BY: J.Martin
Page 4
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“I didn’t mean Willow.”
“I know.” She stopped and unlocked the back door to the kitchen. He followed her inside and as she turned on the lights he took off his coat and rested on a stool at the kitchen counter.
She was putting her coat over the back of the chair when she realized he was staring at her. She turned and leaned back on the chair folding her arms.
“Ok, don’t keep looking at me like that. I know where she is now and I know where she will be in about another hour and a half.” She said this while looking up at the kitchen clock. She was also thinking it best not to mention that Dawn was now going on patrol with her.
She moved in front of him as he put his hands on her hips. “I know I’m not a part of this but I have already lost Connor. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you or Dawn, not now.”
“So tell me all about what happened. I’ll fix us some tea. Well that is something I never thought I would say. Giles would be so proud.”
She moved around the kitchen and he began to tell her the story. He tried to fill in all the gaps about Holtz and Justine, Wolfram & Hart, the demon bounty hunters, blah, blah. But the surprise came when he told her about Wesley carefully leaving out the part where he tried to suffocate him.
“Angel, Wesley of all people? There has to be more to it was he under a spell? Was he bitten or under some demon’s control? It just doesn‘t make any sense; not after all we’ve been through. Angel, it‘s Wesley, I don’t understand.”
“As long as I live, and it appears that could be quite a bit longer, I will never understand it. He knew that he could come to me with anything. There are a lot of unanswered questions and they may always be unanswered. I just know that I can’t get Connor back and never seeing him again-well- it was about to destroy me. That’s why I had to come here, I just couldn’t miss another moment to be with you.”
“And I am so glad you’re here. But Angel, what are we going to do?” He didn’t have the answer to that question either so instead of answering he just pulled her close.
“I don’t know about the future but I know we have each other now. For the next few hours we are going to just enjoy being together, if that’s okay with you.”
He smiled and kissed her forehead. Taking her hand in his he led her to the couch where he sat and she curled up on top of him.
“Of course it is. But, you know we have to be careful, we can’t get carried away.”
“Then we won’t, we’ll just be together. We’ll talk or sleep or just sleep if you want. You look a little tired.” She rested her head on his chest.
“I am, but I’m not going to miss a moment of you being here with me.”
“I saw what you gave Dawn tonight. I was surprised that you still had it.”
“I would never have given it up, you know that. I didn’t think you would mind under the circumstances. I felt it only right that she should have something from both of us. After all, I now have this to wear, remember?”
She lifted another chain from inside her shirt. On the end of this one was a locket with the same silver cross engraved into it.
“Yes, I gave you that right after we figured it all out about Dawn. We put a lock of your hair, hers and mine on one side. Is that still right?”
“So far so good big guy. But do you remember the more important item tucked in the other side? And that would be?”
The telephone ringing made them both almost jump out of their skin. She ran to answer it while yelling back to him. “Now hold that thought.”
He stood up and started to look around at how very little had changed. He stopped and looked at one of the pictures from the mantle. It was an older picture of Buffy, Willow and Xander. It made him smile as he thought those were actually simpler days. He moved on to one in a frame covered with seashells. It was a picture of Buffy and Dawn and they looked so happy it made him smile. His hand fell short of the mantle and he dropped the frame. It hit the edge of the wall and bounced a few more times as he tried to recover it. He almost had it in hand as she walked back into the den with the telephone still at her ear. She was covering her mouth to keep from laughing at his feign attempt to steady it and not drop it again. Then came the crash and he went quickly to the floor to pick it up.
She tried not to giggle as she spoke, “Yes Giles, it was. That’s fine, I was just settling in for the night. No, I just knocked something over." There was a pause as she listened. "She did wonderful. No, nothing went wrong. So what were the odds of that happening, right? It’s been extra quiet here too for some reason.” She sat next to Angel who now rested back on the couch stroking her hair still studying the picture with the now broken glass.
“Oh, alright. All right! I promise, scouts honor. I’ll take a look around tomorrow night and get back to you. I will tell her. I know. She misses you too, we all do. Thanks for calling it means a lot. Yes, I will let you know. Bye, tata, whatever.”
She hit the END button on the telephone and put it on the table.
“Sorry about the picture."
“That’s fine, it’s just one of me and Dawn, the glass can be replaced. She made the frame for me on my twentieth birthday."
