Who_5



	Chapter 1-7 Chapter 8-14 Chapter 15-21 Chapter 22-28 Chapter 29-35 Chapter 36-41 Title: Who Am I Chapter 29 Angelo’s Restaurant Year 2010 Harm could tell something had changed the moment he felt Mac’s head come to rest at the crook of his neck. This wasn’t the carefully distant woman who had never dared to invade his space. Right away he recognized what must have happened. She was no longer dancing with her date, she was dancing with her husband. Unknowingly, she was allowing him a first hand glimpse into what they must have had. An overwhelming feeling of warmth and belonging washed over him. A sense of oneness and total comfort filled him so completely that for the first time since waking up in that hospital, he felt whole. When the music stopped, Mac hadn’t quite realized where she was. Opening her eyes, it was a full thirty seconds before the truth of her reality hit her with the force of a speeding bullet. “I’m so sorry,” she said hurriedly, stepping back just as quickly. “Don’t be. That was nice.” Harm suddenly wanted to be her Harmon Rabb more than he wanted anything. “Still, I shouldn’t have...” “Where were you?” His voice was soft and caring, but he wasn’t going to pretend he hadn’t realized what had happened. “Was it the song?” They’d been dancing for almost the whole set before she’d relaxed against him. The only thing it could have been was that last song. It obviously reminded her of something. Nodding her head slowly, Mac smiled one of those sweet smiles that didn’t reach her eyes. The ones Harm had been used to seeing more often than not. “We danced to that song at our wedding.” “I see.” He had no idea what else to say. He could tell she was feeling badly. What he didn’t know was if she was upset at having briefly forgotten herself, or if it was at finding herself back with him. “Maybe we should go back to the table?” Despite the momentary awkwardness, they found themselves lost in conversation and coffee in no time at all. When the music started up twenty minutes later, Harm didn’t hesitate to ask Mac to dance again. Although she remained in the here and now, keeping a polite distance for a date, something had changed. Neither could deny that. “I can’t remember the last time we stayed out late enough to close the joint,” Mac chuckled, walking up the front steps. “Well, that’s a first.” Mac looked at him curiously, her brow curled in confusion. “You not remembering.” He smiled brightly, waiting for Mac to unlock the door. “It happens,” she shot back. “But don’t get used to it.” Laughing, she dropped her purse and keys on the table by the door and yawned loudly. “I hate to admit it, but I think I’m getting too old for this,” she yawned again. “I don’t buy that for a minute, but...” Letting out a yawn as well, Harm chuckled before continuing. “I do hear my bed calling to me.” “Yeah, and thank you. I had a really nice time,” Mac half smiled, half shrugged. “So did I.” The two shuffled around each other clumsily trying to move towards the stairs, until Mac started to giggle. Stepping aside, Harm waved his arm at the stairs. “Ladies first,” he smiled. Sharing a bedroom put an awkward spin on ‘should you’ or ‘shouldn’t you’ kiss goodnight on a first date. Harm knew better than to try. He wasn’t sure it would be a good idea. His memory might not be working so well after being hit on the head, but the rest of him was working just fine. The temptation was too strong. He worried if he tried to kiss her that his desires could easily get the better of him, but what worried him more was, after that one dance, he knew it might be too easy for her to let herself pretend he was the old Harm. She deserved much better than that. Monday morning Rabb kitchen Their lives had developed a routine normalcy. Mac was in charge of breakfast while Harm made the kids lunch. He’d begun sandwich duty a couple of weeks ago, and starting today, with Mac going back to work full time, Harm would be the one to take and pick up the kids from school. Until now they’d done it together. Mac would head into the office after dropping the kids off and be back home in time to go with Harm to pick them up. Now it would be Harm’s responsibility, and he was actually looking forward to it. The days were starting to get very long. He’d read most of the books that held any interest for him and had started spending more time in his office going through some of the law books. So far very little had seemed even vaguely familiar. “Hey, Dad?” Tommy asked without looking up from his plate. “Yeah?” Harm answered from his post at the counter. “Have you remembered how to make pancakes yet?” “Have I what?” Harm glanced over at Mac and noticed the slight roll of her shoulders as she held in a laugh. “You know, pancakes. Mom just doesn’t do them the same.” Tommy was holding up a splattered looking wafer. “I miss your dinosaurs.” Harm looked back at Mac again who was conveniently ignoring him. “I’ll see what I can do about it.” Much to Harm’s surprise, that answer seemed to be enough for his son. When the kids had finished eating and run back upstairs to get their things, Harm turned to Mac. "Dinosaur pancakes?” “It was your specialty,” she shrugged. “And exactly how did I do this?” “It was a gift.” Mac smiled, trying not to laugh. Heaving a sigh of resignation, Harm decided he wasn’t going to get very far pursuing the issue this morning, but it was obvious to him he was going to have to start practicing his cooking skills. Besides, with Mac not being around much, it only made sense. “I’m going to just throw some spaghetti together tonight. Would you mind running to the store for me and picking up a jar of sauce and some mushrooms? I don’t think I’ll have time on my way home.” Mac asked, fishing out some left over pot roast from the fridge. “Sure.” Harm had been with her to the market enough times to find his way, and it had only taken him a few turns around the parking lot to get the hang of driving. “Good, okay. I’m out of here. Have a nice day.” Mac gave him a short wave, hoping maybe some day soon that would change. She had thought after their date they might have overcome some of the invisible barriers between them, but they seemed to have fallen back into the familiar comfort of respectable distance. Standing at the bottom of the stairs she called up, “Kids, I’m leaving.” “Bye, Mom. Love you!” Trisha called from upstairs, shoving the last of her homework into her backpack. “Me too!” Tommy came running down the stairs to give his mom a hug and a kiss. Mac thanked God he hadn’t reached the age yet where he thought he was too big to be hugged. A few minutes later both kids were downstairs and ready to go. “Wait for me one minute. I’ve got to stop at the store for Mom, so we’re going to take the car to school this morning.” Harm handed them each a lunch and hurried up the stairs. Pulling open his bedside drawer, Harm grabbed his wallet. A small ziploc