Title: Mangos, Toast, and Tears
Background: Second Fanfic. Season nine after all the early speculation on spoilers about Mac’s upcoming health problems. I got fed up and wrote this.. It’s actually one of my personal favorites.
Rating: Mostly PG
Summary: Harm worries about Mac
Chapter 1
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church VA
Harmon Rabb Jr. stood at the door of his partner, and one time best friend, Sarah ‘Mac’ MacKenzie’s office. Just as he was about to knock, Mac looked up and waved him in.
“Good morning, Sailor.”
“I’ll let you know after they announce the verdict on the Mendenhaul case.”
“Pretty tough, huh?” She tried to look sympathetic.
“This is one time I REALLY wish I’d been prosecuting.” Defending clients he didn’t believe in were the most difficult cases for Harm. He was pretty sure his client was guilty as sin but his own sense of honor precluded him from giving anything other than the best defense possible.
“Hey, Mattie wants to know if you want to join her and Jen at the apartment tonight for their weekly, girl’s Friday night at the movies?”
“Sounds like fun, but what do you…”
Interrupted by the ringing phone, Mac held up one finger.
“MacKenzie. Hi…..mmn,….. What?….Ah huh……. Oh yeah, sure I understand.”
Harm could see Mac’s ‘I’m a marine’ façade slowly rising. Whatever was being said on the other end of the line, she wasn’t happy about.
“I agree. Really, it’s a great opportunity. Another time. Love you.” Mac remained staring at the handset long after hanging up.
Harm cringed at the thought of who was on the line. He didn’t really want to go there, but he could tell what ever it was, it had really upset her and she was trying to hide it.
Looking up from the phone she’d been so focused on. Mac was desperately fighting the tears that were waiting to gush.
Instantly overwhelmed by concern for his marine, Harm completely forgot about his own discomfort with the phone call and stepped around closer, leaning against her desk.
They were getting their old rhythm back but things still weren’t quite where they used to be. Though tempted to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, he settled for just being near her.
“Hey, everything okay?”
“Sorry, yeah. That was Chloe.”
Harm felt the tension whoosh out of his body as though some one had opened the valve on a rubber raft.
“She was suppose to come spend spring break with me. The varsity soccer team is doing an exhibition tour through England and Scotland over spring break.”
“Chloe’s on JV right?” Harm interrupted.
“Yeah, but two girls from varsity were in a car accident last night and won’t be able to go. They’re pulling two girls from JV to fill their spots.”
“And Chloe’s one of them.” Now he understood.
“Yeah, she is. I’m happy for her, really I am.” She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Harm or herself.
One by one, the tears starting rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry.” She wiped a tear away just as another would fall in it’s place.
“I shouldn’t be this upset. I don’t know why I’m reacting this way. I’m not usually this emotional.”
Leaning closer, Harm reached out with his handkerchief. He wiped the tears on either side of her face, then handed her the hanky.
“It’s okay. It’s obvious you’ve been looking forward to this for a while.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“How about if you bring whatever favorite chick flick you feel like for tonight. I’ll stop at Chang’s on my way home and pick up some of your favorite dead animal dishes.” He raised one eyebrow hoping he was lifting her spirits.
“Then you can come by my place for dinner before you and the girls do your Friday night thing. What do you say?”
“I don’t know if I’d be very good company now,” she sniffled.
“Nonsense. Mattie would be very disappointed if you didn’t come.” Hesitating momentarily, he added, “so would I.”
A glimmer of a smile began to appear. “What exactly will you be doing while we girls are indulging in these chick flicks?”
“I get to start on the Mendenhaul appeal.” He exited her office grinning.
Later that night
Harms apt.
Near Union Station
Watching Mac merely pushing food around on her plate, Harm was glad he’d convinced her to accept the invitation. He was more than a little concerned for her. It wasn’t normal for Mac to let herself breakdown like that at the office. Especially, over something so simple. Not that Chloe wasn’t important to Mac. It’s just that Mac’s faced disappointment before without falling apart. Now he had to wonder if why she was so easily upset today, was also affecting her appetite.
“What’s the matter Mac, too many vegetables?”
“No, it’s delicious.” Seeing the look on his face, “really, it’s great.”
“Then why is most of it still on your plate?”
“I guess I’m just not with it today. I don’t feel much like eating, my stomach hasn’t been cooperating lately. Too much stress at work.” She let the fork fall on the plate, ending the pretense of being hungry.
“Do you think you’re coming down with something?” He wasn’t sure she was in the mood to have him asking the obvious, but he really was getting worried about her.
“Like I said, probably stress.” Mac stood up from the table.
