Cwlystep@aol.com
PART FIVE
“TOGETHER?”
Justin’s POV
Brian has been gone for almost four hours now and I’m getting more then a little worried. I’ve spent the last few hours pacing the loft, trying to think of places to call where he could be. I was just about to try the hospital and police stations when he came walking though the door. I sighed a great big sigh of relief, but I’m still angry as hell for what he put me through.
“Where the fuck have you been all this time? I’ve been worried sick!”
He rolls his eyes at me. “I was just out, clearing my head. You’re not my keeper, Justin.”
I’m getting angrier by the second and walk to stand right in his face. “You left without your shirt, you were angry, and fuck Brian you’re pregnant. How can you tell me not to worry?”
He snorts and laughs at me. Turning to go into the bedroom, but before he walks up the stairs he turns back around. “If you cared so much, you would really take the time to notice that I really did try, Justin.” With that he went into the bathroom and shut the door.
Sighing, I flop down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Up until that moment, I hadn’t noticed how upset Brian really had been. Sure, he stormed out of the loft in a rage earlier, but that isn’t exactly a strange phenomenon when it comes to Brian Kinney. Now, on the other hand hearing him calmly state what he just had, now that was a way to know he took my hateful words to heart. God, how could I have been so stupid? I don’t just mean from what happened today, but months ago when I ran off to be with Ethan. Expecting all the love and romance I could get, but instead ended up with a good taste of my own medicine. It only seems right, that a person, who fucked around, should get fucked around. Part of me wonders what would have happened if I had ignored Brian fucking Rage in the backroom that night. I would have been there when Brian found out he was pregnant. Brian wouldn’t have had to worry about hiding his pregnancy from all his friends, God, I really messed up.
I spend about an hour thinking about what Brian had said, thinking that if I thought about it enough I would see all the things that Brian had done for me over the years. I’m actually shocked that by the end of the time I have a list of good things that greatly outnumber the bad. Not only did Brian take me in when I had no place to stay, he paid for everything, including my schooling, which even my own father wouldn’t pay for, bought me that computer program to help when my hand wasn’t working right. Sure, at first I hated the idea, but I learned that sometimes you just have to forget your pride and just do it.
When it came down to the bad stuff, really the only thing that I saw was the fact that Brian couldn’t say how he felt. Sure, I hated that he fucked around, but in the long run I’m the one that messed up. I knew he wasn’t the type to settle down, that’s why I made up those rules in the first place. Now who was the first one to break those rules? Me, of course. That fucking night with that virgin at the hetero beer bash everybody insisted I go to. Yeah, it was fun, but in the long run I found myself being a person I totally hated.
I’m so deep in thought I don’t even notice Brian come and sit next to me on the couch.
“Justin, are you staying here tonight? It’s almost two in the morning.” He says, and I can tell he’s exhausted.
Fuck, I had totally lost track of time. It isn’t until I yawn that I notice how tired I am. “No, I’ll be going home.” I say closing my eyes for a few seconds.
“Justin, just stay here for the night. I don’t want you driving home and getting in an accident. You’re so tired.” As he says this, I can hear the concern in his voice. There is something else there too, but I’m not sure what it is. Could it be the one thing I’ve always wanted to hear?
Brian’s POV
I’m more nervous than I would like to admit when I ask Justin to stay the night. Sure, he’ll probably end up on the couch, but that’s closer together than we have been in a long time. Yeah, I know we’ve spent a lot of time together, but for us things don’t get scary until we’re spending time alone at night. I’m still beyond ticked at Justin right now. What he said earlier really hurt me. I don’t get how he could say I never did anything for him. Hell, he used to tell me all the time that I did too much. That he wanted to do things for himself. They say toddlers are confusing, but I think I understand Gus better than I do Justin right now.
I was going to come out and tell him he should go home now and that we’ll talk tomorrow about what to do now, but then I saw Justin and he looked so tired that I couldn’t do it. It slipped out of my mouth before I thought about what I was saying. I can tell he’s shocked by what I said, but I almost think I see a small smile there.