bag accidentally fell to the floor. Bending down, he picked up the plastic baggie. It had been given to Mac at the hospital. Too distraught to deal with it at the time, she had simply tossed it in his night table. It contained everything he’d had on him the day of the crash: his wallet, his Annapolis ring, and his wedding band. Harm had retrieved the wallet ages ago, but had chosen to ignore the remaining trinkets. Holding the bag tightly in his fingers he almost laughed at the irony of the contents. From everything he’d learned, his entire life could have been summed up by the last two items: the Navy and his wife. Chapter 30 Rabb house Later that afternoon Harm had been staring at the books on his desk for hours and his head was spinning. Noticing the time, he jumped up and rushed to the kitchen. He had promised Mac he would start the water boiling for her, and he had promised himself he would start helping out more. It was obvious from some of the photos and stories that he had at least had some skill in the kitchen, and it was high time he relearned it. By the time Mac came through the front door, Harm had sliced, diced and browned everything Harriet had suggested and had the sauce simmering on slow boil. “What’s this?” Mac asked, slowly approaching the pots on the stove. “I hope it looks like dinner.” Harm dropped a handful of pasta into the larger pot. “Wow, what a nice surprise.” She lifted the lid and sniffed the sauce. “This smells really good.” “Harriet helped,” Harm smiled and dropped another handful of pasta in the pot. “She gave me her secret recipe.” “Oh, she did, did she?” Mac had taken a spoon from the drawer and was sampling the ‘special recipe’. “Oh, you done good, sailor.” Dipping the utensil for a second taste, Mac didn’t see the look on Harm’s face at the rarely used nickname. It was a simple word, but it struck Harm that for a few seconds they’d fallen into the same pre-accident comfort zone they had at dinner the other night. Harm decided to take advantage of the moment and do what came naturally. Placing the lid back on the pot, he leaned over and kissed Mac on the cheek. “Thanks!” Walking away he called to the kids in the other room. “Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Time to wash up.” Mac stood stunned, still holding the spoon in mid air. He’d kissed her. Granted, it was only a peck on the cheek, but it was their first peck on the cheek since the one and only time she’d dared to kiss him goodbye back in the hospital. Of course, there was that one kiss at the rink, but this was somehow different. “Mac...” Harm started, having turned back into the kitchen. “I think it’s only fair I try and help more with dinner, at least for now.” “Works for me. You always liked cooking better than I did, anyhow,” Mac shrugged nonchalantly, her casual demeanor back in place. “I did?” Somehow it surprised him that a flying lawyer would like cooking. “I’m not saying you’re an Emeril or anything, but yeah.” Harm debated whether or not to ask what an Emeril was and decided he might as well quit while he was ahead. Following Saturday night 2 mo and 5 days and 43 Rabb house “Finally.” Mac collapsed on the sofa, plopping her feet on the coffee table. “If it wasn’t enough that this was the week from hell, our dining room has to become Niagara Falls the one day we’ve got a house full of six year old boys.” “At least it didn’t upset the party. The boys thought it was great,” Harm cajoled. “Next season they can have the soccer party at someone else’s house,” Mac chuckled. “I suppose it could have been worse. If the bathroom didn’t have a separate turn off valve we’d be without any water and paying a plumber double overtime.” Mac let her head drop back against the sofa “Well, we’re not. The water is turned off, the dining room is mostly dry, and on Monday the plumber will let us know what caused the cascade.” “What time did Harriet say she was dropping Trisha off?” “Oh, in all the commotion I forgot to tell you she called and said the girls were going to rent some movies and have a slumber party of sorts. I told her that would be fine.” “I guess I’d better go and see what Tommy is up to.” “Don’t bother,” Harm laid back. “He’s out like a light, fell asleep as soon as that little Peterson kid left.” “Not a bad idea, too bad if I go to bed at this hour I’ll be up at three o’clock in the morning.” Sitting up a little, Mac turned to Harm. “Want to watch a movie?” “That sounds nice. What would you like to see?” Mac looked at Harm oddly. She’d forgotten that she and the new Harm hadn’t ever watched a real movie together. At first they’d spent a lot of time watching family videos, and occasionally they’d watch something Disneyish with the kids, but they’d never had a movie night for just the two of them. “After the day we’ve had, I think a comedy is in order. You find My Cousin Vinny, and I’ll go make us some popcorn.” “Okay,” Harm smiled a little more enthusiastically. This actually sounded like it might be fun. Nibbling mindlessly at the huge bowl of popcorn Mac had placed between them, Harm laughed almost non-stop through the entire movie. Halfway through, he’d put the bowl on his lap and pulled Mac snugly against him, draping his arm across her shoulder. Mac caught him peeking at her through the corner of his eye like a nervous teenager trying to cop a feel on a first date. Smiling broadly, she burrowed closer still, letting him know she was more than happy with the gesture. “This was a fabulous idea.” Harm smiled when the movie was over, despite the cool chill brushing against his side where Mac had been comfortably cocooned. “Agreed. In spite of the blatant errors, no matter how many times I watch it, I always laugh.” Mac walked over to the TV, retrieving the DVD from the player. “Blatant errors?” Harm finished off the last of the popcorn in the bowl. “Yeah. For one thing, no lawyer with that amount of inexperience would dare take a capital murder case.” “No?” “Of course not. Just about every state in the country has a statute requiring a lawyer provide competent representation to a client, and that requires the legal knowledge, skill, thoroughness, and preparation reasonably necessary for the representation.” Harm looked at the blank screen as Mac placed the DVD back on the shelf, her words slowly sinking in. “And then...” Mac continued. “Anyone who spends six years trying to pass the bar isn’t going to risk it all by knowingly making a false statement of law or material fact to the tribunal. Getting caught lying about his name and credentials to the judge should have put him on the fast track to being disbarred. No real lawyer would be that stupid.” “No, I guess not,” Harm mumbled. “I mean, the movie is still fun to watch. You just have to ignore the mistakes. A first year law student knows the ‘eleventh commandment’: never ask a question in court you don’t know the answer to. Vinny had no way of knowing