“Is there something besides Chloe bothering you? I mean, I know this has been one hell of a year, for all of us.”
Saying nothing, Mac glared at Harm as if to say, ‘you are kidding.’
“Okay, so maybe I have a gift for understatement. But something is up.” Harm tried his bashful, shrug your shoulders, take pity on an old sailor, look. It didn’t work.
“I’m fine, really. Let’s just get this mess cleaned up.” Mac began clearing the table. “Do you have any fruit?” she asked carrying the dishes to the sink.
“Yeah in the bottom left drawer of the fridge. I’ve got some oranges and I think bananas,” he replied following behind her.
“You wouldn’t happen to have any mangos?”
“MANGOS? No, and since when do you eat Mangos?”
Mac couldn’t resist laughing at the bewildered look on Harm’s face.
“I fail to see what’s so humorous about my not having mangos,” Harm asked crossing his arms in front of him.
“If you scrunch your face up any more it’s going to crack Harmon Rabb. It’s no big deal, I just thought a mango might be nice.”
Completely confused by Mac’s sudden interest in fruit, Harm sighed in resignation.
“Okay, what if after the movie we hit Baskin Robins and see if they have some sort of mango flavored ice cream?”
“Now that’s the way to treat a lady. You’re on.” She smiled gleefully as she grabbed the dvd she’d brought and headed over to Mattie and Jen’s.
Shaking his head, Harm closed the door behind her. ‘Go figure.’
Chapter 2
Monday
JAG headquarters
Admiral Chegwidden’s office
“Reporting as ordered, sir.” The two officers announced, standing at attention in front of the admiral’s desk.
“Have a seat.” Admiral Chegwidden waved at the two chairs across from his desk.
“Lt. Commander Amanda Parker has filed a formal complaint against Lt. Michael Bradley. She claims he has continually issued unnecessary wave offs in a deliberate attempt to blacken her record and get her grounded.”
“She’s a pilot sir?” Mac asked looking at the admiral.
“Unfortunately, a mediocre one according to her record.”
“Then what’s the problem sir?” Harm asked.
“Though mediocre, her landing record at her previous duty assignment was considerably better than on the Seahawk. Her wave off ratio does appear to be higher when Lt. Bradley is LSO.”
Looking directly at Rabb, the admiral continued. “You do remember the last time an LSO was intentionally waving off a female pilot?”
“Yes sir, I do,” Harm replied, a somber look on his face.
“I’ve already had Bobbie Latham give me an earful. Apparently the Commander is in her district.”
Everyone in the room knew what that meant.
“The Seahawk is docked for repairs at Norfolk. The two of you leave immediately. Commander you take the lead. Colonel, you get to run interference with Senator Latham. Dismissed.”
“Aye aye, sir” the two officers chorused.
On the Road,
Midway to Norfolk
“Harm, what happened the last time an LSO waved off a female pilot?” Mac had been wondering for a while but finally decided to ask.
The pilot’s bunkmate was on deck at night wearing the pilot’s jacket with her call sign on it. The LSO mistook her for the pilot and threw her over board. We almost didn’t catch him.”
“I see,” was all she said.
“It’s almost 11:30. What do you say we stop and grab some lunch before we get to Norfolk, otherwise once we get started on the investigation there may not be much time to eat,” Harm suggested.
“Makes sense.” Mac pointed to the road up ahead. “I think there’s a pretty good diner the next exit or so.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Dobbsferry Diner.
Short while later.
Finished with his tuna salad sandwich, Harm watched as Mac pretty much stared at the roast beef sandwich on her plate.
“Not hungry again?”
“I probably should have ordered something different. Let’s just get me some toast to go and I’ll nibble on it later in the car.” Mac turned around to call the waitress over.
“Toast isn’t lunch Mac.” Still worried, he could see by the look on her face, now was not a good time to push the issue. “We’ll take the sandwich too, in case you really get hungry later,” he added.
Back in the car
Road to Norfolk.
Having ridden in silence for the last twenty minutes, Harm decided he had to try and figure out what was wrong. Besides, she wouldn’t dare kill him while he was behind the wheel. He hoped.
“You do know, that no matter what, I’m always here as your friend,” he started.
“Excuse me?”
“No matter what happens, I’ll always be your friend, you can count on me for anything. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.” Harm drew an x over his heart with his right hand, flashing her his best Rabb smile.
Trying not to let her amusement show, “okay- to what do I owe the honor of this touch of adolescent melodrama?”
“Well, something’s obviously upsetting you. You’re awfully quiet and not eating much, I’d like to help. Even if all you need is a willing ear.” Harm tightened his grip on the steering wheel and held his breath.
Sighing – “Life sucks,” she exhaled.