" It's really a nice picture. What did Giles want at this hour?”
She was settling back into his safe embrace. "He was checking on Dawn’s program tonight.” She hesitated before continuing; hoping this would not upset their evening. “He also said there is some impending danger that has him concerned. He wanted to be sure I was patrolling tomorrow night. If I find anything unusual, I am to call him, immediately. He was rather vague. But no worry, I will do it later-tomorrow-not now. Where were we?” She started to settle back into his embrace but he pushed forward. She gritted her teeth because this was exactly why she hesitated mentioning Giles’ concern.
“What type of unusual danger? Did he say anything else? Can it really wait until tomorrow?”
She put her hands to his face pulled him close and started kissing him. “It’s going to have to be tomorrow. Remember- tonight- you-me-alone, been months, need some quiet time together. You in LA, me in Sunnydale, not a lot of seeing each other?"
She was persisting, " Please don’t look at me like that. All I want is us for now, OK?”
“If you promise me that was all he said.”
“Yes, it was.” She smiled and continued kissing him all over. She thought to herself, that was more or less what Giles said. Tonight had turned into a more wonderful evening than she ever expected. She was not going to allow anything to change that.
They continued to talk and catch up on things they couldn’t tell each other via e-mail. The time seemed to slow down because there was so much to say yet they still had hours before he would have to leave her. She told him more about Dawn and her grades, how nice it had been to stop working and concentrate on her training, both physical and mental. She told him how pleased she was when Child Services gave her glowing marks on raising Dawn and then stopped snooping around. She went on about how grueling it was for Willow after Tara’s death. Willow had just found herself again and was starting over, but they all knew that every day was a struggle for her.
“That took a really long time. We were so afraid we lost her. But Giles came to the rescue. He took her to England for a few months to a witch rehab or something. I really miss him, but we both knew it was the right decision for him to go. Did I tell you that Willow is teaching Computer Science at UC Sunnydale while she's finishing up there? She seems to like it but it keeps her busy and sometimes during the day I get lonely around here. Can I even begin to tell you what a great help she has been to Dawn with school and everything?”
She was on a roll now and things seemed to be popping in her head before she could think. “Xander, Oh Angel, Xander. He has been the best. He took over for Giles to keep Willow out of the Wicca business when she returned from London and has been here all through her recovery. And now he is there for Dawn like I never thought he could be. She can hardly wait for their baby to get here. Xander is going to be like the best father."
She closed her eyes and bit her lip, "Oh my God! Just shut me up, I didn’t mean that.”
Her tears were forming as she saw the incredible ache in Angel’s eyes. He was biting his lip which made him noticeably upset.
“Oh, Angel.” She hugged him tightly.
He took her arms from around his neck and rose from the couch. “No, you have every right to go on about him. At least he can be here for you and Dawn. That’s something I can’t do right now. I am happy to hear how he's helping you.”
She stood and walked toward him. “What are we going to do? This is so hard. I want you to be here every day so I don’t have to tell you what a good father figure someone else is being to Dawn. I want you to be part of her life, our life. I hate the secrets. I am so tired of not being able to tell people the truth, especially the people I love. Please forgive me for wanting you so badly?”
“I forgave you for everything a long time ago. I understand. I know how it feels when I can’t share my thoughts and actions with you. It’s just. It hurts. But it’s not our fault. Someday, soon, I promise we’ll figure out a way. You can count on that. Buffy?”
She looked into his eyes. "Yeah?"
"Buffy, I love you."
"Yeah, I know that. I love you too."He pulled her close and they just held onto each other.
*****
Dawn was having a great night. Everyone was congratulating her and telling her what a great speech she gave. The speech that she slaved over for weeks appeared to be more than satisfactory. She had been so nervous about tonight, but with Willow, Xander and Buffy’s support she managed to get through it. She sat listening to her friends chatter and even though they couldn’t drink she was having an intoxicating time. There was also another reason for her great mood.
She looked around the room until she saw him. Gabe was new at school this year and he seemed to like her. They worked together on class projects and she was comfortable talking with him. Her girl friends were hoping he would take her to the Spring Fling. So was she, but that hadn’t happened yet and it was only a week away. She was seventeen now, just two years older than when Buffy started slaying. She was allowed to go on patrol quite a bit lately with the promise that it would never interfere with school. With that on her mind, she felt so much older than the rest of the group here tonight. She had seen so much that they would never experience.