if Marissa Tomei would corroborate his theory or not.” Mac had sat back down next to Harm. “Do you want me to make some more popcorn and watch another movie or have you had enough?” Processing everything Mac was saying, Harm hadn’t heard her last question. “Harm?” “Hmm?” “Did you want to go to bed or watch another movie?” “Oh, no. I’m up for another one if you are. Pick something out and this time I’ll make the popcorn.” Picking up the empty bowl, Harm repeated in his mind almost everything Mac had said. She’d given him plenty of food for thought. Chapter 31 Monday morning Rabb family office With Harm’s physical therapy almost at an end, it was time for him to face some hard realities. He had remembered next to nothing about the Navy, the law, or what he’d done with his career the last twenty-five years. Mac’s comments Friday night might as well have been directed at him. Staring at one of the many law books that were spread out on his desk, Harm debated whom to call. Bud had retired from the Navy after returning from England; he might be a good source of information. Sturgis on the other hand, was not only a lawyer, but he knew the old Harm from as early as the academy. No, the man to call was obvious. Even with his limited memories, Harm had learned enough about his past to know the only friend he should call under the circumstances would be AJ Chegwidden. Less than an hour later AJ was standing on Harm’s front porch. “What’s on your mind?” AJ asked, taking a seat in the den. “I can’t do it. No matter how hard I try, it can’t be done. I can’t go back.” Harm threw his arms upward in exasperation. A knot the size of Rhode Island tightened in AJ’s gut. Obviously Harm had been stewing over whatever was bothering him long before AJ had arrived. “I’ve tried. I really have, but none of it makes any sense to me.” “What do you mean, it doesn’t make any sense?” AJ couldn’t understand the problem. He’d thought for sure with a little time Harm and Mac would work things out. “Ignoring the problem that everyone speaks in code, and when you think you’ve got that down, they come up with more, it’s all simply more than I can deal with.” “Code?” If AJ stopped to think about it, Harm was probably right, a decoder would frequently help him communicate with women. “You know, code: SOP, ASAP, BDU, CNO, Centcom...” “Wait a minute.” AJ held up a hand. “Son, exactly what are we talking about here?” Suddenly AJ had the distinct feeling that he and Harm weren’t necessarily discussing the same thing. “My career.” “Thank God.” AJ breathed a huge sigh of relief. “What?” Now Harm was completely confused. “Son, if you’re talking about the Navy, no one expects you to go back. Having spent three weeks in a coma alone would probably have been enough at this stage to kill your career, but amnesia? I wouldn’t expect even you to pull this off.” Rubbing his hands over his eyes, “My final physical is next week. How can I be the man I was if I’m not in the Navy?” AJ studied the distraught man before him. “This isn’t about the Navy is it?” “Of course it is! I’ve been looking through some of the law books in the office trying to find something I remember.” “You don’t do trial law anymore.” “I know, but I don’t have any books on how to plan a war.” The exasperation in his voice came through loud and clear. “There’s more to strategic planning than that, but you’re right, books won’t be able to replace what you had learned from experience. Now tell me what’s really bothering you.” Harm hesitated, taking a momentary interest in his shoes, he quietly mumbled, “She was in love with a sailor.” Nodding his head slowly, now AJ was getting a clearer picture. Harm was still trying to compete with himself. “No. She was in love with a man who happened to be a sailor.” “Same thing.” Harm stood up and walked over to the window. “No, it’s not.” AJ rose and moved to stand beside Harm. “I can’t be the man she was in love with. I can’t practice law anymore. It would be like My Cousin Vinny all over again, and Top Gun was even more of a wake up call.” “Top Gun?” “We watched a few movies Friday night. From what everyone tells me, I used to do that. Good God, I can’t even begin to imagine what if felt like to be Harmon Rabb the constant hero.” “He didn’t feel like a hero. He was a man doing his job.” “And he was damn good at it,” Harm scoffed. “Yes, he was.” AJ couldn’t argue with that. “I don’t have to remember to recognize what a special woman Mac is. I can see everywhere I look how much in love they... we were. Is it so awful to want that too?” “No, son, it’s not, but you’re not looking at the whole picture. She also loved the man who got them chased by poachers because he didn’t see a cracked fuel line. A man who got his ass chewed from here to the SecNav’s for shooting a weapon into the ceiling. A man who got his most treasured possession stolen because he didn’t have enough sense to rent a garage. A man who barely held it together when their friend went into instant labor. A man who defended her for the murder of a husband she’d never mentioned having, and supported her through the emotional rollercoaster. Do I need to go on?” “No, but even that man is gone.” “Harm, I’m not wishing more poachers or murder accusations to come into your lives, but being you and being there for each other is why you fell in love. Not because you won two DFCs. You may not remember much, but basically, you’re the same man in your heart where it counts. Though, I understand you’ve taken a liking to french fries.” AJ scrunched his face in amusement. “It’s time to let go of the past and start building a future.” “It’s not that easy,” Harm turned towards the Admiral. “I didn’t say it was supposed to be easy.” Rabb home 1815 hours Mac opened the front door. It had been another grueling day at the office. Though she and Harm had worked in two different areas of the pentagon, she found herself fielding issues and problems that would normally have fallen on his desk. No one actually expected Harm to recover sufficiently to return to his job, but they had enough hope to delay appointing a permanent replacement. “Mm, is that spinach lasagna I smell?” Mac walked into the kitchen sniffing loudly. “It was that or chicken putanesca, but we didn’t have any olives.” Harm was very proud of himself. He’d found an index box of what must have been favorite recipes tucked behind some other miscellaneous items on a shelf in the kitchen, and decided to continue fine-tuning his culinary skills. “Mm, I think I’m going to learn to like this side of you.” Mac flipped through the mail she’d brought in, oblivious to Harm’s quizzical stare. “I got an email from Keeter today.” “I thought you said I liked cooking more than you?” Harm hadn’t noticed her comment about the email. “You did, but it’s not like either one of us had a lot of time to make anything more than crock pot specials or fast-fix meals. He’s coming to town