Chapters 1-7       Chapters 8-14       Chapters 15-21        Chapters 22-28        Chapters 29-35        Chapters 36-41 Title: Who Am I Chapter 36  “So, now what do I do?” Harm asked, pulling the car out of the airport parking lot. “About what?” “My life,” Harm sighed. “Easy. Go home, send the kids to a neighbor and make love to your wife all night. All day tomorrow too wouldn’t be a bad idea.” “Keeter.” Harm rolled his eyes. Why did Harm have the feeling this wasn’t the first time he’d had to call Keeter on an inappropriate response. “Harm, she IS your wife. You have TWO children. You’re not THAT old. Besides, I saw how you kissed each other this morning.” “She did kiss me back, didn’t she?” A quick smile matched the twinkle in Harm’s eyes. “You have to ask? Come on, Harm.” Keeter was about to lose patience with this guy. “Look, there’s more to life than dress whites and gold wings and taking a woman to bed. I’ve turned in my papers. It won’t be long now before I’m unemployed, and that mistress back there you so aptly reintroduced me to doesn’t come cheap.” “I’ll give you that much,” Jack nodded. “So what the hell am I going to do? I can’t sit home cooking and doing laundry for the next twenty years or so.” “There must be something. You’re a smart guy. Maybe there’s some other side of law that you could get good at. You know, some kind of brush up course in how to screw the corporate bad guys. Maybe find something to do with flying. Open a skywriting business or something.” “Jack...” “Okay, nix the sky writing. Have you talked to Frank?” “No.” Harm hadn’t thought of that. “He’s been retired for years, but he must still have connections, or at least a few good ideas,” Jack suggested. “He and Mom are coming to DC for Christmas. I’ve waited this long, I think I can wait till then to talk to him, check out my options in the meantime.” Keeter laughed out loud. “What’s so funny?” “Who would ever have thought I’d be giving you good advice,” Jack laughed some more. Harm laughed loudly with his old friend. After less than twenty-four hours he already had a feel for why that was such an amusing thought. Saturday had been a long day.  Harm’s bond with his old friend was still just as strong without the memories. They had all stayed up that night later than they’d meant to laughing and telling stories, by the time Harm had come out of the bathroom, Mac was sound asleep.  He watched her sleeping for the longest time. Maybe Jack was right, maybe he and the old Harmon Rabb weren’t so different. Maybe he was demanding too much of her. If the bond between him and Jack was so strong without the memories, why was Harm fighting the bond between him and Mac?  Why was he making things so complicated? Despite the lack of history, he was happy where he was. He loved the kids and he loved Mac. What was his problem? Shaking his head, he finally rolled over and forced himself to get some sleep. Sunday flew by and everyone promised not to let so much time pass before their next visit.  By Monday life was back to normal, with one minor exception, Harm had decided it was time he stopped treating Mac like a polite acquaintance. Slowly, he tried being more affectionate; a kiss on the cheek whenever one of them came home, or went out, an occasional hand across the small of her back.  A few times he even reached out to hold her hand, once while walking into the grocery store and another time on their way to a PTA meeting.  After only a couple of weeks, Harm felt they were truly comfortable with each other. He was amazed at how easily he fell into the role of loving husband.  All he needed now was the right time to show her how much his love for her had grown. It had been months since his accident. He was torn between feeling he’d let too much time pass without showing her his physical interest in her, and yet at the same time he felt it hadn’t been long enough, she needed and deserved more time to adapt and grow into the new them.  He just needed to be patient, he kept reminding himself. Rabb House Saturday morning Life had been relatively smooth sailing since Keeter’s visit. Even the surprises that at one time would feel like a slap in the face didn’t seem to affect Harm the way they once would have. During one of his mother’s frequent calls to check on him, Harm went ahead and spoke to Frank about his career options. Frank told him he might have a few ideas, and that he’d get back to Harm when he had more concrete information. Harm hurried up the basement stairs, trying to reach the phone before it stopped ringing. “Rabb residence.  Oh, hi, honey.” Harm looked down at his watch. “Hey, Dad. Where’s Mom? I thought she was picking me up.” “She is. She and Tommy were going to get you on their way back from Target. I’m sure she’ll be there any minute.” Harm hit the flash button and dialed Mac’s cell.  He was getting tired of her cell phone connection being at the will of whatever tower she was or wasn’t driving past.  