| JOKES |
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| A man was driving his truck down a hill when all of sudden said to his helper sitting next to him:"I think the brakes are gone."the helper said:" oh, no ! what are we going to do now?" the driver replied:" don't worry,there's a stop sign at the bottom of the hill." |
| A man recently appointed general in the army was in his new office when a soldier walked in.Wishing to impress the new soldier,the general picked up the telephone and said,"yes Mr.President.I'm glad you like my suggestions.I'll come by and give you a more detailed report at the White House a little later this week." After hanging up the telephone,the general asked,"Now,soldier,what can I do for you?" "Nothing much, sir"said the soldier."I just came in to connect your telephone." |
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| Father: why did you get a zero in your spelling test? Son: that's not a zero.My teacher ran out of stars , so he gave me a moon. |
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| Mary: Now that we're engaged i hope you''ll give me a ring. Bob : Of course, darling.What's your phone number? |
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| Attacked by two muggers,a man tried to deffend himself.He fought and fought,but finally gave in.The muggers found only 10 $ bill on him. "You fought that hard for this bill!" One of the muggers said. "Gee! I thought you were after the 800 hidden in my shoe." |
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| Man: Hey! you're not allowed to fish here? Boy: I'm not fishing.I'm giving my pet a worm bath! |
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| Lying on his deathbed , a loving husband was wavering between life and death when he thought he smelt chocolate chip cookies baking.They were his favourite, so he dragged himself out of bed,crawled to the kitchen and was just reaching up to take a cookie off the plate when his wife slapped his hands with a spatula. "Don't touch!"She commended."They're for the funeral." |
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| When he gets home, a man finds his pregnant wife in labour, so he phones the hospital. "My wife is having contractions and they' re only two minutes apart.What should I do?"He asks frantically. "Is this her first child?" Asks the doctor. "No!"The man shouts"This is her husband!" |
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| A: You gave a wondrful speech. B: Yes, I did.But they just didn't appreciate it.The audience was full of fools and idiots. A: Oh,I see.That's why you began addressing them as your dear brothers and sisters |
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| A: Can you keep a secret? B: Yes,but the people i tell it to can't |
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| A: Hello, who's speaking? B: This is Watt. A: I'm sorry, what's your name? B: Yes,Watt's my name A: Is this a joke? What is your name? B: John Watt. A: John what? B: Yes,look,who's this? Are you Jones? A:No ,I'm Knott. B:Are you going to tell me your name? A:I'm Knott. B: Why not ? A:My name is KNOTT! B: NOT what?! |
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