for a few days. Wondered why you hadn’t replied to any of his emails.” Deciding it was all junk, Mac dropped the stack of mail on the counter and pulled some silverware from the drawer. “Who’s coming?” Harm pulled the lasagna out of the oven. “Jack Keeter.” For just a few short minutes, Mac had forgotten that Harm wouldn’t remember him. “You went to the academy and flight school together. You had to rescue him once from Cuba and then we both broke him out of a prison in Iran.” “Iran?” “Long story.” Mac wasn’t in the mood to rehash his entire life history with Keeter. She wanted to just pretend that Harm had at least some memory. She’d managed to fool herself more and more into thinking nothing had changed, and she wanted to keep it that way. Chapter 32 Harm recognized the brush off when he heard it. If he were honest with himself, he wasn’t so sure he was up to another history lesson anyhow. His head was still reeling from his earlier conversation with AJ. Retiring at 25 years instead of thirty was about to put a huge kink in their income, and Harm had absolutely no idea how much of a financial strain that would put on the family. More and more, with each passing day he was beginning to realize just how much of the responsibility for their lives was on Mac’s shoulders. Somehow cooking supper seemed to be a small compensation. “I’ll get the kids.” Harm went out to the hallway and called upstairs. On his way back into the kitchen he asked, “When is Keifer coming?” “KEETER, Jack Keeter. This weekend. He and his wife will be staying with us. I thought it might be nice to invite Sturgis and Varese. Like a reunion of sorts.” “And take the pressure off of me?” Harm carried the lasagna over to the table, then popped his head into the hall and called the kids again. “After all,” he continued rather coldly, “If Sturgis and Keeter are chewing the fat, it won’t matter that I don’t remember the guy’s name.” Mac’s insides cringed at Harm’s tone of voice. It had been a while since he’d blown a fuse over his lack of memories. Apparently, no matter how hard she tried to pretend, reality was bound and determined to rear its ugly head and slap her in the face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just thought it might be nice...” Just then Trisha came into the room with Tommy bouncing behind a close second. One thing Harm had become incredibly good at was putting on a happy face for the children. “For a minute I thought I was going to have to eat all this myself,” Harm smiled broadly. “You did not!” Tommy called his bluff. And just like that, Mac sat down at the table, once again indulging in the fantasy that all was well with the Rabb family. By the time dinner was over, homework was done, video games had been played, and the kids had been put to bed, Harm and Mac were ready to collapse themselves. Harm watched from bed as Mac puttered around the room, putting away a few straggling items from the chair, readying her uniform for the next day, and explaining about Keeter’s visit. He was practically mesmerized when she strolled towards the bed rubbing lotion on her bare arms. He’d watch her do that every night since he’d come home, and every night it was becoming harder and harder, literally, to ignore. “I...uh, need to discuss something with you,” Harm started. “Yeah?” Mac pulled back the covers. “AJ came by today and we went over a few things.” “Like?” Mac asked hesitantly. “It’s time I, we, accept the fact that my memory is not coming back. I can’t stay in the Navy. I’m going to put in for my retirement.” “I see,” Mac replied softly, still kneading the lotion into her fingers, more out of nerves than necessity. “We need to sit down and discuss finances. You’ve been carrying too much of the load since I’ve been home. It’s time I started sharing more of the burdens.” “Well, I can go over all the bills any time you want, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a burden.” “Why not?” “We lived on one income for four years while we were in London. Remember, I had resigned my commission?” “I vaguely remember your explaining that.” Harm still didn’t have a complete handle on the resign, reserves, active reserves, recalling, but he basically understood that for five years after you say goodbye, Uncle Sam can still call you back, and he did just that with Mac. Fortunately, they’d already moved back to the States and the kids were both in school full time. “Having two salaries since last year has been gravy. You paid your apartment off years ago, so we made good money renting it while we were in England. Most of the extra money was invested and used with the income from the sale of the apartment to buy this house. Our mortgage is unusually small and actually covered by one housing allowance. We’ve been putting away most of my salary for emergencies. Frank and Trish set up college funds for the kids the day they were born, so we’ve never had to worry about that. Living on one salary and your retirement shouldn’t be too hard, but it could get tight if you want to keep Sarah.” “Sarah?” Mac looked at Harm open eyed. Could she really have gone all this time without ever mentioning Sarah? Thinking quickly, they’d been out of the country since he’d been sent to Hawaii in 2002, so there weren’t many photos taken between the wedding and moving. There was that one photo on the mantel of the kids in the plane, but Mac had only pointed out the children. Good heavens! She hadn’t told him the plane was his. “It’s your Stearman, a WWII biplane you restored. You named it after your grandmother.” “I own an airplane?” “Well, planes are sort of a tradition in your family.” “Yeah, I know. My grandfather and father were both navy pilots.” “Your dad wanted to restore the old girl in memory of his father, and instead...” “I restored it in memory of him.” “Pretty much. It was therapy for you after your ramp strike. Helped you forget the pain and feel closer to your dad at the same time." Harm ran his fingers through his hair. When were the surprises going to end? Every time he thought he was finally fitting in, some new reality presented itself. Today he’d gotten two for one – a new old best friend and an airplane he had no idea what to do with. “You know, Jack would be the perfect person to take you out and show you Sarah.” Mac could tell Harm was having a bad day and hoped maybe she could put a positive spin on it all. “And why would that be?” “Jack’s the only other person you trust to fly Sarah. While we were in Hawaii and England, Jack would check on the plane whenever he could and try to take her for a spin.” Harm stared at Mac numbly, finally forming a coherent thought. “When was the last time ‘I’ flew her?” “Over a year ago. You took her out when we first came home. You haven’t had much time for her since.” Harm rubbed his hand over his face again. “You never did say how you answered him.” “Answered him?” “You said he was wondering why