She put her hand to her neck and around the cross hanging there. It meant so much to her, first, because it was something Buffy loved; and secondly, because it meant that now she trusted her. She worried a little about Buffy being all alone tonight when a sudden chill ran down her back. Her thoughts were sidetracked when Gabe asked her to dance.
After leading her to the dance floor, he asked. “ Why the frown, aren’t you having a good time?”
“Oh yes! I’ve just been tense waiting for tonight to happen. It’s nice for it to be over. Now that I can relax I think I forgot how.”
“Funny, you never look nervous to me.”
“Well, you’re not looking close enough.”
“Oh, I’d say I am. Looking close, that is.” She felt him staring.
“Well don’t do that.”
“Dawn?" He hesitated. "I hope I don’t make you nervous with this next question. I was wondering if you would go with me to the dance next week? I’m sorry for the lateness but I have been trying to ask you for weeks. So many people always surround you I can never get you alone. Then you disappear after school and I don't know how to get in touch with you." He thought he saw hesitation in her eyes. "And I hope I'm not making a fool out of myself because you already have a date.”
She was both surprised and excited. Of course she would go, she thought he was never going to ask, but she didn’t want him to think it would be that easy. “Well, I'll have to take the lateness of the offer under consideration. You do understand that I don’t even have a dress.” Okay Dawn, just say yes! "And no, I don't have a date; and yes, I would love to go with you.”
“Well that was the answer I was hoping for. We can talk about it more tomorrow- like time, where to pick you up. We can have lunch together at school, if that's ok with you and maybe you’ll even give me your phone number?”
“Sure, I’m staying at Janice’s tonight anyway, but we can meet for lunch and then you can call me at home. I’ll give you the number before we leave.”
Once the dance was over, she blushingly excused herself to the ladies room. Janice was right behind her.
“Well, did he?”
“Yes, he did. And before you ask, I said yes. He’s going to call me at home so we can arrange the details. Oh darn, look at the time, it’s almost half past 10. We better get to your house before Buffy and your mom start looking for us and I never see daylight again.”
They headed out and as she passed Gabe she handed him the note with her home number. She smiled back at him as he and his friends offered to walk with them. The walk home was short and Dawn was always extra careful because she knew what went “bump in the night”. They said goodnight; the guys watched them close the door behind them and then continued on their way. Dawn noticed as she passed her house, that there was a light on downstairs. Buffy had plans to go to bed early so she thought about running home to check on her, but decided to call instead.
*****
They had finally retreated back to the couch and both drifted off to sleep. Once again the telephone broke the stillness. Thank goodness she left it on the table which meant she didn’t have to move to answer it.
“Hello?” Once she realized who it was she put the telephone between them so they both could hear. “Guess I fell asleep on the couch. No! No reason to come home. Yes, I’m fine” She said this with almost too much enthusiasm as she looked at Angel. “I am better than you could ever imagine.” She loved it when he smiled like that. He was listening intently but when he put his hand to her side it tickled her and caused her to laugh out loud. “Of course, I’m alone. I will see you tomorrow after school. Goodnight?”
She again hit the END button as she dropped the phone to the floor.
“Oh cool move, get me hysterical with laughter when I am suppose to be here alone.”
He continued to tickle her until they both rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He was leaning over her now and suddenly the temptation they had fought off all night was right there in front of him. He could see and feel the soft curves of her body beneath him as he watched her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. She sensed the tightness of his body and could see the all too familiar look in his eyes.
"Angel?"
"I'm fine. Tough there for a moment but I remember the price we pay. Maybe we better just talk." He rose and wrapped his hand around her forearm pulling her to her feet.
"Are you sure? I mean... are you sure?"
"No, but I will be, for us."
"Angel, do you ever think that maybe if we were together again it wouldn’t matter? I don't want to put pressure on you or me, but maybe, it wouldn't mean a moment of true happiness for you. Maybe that has long passed."
"Buffy, do you know how much love I have for you? I have been alive over 240 years and you are the only woman that I have ever and will ever love. And, whether we like it or not, that means perfect and true happiness for me. That will never change, we just have to control it."
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