As if answering my question he lies down on the couch and looks up at the ceiling. “Can we talk about all that’s happened today in the morning?” he asked me. The way he said it was like I was going to chew off his head. Does he really think that the idea of talking scares me so much I would cause him bodily harm?
Standing up, I give him the biggest smile I can muster and nod. “Yeah, we’ll talk tomorrow…Night.” I walk back to my room and flop down on the bed. At least, we didn’t end up in the same bed. I honestly don’t think I could keep my body under control if he had been. With my hormones going fucking crazy I’m hornier than ever and god-damn-it I can’t trick, so I’m stuck with jerking off.
“Goodnight, Brian. I’ll see you in the morning.” I watch as he grabs the afghan off the back of the couch and snuggles up to it. God, do I wish it was me he was snuggling up to.
*****@*****
The next morning I’m awake before he is. My stomach isn’t feeling too great and lying down is making it worse. I walk quietly into the kitchen to try and find something for breakfast. That’s when I remember we never got to the store yesterday, and we’re totally out of food. Fuck, I’m starving and there is nothing to eat. Looking over at the couch, I wonder if Justin will be terribly pissed at me if I ask him to wake up at six in the morning on a Saturday to come with me to the diner? My stomach growls and I don’t give a fuck anymore what he thinks. Noah is starving, so how can I not give him what he wants? I walk over to the couch and shake Justin a little bit.
“Justin, wake up.”
He moans and swats my hand away. “I don’t wanna get up for school, daddy. Just five more minutes.”
I can’t help but laugh, but shake him again harder. “No, not five more minutes, I’m starving.”
Opening his eyes he glares at me. “Then go fucking make breakfast and leave me the fuck alone.”
“Can’t, we never went to get food. I want to go to the diner, so come on and get your twinky ass up.”
“Go yourself. It’s WAY too early to wake up.” He groans and turns over to face the back of the couch.
I swat his ass. “I don’t want to go alone. I want you to come with me, so come on and get up.”
That got his attention and he turns his head to look at me. “You don’t want to be alone? That’s a first in Brian Kinney’s vocabulary.”
I roll my eyes at him and push him a little. “So, come on get up and piss or whatever you got to do and let’s go. Noah is protesting like crazy right now.”
He rolls off the couch and stumbles up the stairs to the bathroom. Five minutes later he’s out and we’re driving in the jeep towards the diner.
“Did you sleep okay on the couch?”
“I’ve slept on the couch before, Brian. And every time I tell you the same thing. It was fine.”
Sighing, I continue to drive and once we get there, I park the jeep and get out. He follows me into the diner and we go to our normal table. Since it’s so early there is barely anybody there, for which I’m grateful.
Dan walks in our direction and smiles his normal too cheery smile. “You boys have been spending quite a bit of time together the last few weeks. What’s going on?”
“Nothing Dan, now can you please get me a giant stack of pancakes, a side of bacon, and an orange juice please?”
Dan looks at me funny, but writes down the order. “Sunshine?”
“Just coffee please, I’m not awake enough to eat.” He says through a yawn.
Dan looks at me and smirks. “Keeping him up late again, Kinney?”
I roll my eyes and am about to comment on that when Justin speaks up.
“We’re not together Dan. I’m just helping him out.”
Good going Sunshine, now you opened a new can of worms. Dan is never going to let the fact that *I* needed help fly.
Like I predicted Dan sat down in the booth next to me, looking at me very closely. “Ok, spill it kiddo. I’ve known something has been up for months now, but haven’t cared to ask. Now you’re going to tell me.”
I laugh. “Oh, I am, am I?”
He nods and looks at Justin. “Or I could pry it out of Justin here. He doesn’t like to lie to me.”
I watch as Justin sinks farther down into the booth, knowing he’s going to get it when we get back to the loft. Looking back at Dan, I think about something that I never really thought of before. How the hell am I going to walk around with Noah when people don’t even know about him? It’s at that moment I have to tell somebody. I don’t give a fuck that Justin might not what Dan to know.
“You really want to know what’s up with me?”
Dan nods like crazy and I see Justin eyeing me with wide eyes across the table. Taking a deep breath, I smile a little.