I hadn’t responded to his emails.” “Oh. I told him the truth. Well, most of it anyhow. That you’d been in an accident, in a coma, and hadn’t been back to the office yet.” “Did you say anything about my memory?” “Some.” Mac hadn’t wanted to go over everything in an email. She was hoping to have some free time before Friday to call and speak with Jack. “Some?” “I did mention you were having a little trouble remembering a few things.” “A few?” Harm was starting to get a little annoyed with Mac’s beating around the bush. What was he supposed to do when this long lost friend comes strolling in the door and discovers his old pal has no idea who he is? “I didn’t want to say too much in an email. I thought we’d get a chance to speak before he arrives. He did say something about not mentioning Maria Elena Carmelita something or other to his wife.” “Ha! Like I’m going to have any idea who the hell that is!” Harm almost found the warning amusing. Mac was beginning to lose patience. Harm had been bordering on a foul mood all night. “If you want I can call him back and tell him that now wouldn’t be a very good time to visit.” “No, you don’t have to do that. I think I just need some sleep. I suppose if this ‘Jack’ wants to take me to see a plane that will be fine,” Harm sighed heavily. Now he had to decide what to do with a plane he didn’t want. He wondered briefly if anyone else in the family had some attachment to it. Maybe Jack would buy it? Crawling down into the bed and punching the pillow, Harm threw a caustic ‘good night’ over his shoulder. “Night,” Mac replied softly. Maybe this weekend wouldn’t be all bad. Then again, who was she kidding? If Harm stayed in this mood, come Friday they’d be living in the weekend from hell. Chapter 33 Friday Night Rabb home Mac had managed to secure early to be with Harm when Keeter and his wife arrived. From the moment she walked in the door she could feel the tentacles of tension reach out and grab her in a stranglehold. It was going to be a long night. “Mom!” Trisha called from the den. “I didn’t know you were coming home early?” “Well, I thought it would be nice to be here when Uncle Jack and Aunt Liz get here.” Kissing her daughter hello and scratching the dog behind the ear, Mac went in search of Harm and Tommy. Noticing Tommy and his friend Danny playing in the backyard, she wasn’t surprised to find Harm buried under papers at his desk. The scene reminded her of when they used to work together at HQ. Sometimes she so missed having him as her partner, but the fringe benefits were much better having him as a lifetime partner. At least they had been. She just needed to be patient, she’d have him back again. He might not be in the Navy anymore, but every day she could see her Harm breaking out and taking hold of his life. “How long have you been standing there?” Harm glanced up, a hint of a smile on his lips. No matter how frustrating his day had been going over their financial records, seeing Mac come home always made him feel like smiling. He couldn’t help but wonder what she felt when she saw him. “Not very. Making any sense out of all that?” “Yeah, I’m starting to.” Much to Harm’s surprise, he easily understood everything in front of him, including all the documents written in legalese. If someone had asked him to define any one term, he would have stumbled, and yet reading over the storage contracts, they were all perfectly clear. He just didn’t understand how his mind worked. Why were some things so natural and other things so damn difficult? “I’m going to go change, Keeter and Liz should be here any minute.” Mac’s back was already turned and halfway out the door when she heard Harm’s next line. “Need any help?” Harm raised a suggestive brow grinning impishly before the shock of what he had said hit him. “I’m sorry. That just...slipped out.” He had no idea where that had come from. He had fees, and terms, and repairs running through his mind when his mouth opened and spoke of its own accord. Knowing Harm couldn’t see the blush in her cheek or the huge grin spreading across her face, Mac shot over her shoulder. “Maybe next time.” Harm wasn’t sure what had surprised him more, his words or her response. Either way, he had a warm feeling flooding his system and he liked it. One hour later the kids and dog were running to answer the doorbell. It amazed Mac how there were some people kids absolutely loved, no matter how little they saw them. Jack Keeter was one of those people. Tommy couldn’t possibly remember him from his and Liz’s last visit to London, and all Trisha needed to remember is that every time Jack visits, a present involved. When she was two, he was a big hit with the toy umbrella. At five, Cinderella Barbie won her over, and at seven, the statue of liberty costume was a tremendous success. By the time Harm and Mac made it to the door, the kids were all over Keeter like bees on honey. They were laughing and rough housing, and poor Liz was simply standing off to one side silently watching. “Hey, Buddy!” Keeter reached over the children pulling his old friend into a warm bear hug. “Jack,” Harm smiled warmly. Much to his surprise, although Harm still had no idea who Jack was, the friendship felt right. Maybe he was just more comfortable in his own skin, but he was suddenly glad Keeter was here. “Okay, guys. Give Uncle Jack a little room.” Mac gently nudged the kids towards the den. “Did you bring us any presents?” Tommy asked eagerly, not having given anyone a chance to move. “I don’t know.” Jack turned to Harm. “Have they been good sailors?” Harm nodded yes. “Haven’t been giving the old man a hard time?” Harm smiled a little and shook his head. “Not making extra work for your mom, keeping your rooms clean?” This time Keeter looked at each of the children, waiting to see how they responded. Harm was holding back a chuckle. Keeter may have come bearing gifts, but he was putting the kids through their paces first. With an affirmative response from all four Rabbs, Keeter grinned. “Then you’d better go get them. They’re on the porch with the luggage. Blue package is for Tommy, red is for Trisha.” “I’ll put the bags in your room,” Harm offered, following his kids out the door. “Thanks, buddy.” Keeter smiled, ready to relax after the long drive. “At least now you can come in and sit down.” Mac reached for Liz’s coat, immediately noticing her blossoming state. “Well, congratulations! How come you didn’t tell us?” “Tell us what?” Harm asked coming back in the door with two small bags and two eager children racing past him to the den. “Liz is pregnant,” Mac beamed. “We wanted to surprise you,” Jack explained. “Five months,” Liz added. “That’s wonderful news.” Even though Harm didn’t know them very well, he was truly happy for them. “Let me just drop these in the other room.” “Don’t bother. Come and join us, I’ll take them in when we hit the racks later.” “Nonsense. It’ll just take me