PART THREE “WHAT TO DO?” Justin’s POV I don’t think I slept at all last night.  Thoughts of Brian and the baby kept going through my head. Part of my brain is yelling at me, telling me that the baby isn’t mine. Reminding me of Brian Kinney’s lifestyle and how it’s so easy that the baby is somebody else’s.  Fuck, I’m so tired. I’m not even sure how I’ve managed to get out of bed and come to work this morning. I almost called in sick, not just because I’m a walking zombie, but because I don’t want to have to face him. “Sunshine, you still with me?” I turn to see Dan looking at me. Fuck, how long has he been talking to me? “Yeah, I’m here. Were you saying something?” Dan Looks at me with worried eyes.  “What’s gotten into you this morning? Where’s my happy bubbly Sunshine?” Sighing, I smile apologetically. “I’m sorry, Dan. I just didn’t get much sleep last night, that’s all.”  Well, it isn’t totally a lie. I am only running on a few hours of sleep.  Then again, I’m sure he can see right through me and know something is up. “I don’t ever remember lack of sleep not having you notice Brian Kinney sitting and waiting for his coffee.” I hear Dan say with a chuckle as he walks to talk to somebody in the kitchen. Holy shit! I look over and sure enough Brian is sitting down looking at the paper.  I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this, but I grab the pot of coffee and make my way over to the booth. “Morning, Brian.”  I say before I turn to go back behind the counter.  Yeah, I’ll admit it, I’m a fucking chicken.  I’m trying to avoid talking to him and I think I’m almost home free when I feel somebody grab my shoulder. “Don’t run, we need to talk.” He says to me as he pulls me down to sit in the booth across from him.  Dear god, why do I have to be so weak around this man? “Justin, I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you.  You don’t have to have anything to do with the baby at all. Hell, I’m not even sure I planned on telling you in the first place.” Hearing Brian say that makes me look up from where I was looking at my hands. He wasn’t planning on telling me? He was just going to go around doing what? Telling everybody he didn’t know whose fucking kid he was carrying?  For some reason, that idea gets me angrier then the idea of having a kid in the first place. “You weren’t planning on telling me?” I’m sure the hurt isn’t masked in my voice as much as I would have liked. He sighs and shrugs his shoulders.  “Honestly, Justin, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do at all. Hell, right now you and I are the only ones who know about this.” That shocks me even more. How could Brian be keeping this from everybody? I mean, Michael is his best friend and Levi; they already have a baby together. You would think he would be asking him for advice or something. “You haven’t even told Michael?” I watch as he shakes his head and looks down at his coffee cup. “I don’t want to hear everyone’s reactions. Some aren’t going to believe me; others are going to make a big joke about wondering who the father is. I’m not sure if I can handle that right now.” Hearing Brian Kinney say he can’t handle something is huge.  As long as I’ve known Brian, he’s been nothing but this tough, know it all hotshot.  Sure, there were times over the last two years that I saw him with his guard down, but never have I heard him say there was something he couldn’t handle. It was at that second that I knew in his own way he was asking for my help. That shocked me enough in itself, but what really shocked me was the fact that after keeping myself up all night worrying about it, that was all it took for me to say… “Brian, if you need anything at all I’ll be right there.” The look of shock on his face is priceless.  “Justin…” I put my hand out to stop him. I have to finish what I’m going to say.  “I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, or what I’m getting myself into, but I’m going to try.” I run my hands through my hair, trying to figure out the right words. “I’m only nineteen, I’m not even sure If I know how to be a father, but it doesn’t look like I’ve got much of a choice.” “You have a choice Justin; I’m not pushing anything on you. The last thing I want…the last thing I need is for you to regret this. For you to look at our son years down the road and only see the mistakes you made as a teenager. If that’s what is going to happen then don’t even bother.” I watch Brian stand up and gather his things before I even process what he just said. God, why did he have to be so fucking right all the time? He knew I wasn’t ready for this and he just gave me an out. The only question now is…will I take it? Brian’s POV I walk out of the diner before Justin can give me an answer, before he can even comment on what I just told him. Part of me is being a coward because I know he doesn’t want this, and truthfully, I don’t want to hear him say it.  I love the blonde twink that I met outside of Babylon years ago, the boy who changed my life in so many ways. Have I told him that yet? No and I may never get the chance. Up until last night I thought it was a musician who stood in my way, now the one thing that I thought might bring him back, is actually pushing him away.  