Chapter Eighteen Graduation May 8th 2003 It was the afternoon of Vanessa’s college graduation.  Even though she protested for hours the guys told her they would all be coming.  She has become a part of the Backstreet family, and this was her special day. It wasn’t every day that somebody gets his or her teaching certificate. Some families were having harder times then others in getting ready for the celebration.  The Mathers’ in particular. “AJ baby, we have to be leaving in twenty minutes.”  Marshall breathed out.  AJ was placing kisses down his chest and heading to places both of them knew they didn’t have time to go. AJ smiled up at his lover, and stood up again.  “Isn’t a kiss ok?” Marshall didn’t respond with words just pulled AJ to him for a deep passionate kiss. “Daddy, I can’t find my black buckle shoes!”  Yelled Hailie from her bedroom. Marshall groaned into AJ’s mouth and pulled away.  “This is only going to get worse as soon as the baby is born. We’re never going to have time for each other.” AJ smiled.  “But it will all be worth it when this little person is in the world.” He said patting his stomach. “Daddy!” “Be right back baby. Why don’t you get dressed.”  Said Marshall before he walked out of the room and to Hailie’s.  “Where did you put the shoes the last time you wore them?” Hailie shrugged.  “I don’t know.” “They were under the couch the last time I saw them.”  Came Vanessa’s voice from the doorway. Hailie giggled and ran to give Vanessa a hug before she ran out of the room in search for her lost shoes. Marshall shook his head.  “That girl really loves you.” “No, she’s just a good little girl. I think she loves everybody who loves her back.” “Hey guys, we better get going.”  Said AJ looking at the two standing in the middle of Hailie’s bedroom.  If Vanessa wasn’t with Howie, and if he knew Marshall wasn’t madly in love with him.  He would have been jealous. *****@***** “Justin and Nick are coming right?”  Asked Howie. Marshall nodded.  “Nick called a few minutes before we left the house.  He said something about Justin complaining about his pants not fitting right and almost not coming.” Howie laughed.  “I give you, Nick, and Kevin credit.  I don’t think I could handle a pregnant partner right now.” “Justin you look fine!”  Exclaimed Nick as he and Justin sat down next to Marshall and Howie. Justin pouted and flopped down in the chair.  “I do not! I look like a fucking elephant.” “Welcome to the club Justin.”  Laughed Kristin and AJ. “Come on guys, lets just try and have fun. This is Vanessa’s day.”  Said Howie. “Daddy, what happens at a grad…graduation?”  Asked Hailie looking around the room and the group of people. “Vanessa and her classmates are going to walk up and get something called a diploma.”  Said Marshall, hoping the little girl wouldn’t ask any more questions, since he didn’t know what really was going to happen. Hailie looked at her daddy in confusion but didn’t get a chance to respond because Vanessa came walking over in her black graduation gown. “How do I look guys?”  She asked spinning around. Hailie’s eyes got big.  “You look like one of those guys on TV with the hammers.” Vanessa giggled.  “Guys with a hammer?” “Yeah, those guys who hit the table and go.  ‘Order in the court.’” Everybody started laughing now. “You mean a judge Hailie?” Hailie nodded.  “Yeah a judge.” “Well I gota get going back to where I’m supposed to be sitting.  I’ll see you guys after ok?” Howie stood up and stopped Vanessa from walking away. Vanessa felt Howie’s arm on her shoulder and turned around.  “What?” Howie smiled and pulled Vanessa in for a hug.  “I’m so proud of you.” Vanessa could feel her heart beating.  “T…thanks.” With that she walked over to where her friends and other classmates were sitting. “Who was that guy you were just hugging.  He looks so familiar?”  Asked Jenny one of Vanessa’s friends. “You mean you don’t know who that was?  That was Howie Dorough from the Backstreet Boys.”  Exclaimed Janet another friend. Jenny looked back up to look at the man again.  Sure enough there was a small group of people standing around him asking for autographs.  “My God, Vanessa why didn’t you tell us you were dating a Backstreet Boy.” Vanessa’s eyes followed Jenny’s and felt her stomach knot up.  Howie was smiling like crazy at the group of girls asking for autographs.  Her mind kept telling her not to get upset, but her heart was telling her a totally different story.  “Would you excuse me.” Jenny and Janet just looked at each other and nodded.  Both of them not sure what they said to get their friend so upset. Vanessa made her way back over to where her friends were sitting.  