a minute.” Harm didn’t even wait to argue. In no time at all, the gifts were unwrapped, thank yous prevailed, and the Rabb children were off to their respective rooms to indulge in their new windfall. “Can I get you anything?” Mac directed at Liz. “Just let me put my feet up, please.” “Sure thing!” Harm turned and pulled a small ottoman over to the sofa where Liz had sat down then took a seat across from her. “This is a pleasant surprise,” Mac grinned. “It only took me two years to convince this oaf that over forty wasn’t too old to be a father.” “Harm was 41 when Tommy was born,” Mac shrugged. “Forty-one, not forty-seven,” Jack interjected. “Yeah well, if you hadn’t been so stubborn about it, you’d have been only forty-five.” Liz was just happy she’d talked him into it at all. By the time she had turned 35 she had honestly come to terms with the fact that the opportunity to have children had passed her by. When she’d married Jack two years ago at 37, she’d been a little surprised to discover how much having children had really meant to her. “We’re not that old,” Harm huffed. “You can say that. You’ll only be in your fifties when your kids graduate high school. I’ll be pushing the old age home.” “HA!” Mac laughed out loud. “Keeter, the only thing you’ll be pushing in your old age is the speed limit.” Everyone laughed along with Mac, even Harm, and he had no reason to understand why that dig was so true. Mac noticed Liz shifting her weight then grab and place Jack’s hand on her side. “Are you okay?” “Oh, yeah. Junior here thinks that when mom stops moving that means it’s time to play. My hand he kicks. Jack’s hand seems to settle him down.” “Boy, do I remember those days. Tommy used to always get his foot caught under my ribcage. I’d scare the heck out of people pushing and shoving, trying to move his foot. I was so used to it, I didn’t realize I was doing it and everyone else in the room would slowly start panicking.” Mac laughed at the memory. Harm watched her talking of carrying Tommy inside her with a heavy ache in his heart that grew with every word Mac spoke. “Do you mind?” Mac asked. “Oh, no. That’s the number one rule of being pregnant, your tummy becomes public domain,” Liz chuckled. “Ooh, there he goes again.” “Do you know it’s a he?” Mac asked, carefully placing her hand on the spot Liz had pointed to. “Yeah. I figure he’s going to be a kicker for his high school football team,” she teased. “Wow. He is strong. He’ll probably win the Heismann,” Mac teased with her. Casually she looked across the room and noticed Harm’s odd expression. “Do you want to feel?” she directed at him “Me? Uh, no.” In truth Harm was dying to participate, but somehow fear overrode his curiosity. “Oh, come on and join the party,” Liz added, recognizing the look on his face. Her kid brother had the exact same expression the first time he’d felt her stomach. Even though Harm had two kids, he had that same neophyte look on his face. Slowly, Harm stood up and moved across the small space. “You’d better move faster than that,” Mac encouraged. “Babies have a way of not cooperating for long.” “Ain’t that the truth,” Liz laughed. Timidly, Harm stretched his hand forth, startled when Liz grabbed it and placed it firmly on the side of her stomach. After only a few seconds, the active little tike took a punch square in the center of Harm’s flat palm. “Wow!” His eyes opened wide, everyone in the room chuckling. “It is something the first time you feel your kid kick,” Jack grinned proudly. Mac looked up sadly at Harm. She could see the pain in his eyes. He wouldn’t know what that felt like. All of those first time experiences were stolen from him. Harm glanced quickly at Mac. He could see the sympathy in her eyes; she understood. Suddenly all those fatherly firsts that he would never experience first hand flashed through his mind; the first kick in the womb, the first time they said dada, the first steps, first day of school, learning to ride a bike. All of it was gone. Damn! Chapter 34 “Are you really going to give up flying?” Sturgis was amazed. “Yeah, with the baby coming it’s time to give up testing new planes,” Keeter shrugged. “Whatever you do, don’t start telling me about the ones you shouldn’t have walked away from.” Just thinking about how many close calls her husband had had through the years was enough to turn Liz’s stomach. “I won’t. Besides, it was no fun any more once I didn’t have Mac to get stranded in the desert with. Right, baby?” Jack clicked his cheek, making that annoying sound that most women abhorred. “Oh, yeah, the time of our lives!” Mac shook her head and grabbed a few empty glasses. “Anyone ready for a refill?” “Don’t change the subject,” Jack winked at Mac. Just one story wouldn’t kill the night. Directing his question to Sturgis and Varese, “Did they ever tell you about the time I made an emergency landing in the Iranian desert and Mac was traded to the Bedouins to get back the stealth bomber?” “No.” Sturgis enunciated clearly. “Is this true, Mac? Did the nomads really think you were more valuable than a eighty million dollar plane?” “You know, Sturgis, I’m sure there was complement in there somewhere. And that’s not exactly what happened, I was collateral.” “Whose bright idea was that?” Harm asked, unexpectedly interested in hearing the rest of this story. When Mac had filled him in on their history with Keeter, she’d conveniently omitted the Iran rescue. “Hers.” “Mine.” All heads in the room turned to Mac. “You wanted to stay with the Bedouins?” Sturgis couldn’t resist asking. “No, I wanted Harm and that plane out of the desert before the Iranian military caught up with us.” Mac really wished Keeter had kept his mouth shut. “ME! I let you stay with them? Had I been hit on the head or something?” Harm was flabbergasted. Everything he’d heard about him and Mac protecting each other told him there was no way Harmon Rabb Jr. would have left the woman he loved in the hands of a nomadic tribe of patriarchs. Mac couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “No, you hadn’t hit your head, but you did have the same look on your face then that you have now.” “Mac?” “Oh for heaven’s sake Harm. It wasn’t about sex. It was business. Hell, the sheik himself even told me he needed another wife like his camel needed pants.” Keeter spit his drink out laughing. “You never told me he said that. What an idiot.” “JACK!” Harm turned quickly in Keeter’s direction. “That’s my wife you’re talking about.” “Maybe now, but then she was free and available.” Harm’s eyes grew even wider at what his friend had just said. “Alright, put your eyes back in their sockets! Gees. Nothing happened. I stayed behind to make sure the Bedouins got their money, and that Mac and I met up with the cavalry. She wouldn’t even let me share her tent...for her own protection,” he directed at his wife quickly before continuing. “There was no way that sheik