“I’m going to be a dad, again.”
Dan smiles big. I know he doesn’t understand what I mean, but he will soon enough.
“Oh that’s great! I didn’t know you and Levi were planning on doing it again. I mean sure it would be great for Gus to have a brother, just never expected it. That’s all.”
I shake my head as my hand moves to my stomach. “Levi isn’t having another baby, I am.”
I watch as Dan’s eyes go wide and see him glance at my stomach. “Holy fuck! I never thought I would see the day when Brian Kinney would be knocked up.” He whispered, as if he assumed I didn’t want the whole world to know, which I’m very thankful for.
I laugh and glance at Justin. He’s sitting there with a scared to death look on his face.
“Who’s the father?”
I do one of those sidewards-nod things towards Justin and watch Dan smile the biggest smile I have ever seen.
“Way to go, Sunshine.” He laughed, smacking his gum.
Justin just sinks farther into the seat, blushing bright red.
*****@*****
Justin’s POV
I practically run out of the diner once Brian is done with his breakfast. He had been so fucking cocky the whole time. Now that Dan knows about everything, it’s like Brian is a fucking show off. God, it was driving me bananas.
“You were so fucking cute in there.” Brian says to me, laughing his head off as we walk back to the jeep.
I glare at him and start walking faster. “You could have at least warned me, you know.”
“You’ve been begging me to tell people ever since you found out, and now you’re not happy?”
“I never said I wasn’t happy you told him, I just would have liked some kind of warning, that’s all.” I explain getting into the jeep once Brian had unlocked it.
He rolls his eyes at me as he gets in and starts the drive home. “We don’t need to fucking argue over it. I wasn’t planning on telling him today, it just sort of came out.”
“Like everything else.” I mumble under my breath.
“What did you say?”
I glance over at Brian and put on my best innocent face, but the anger is flashing in my eyes. “I didn’t say anything, Brian.”
He slams on the breaks once we’re back to the loft and he turns and looks at me with hurt in his eyes. “I don’t get you. Why the hell are you here, if all you’re going to do is fucking pick fights!”
OK, I definitely wasn’t expecting that outburst, but what I was expecting least was my reaction.
“Why should you fucking care! You hurt me for years. I think it’s about time I pay you back!” Yeah, ok, it was harsh and to tell you the truth I don’t get why I’m yelling. I mean didn’t I think about all of this last night and come up with the fact that it was mostly all my fault?
His eyes go wide and he clenches his jaw tight. “You know what Justin; you’ve got to be pretty fucking blind if you don’t think what happened 3 months ago wasn’t enough pay back for how I treated you. You’re the one that ran out on me!”
“Only because you wouldn’t show me the light of day. Ethan could love me. You couldn’t, I needed that!” I yell back. Not even caring that we were having the conversation we needed to have for weeks, in the fucking jeep.
“I did love you! Do you really think I would’ve let you live with me if I didn’t? Do you really think I would have spent night after night at the hospital watching you sleep? God, Justin, are you really that stupid to not notice that if you would have just stayed around a little longer I might have actually given you what you want? I almost bought you flowers once. Did you know that? Did you know that I came home from Chicago only wanting to be with you? To celebrate my new partnership, but of course, you weren’t even fucking home...”
I watch as he takes a deep breath, tears streaming down his face. My heart is in my throat. I wasn’t expecting any of this. Brian just admitted he loved me, and so much more.
“You left me Justin and I guess I don’t really blame you, but do you have any idea what it was like to find out I was pregnant and know I could never tell the person I so deeply wanted to tell. You had a whole other life. I wasn’t part of it anymore. You could go on with your life and forget about me, but I never could do that. I was pregnant with your son and for the rest of my life I would remember the one morning I actually let you inside of me. The one morning that I was sure I gave you enough to show I loved you.”