The next thing on his list of things to deal with was going to be finding a new cellular phone service. He hadn’t gotten three feet away from the phone when it rang again. “Rabb residence.” “Harmon Rabb?” “Yes.” “This is Fairfax Hospital. You’re listed as the emergency contact for Sarah Rabb.” “That’s my wife,” Harm swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, sir. She and a little boy were just brought in, a car accident. If you could please...” Elizabeth Stanton heard the click before she could finish her sentence. It wasn’t unusual. She’d learned a long time ago not to take it personally. Harm was moving on autopilot. Not waiting to hear whatever else the woman from the hospital had to say, he’d grabbed his keys and was out the door, driving down the street long before the woman probably even realized he’d hung up. He was literally numb from head to toe. What was he going to do if anything happened to Mac? There was no way he could do what she had done, be so strong. As he turned the corner near the hospital an icy chill ran up his spine. He couldn’t begin to imagine life without her. Leaving the car parked outside the door, Harm ran up to the desk. “I got a call. My wife, Sarah Rabb and ... my son…” Hitting a few letters on the keyboard, “Yes, Mr. Rabb. Your wife is in trauma room three. If you’ll just go through those double doors to your left, she’ll be the third cubicle on your right.” Harm wasn’t even sure if he’d said thank you, he only knew he had to see Mac. Pushing the door a little more forcefully than was probably necessary, he scanned the numbers at the top of each cubby, counting the blue curtains. When he arrived at number three he practically flew past the closed curtains, coming up short at the sight of Mac glaring furiously at a rather oblivious man in a white coat scribbling on a clipboard while he spoke. “Mac?” He slowly processed the information in front of him. She was alive. She was okay. Forgetting all about the doctor writing furiously, Harm stormed past the man, almost knocking him over as he reached for his now crying wife. “Oh, Harm.” Mac draped her arms tightly around her husband, resting her head against his chest. “They won’t tell me about Tommy. I told that paramedic I didn’t need to see a doctor, I was okay, but Tommy was still unconscious when they brought us in and now they won’t tell me how he is!” Mac couldn’t help herself. The sight of her husband was like breaking a damn. All the fear and anger came bursting through in a flood of tears. “How is our son?” Harm asked the doctor rather forcefully. “Sir, as I’ve been trying to explain to your wife, I was sent to check on her. Your son is being taken care of by another physician. I’m sure someone will be here any minute to inform you of his condition.” This was the part of emergency medicine that Eddie Philips hated. He was especially thankful the husband had arrived when he had. He didn’t think he was going to be able to keep this mother pinned down much longer. Parents were always overwrought, but it was especially worse when they had good reason. Kissing the top of his wife’s head, Harm gently soothed her back, trying to do his best to calm Mac down despite his own agitated state. He was about to pelt the doctor with a slew of questions that would have made any litigator proud when the approaching sound of a screaming child could be heard. Instantly, Mac’s head lifted. “Harm, that’s Tommy!” Chapter 37 “I want my mommy!” The terrified child cried, tears streaming down his face. The staff tried to reassure him. “Your mom will be here shortly. As soon as the doctor is done with her they’ll send her up to x-ray.”  A sweet aide tried to calm him. When Tommy saw Harm’s head pop out from behind a passing curtain, he practically jumped off the gurney.  “Daddy! They won’t let me see Mommy!” Harm pushed the curtain open at the same time he reached for his son with his other hand. The same sweet aid put out her hand to stop him. “He’s on his way to x-ray. We really don’t want him moving around.” “I’ll go with him.” Harm glanced quickly at Mac who nodded her head. “Are you finished?” Mac spat at the overworked doctor. “Yes, Mrs. Rabb. I am finished. If you will wait here while I sign your release, the nurse will come and tell you when you can join your husband and son upstairs.”  As exhausting as a battling anxious mother was, he was delighted that all seemed well with their boy. No sooner had the doctor walked away from Mac than a flurry of activity erupted. Nurses and police were flying past with an equipment-laden gurney. Flashes of the night of Harm’s accident sent cold chills through her body. She could only imagine this to have been the scene prior to her arrival that night. She could hear the rapidly paced voice of someone spitting out information: Female, approximately forty-five, head on collision, no airbag, head trauma, punctured lung, unconscious at scene. The voice slowly disappeared as they moved behind closed doors, but the hum of activity hadn’t slowed as another gurney came racing in behind the previous one.  