By this point the girls had made their ways back to their seats because the ceremony was supposed to start any minute.  When she got to Howie she looked down at him.  “Can I talk to you for a moment?” Howie looked up surprised to see Vanessa standing there.  “Sure baby.”  He said and waited for her to start talking. “Alone.” Kevin who was sitting next to Howie looked at Howie and shrugged. “All right sure.”  Said Howie getting up out of his chair and following Vanessa out of the auditorium. Once outside in the lobby area Vanessa turned to Howie with hurt and anger in her eyes.  “Why don’t you just run off with them.  I know you would be happier.” Howie looked at Vanessa in shock.  What in the world had gotten her so upset?  “What are you talking about?” Vanessa pointed back at one of the girls he had signed an autograph for.  “There are thousands of girls like her, who would love to give you what you what.  I can’t give you that.” “And what exactly is it that I want?” Vanessa could feel tears coming to her eyes. ‘Come on Vanessa don’t break down.  You can do this.’  She screamed at herself.  “I wont let you sleep with me ok.  I know you need it.  Heck any male of any species needs sex, and I can’t give it to you. You might as well move on.” Howie was getting angry by this point.  He couldn’t believe she thought so low of him.  “I can’t fucking believe that you would think that.  If I wanted a cheep lay I would go find a fucking whore. That’s not what I’m looking for.  Why don’t you believe me when I say I love you for you.  No matter if you don’t want to sleep with me.  I love you for the fact that you won’t have sex to you’re married.  That’s a part of who you are, and I respect that.  I thought I made the clear. Vanessa sighed.  She wanted to believe him, but she had been raised to think that guys lied, especially when they were being confronted of something. Without saying another word to Howie, she turned on her heal and ran in the opposite direction. Not even knowing where she was going. *****@***** AJ was just coming out of the bathroom when he was literally ran into.  After the initial shock of almost falling flat on his butt he noticed it was a very upset Vanessa who had ran into him.  Holding the girl at arms length he looked into her eyes.  “Vanessa, what’s wrong?” Vanessa looked up at AJ and started to cry even harder.  She wanted to be left alone, not wanting to explain herself to her what used to be her boyfriends best friend. AJ didn’t like the silence and guided Vanessa to sit down on a bench. “Come on girl you gota stop crying and tell me what’s wrong.” Vanessa sniffed and whipped her nose with the back of her hand, and explained to AJ what had happened. AJ listened intently to what she was saying.  He understood where she was coming from, but also knew she was over reacting.  He could tell by the look in Howie’s eyes that day in February he loved this girl. “Vanessa, I’ve known Howie for almost ten years, and I know for a fact this isn’t something he would do.” “How can you be so sure.  I mean I wouldn’t blame him for thinking this way, I can’t give him what he wants.” AJ sighed.  “How do you know that is what he wants?  Has he actually came out and said. ‘Vanessa, I don’t like you because you wont fuck me.’?” Vanessa couldn’t help but laugh, AJ always had a way with words. AJ smiled, he was getting through to her.  “Well, has he?” Vanessa shook her head. “I didn’t think so.  So, if I were you I’d go back to that boy and give him a big kiss on the lips and say you were sorry for ever doubting him.”  AJ laughed.  “And if you need any help I would do the kissing for you.  You have one cute boyfriend.” Vanessa was laughing fully at this point and gave AJ a hug.  “Thanks Alex.  You’re a true friend.” AJ pulled back and smiled.  “I try.” “Vanessa, whoohoo.” Vanessa turned to see Maggie Dunkin walking in their direction.  Maggie was the one girl in her glass that she couldn’t stand.  “Hello Maggie.”  She said putting on a fake smile. Maggie looked at AJ and smiled a big perfect white tooth smile.  “Oh, so it is true.  You know the Backstreet Boys.” Vanessa thought she was going to gag when AJ kissed Maggie’s outstretched hand, trying to be the perfect gentleman. “Yeah, I do know them, and was there a point of why you are here?” Maggie glared at Vanessa.  The feeling of dislike was mutual between the girls.  “If you must know I came to show you this.”  She said forcing her left hand into Vanessa’s face, to show off the huge diamond ring on her ring finger. “Raymond proposed to me last night. Isn’t that romantic.  Getting proposed to the night before graduation.” Vanessa just groaned.  She should have guessed the reason Maggie came by was to rub something in her face about Raymond Christian.  