Brian was in hysterical sobs by this point and the only thing I could think to do was pull him into a big hug and let him cry. “God, Brian, I’m so fucking sorry.” I whisper in his ear. I never once really thought how Brian must have felt that night at the Rage party. I never stopped to think about what a lot of the things he did meant. He was right; his letting me inside that morning after Sap’s party was him pretty much telling me he loved me. Just thinking of that causes my hand to move down to his stomach. I rub the bulge there that pretty soon he’s not going to be able to hide. He’s actually rather big right now, a lot bigger than most people I have known who were five months pregnant.
I pull back finally to look him in the eye, trying to smile, because I too had started to cry. “We’re so fucked up, aren’t we?” I giggle.
He sniffles and laughs too, nodding his head. “Yeah…but things will get better right? I mean, you want them to, don’t you?”
My smile gets bigger. “Brian, are you trying to ask me if I want to be you’re boyfriend again?” I ask in a way that makes me sound like a grade school kid.
He rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, kind of.”
I laugh. “Well, if that is what you’re asking, then I guess I’ll have to say yes. I mean I am the father of the little rascal that is in here.” I say rubbing his stomach lightly.
Smiling Brian hugs me again, and then does something pulling back to look me in the eye. “I meant it when I said I loved you back then, and I love you now. I know you’re wondering why I can say it now, and not then. But it’s not really that easy. I guess being pregnant messes with more then your physical appearance. It’s really made me think through my life a little bit. I’ve seen what really matters. The one thing I had planned to do once I found out I was pregnant was track you down and just tell you that I loved you. I wasn’t planning on getting anything out of it, but I wanted you to know.”
I’m shocked and all I can do is hug Brian tighter. “Well, I love you too, Brian, so much.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
AUTHORS NOTE: YAY!!! Brian and Justin are finally back together…I wonder if that means its smooth sailing from here on out? Hmmm…guess you’ll just have to wait to find out, huh. Thanks again for reading and for all the great reviews. They really make me want to keep on writing. Oh, yeah and I so can’t forget my Beta…Linda, you’re the greatest…thanks so much!
XOXO Steph
Title: Part of Us
Author: Steph
E-mail: cwlystep@aol.com
Date: 10/20/03
Paring: Brian/Justin…and all the normal couples at the end of season two, beginning of season three.
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Category: Drama/Romance/Humor
Disclaimer: I don’t know anybody that has to do with Showtime or this show. The characters (not their fake names) are not mine they belong to Cowlip productions and I’m not trying to steel them. This story is for your reading and my writing enjoyment.
Summary: its three months after the “Rage” party and Brian is hiding something that Justin is determined to find out.
PART FIVE
“TOGETHER?”
Justin’s POV
Brian has been gone for almost four hours now and I’m getting more then a little worried. I’ve spent the last few hours pacing the loft, trying to think of places to call where he could be. I was just about to try the hospital and police stations when he came walking though the door. I sigh, a great big sigh of relief, but I’m still angry as hell for what he put me through.
“Where the fuck have you been all this time? I’ve been worried sick!”
He rolls his eyes at me. “I was just out, clearing my head. You’re not my keeper, Justin.”
I’m getting angrier by the second and walk to stand right in his face. “You left without your shirt, you were angry and fuck Brian you’re pregnant. How can you tell me not to worry?”
He snorts and laughs at me. Turning to go into the bedroom, but before he walks up the stairs he turns back around. “If you cared so much, you would really take the time to notice that I really did try Justin.” With that he went into the bathroom and shut the door.
Sighing, I flop down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Up until that moment I hadn’t noticed how upset Brian really had been. Sure, he stormed out of the loft in a rage earlier but that isn’t exactly a strange phenomenon when it comes to Brian Kinney. Now, on the other hand hearing him calmly state what he just had, now that was a way to know he took my hateful words to heart. God, how could I have been so stupid? I don’t just mean from what happened today, but months ago when I ran off to be with Ethan. Expecting all the love and romance I could get, but instead ended up with a good taste of my own medicine. It only seems right, that a person, who fucked around, should get fucked around. Part of me wonders what would of happened if I had ignored Brian fucking Rage in the backroom that night. I would have been there when Brian found out he was pregnant. Brian wouldn’t have had to worry about hiding his pregnancy from all his friends, God I really messed up.