Harm had called Trisha from upstairs while Tommy was being x-rayed to tell her what had happened. He was now following Tommy back into the emergency room when he noticed Mac lying back quietly in the same spot he’d left her. “I’m going to check on Mommy and I’ll catch up to you in a minute.” Harm could see Tommy’s lower lip start to quiver. “I promise.” He squeezed his son’s cold hand. Nodding his head, the little boy kept his eyes focused on his parents until he disappeared into the glass-enclosed room. “How are you doing?” “Fine. I’ve been waiting for the doctor’s release, but a car accident came in and it seems to have taken up everyone’s time.” “You don’t look fine. Is something hurting?” Harm gently brushed his hands along his wife’s arm, checking for any painful spots. “It just reminded me of that night. I’ll be okay.” Mac took in a deep labored breath. “God, Mac. I’m so sorry.” Harm drew her into his arms again. “I only had a small taste of what you must have gone through and it scared the hell out of me.” Placing a quick kiss on the top of her head, he blinked his eyes tightly.  “Tommy is waiting for me, but when we get home, you and I are going to have a long talk. Okay?” Mac nodded her head. All she really wanted at the moment was to hold her family safely in her arms. As long as she could do that, Harm could talk all he wanted. Looking around as Harm pulled back, she hopped off the bed. “I’m coming with you. I can wait with you and Tommy just as easily as I can wait here.” The door to Tommy’s cubicle was barely open when Mac rushed through to hold her baby. “Be careful with his arm. Doc thinks it’s broken,” Harm called, watching Mac smother her boy with kisses. “Make that he HAS a broken arm, dislocated shoulder too, no internal bleeding, and a minor concussion. You lucked out on this one.” Harm and Mac looked up at the crusty doctor. “It could always have been worse,” Harm agreed. “The next lady wasn’t so lucky,” the doctor started. Mac looked down at Tommy, running her hand through his hair before looking back up at the doctor. “Thought you might like to know the police have the guy who ran you off the road in custody. He plowed into another car at the next intersection.” “Drunk driver?” Harm asked. “At two o’clock in the afternoon.” Disgust rolled off the doctor’s tongue. No matter how the doctor tried to remain neutral, there was nothing neutral about drinking and driving. “How is the woman he hit?” Mac asked. The doctor nodded his head no, and Harm instinctively stepped closer to Mac, dropping his hand casually on her shoulder. After much arguing and insisting, the doctor finally agreed not to keep Tommy overnight for observation. Harm and Mac felt after everything the family had been through with Harm in the hospital, keeping Tommy overnight would be too traumatic for everyone. The rest of the day, at every opportunity, Harm couldn’t bring himself to stop holding Mac’s hand. They held hands in the car driving to Harriet’s to pick up Trisha, watching videos with the kids, walking from the kitchen to the den after dinner, reading Tommy a bedtime story, on their way to tuck Trisha in bed, and walking back to their room. He simply needed to feel connected. Ever since they’d gotten home he’d been thinking about what he wanted to say to Mac.  No matter how much thought he gave it, he had no idea what to say or where to begin. He couldn’t help wondering if this is why they’d spent all those years in love and did nothing about it. Was not being able to tell her how he felt the same problem the old Harmon Rabb had? Mac had stepped away from his grip and began her nightly ritual. She took off her rings and dropped them in a tray on the dresser top, then kicked off her shoes and started undoing the buttons on her shirt as she walked to the bathroom.  “Do you mind if I take a bath?” she asked over her shoulder. “Of course not.” “I just want a warm soak. I won’t take too long.” What she really wanted was to curl into the safety and warmth of Harm’s arms, but despite his comforting efforts this afternoon she was still afraid to ask, afraid it was too much too soon and would push him away. She looked so lost. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms again, but fear of saying or doing the wrong thing kept him silently frozen in place.  Still staring at the now closed bathroom door, Harm took a deep breath and began undressing. His shirt removed and neatly draped across a nearby chair, he sat down and removed his shoes and socks. Undoing his belt he remembered his pajamas were in the bathroom. Propping the pillows behind him, still in his trousers, he grabbed a paperback from the night table and made himself comfortable while he waited for the bathroom to be free. “I feel much better,” Mac smiled, walking towards the bed and towel drying her hair. “Good.” Harm set his book on the nightstand. Turning back to face his wife, he watched as she tossed the small towel aside, untied her robe, draped it on the edge of the bed, and climbed under the covers.  