THAT wasn’t what he expected.
“Excuse me?” he asked.
“You heard me. You wanted to know, now you know.” Her eyes dared him to argue with her.
“Life in general, or is there something about life in particular that sucks?” Meanwhile he was praying – ‘please don’t let the answer be me.’
She turned her head out the side window and said, “I guess, I don’t know. Can we talk about something else?”
Taking another deep breath, “Is it something I’ve done?” He forced himself to ask.
Smiling just a little, “No Rabb, this time it’s not you.” She looked at him a moment before the smile faded and she turned to look back out the window.
“Is it Chloe?”
Hesitating a moment, “Not really.”
Realizing she wasn’t going to say anything else, Harm decided to continue playing twenty questions.
“Webb?”
She didn’t move, didn’t reply. She was lost out the window. Harm wasn’t even sure she heard him.
“Is this about Sadik?”
Mac stiffened instantly. Harm almost thought he could see the hairs bristle on the back of her neck. Hmn.
“Mac, what you did had to be done.”
Still no comment from Mac.
“After what he did to Webb,” Harm noticed Mac flinch at the mention of Webb’s name, but he went on. “to me with the battery, and what he planned for those kids at the night club, he was scum. He needed to be dealt with.”
“I know,” she answered so softly Harm wasn’t sure he heard her.
“Then why so glum, Mac?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“This is obviously bothering you. You have to deal with it somehow, talk to me. You might feel better.” Harm was pretty much pleading at this point.
Still unable to look at Harm, Mac let out a deep sigh. “Sometimes I think they’re right. My dad, Sadik, I’m just a whore.”
Shock didn’t even begin to describe what Harm felt at hearing Mac’s words.
“THAT is NOT true. You are the most honorable woman I know.” A sense of panic rushed through him as he wondered what the hell could have happened to bring that on.
“I used him.” She hesitated and Harm decided it was time to end twenty questions and let her find her own words.
“I used him, the way I used, Chris, booze, Dalton, Mic, all of them.”
Harm was a little confused, but still listening.
“God, I wanted a drink,” she sighed again. “I really needed a drink, but I couldn’t do that to myself. I wasn’t going to let him win. He was wrong. I’m not weak.”
Harm wasn’t sure who she was talking about but he couldn’t imagine Webb having the nerve to call Mac weak, not if he valued his life. She must be talking about Sadik. But, how could she use Sadik. Something still wasn’t adding up. He patiently waited for her to continue.
“I didn’t know what else to do. I needed to feel, anything, something. I wasn’t going to take that drink. But Sadik was ultimately right. I was weak, I’m nothing more than a whore.”
Harm was about to interrupt her when she sighed deeply. “I slept with him, I SLEPT with Clay. I didn’t love him. I didn’t even want him, but I did it. I slept with him first and asked questions later.”
For the first time since she started talking, she turned to look at Harm, relieved to see only confusion, or was it understanding on his face.
“Mac, you have a relationship with Webb. That doesn’t make you a whore.” He wanted to say so much more.
Looking away again. “You don’t understand. There was no RELATIONSHIP. It was the first time, the only time. I didn’t plan it, hell I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was over. Sex now, ask questions later.” She sounded thoroughly disgusted with herself and Harm didn’t know what to say.
Pulling the car over to the side of the road. Harm turned to Mac and took her hand in his.
“Look at me Mac.”
She turned to him with tears in her eyes.
“You are a smart, beautiful, desirable woman. You are an accomplished and respected marine and lawyer. Most of all you are human. You are not a machine, no matter how much you may try to convince yourself of that.”
He paused to gage her reaction. He saw none and continued.
“Sadik was an ass, a smart ass, but an ass. He knew how to play with people’s minds and he played with yours. We all need someone or something at one time or another. You needed something and Webb gave it to you. You didn’t take that drink. You proved you were strong, and along the way you showed you’re a real woman. A woman who any man in his right mind would give all he owned, to have her love and respect.”
Letting go of her hand, he turned the car back onto the highway.
“Thanks Harm.”
“I’ll put the bill in the mail,” he smiled.
Chapter 3
JAG Headquarters
Two days later
Mac kept silent the rest of the ride to Norfolk but the awkward tension that had previously filled the air was long gone. She seemed more peaceful. Harm was hopeful he’d gotten through to her. He was more certain when shortly before reaching their destination Mac reached over to hold his hand, squeezing it in a silent thank you.
The investigation took little time. Although, Lt. Commander Parker was indeed a mediocre pilot, Lt. Bradley, was also skewed in his judgement of her landing skills. An agreement was easily reached to the satisfaction of everyone, including Bobbie Latham.