I spend about an hour thinking about what Brian had said. Thinking that if I thought about it enough I would see all the things that Brian had done for me over the years. I’m actually shocked, by the end of the time I have a list of good things that greatly out do the bad. Not only did Brian take me in, when I had no place to stay. He paid for everything, including my schooling, which even my own father wouldn’t pay for. Bought me that computer program to help when my hand wasn’t working right. Sure at first I hated the idea, but I learned that sometimes you just have to forget your pride and, just do it.
When it came down to the bad stuff, really the only thing that I saw was the fact that Brian couldn’t say how he felt. Sure, I hated that he fucked around, but in the long run I’m the one that messed up. I knew he wasn’t the type to settle down, that’s why I made up those rules in the first place. Now who was the first one to break those rules? Me of course. That fucking night with that virgin at the hetero beer bash everybody insisted I go to. Yeah, it was fun but in the long run I found myself being a person I totally hated.
I’m so deep in thought I don’t even notice Brian come and sit next to me on the couch.
“Justin, are you staying here tonight? It’s almost two in the morning.” He says, and I can tell he’s exhausted.
Fuck, I had totally lost track of time. It isn’t until I yawn that I notice how tired I am. “No, I’ll be going home.” I say closing my eyes for a few seconds.
“Justin, just stay here for the night. I don’t want you driving home and getting in an accident. You’re so tired.” As he says this I can hear the concern in his voice. There is something else there too, but I’m not sure what it is. Could it be the one thing I’ve always wanted to hear?
Brian’s POV
I’m more nervous then I would like to admit when I ask Justin to stay the night. Sure, he’ll probably end up on the couch, but that’s closer together then we have been in a long time. Yeah, I know we’ve spent a lot of time together, but for us things don’t get scary until we’re spending time alone at night. I’m still beyond ticked at Justin right now. What he said earlier really hurt me. I don’t get how he could say I never did anything for him. Hell, he used to tell me all the time that I did too much. That he wanted to do things for himself. They say toddlers are confusing but I think I understand Gus better then I do Justin right now.
I was going to come out and tell him he should go home now and that we’ll talk tomorrow about what to do now, but then I saw Justin and he looked so tired that I couldn’t do it. It slipped out of my mouth before I thought about what I was saying. I can tell he’s shocked by what I said, but I almost think I see a small smile there.
As if answering my question he lies down on the couch and looks up at the ceiling. “Can we talk about all that’s happened today in the morning?” he asked me. The way he said it was like I was going to chew off his head. Does he really think that the idea of talking scares me so much I would cause him bodily harm?
Standing up I give him the biggest smile I can muster and nod. “Yeah, we’ll talk tomorrow…Night.” I walk back to my room and flop down on the bed. At least we didn’t end up in the same bed. I honestly don’t think I could keep my body under control if he had been. With my hormones going fucking crazy I’m hornier then ever and god damn-it I can’t trick, so I’m stuck with jerking off.
“Goodnight, Brian. I’ll see you in the morning.” I watch as he grabs the afgan off the back of the couch and snuggle up to it. God, do I wish it was me he was snuggling up to.
*****@*****
The next morning I’m awake before he is. My stomach isn’t feeling too great and lying down is making it worse. I walk quietly into the kitchen to try and find something for breakfast. That’s when I remember we never got to the store yesterday, and we’re totally out of food. Fuck, I’m starving and there is nothing to eat. Looking over at the couch I wonder if Justin will be terribly pissed at me if I ask him to wake up at six in the morning on a Saturday to come with me to the diner? My stomach growls and I don’t give a fuck anymore what he thinks. Noah is starving, so how can I not give him what he wants? I walk over to the couch and shake Justin a little bit.
“Justin, wake up.”
He moans and swats my hand away. “I don’t wana get up for school daddy. Just five more minutes.”
I can’t help but laugh, but shake him again harder. “No, not five more minutes, I’m starving.”
Opening his eyes he glares at me. “Then go fucking make breakfast and leave me the fuck alone.”
“Can’t, we never went to get food. I want to go to the diner so come on and get your twinky ass up.”
“Go yourself; it’s WAY too early to wake up.” He groans and turns over to face the back of the couch.