He couldn’t help himself, everything about her seemed absolutely mesmerizing. After his scare today, he didn’t ever want to take his eyes off of her. Mac had tried not to blatantly stare, but it had been a long time since she’d seen Harm without a shirt. His chest was so perfect. Despite his years, he was still strong and handsome.  As casually as she could, she watched him from the corner of her eye.  When he went into the bathroom to change, she smiled at being able to blatantly stare at his six. That was in pretty good shape too.  All of him was and she missed him. Chapter 38 Harm practically brushed the enamel off his teeth while gathering his nerve.  They needed to have that talk he’d mentioned in the ER and the sooner the better.  He had to let her know how he felt, and somehow determine where they stood as husband and wife. Walking back to bed, he realized he wanted to see her face when they had this conversation, not her profile from his side of the bed. Actually, if he’d been smart, he would have started the talk while they were still downstairs and not waited until they were about to crawl under the covers.  Under the circumstances, this conversation might actually prove to be even more difficult than he had anticipated. “Do you mind if I sit down? I’d like to talk to you.” Harm asked standing on her side of the bed. At least this way he could see her face and read her expressions without developing a crook in his neck. “No, not at all.” Mac scooted over a bit giving him some room.  She wasn’t sure what it was he wanted to talk about, but she was thankful for any opportunity to keep him closer than usual. Even if it meant nothing more than sitting side by side. “About today, I...” Harm started. Sitting down beside her, his eyes had moved from the edge of the bed over to her lap and slowly traveled up her body before settling curiously on her shoulder. He was about to tell her how frightened he’d been when the hospital called, but the dark blotch on her shoulder was too distracting.  “What’s this?” His brow curled with concern, tentatively, he reached for her shoulder, afraid to actually touch her. “What?” Mac twisted her head trying to see what Harm was pointing at. “It looks like a bruise,” he explained. Mac tugged the edge of her nightgown off of her shoulder in an attempt to see what he was talking about. Unable to really see anything, she looked back and saw Harm’s horrified expression. “What?” she repeated, her voice a little more anxious than before. “You’ve got a purple mark down your collar bone.”  The small blotch was now a large thick mark, and it ran down below her neckline. “I do?” Mac put both hands on the elastic edge of her nightgown’s collar and pulled down forcefully. Harm’s eyes almost popped out of his head, both at the shock of the thick purple line running down her front, and at the amount of exposed bare cleavage. He suddenly wished he wasn’t sitting so close to her. The warmth of her thigh next to his and the view of her nearly bare breasts were sending all the wrong messages to all the right places in his body. And to make matters worse, he desperately wanted to see more. Now clearly able to see the mark on her chest, Mac pulled the nightgown away from her body and looked down at her torso. Harm quickly looked up at the ceiling. The temptation to take a peek down her nightgown was unbearably strong. Maybe tonight wasn’t a good night for this conversation. The idea was to tell her how much he’d grown to love her and need her and that he wanted to some day soon show her how much as only a man in love could, not to leer at her like she were some dime store display. “It looks like the seatbelt left its mark.” Mac dropped the nightgown back in place and glanced over at Harm.  Noticing him looking awkwardly away, she placed her hand lightly on his thigh. “Harm?” “Hmm?” Turning back to face her, he was relieved to discover she was once again covered up. “It looks like bruising from the seatbelt. I’m sure it’s nothing,” Mindlessly, she patted his leg. “Does it hurt?” Harm picked up his hand as though he was going to reach for her and quickly let it fall back to his side. Lightly laying her hand by her heart, she gently pressed against her bruised skin. “No, but it does look awful, doesn’t it?” “I...uh...I tried not to look.” Once again, Harm felt an immense heat pooling heavily where he really didn’t need it. “Why?” The word was out of Mac’s mouth before she’d had a chance to censor herself. “Why?” Harm’s brows inched up nervously. “That’s what I said.” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud the first time, but now that she had, she would have liked an answer.  