was going to get within 10 yards of her. Besides, you know damn well I would have killed anyone who tried.” Looking into Keeter’s eyes, Harm recognized the truth of his suddenly serious words. “Yeah. I think I do.” “Good. Now that we’ve settled that, who needs a refill?” Mac asked, plastering a relieved smile on her face, deciding now was not the time to remind anyone she was a Marine and hadn’t needed protecting. “I’ll have another coke, please?” Liz handed Mac her nearly empty glass while everyone continued chatting around them. “You’ll still keep your civilian license, won’t you?” Sturgis questioned. “You bet. Especially if old Harm here lets me keep using Sarah.” Slapping Harm on the back, he turned to face him. “ I was hoping you’d let me take her up this weekend. Who knows when I’ll be back around this neck of the woods again.” “Now? Don’t you think it’s a little cold to be flying in an open cockpit?” Liz looked totally aghast as she reached for the drink Mac had just brought her. “There’s no such thing as too cold for an old jet-jock, darling. Right, Harm?” “Don’t look at me,” Harm shrugged. “Now that you’ve brought it up. Harm hasn’t been up in Sarah since last year. Think you two might want to spend a little time with the other woman?” Mac was pleased Keeter was the one to bring up the subject of Sarah. Keeter looked over at Liz, a silent plea in his eyes. “Why are you looking at me? It’s not my plane, but don’t blame me if you both come home with frost bite.” Liz took a sip of her drink, served her right for marrying a nut. What was it her brother used to say: ‘the only thing that separates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.’ If she were a betting woman, she’d wager that toy plane of Harm’s had one heck of a price tag on it. 0100 Rabb front porch “I thought I heard someone rustling about down here.” Keeter handed Harm a cigar. “No thanks.” Harm shook his head without hesitation. “Well, I guess that’s one habit Mac’s glad you don’t remember.” “I used to smoke cigars?” Harm seemed amused at the idea. “Now and then. You quit for a few years, then one day you just took it up again.” “I wonder why?” “Don’t really know.” Keeter hesitated a moment, wondering where to begin. “So tell me, buddy, how are you really doing?” “I’m getting there.” Harm handed Keeter his typically pat answer. “Harm, this is Jack. Don’t bullshit me.” Harm stared at the man in front of him. He was an academy graduate like Sturgis, and yet there was no stiffness to indicate he had ever had anything to do with the military. Was this what only being a fighter jock was about? Was this what part of him used to be like? Whatever the answers, Harm felt he could tell this man the truth. “It’s hard. Some days I think I can’t stand it anymore. On other days I almost forget something’s wrong, but usually there’s some surprise waiting around the corner to kick me in the teeth and remind me all is not what it should be.” “Mac tells me you put in your papers.” Keeter was worried about Harm leaving the Navy, it somehow seemed wrong. Harm was at least a thirty-year man and it wouldn’t have surprised anyone if he made flag and stayed in even longer. “Yeah.” “How do you feel about that?” “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “I don’t remember the Navy. I don’t remember visiting my dad on the Ticonderoga, even though the photo sits on my desk staring at me every day. I don’t remember going to the academy, flight school, or serving my country.” Harm’s tone was one of resignation more than his usual frustration. “You really forgot all about Maria Elena?” Keeter shook his head. “It was our segundo cruise in Barcelona. She had these two aunts we kept trying to ditch...” Keeter noticed Harm listening politely, but not really interested. “And you don’t really care do you?” “Jack, I can’t even remember Mac. Are you telling me I would rather have remembered our ‘segundo’ cruise?” Harm looked at Keeter pointedly. “No, man. I’m not. We had some good times, plenty of really good times.” Keeter couldn’t help chuckling a little despite the seriousness of the situation. “But nothing could compete with what you and Mac found.” Keeter watched Harm staring off into the sky. “There’s nothing like flying. You lived for it.” “That’s what they keep telling me.” Harm turned to look back at his old friend. “It just amazes me you can’t remember anything, even me. Hell, if Mac hadn’t told me, I’d have never known in there tonight. You just rolled with the punches, the same way you always have.” “I noticed with the exception of Iran, you didn’t bring up our past.” Harm raised a brow at him. “You going to tell me when you and I get together we don’t usually reminisce?” “Man, we’ve lived our lives over a gazillion times in living rooms around the world, but tonight wasn’t the night.” “Thanks.” “No problem, buddy. I wish I had some magic words to make this whole thing easier for you, but I don’t. What I do have is my friendship. It’s always yours, no matter what you do or don’t remember. Hell, I’m probably better off having you forget most of it,” Jack tried to tease. Harm smiled partly at the jest, then turned deadly serious. “I want her back, Jack.” “You’ve never lost her.” Jack didn’t skip a beat. He had a feeling from listening to what Mac wasn’t saying that something was up. Now, he saw it all very clearly. “More like I never had her. I want her to love me for me, the way she loved him.” Harm didn’t know how to explain it. Sometimes this whole mess made him feel schizophrenic. “You know, this reminds me an awful lot of a conversation we had after the op in Iran. I knew then she had a thing for you, and had it bad. I saw the way you looked at her when you got in that plane, and the look on your face when she walked back into your life. The only person who wouldn’t accept how you and she felt was you. Sounds to me like you’re doing that to yourself again.” Keeter got up and headed back in the house, the late night air starting to chill his bones. “Don’t make the same mistake twice.” Chapter 35 Rabb house Early next morning Placing her finger against her lips, “Shh, we don’t want to wake the kids or the guys will never get out of here,” Mac chuckled. This visit had been wonderful for everyone. Harm even seemed enthused about going flying. “Sorry, but I’m not sure I trust these two alone in public,” Liz giggled more quietly. “I hadn’t thought about that,” Mac laughed back. “Think they need a chaperone?” “Very funny,” Jack sneered lovingly at his wife. “Just don’t you two go off and get drunk and forget where you live,” Liz teased as Jack pulled her into a warm embrace. “Not a chance,” he whispered. Ignoring there were other people in the room, Jack kissed his wife with all the intensity of a man whose only travel plans were to find the nearest bedroom. Immediately realizing this was more than a quick peck, Mac stiffened awkwardly and walked towards Harm