~Though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life I love you more. (In My Life, The Beatles)

~How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving? How can I give love when I just don't know how to give? How can I give love when love is something I aint never had? (How, John Lennon)

~Abby: I was terrified. So was he....longest twenty seconds of my life.
Susan: Twenty seconds?!
Abby: Yeah, if you count foreplay. (Abby & Susan talking about losing their virginities on ER)

~George: C'mon, go along...
Jerry: I'm not goin' along. I can just see you in Berlin in 1939 goose-stepping past me - "C'mon Jerry, go along, go along..." (Seinfeld)

~Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you. (Maybe I'm Amazed, Paul McCartney)

~"Ah, the drunken makeout... an office classic. Did you end up Xeroxing anything?" (Jerry to Elaine after she makes out with a coworker at an office party.)

~"I'm sorry, I'm a little tied up now. Give me your home number and I'll call you back later... Oh, you don't like being called at home? Well, now you know how I feel {hangs up phone.} (Jerry to a telemarketer.)

~"No, had no face, no personality, very dull. It was like a martian. But hey, that's me." (Elaine talking about uncircumsized penises) hehe...I love this show.

~I use public toilets and piss on the seat. I walk around in the summertime saying, "How about this heat?" I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) (Asshole - Dennis Leary)

~I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense. (Same as above)

~Sherril: "It smells funny in here. What is that...?"
Me: "Burnt meat...and oppression." (at work)

~"What the fuck...it's not your fault he has a gerbil dick." (Terrie)

~"Well knock it off or we're going to have a classic case of foot stuck in ass." (Red, That 70s Show)

~When I hold you in my arms and I feel my finger on your trigger, I know no one can do me no harm because happiness is a warm gun - yes it is. (Happiness Is A Warm Gun - The Beatles)

~"So it was like throwing a pencil into a hallway?" (Tracey when we were discussing *ahem* size.)

~I am the eggman, they are the eggmen. I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob. (I Am The Walrus, The Beatles)

~Me: "Sorry I spit in your face." (I had burst out laughing and spit by accident.)
Blaine: "That's okay. Here...have some more rum." (Christmas 2002. We were kinda drunk.)

~ ~And woman hold me close to your heart. However, distant don't keep us apart. After all it is written in the stars. (Woman, John Lennon) I've always wanted some guy to dedicate this song to me.

~"How come the bear can crap in the woods and I can't?" (Homer Simpson)

~"To shake your booty means to wiggle one's butt. Permit me to demonstrate." (Homer)

~Me: "Oh but she's important" (making a sarcastic comment about someone at work)
Sherril: "Yeah, so is taking a shit everyday."

~"Maybe he's going commando and they're sticking to his leg." (Sherril about our supervisor who arranges his balls in front of you.)

~Oh God it's raining and I'm not containing my pleasure at being so wet. Here on my own. All on my own. How good it feels to be alone tonight. And I haven't felt so alive in years. (But Not Tonight, Depeche Mode)

~Me: "Why do they keep putting these stupid things in backwards? I'm getting sick of flipping through them all." (going through the policy jackets at work)
Sherril: "It was probably some man who packed the box."
Me: "Oh probably."
Rod & Ryan: "Hey!"
Sherril: "What are you complaining about? You're not a man."
Me: "Are you talking to Rod or Ryan?"
Sherril: "Both."

~Lying there and staring at the ceiling waiting for a sleepy feeling. Please don't spoil my day, I'm miles away and after all I'm only sleeping. (I'm Only Sleeping, The Beatles)

~Dorothy: "You don't sound like your cold is getting any better."
Me: "Actually, I feel better."
Dorothy: "Oh...sorry."
Me: "Gee Dorothy, why don't you just tell me I look like crap while you're at it?"

~Sherril: "I'm telling your parents!" (After I gave her the finger)
Me: "Like they would be surprised."

"You should make a book called 'Things My Dad Threatened To Stick Up My Ass. Chapter One: His foot.' " (Hyde, That 70s Show)

~Wendy: "Oh, it looks like our sunshine went away." (Looking out the window at the cloudy sky.)
Me: "No, I'm still here."

~"It's my dream to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care and it's that indifference that makes you attractive." (George, Seinfeld)




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