She hadn’t been able to figure him out. A few times he’d seemed to want her the way he used to. The two kisses they had previously shared felt real, they hadn’t felt forced as though he were pretending. The same thing with the small gestures; they had felt natural too. Still, in the back of her mind she couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying hard to be attentive, but didn’t really want her the way he used to. She couldn’t help thinking that maybe he was just going through the motions as he’d learned to do with so many other things. “I uh, didn’t think it was...appropriate.” “Appropriate?” “Uh huh,” he nodded.  With responses like this, the legal profession certainly needn’t worry he would ever return to litigating. “Why?” It had been years since Mac had done this dance. She’d actually forgotten how frustrating it had been spending all those years in love and never connecting. Always walking on eggs, thinking and rethinking every word to come out of your mouth until what you said had absolutely nothing at all to do with what you meant.  Now she was even more unsure than before. Was the man that had been so puritanical and slept on a chair all night in Russia rather than share a bed with a coworker behind all this double talk? Or did he simply not want her that way and had been trying to keep up the attempt of being a good husband? “You deserve better, that’s why I wanted to talk to you.” Mac felt her heart sink to her stomach. “I see.” She’d only said two words, but her eyes revealed the pain behind them. “Do you?”  Harm reached out and gently ran his finger down along the edge of her bruising, stopping at the neckline of her nightgown. Mac closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.  His featherlight touch had sent rockets of electricity scattering to all points in her body. Harm felt her chest rise under his fingertips.  He could see the longing on her face hidden behind closed eyelids. He knew if he tried to take this further, she wouldn’t say no. He’d known ever since that night on the dance floor. Feeling his finger pull away, Mac slowly opened her heavy lids.  When she looked into Harm’s intense gaze, she saw his eyes were dark with the same raging passion that was burning inside her.  He wanted her, there was no longer any doubt in her mind, but something was still holding him back.  “What do I deserve?” she asked breathlessly, her eyes still locked on his. “To be loved long and slow, not ogled by a thief in the night.” Not moving his eyes from hers, he brushed his hand along the side of her face, bringing his thumb to rest on her soft lips. Her eyes had once again fallen shut at the feel of his delicate caress. Harm’s heart was swelling at the knowledge that he could induce such a sweet response in her, and yet breaking at the doubts of who she wanted to love her. Forcing her eyes open, Mac gently kissed his thumb. “You’re not a thief in the night. You’re the man I love.” Chapter 39 Either Harm or Mac had gotten up a few times during the night to check on Tommy. The first time they’d pulled back the bedspread and crawled under the covers, immediately snuggling up in each other’s arms the same way they had fallen asleep.  The second time they climbed into bed, but instead of falling asleep as they had the time before, they made long, slow love again.  The last time they slipped into bed, Harm chuckled as Mac snuggled into him. “What’s so funny?” she asked. “I never imagined that at my age I could be so insatiable.” Lifting the sheets slightly, Harm held them up long enough for Mac to get a glimpse of his once again growing interest.  “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.” Pulling her back into his arms, he took a deep breath and tried not to think about how wonderful she felt against his skin. Doodling her finger across his chest, “I, uh, thought you weren’t sleepy?” “I don’t want to push,” Harm answered seriously. Mac studied his eyes. “I’ve waited a long time for you to want me again. Don’t you ever pretend you don’t.” Shifting his weight, Harm leaned over Mac, balancing on one elbow. “You know it’s more than that, don’t you? This isn’t a matter of just wanting you.  I’ve wanted you since the first night I came home.” Mac’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “Is that why you wanted to sleep downstairs?” “Part of it,” he nodded. “But it wasn’t long before I realized I was falling in love with you all over again.” Mac sat up. “Then why were you so distant?” She didn’t understand. “I thought you needed more time to grieve for who I was and learn to love me for who I am.  AJ tried to tell me we were one and the same, but I didn’t believe him.” “What made you change your mind?” “I realized yesterday when I thought I might have lost you that regaining my past wouldn’t be worth a damn if I didn’t have a future with you. Then last night when you ran off a list of things you loved, it reminded me of the list AJ recited.  