Why didn’t the girl understand that yes, she had gone out with Raymond for two months freshman year, but that she broke it off because the guy was a total jerk.  So, she was more then happy that the idiot was finally taken care of once and for all.  “That’s really great Maggie.  I just love the ring. Its so…so sparkly.”  She said making a face. “Maggie honey, are you coming?”  Maggie turned to see Raymond standing at the door and giggled with glee as she ran off. Not bothering to say goodbye Vanessa and AJ. AJ watched Vanessa’s reaction to the girls visit and laughed.  “You don’t like her very much do you?” Vanessa groaned.  “That’s an understatement.  She is the biggest bitch and loves it. And showing off the crappy ring was supposed to make me jealous.  Yeah right.” “Do you have something against diamonds?” “You don’t want to go there.  I hate to sound preachy, and that’s a story that would take more time then we have.”  Said Vanessa. AJ looked down at his watch.  “We still have time.  I’m interested in what you have to say.” “I just hate the whole diamond market.  Those little kids in Africa that have to mine all the diamonds and only get paid like seven cents an hour for it. Plus diamonds are just to way over priced, and they aren’t as rare and people think they are.  I would so much rather just have a gem of some sort.  Something that had meaning. AJ nodded.  “You’ve got a point there.” Marshall and Hailie walked over to where Vanessa and AJ were talking.  “Sorry to bother you, but honey can you take Hailie to the bathroom for me?  I have to go back out to the car and get the video camera, and I don’t think we would get back in time if I took Hailie too.” AJ had to laugh at the look of almost panic in the little girl’s eyes.  “Sure, come on Hai, let’s get you to the bathroom before you have an accident.” Once AJ and Hailie were gone, Marshall turned to Vanessa.  “He’s going to make a great dad isn’t he.” Vanessa smiled.  “He already is a great dad, but you better go get that camera, and I need to be taking my place.  I’ll see you back at Nick and Justin’s?” “Yup, see ya.”  Said Marshall walking towards the door.  “Oh, and Vanessa, good luck.”  He said turning around. Vanessa smiled again.  “Thanks.” As she was about to walk back into the auditorium she was stopped by a large hand on her shoulder.  Turning around she saw Mr. Tolken the head of the dorm where Vanessa had been living for the past 4 years. “Miss Morgan.  I just wanted to remind you that you need to have your stuff out of the room by the end of next week.”  With that he walked through the doors and found his seat. Vanessa stood in the doorway in shock.  She had totally forgot about that.  Nobody had come to remind them since the beginning of the semester and that was in January. She didn’t get much of a chance to think about what she was going to do because she heard somebody announcing that everybody needed to find their seats, so they cold begin. *****@***** “How are we supposed to be having a party without alcohol.” Whined Aaron as he helped Nick set the drinks out on the picnic table by the pool. Nick glared and Aaron.  “That is probably the stupid question you’ve asked.  Lets see, we’ve got three people who are pregnant, two recovering addicts coming to this party. Not to mention that the guest of honor doesn’t drink.  Do you really think that was an appropriate questions.” Aaron looked up at his brother like he had grown two heads.  “I’m not sure if I like this whole ‘family man’ attitude.” “Yo Frack got any Mountain Dew?”  Asked Brian from the pool who was carrying Hailie around on his shoulders. “Take this to Brian and get in that pool before you drive me crazy.”  Said Nick handing the soda to Aaron. Howie sat and watched the scene between Nick and Aaron in shock.  He wasn’t sure what had gotten into his younger friend.  Sometime he wasn’t sure if Aaron was supposed to be his little brother, or his son.  He couldn’t help but wonder if the protective coat he was putting around the younger boy was really what he needed.  He was shaken from his thoughts when he felt somebody sit down next to him on the patio furniture. “Can we talk?”  Asked Vanessa quietly.  Not sure if Howie was going to yell at her or not. Howie jumped slightly when he heard Vanessa’s voice.  She was the last person he was expecting to sit down next to him.  “Sure.”  Was all he said because he didn’t want to show how extremely happy he was that she was even still talking to him. Vanessa took a deep breath.  She had been practicing like crazy in the car on the way over to the house with AJ and Marshall but now that she was sitting here she wasn’t sure how to say what she wanted to.  “Howie, I’m sorry.”  