Mac seemed to be on a more even keel the last couple of days, though she still wasn’t eating with her usual gusto. Harm hadn’t decided what to make of it all.
Walking towards the break room, Harm thought he heard his name. He turned to see Mac coming towards him from the bullpen.
“What’s up?” he asked.
She had tears in her eyes again, but a smile on her face.
“I just needed to get away from the crowds, but wanted you to see this. Isn’t she sweet.”
Mac handed him a card with an adorably sad puppy dog on the front. Inside Chloe had written a touching note about how much she wished she could be in two places at once.
“This is nice, but why are you going to cry.”
“It’s a woman’s prerogative to get tearful if she wants.”
“I thought it was a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. Where does it say anything about tears? You guys have to stop changing the rule book on us.” He shook his head in mock frustration.
“That would be too easy!” she shot over her shoulder heading back to her office.
Returning to his original mission, in search of some much needed caffeine, Harm noticed Harriet sniffling at her desk.
“Everything okay Harriet?” His crusade for coffee postponed to check on his friend. Harriet was occasionally prone to being emotional, but rarely without merit.
“Yes sir. Everything is fine.” She smiled awkwardly as one tear slipped down her cheek.
“I was just on my way for a cup of coffee. Why don’t you join me?” He pointed to the break room.
“Thank you sir but I have a lot of work to do and I’m really fine.” Hurriedly, she began shuffling papers.
“Lieutenant.” Harm’s tone reminding her he outranked her.
“Yes sir, good idea sir.”
Sitting down at a small table in the courtyard. Harm stirred his coffee waiting to see if Harriet said anything first. Harriet sat quietly contemplating the label on a bottle of apple juice.
“Why is everyone crying today?” he finally asked.
“Well, I don’t know about everyone sir, but chalk mine up to hormones.” She smiled sweetly.
“No offense Harriet, but I really think you ladies should give us guys a break and just put a sticker on your forehead that says ‘that time of the month, steer clear,” he said looking down at his coffee to avoid any backlash.
“That wasn’t what I meant, sir,” Harriet giggled under her breath. Looking to see if anyone else was around, Harriet leaned down closer to the table. “Please keep this under wraps until I tell the admiral sir,” her voice was almost a whisper, “but I’m pregnant.” She straightened back up in her chair, sporting a grin from ear to ear.
“Congratulations, Lieutenant. Does Bud know?” Despite being genuinely happy for his friends, a pang of jealousy surged through him.
“Thank you, sir, and yes, we’ve known for about a week now.”
“Well then why the tears Harriet?” A deep frown quickly replaced his previously broad grin. “Is there a problem?”
“No sir, it’s just, hormones, like I said. I’m really happy, don’t get me wrong. But the morning sickness has already started, and I’m getting a little tired of eating toast all the time to settle my stomach.”
Harm watched Harriet intently.
“Soon the cravings will start and poor Bud will be running around, at who knows what hour, searching for God knows what. With AJ it wasn’t so bad, I kept craving shrimp scampi. But with Jimmy, it was pomegranates. Do you know how hard it is to find exotic fruit off season?” Her frustration was clearly showing.
“Off season fruit,” he mumbled. His face suddenly took on a lovely shade of green.
Lost in her own jumble of emotions, Harriet was oblivious to Harm’s reactions.
“Eventually, my feet will hurt, my back will ache, I’ll look like the good year blimp and getting anything done in a reasonable amount of time will be impossible because I’ll always be tired.”
A sick feeling was starting to creep up on Harm along with the hair on the back of his neck.
“To top it all off, these blasted hormones have me crying at the drop of a hat over the stupidest of things. The colonel showed me the sweetest card that Chloe sent her…..”
Harm didn’t hear another word. Mangos, toast, tears. WEBB. Oh God!
“Commander, COMMANDER!”
Blanched, Harm looked back at Harriet.
“I’m sorry sir, I shouldn’t have rambled on like that. I love children so much, I just wish you didn’t have to be pregnant to get them,” Harriet sighed.
“Mangos,” was all Harm could say.
“Sir?” Harriet questioned, truly confused by Harm’s irrational response and stunned expression.
“Sorry Harriet, I just remembered I need to add mangos to my shopping list.”
“I think they’re out of season sir.” Still confused, Harriet decided maybe now would be a good time to excuse herself.
“I’d better get back to my desk before the admiral sends out a search party.” Harriet stood to return to her desk, blissfully ignorant of the seed she had just planted in the musings of Harmon Rabb.
“No problem, Harriet, see you upstairs, and congratulations again.”
‘Oh Mac, now what?’ Harm grabbed his cover and headed back to his office.
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