They weren’t identical, but the point was clear. You’re in love with the man in here.” Harm put his hand on his heart. “It was never what he did, it was why he did it.” He brushed back a thin strand of hair from her face. “I love you Sarah Rabb.” “I love you.” Burrowing under the covers, they created their own heat one more time. Dragging himself out of bed the next morning, Harm was all too aware of the fact that he was going to need a nap today, a very long nap. Looking at the clock he wasn’t surprised Mac had let him sleep in.  Throwing on a pair of boxers and grabbing his robe, he glanced over at the night table.  Nodding his head slowly, he opened the drawer and took out the plastic bag. It was time. “Morning, sleepy head,” Mac grinned from the kitchen counter. “Coffee’s ready, I made it squid strength.” “Squid?” Harm curled his brow at her. He supposed he would have to accept that finally getting things right with Mac didn’t mean that everything else would be miraculously perfect. “Yeah. That’s the Navy version of jarhead.” Mac tried to keep the pleasant smile on her face. Harm seemed to take new revelations in stride these days, but she couldn’t help feeling slightly apprehensive. “In other words, watch who I say it to or I could wind up on the wrong end of a fist.” Harm smiled his full flyboy smile. “Something like that, yeah.” Mac could almost hear the tension whooshing out of her like a leak in a hot air balloon. Turning to finish cleaning up after the kids’ breakfast, her eyes blinked as she did a double take in Harm’s direction. Walking slowly over to the coffeepot, she picked up his left arm. “You’re wearing it.” “I, uh...I hope you don’t mind. I...well, I thought it was time.” “No, I don’t mind...I’m glad.” Mac’s eyes twinkled happily, only to have an unexpected awkwardness fall over them. “Mac?” “Hmm?” she took a step back before looking up at him. “No.” Reaching his arm around her waist he pulled her up tightly against him. “Nothing between us anymore. No pulling away, holding back what we’re thinking.” Watching a slow smile spread across her face, Harm kissed the top of her head. He knew better than to taste her lips or he’d risk giving the kids an early lesson on the birds and the bees. Loosening his hold on her waist, he wondered out loud, “Am I ever going to get enough of this?”  Smiling broadly, he noticed Mac blushing.  “What?” he asked. “I certainly hope not,” she beamed. Over the next few days, Harm was amazed at how different he felt. Not knowing the past was no longer the thorn in his side it had been.  His focus now was on building a future, a great future with the woman and family he loved.  He’d spent quite a bit of time talking about his options with Bud. As a retired naval attorney, Bud had considerable insight into Harm’s legal options. The problem always seemed to return to Harm’s lack of recalled experience. On Thursday after the Thanksgiving football games they’d even gone so far as to sit down at Bud’s home office and go over a few of his current cases.  Though Harm was able to follow Bud’s explanations easily, he had absolutely no insight or input.  The law in private practice was simply not going to be an option either. By the following Saturday, Harm had heard from Frank. “Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you but things turned out to be a bit more complicated than I’d imagined.” “What things?” Harm gestured to Mac that he would take this call in the office, kissed her on the cheek, ran his hand across her six, grinned impishly, and walked off with the cordless phone at his ear. “You may or may not remember, but I retired from Chrysler almost five years ago.” “I remember.” He didn’t actually remember the retirement, but he did remember his mom telling him Frank retired shortly after he and Mac moved to England. “The last couple of years I’ve been on the board of directors for the Cities Future Foundation.” “Cities Future?” “It’s basically a mentoring program.  It started out as a group of retired and semi-retired Chrysler execs helping out a few gifted but challenged inner city kids. The program has grown to not only include mentoring, but scholarships, internships, and other career placement assistance. We’ve got quite a payroll,” Frank chuckled. “I’m listening.” Harm wondered what Frank was working up to. Harm had no corporate experience and even if he had, there’d be little of it he could remember. “We’ve been talking about expanding the outreach of the foundation for over a year, but the board couldn’t agree on where, how, or who.”  “I see.” Harm was starting to get an inkling of where Frank was going with this. “We held a meeting last night. It was unanimous. Cities Futures is going to open an office in DC and we want you to run it.” Chapter 40 “You want me to what?” “You heard me,” Frank chuckled. “You’d be perfect.  