She mentally slapped herself for that.  ‘There ya go Vanessa, really original.’ She yelled at herself. Howie turned to look at Vanessa. He could see the hurt in her eyes, and the truth that she really was sorry. But that didn’t take away all the pain he was feeling. It had torn him in two when she said she couldn’t trust him. When he didn’t say anything Vanessa knew that her small apology wasn’t going to be all it would take. Licking her lips she tried again.  “I’ll admit I have some major trust issues.  All the men in my life have lied and left me.  I’ve pretty much been taught that men can’t be trusted.  When you told me you weren’t interested in those other girls, I couldn’t believe you.  I know how guys are, they need to get laid, and I couldn’t by the idea that you weren’t like that…” Howie couldn’t take the rambling anymore and put his hands to her lips.  “I understand.  I’m not saying it didn’t hurt me, but I understand. You’ve got to remember I don’t have that short of a fuse like some other people we know and love.” He said pointing at Marshall and AJ in particular. Vanessa couldn’t help but giggle.  “I really wonder sometimes how those two can stand each other.  They are both totally opposite, but then again exactly the same. It’s really weird.” Howie simply nodded and watched as Marshall tried to get AJ to come into the pool with him, and when he didn’t Marshall pushed him into the pool t-shirt and all. He laughed.  “They are really cute together though.” Vanessa sighed.  Things were ok with her and Howie now, which was great but that still left her with a problem of not having anyplace to live after this next week. Howie noticed Vanessa’s silence.  “Something else is bothering you.” She shook her head.  “It’s nothing.  Don’t worry about it.” Howie turned Vanessa’s face to look at him.  “I love you Vanessa Morgan, if something is bothering you, I want to know what it is.” Vanessa could see the truth in his eyes.  “I ran into my dorm supervisor today before the ceremony and he reminded me that I have to be out of my dorm by the end of next week. Which means I’m pretty much homeless.” “You can move in with me.”  Said Howie mater of factly Vanessa looked at Howie like he was crazy.  “You just told me you respect my feelings for not wanting to get intimate with you, and now you want me to move in with you?” Howie nodded.  “I never said anything about us being intimate.  I do have two bedrooms in my apartment ya know.” Vanessa got up off the couch and looked down at Howie.  “I’m not moving in with you.  I was not raised to move in with my boyfriends.  Unless I have a ring on this finger I’m not moving in with anybody.” She exclaimed in exasperation.  This conversation was messing with her head.  Part of her was yelling at her to move in with him, and to hell with the consequences, but the other part of her was telling her this was wrong.  She was just about to walk away when Howie shocked her with the biggest shock of the night. “What if we were married?” Vanessa spun around to look at Howie.  He couldn’t have been serious, but by the look on his face he was.  “Are you asking me what I think you are asking?” Howie thought for a second and nodded.  “Vanessa Morgan, will you marry me?” *****@***** “I so can’t believe you threw me in that pool.”  Exclaimed a dripping wet AJ, his dark blue t-shirt sticking to his pregnant stomach. Kevin shook his head and laughed.  “This is a pool party Alex, the point is to get wet.” AJ continued to sit on the lounge chair and pout.  “But I didn’t want to get wet.” Brian was just about to make a comment but there was screaming coming from the deck and everybody turned to see what was happening. “What the heck are those two doing?”  Asked Marshall pointing at Vanessa who was screaming and holding on to Howie for dear life. “Woman, you never know what’s going on with the.”  Stated Kevin. “Kevin, I wouldn’t make any more comments like that one unless you want to be sleeping on the couch.” Came Kristin’s voice from behind her magazine. Everybody laughed at the scared look on Kevin’s face.  Even Hailie seemed to understand that joke. *****@***** Howie tried to keep his balance as Vanessa literally leapt on him screaming in his ear.  This wasn’t something he was expecting.  “So I take that as a yes?” Vanessa pulled back and looked Howie in the eyes.  “Hell yes.” It was Howie’s turn scream like a giddy teenage girl and wasn’t surprised when he looked towards the pool to see everybody looking in his or her direction. “Come on lets go tell everybody before they think we have totally lost our minds.” Vanessa took Howie’s outstretched hand and walked down to where the pool was. Howie cleared his throat.  “Um I have an announcement to make.” “What is it D?”  