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One Liners pg2
Blonde One Liners

Blonde One Liners

Added more on: 10/17/00

Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
They have to pull their own pants down.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better they are easier to keep amused.
Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room.
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
What do most blondes have against condoms?
Their cheeks.
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
They keep falling out.
Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday?
So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday.
Why did the blonde stay up all night studying?
She had a urine test the next day.
How can you tell when a blonde has used your computer?
There's "White-Out" all over the screen.
She was soooooooooo blonde...
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put the M&M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish Holiday.
Under education on her applications, she put "hooked on phonics"
She tried to drown a fish.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate".
She got stabbed in a shoot out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she wrote "Virgo".
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It took her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train".
She sold her car for the gas money.
When she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 blonde friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the house, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company.
When she missed the #44 bus, she took the #22 twice. (hey at least she could add).
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
By accident she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
Why can't Blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!
What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her joke on Wednesday.
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow stepped on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for French fries.
Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to amuse.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"I wonder if it's mine?"
What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes at a four way stop.
Why did the blonde return her new scarf?
It was too tight.
Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde?
You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
What did the man say when he saw a skeleton in the closet?
Ans: Must have been a blonde playing hide and seek last year.
Q: Why don't blondes water ski?
A: Because they lie down as soon as their crotches get wet.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: If you slap a mosquito, it'll stop sucking.
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
Q: What do you call a bleached blonde standing on her head?
A: A brunette with bad breath!
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock knock jokes?
A: Cause they go and answer the fucking door.
Q: How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: She can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear!
Q: How is a blonde different than a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
A: The blonde - she is eighteen.
Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of "seamen".

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