It’s moments like these that I wish the others knew. For once in my life, I want to share…need to share my feelings with somebody and I can’t. I finally make it to my Jeep and start the drive to work. God, I don’t feel like going into work today.  Noah is kicking like crazy and quite frankly I’m just feeling fat and vulnerable and very far from being in the mood to sit through nonstop meetings.  Oh, and yeah you heard me right. Noah is what I’m naming the little guy.  Noah Michael Kinney.  I actually came up with the name on a Sunday morning. For some reason I was watching one of those religious stations and they were playing a children’s show about Noah’s Ark. Hearing the name, and saying it over and over again in my mind a few times it just seemed to fit. Smiling for the first time that morning, I pull into work and get ready to face whatever the day has to offer.  Thankfully, as I walk past Chris’ desk he doesn’t have a trillion and a half messages to give me. Hopefully, that’s a sign that this is going to be a quiet day.  Walking into my office, I shut the door and flop down at my desk to get started looking over the spreads left by somebody in the art department, and that’s exactly what I’m doing two hours later when there is a knock on my door. “Come in.” I mumble in my half asleep, half concentrating daze. “Brian, we need to talk.” I look up at Justin. What the hell is he doing here? Since when does he come visiting me at work? “Justin, what the fuck are you doing here?”  Ok, so that probably wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but since when do I really think before I say anything? What surprises me is he doesn’t even answer; instead he just walks over and sits in a chair on the other side of my desk. “I was thinking about what you said.” Alright, so he was thinking about what I said, now what exactly did I say again? Shit. I haven’t been getting enough sleep. “Uh huh.” He rolls his eyes at my not-so-literary response and continues. “I’m not sure what I can give you…” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “Or the baby right now, but I don’t want you to give up on me, either. I would like a second chance to try and be in your life…lives.” I take a deep breath and listen to what he is saying. Now, I just have to figure out if I can live with just having half of him there.  Sure, he had done that with me for the past two years. Put up with me only wanting to be around when I felt like it. Only using him as a last resort when I couldn’t get the tricks I wanted. That makes me think of Gus.  I’m not his full time parent, but he still calls me dad. He seems to be doing aright, so why not have our baby have a part time dad? I mean who knows; maybe he’ll change his mind and be willing to go all out.  So, after thinking for a few seconds, or minutes I’m not sure. I come up with this… “You do know that having a baby will cause you to work long…hard hours, possibly deep into the night?” He smiles that famous smile and nods.  “I’m willing to give it a shot, if you’re willing to let me…”he paused for a second again. God, he’s doing that a lot lately. He’s getting good at thinking before he speaks, maybe I should ask him how he does it. “I want to help YOU out too Brian, even before the baby is born. I know it must be hard for you all alone. So, if you need anything, just ask me.” Just at that second my stomach growls like mad and I remember since I left the diner so quickly that morning, I only had coffee for breakfast. I move around to stand between him and my desk and smile. “Well then, you can start right away. I would like a bacon cheeseburger with extra onions and four pickles on the side, please. Oh, and a huge order of chili fries.” He looks at me in shock, but stands up laughing. “Yes, sir.” TWO WEEKS LATER… Justin’s POV Ok, so maybe helping Brian out was a bad idea.  I mean the guy is driving me totally insane. I thought being around him at the wrong time of the month was bad, but this is getting ridiculous. I’m not sure if I can handle four more months of this. I’m about ready to go insane if we don’t tell somebody else and quick.  At least then I would be able to pawn him off onto somebody else for a few hours. Fuck, how in the world did he survive before I came along? “Justin! We’re fucking out of toilet paper!”  I roll my eyes and look up at the ceiling praying to God that he will help me get through the day from hell. “Hold on a second, will ya?” I exclaim, before I run to the closet to grab the, oh, so important toilet paper. Getting a roll I stomp up the few stairs to the bedroom. Opening the bathroom door just enough to roll the toilet paper into the room. “Juuustin, it rolled away from me. I can’t reach it.” He whined back. Oh, holy mother of god! I bust the door open, walk in, and grab the roll of toilet paper putting it into Brian’s hands as he sits there looking at me in shock from his spot on the throne. “There, happy?” “What got you in such a pissy mood?” He grumbles as he pushes me towards the door, that I’m happy to slam behind me. Hmm, I wonder what got me so upset. It’s at that second that there is a knock on the door. Oh, just what I need, guests. I stomp back down the stairs and over to the door. Sliding it open, I’m face to face with somebody I defiantly wasn’t expecting to see. Jim Kinney. TO BE CONTINUED….