I swat his ass. “I don’t want to go alone; I want you to come with me, so come on and get up.”
That got his attention and he turns his head to look at me. “You don’t want to be alone? That’s a first in Brian Kinney’s vocabulary.”
I roll my eyes at him and push him a little. “So, come on get up and piss or whatever you got to do and let’s go. Noah is protesting like crazy right now.”
He rolls off the couch and stumbles up the stairs to the bathroom. Five minutes later he’s out and we’re driving in the jeep towards the diner.
“Did you sleep ok on the couch?”
“I’ve slept on the couch before, Brian. And every time I tell you the same thing. It was fine.”
Sighing, I continue to drive and once we get there I park the jeep and get out. He follows me into the diner and we go to our normal table. Since it’s so early there is barely anybody there, which I’m grateful for.
Dan walks in our direction and smiles his normal too cheery smile. “You boys have been spending quite a bit of time together the last few weeks. What’s going on?”
“Nothing Dan, now can you please get me a giant stack of pancakes, a side of bacon and an orange juice please?”
Dan looks at me funny but writes down the order. “Sunshine?”
“Just coffee please, I’m not awake enough to eat.” He says through a yawn.
Dan looks at me and smirks. “Keeping him up late again Kinney?”
I roll my eyes and am about to comment on that when Justin speaks up.
“We’re not together Dan; I’m just helping him out.”
Good going Sunshine, now you opened a new can of worms. Dan is never going to let the fact that *I* needed help fly.
Like I predicted Dan sat down in the booth next to me, looking at me very closely. “Ok, spill it kiddo. I’ve known something has been up for months now but haven’t cared to ask. But now you’re going to tell me.”
I laugh. “Oh I am, am I?”
He nods and looks at Justin. “Or I could pry it out of Justin here. He doesn’t like to lie to me.”
I watch as Justin sinks farther down into the booth. Knowing he’s going to get it when we get back to the loft. Looking back at Dan I think about something that I never really thought of, how the hell am I going to walk around with Noah, when people don’t even know about him? It’s at that moment I have to tell somebody. I don’t give a fuck that Justin might now what Dan to know.
“You really want to know what’s up with me?”
Dan nods like crazy and I see Justin eyeing me with wide eyes across the table. Taking a deep breath I smile a little.
“I’m going to be a dad again.”
Dan smiles big, I know he doesn’t understand what I mean but he will soon enough.
“Oh that’s great! I didn’t know you and Levi were planning on doing it again. I mean sure it would be great for Gus to have a brother, just never expected it that’s all.”
I shake my head as my hand moves to my stomach. “Levi isn’t having another baby, I am.”
I watch as Dan’s eyes go wide, and see him glance at my stomach. “Holy fuck! I never thought I would see the day when Brian Kinney would be knocked up.” He whispered, as if he assumed I didn’t want the whole world to know, which I’m very thankful for.
I laugh and glance at Justin. He’s sitting there with a scared to death look on his face.
“Who’s the father?”
I do one of those side-wards nod things towards Justin and watch Dan smile the biggest smile I have ever seen.
“Way to go Sunshine.” He laughed, smacking his gum.
Justin just sinks farther into the seat, blushing bright red.
*****@*****
Justin’s POV
I practically run out of the diner once Brian is done with his breakfast. He had been so fucking cocky the whole time. Now that Dan knows about everything it’s like Brian is a fucking show off. God, it was driving me bananas.
“You were so fucking cute in there.” Brian says to me, laughing his head off as we walk back to the jeep.
I glare at him and start walking faster. “You could have at least warned me you know.”
“You’ve been begging me to tell people ever since you found out, and now you’re not happy?”
“I never said I wasn’t happy you told him, I just would have liked some kind of warning that’s all.” I explain getting into the jeep once Brian had unlocked it.
He rolls his eyes at me as he got in and started the drive home. “We don’t need to fucking argue over it. I wasn’t planning on telling him today, it just sort of came out.”
“Like everything else.” I mumble under my breath.
“What did you say?”
