Sometimes the most silliest of conversations will be the ones that become the most profound as time passes. Funny how one thread of thought will take you back in time to memories thought long forgotten. I always get a little sad just before dawn approaches. I have yet to figure out if it's because of what I gave up or because of what I have gained. I remember that night so very long ago one of many that we shared. Laying in his arms everything felt so right in the world. Back then he was forever young. Not the youth that he is so desperately trying to hang onto now. He wasn't fighting the cynicism that ages of living bring into your eyes. We were young and could think only of the time we shared then. Laying side by side after a long night of passion, as we often did our conversation turned from light and playful to philosophy. We challenged each others thoughts and beliefs. Opening new worlds and ideas for each other. He turned to me and in the flickering candle light grinned as he reached out and stroked a lock of my hair. "If you coud live forever would you" is what he said, I laughed and the smile left his face and he said "Seriously, if there was a way would you live forever? If all you had to do was become a vampire would you?". I wrapped my arms around him and told him " It depends. Are you there with me?" "Of course I am",was his reply. "Then I'm there, wherever you are is where I want to be". At the time it was a silly conversation. A few months later when once again as he had a habit of doing he disappeared it became a very important conversation.
At first I thought nothing of it. It seemed we were always destined to be seperated. Like magnets we were drawn together continually, until for some reason they would be flipped and we would be driven from each other only to be pulled back together at a later time. For some reason I could always feel where he was, how he was. This was always a comfort, it let me know that I had not truly lost him, he would be back. But then something changed, one night laying alone I had the most awful feeling that something was terribly wrong with him. For a time I could not feel him at all. I was terrified, I knew deep in my soul something was very wrong with him. I felt as though he had died. It didn't last very long, maybe a minute or two, then I could feel him again but it was different. Something had changed, he had changed. There was no point in trying to find him, when he didn't want to be found it could not be done, even back then he was a master at hiding. A few months later he made a brief appearance back into my life. We loved, we laughed, we played. Yet in the quiet moments a shadow would seem to fall across his face. For the first time he would not let me in, would not share what was troubling him. I knew instinctively he would not be staying with me long this time, so I turned away from it and tried to love him enough to make it go away. At first I did not notice the little things that should have given him away. We always have had to hide from the world for one reason or another. So it did not seem strange to me that we only went out at night. Keeping the drapes closed was a way of shutting out the world. Then he left again and the dreams came shortly after. I dreamed of the night he had asked me if I wanted to live forever. I had dreams of him sneaking out after I had fell asleep to hunt his prey. I had dreams of our life together how it could be if I was to join him. A part of me knew it was a lie. Part of him could never stay with me for some reason, it was why he always left, yet part of him could never leave which was why he always returned. I had accepted this love with the pain I knew I would always be brought over and over. As the dreams continued I found my thoughts turning to that conversation more and more through out the day time. It was a gradual awakening, one I am sure he planned out very carefully. I'm not sure exactly when I realized or accepted the fact that the legends were true, what he had done,had become. I just remember sitting in front of the window watching the sun as it rose up over the hill tops and thinking that this is what I have to do. Once the decision was made of who I had to become it became a matter of how. I could simply find him, tell him I knew and I wanted to be with him. Something in me rebeled from that idea. I remembered the stories and the power claimed to be held by the one who became your "maker". It was very rare for one to become on an even ground with ones "maker". He had enough power and control over me as it was. So I done the most foolish and dangerous thing I have ever done, I set out to find me a vampire. Doesn't that just sound silly? Even today, knowing what I am, as long as I have been, I still find that phrase funny. I knew Davidson was in the highlands, which suited me fine for now. I wanted a city that never seemed to close. I knew my best bet would be somewhere that they could blend in easily and so I assumed that Rome would be the perfect place. Believe it or not that has been the only time I have ever been to Rome. |