and the doorway. “Uh... make sure you’re both careful,” she told Harm, leading him out to the hall. “Yeah.” Harm turned and followed Mac. “I uh...” Peeking over his shoulder he saw Keeter was still kissing Liz. “How long have they been married?” he asked out of the side of his mouth. “Little over two years I think.” Mac turned and took a step closer to the kitchen to better see what Harm had seen. Wow, they were really at it. “Two years? Whew, do you think they always say goodbye like that?” Harm hadn’t expected such an ‘extensive’ goodbye. “We used to... I mean... sometimes...when…uh... I don’t know if they always say goodbye like that.” Mac was starting to feel increasingly self-conscious. She remembered the days when Harm would kiss her like that, as though it would be his last chance. “Mac?” Harm walked up behind her and almost timidly placed his hand on the sides of her arms. “Yeah?” she tried not to flinch at the feel of his touch, but didn’t know where to look. She didn’t want to spy on the hottest kiss she’d ever seen between married people, but she didn’t want to face Harm. She felt like an insecure teenager after what she’d just said, or almost said to him. “Did I ever call you Sarah?” Mac’s head snapped around at the question. “Sometimes,” she answered softly. “Can I call you that now?” His voice was low and quiet. “If you’d like.” She turned around to face him fully. “Sarah, would you mind if I kissed you goodbye? I mean not like...but...I’d really like to.” Harm could feel his heart pounding through his chest. “That would be nice,” Mac somehow managed to force her voice to respond as Harm pressed himself closer to her. Without another word, he wrapped his arms around Mac and let his lips slowly descend on hers. In a flash he felt all the emotions he’d kept tightly wound inside of him quickly begin to unravel. When Mac snaked her arms around his waist, he knew he wanted this woman more than he’d ever wanted anything. Memory or no memory, his attraction for her was more than male hormones. He could feel her calling to his very soul. Jack was at least right about one thing: this Harm was in love with his wife. In the kitchen, Keeter was still pressing his wife as tightly against him as possible considering her enhanced figure. “Do you think it’s working? My back is starting to twinge,” Liz whispered quietly, her face pressed against her husband’s. “I don’t hear them talking anymore. Do you?” Keeter whispered back just as quietly. “Shall we peek? Or do you think they need more time?” Liz’s lips teased against her husband’s as she spoke. “Let’s turn a little. Move to my right and see if you can see anything.” “Can’t we shift to my right? I’m already twisted uncomfortably here. I’m not built for making out this long anymore.” Liz had to bite her lower lip not to break out in a fit of giggles. “Okay, you’re right.” Still holding his wife tightly against him, their faces smooshed together as one, he carefully turned in minute baby steps, trying to get a look out into the hall. “I’ll be damned,” Liz whispered, pulling back from her husband’s embrace. “You were right. How did you....?” “I don’t care what he doesn’t remember. That man is still the same guy I used to bunk with. It’s Lisa Delvechio all over again!” Keeter replied enthusiastically. “Lisa Delvechio?” “Phil Delvechio’s sister. She had such a crush on Harm, and he thought she was pretty hot too. Anyhow, Phil got Harm to invite her to the winter ball. He was such a gentleman he wouldn’t make a move on her, especially being Phil’s sister and all. Poor kid thought Harm didn’t like her. Anyway, after breakfast we all went back to Phil’s house. His folks lived in Annapolis, but were out of town for some reason. With all the guys and their dates making out around the house, Harm finally ran out of gentlemanly restraint. They wound up dating for six months.” “Ah... So, now what do we do?” she grinned. “Want to make out some more?” he answered in his best Cary Grant voice. This time Liz giggled out loud, breaking the spell the couple in the hallway had fallen under. A little embarrassed at letting the kiss get away from him, Harm stepped back slowly. “We won’t be home late.” Leaning forward again, he gave Mac a sweet, quick kiss on the lips and called to Keeter. “Meet you out front.” Airport Hanger Leesburg VA Keeter walked Harm through the pre-flight check, surprised when Harm asked where the fuel line was. Pointing it out, he watched Harm examine it with unusual thoroughness. When Harm caught Keeter looking at him curiously, all he said was, “Long story.” Harm had no idea what Keeter was doing and yet, it all seemed so familiar. Like a name on the tip of your tongue but you can’t quite remember it. He climbed into the plane, strapped himself in, and waited for the anticipated apprehension of taking off, but it never came. In only a few minutes, he found himself grinning like a Cheshire cat. The feel of the wind and the sound of the engine were as comforting to him as an old blanket. About a half an hour into the flight, Keeter began spinning and looping. He could hear Harm laughing through the communication system. He knew the love of flying had to be inside him somewhere. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if all he needed was to be on a carrier deck or in a courtroom, but it was unlikely the Navy would let him do either. “You ready?” Keeter asked. “For what?” Harm’s face was bright with laughter. “Take over.” “FLYING?” Harm’s brows were up and his mouth open in a nano-second. “Yup. She’s all yours. Grab the stick.” Without any further instruction, Jack released the stick and knit his fingers behind his head as though he were in a hammock on a lazy Sunday afternoon in Puerto Vallarta. “JACK!” Harm grabbed the control and instinctively pulled it ever so slightly towards him. The fear of the moment washed away as it slowly sank in, he knew what to do. Jack relaxed in the front seat. He knew it. Harm was turning and looping and laughing his heart out. A good old-fashioned belly laugh, the kind that was good for the heart and soul. An hour later they landed the plane, Harm still at the controls. “How did you know?” Harm slapped Keeter on the back. “Know what?” “That I’d remember?” Harm stopped and turned Keeter to face him. “Anyone can be taught how to fly a plane. You can’t teach someone the touch. Either you have it or you don’t. The DFC you got for pushing that pilot home by his tailhook, you didn’t learn that at flight school. Hell, I’m good and I’m not sure I could have pulled that off. That was deep down inside you. You, my good friend, were born to fly and no loss of memory will take that away from you.” Harm paused a moment before breaking out into laughter. Life with this guy must have really been something. Looking over his shoulder, Keeter yelled back, “You better get a move on it. I hear a beer bottle calling my name!” BACK NEXT HOME