Asked AJ. “Vanessa and I are engaged.” Everybody was in shock.  Justin was the first one to say anything. “Congratulations.  Now we have three weddings to plan for.”  He said giving Vanessa and Howie both hugs. Everybody else followed suit and gave Vanessa and Howie each a hug and said congratulations.  *****@***** After dinner of pizza and French fries, on the pregnant people’s request, everybody including Hailie and Aaron were sitting around the family room getting ready to watch 8 Mile.  Even though the movie had been out to by since March they hadn’t all watched it together yet. “Are you sure Hailie and Aaron should be watching this movie?”  Asked Nick. Marshall was going to answer but Aaron jumped up and stomped over to where Nick was sitting. “You are not my fucking father, and I hate it that you seem to think you are.  If you really want to know, I’ve seen this movie before and I’ve done a hell of a lot worse.”  With that he stomped off and ran up the stairs to his room. Nick looked like a deer caught in headlights.  He hadn’t meant to Make Aaron man, he was just trying to protect him. Justin saw the hurt in his boyfriend’s eyes and put his arm around him.  “Don’t worry baby, he’s just being fifteen.  He’s really grateful for all we’ve done, he’s just not ready to show it yet.” Marshall cleared his throat.  “Can we just get this over with.  I’m not all that keen on watching myself on TV.” *****@***** The rest of the movie time went smoothly.  Aaron had come back down after about twenty minutes.  He didn’t apologize but he sat and watched the movie and laughed with everybody.  About half an hour into the movie though it became quite clear that Hailie really shouldn’t have been watching the movie.  She kept gasping every time she heard Marshall or any of the other guys say the ‘F” word.  Which means she was gasping a whole lot.  Kristin suggested that she would take Hailie up to the room Justin and Nick had set up for her when she came over to their house to play Barbie’s or something, and that’s what they did. Now the movie was finished and everybody was just sitting around and talking.  Weddings were the topic of discussion.  Justin, Nick and AJ and Marshall already had their wedding dates planned for September and October.  Which gave each of them two months after the babies’ births. Now it was Howie and Vanessa’s turn to find a time. “Maybe we can have just back to back weddings.  You know have Howie and Vanessa in November.”  Suggested Justin. Vanessa nodded.  “I was thinking the same thing.  But it would have to be the beginning of November.  I don’t want to be on my honeymoon on my birthday.” “Is there any real reason why you guys are getting married so early?”  Asked Marshall. Vanessa caught the hint and shook her head.  “Sorry Marshall but there are no little Dorough’s on the way yet.  We’re getting married the old fashion way, because we feel like it, not because we have to.” “Ouch, why do I have the feeling that was directed right at us.”  Laughed Nick. “How did he propose?”  Asked Kristin who had walked back into the room.  “Hailie is asleep.” Marshall smiled.  “Thanks.” “No problem.  But like I just asked.  How did he propose?” Vanessa giggled.  “I was being an idiot and pretty much yelling at him because he asked me to move in with him.” “Sorry to sound like Hailie here but, **gasp**.” Said AJ. “But she wouldn’t move in with me.  So I asked her if I asked her to marry me if she would.”  Explained Howie. “Why would she want to move anyway?”  Asked Brian. Vanessa sighed.  They still hadn’t figured out what she was going to do until they did get married.  “I don’t really have any place to live after the end of next week.” “What do you mean?”  Asked Kevin “I mean I like in a dorm right now, and now that I graduated they need me to leave the dorm.” AJ looked at Marshall.  “You remember what we were talking about?” Whispered AJ. Marshall nodded.  “Go ahead and ask her.” “I think I may have a solution to you’re problem.”  Vanessa looked up at AJ.  “What do you mean.” AJ sighed.  “See, we’ve been needing to find somebody to baby-sit Hailie in the summer.  With all the studio time we will have to be using we’re not going to be able to be home enough.  So what I was thinking is you could move in here and be kind of like the live in nanny for a while.” “Yeah, the room would be free and we will pay you.”  Added Marshall. Vanessa shook her head.  “There is no way you are going to do that.  Either you make me pay rent or you don’t pay me at all.  I’m not going to be a charity case.” Marshall nodded.  “All right, I’m not in the mood to argue.” “So it’s set. This weekend we can start moving all of you’re stuff in.”  Said AJ.