way the you (now) turned out.
I thought about this for ages and realized that the younger
me would probably hate the person that I have become. I sorta
let myself drift firmly into my late 20's, single, gay, and
marching doubletime into mediocrity. I can't even remember
what I used to dream of being when I was young. Hmmmm....that's
kinda sad...and way too deep for this conversation.
Jscott77:
Is it? I don't
think its any more deep than me talking about my sexuality
and the insecurities I have because of it. Wow.....what you
said really made me think, tho. I am gonna really look at
everything I do, and every direction my life takes now...make
sure I stay on the path I see myself on now. As for you being
mediocre? I doubt it. Really! Even tho I haven't talked face
to face with you, I can tell you are a REALLY smart person.
You are one of those kids I used to be jealous of in school
because they could just think of something amazing and just
make it happen. As for love.....well...who's to say that you
should be with someone now....maybe its just not your time
to be with someone yet. As for your dreams....well...its never
too late to go to sleep and dream some new ones, then wake
up and make them happen.
BillBurrew:
I guess its
never too late to find some new dreams. Maybe the ones I had
when I was younger just weren't meant to be, or unrealistic
or whatever.
Jscott77:
So. What kind of guys do you like? Besides Lance, and JC that
is..LOL
BillBurrew:
LOL....Besides
Lance and JC?? I think the gurlz online take me too seriously.
If I ever met those guys I would probably close up like a
clam. They probably would be uncomfortable with me being gay,
so I would just kinda say "hi" and shake their hand and then
just look for the first way out.
I dunno. I don't
have a type of guy I like. They just have to click with me
when we talk. I used to be a body queen...(I have since recovered
from that), and I look past the superficial. I just like a
guy that I can be me around, knowhatImean??
Jscott:
Why? They're
just guys, like anyone else, why be nervous?
BillBurrew:
Hmmm....probably
for the same reason I spend days cleaning my house before
my folks or any of my siblings come to visit. I don't want
to let them see the way I really am. I'd rather be nameless
and easily forgotten than to have someone's memory of me be
because I acted or did something stupid.
Jscott:
When do you
stop doing that? Acting...that is?
BillBurrew:
With my siblings,
never. With regular people...when I get past my initial nervousness,
which can be quick for some people, and take a while for others.
Jscott77:
Wow! We are
not so dissimilar, you know? We both fear that what we are
will make fools out of us! Remind me to thank you now for
this chat. I don't think I could ever talk like this to a
therapist. If I ever have a problem, can I chat with you?
<grin>
BillBurrew:
No...not that
dissimilar at all. Coming out isn't a one time process...I
have found, you go thru it all your life. Coming out to friends
and family, then at work, then again at a new level, and so
on and so on and so on...it's a never ending process, and
I am a level or two ahead.
Jscott77:
I am sure I
can catch up pretty quick once I tell someone. LOL
BillBurrew:
No kidding!
Yeah! I wouldn't mind at all if you chatted with me if you
had a problem. I will try to give you my point of view (which
is the outsider's view) and try to give some kind of good
advice.
Jscott77:
Thank you...I
appreciate it a bunch. It's hard to talk to anyone about my
feelings...I am not always sure of them myself.
BillBurrew:
Yeah it is.
It gets easier....the more at ease you feel with your feelings....the
easier it is to discuss them with someone.
Jscott77:
I think I am
gonna tell my best friend about my feelings. I am so scared
tho. I don't know what I'd do if he reacts badly to it.
BillBurrew:
You just give him his space...and give him a little time to
realize that its not really a choice or a voting matter...it's
a fact about you that you decided to entrust to sharing with
him. If he's a really close friend, he'll come around.
Jscott77:
I hope so.
I am so scared that he'll hate me. We go way back he and I...I
have known him for like 5 years.
BillBurrew:
Well...remember...above
all else...don't punish yourself over someone else's reaction
to this. This is what you are...you are still the same you...if
someone reacts badly...they are the ones that are changing...by
reacting negatively...or changing the way they act towards
you.
Jscott77:
OK. Yeah! You're
Right! I am still me...nothing about my relationship with
them as friends has changed. Bill...I really owe you one.
Chatting with you has really helped me to come to grips with
what I am feeling.
BillBurrew:
No problem.
Remember...take it slow and easy...think about the best way
to say it, then say it.
Jscott:
OK. Well...I
think the time has just presented itself...he's here and sitting
down across from me. BRB
BillBurrew:
KEWL. Good
Luck!
<30 minutes later>
BillBurrew:
How did it
go?
<Member is not
currently online>
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