I glance over at Brian and put on my best innocent face, but the anger flashing in my eyes. “I didn’t say anything Brian.”
He slams on the breaks once we’re back to the loft and he turns and looks at me with hurt in his eyes. “I don’t get you. Why the hell are you here, if all you’re going to do is fucking pick fights!”
OK, I defiantly wasn’t expecting that outburst. But what I was least expecting was my reaction.
“Why should you fucking care! You hurt me for years; I think it’s about time I pay you back!” Yeah, ok it was harsh and to tell you the truth I don’t get why I’m yelling. I mean didn’t I think about all of this last night and come up with the fact that it was mostly all my fault?
His eyes go wide and he clenches his jaw tight. “You know what Justin; you’ve got to be pretty fucking blind if you don’t think what happened 3 months ago wasn’t enough pay back for how I treated you. You’re the one that ran out on me!”
“Only because you wouldn’t show me the light of day. Ethan could love me. You couldn’t, I needed that!” I yell back. Not even caring that we were having the conversation we needed to have for weeks, in the fucking jeep.
“I did love you! Do you really think I would of let you live with me if I didn’t? Do you really think I would have spent night after night at the hospital watching you sleep? God Justin, are you really that stupid to not notice that if you would of just stayed around a little longer I might have actually given you what you want? I almost bought you flowers once. Did you know that? Did you know that I came home from Chicago only wanting to be with you? To celebrate my new partnership, but of course you weren’t even fucking home...”
I watch as he takes a deep breath, tears streaming down his face. My heart is in my throat. I wasn’t expecting any of this. Brian just admitted he loved me, and so much more.
“You left me Justin, and I guess I don’t really blame you, but do you have any idea what it was like to find out I was pregnant and know I could never tell the person I so deeply wanted to tell. You had a whole other life; I wasn’t part of it anymore. You could go on with you’re life and forget about me, but I never could do that. I was pregnant with you’re son and for the rest of my life I would remember the one morning I actually let you inside of me. The one morning that I was sure I gave you enough to show I loved you.”
Brian was in hysterical sobs by this point and the only thing I could think to do was pull him into a big hug and let him cry. “God Brian, I’m so fucking sorry.” I whisper in his ear. I never once really thought how Brian must have felt that night at the Rage party. I never stopped to think about what a lot of the things he did meant. He was right, him letting me inside that morning after Sap’s party was him pretty much telling me he loved me. Just thinking of that, causes my had to move down to his stomach. I rub the bulge there that pretty soon he’s not going to be able to hide. He’s actually rather big right now, a lot bigger then most people I know where when they were five months pregnant.
I pull back finally to look him in the eye, trying to smile, because I too had started to cry. “We’re so fucked up aren’t we?” I giggle.
He sniffles and laughs too, nodding his head. “Yeah…but things will get better right? I mean, you want them to, don’t you?”
My smile gets bigger. “Brian, are you trying to ask me if I want to be you’re boyfriend again?” I ask in a way that makes me sound like a grade school kid.
He rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, kind of.”
I laugh. “Well, if that is what you’re asking, then I guess I’ll have to say yes. I mean I am the father of the little rascal that is in here.” I say rubbing his stomach lightly.
Smiling Brian hugs me again, and then does something pulls back to look me in the eye. “I meant it when I said I loved you back then, and I love you now. I know you’re wondering why I can say it now, and not then. But it’s not really that easy. I guess being pregnant messes with more then you’re physical appearance. It’s really made me think through my life a little bit. I’ve seen what really matters. The one thing I had planned to do once I found out I was pregnant was track you down and just tell you that I loved you. I wasn’t planning on getting anything out of it, but I wanted you to know.”
I’m socked and all I can do is hug Brian tighter. “Well, I love you too Brian, so much.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
AUTHORS NOTE: YAY!!! Brian and Justin are finally back together…I wonder if that means its smooth sailing from here on out? Hmmm…guess you’ll just have to wait to fine out huh. Thanks again for reading and for all the great reviews. They really make me want to keep on writing. Oh yeah and I so can’t forget my Beta…Linda, you’re the greatest…thanks so much!
XOXO Steph