There will be a considerable amount of recruiting and fundraising, especially early on, but with your connections...” “Connections? Frank, you know as well as I do that whoever I’ve dealt with in the past, I wouldn’t recognize them if they stood in front of me with a nametag.” “Harm, your wife, Colonel Sarah Rabb, is on staff for the Joint Chiefs,” Frank pointed out. “Mac?” “Yes, Mac. You remember her, tall, attractive woman, smart as a whip. There are people in that town who would kill for a connection like that.” “Frank.  I can’t put all of this on her.” “Harm, don’t underestimate your circle of friends. AJ may be retired, but a two star still yields a considerable amount of influence. Bud is working for one of the more prestigious firms in DC. You have a lot more connections than you realize.” “Maybe, but I don’t know the first thing about running a foundation.” “And no one expects you to. It would be the perfect opportunity to start fresh. You’re a smart man, Harm.  Just because it’s unlikely you’ll be able to ever practice law again doesn’t mean you can’t put that keen mind to use elsewhere.” Harm thought about what Frank was saying.  He did like the idea of helping kids, especially kids at risk. “Harm, there’s a lot to go over. You don’t have to say yes now, but think about it. When your mom and I are in Virginia for Christmas, I want you to help me check out some available office space, interview support staff, and meet with a few organizations that work with inner city teens. Then, after you’ve gotten a first hand look at it, you can tell me what you think.” “I’ll talk to Mac, see what she thinks.” “Good. Sounds like things are going well for the two of you.” Trish had pointed out to Frank that things somehow seemed different when she’d spoken with Harm and Mac more recently. “Yeah, I think they are.” Harm couldn’t help but smile into the phone. They’d made so much progress in the last week since he’d done as Keeter had said and accepted how his wife felt about him. Sending the kids out to play and keeping Mac in bed hadn’t hurt any, either. Having ended the call, Harm returned the phone to its handset in the kitchen and looked around for his wife. Noticing the basement light on, he turned and headed downstairs. “Did you have a nice chat with Frank?” Mac pulled a few things from the washing machine. “It was certainly interesting.” Harm wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist, resting his chin on the top of her head. “Interesting good, or interesting bad?” Mac tried to toss a few things in the dryer without disturbing Harm’s hold on her.  She didn’t want to discourage the affectionate gesture, but sometimes his timing really stunk. “I’m not sure.” Harm felt Mac’s struggle with the clothes and stepped to her left, taking the garments from her hand and placing them into the dryer. “Want to tell me about it?” Reaching into the washer, she pulled out more clothes. “He wants to expand his children’s foundation.” “The one for inner city kids?” Smiling, Mac handed him a few more things to put in the dryer. “That’s the one. Do you know much about it?” “Not really, but ever since he retired, Frank has been heavily involved.  He took it from a small local organization to a recognized statewide group. They’ve become a prototype for other mentoring programs.” “He wants me to run a DC branch.” Harm leaned back against the folding table. “He does?” Mac let the shirt she’d grabbed fall back into the washer. “He seems to think my ‘connections’ could be very helpful.” “He’s probably right. You could easily get an awful lot of military participation. Think what a visit to a carrier, or a ride in a Hornet could do for kids who had never considered the military. Bud could help with private sector funding, and you know how AJ loves to work with kids and baseball. You’d be able to put together quite a team.”  Mac picked up the last shirt again and tossed it into the dryer. “What do you think?” “Maybe, but I don’t know anything about running a foundation.” “No, but I’m sure Frank would help. Besides, look what you did with Sarah. You read over the contracts, did the math and renegotiated. It saved us quite a bit of money too. I’m sure whatever Frank has in mind, it’s probably easily within your retained skills range.” Mac closed the door to the dryer, pushed the button, and turned to face her husband. “I do like the idea of helping kids,” Harm shrugged, circling his arms loosely around his wife. “You’re good at it too,” Mac grinned up at him, resting her hands around his middle. “I am?” Mac nodded, “You were wonderful with Chloe, especially when she ran off and hid in the elevator shaft.” “The what?” Harm’s brows shot up. “Long story,” Mac chuckled. “And even though Jen wasn’t exactly a kid, you went a long way in turning her from petty thief to career Navy.” “That’s what she says, but somehow I think you may have had more to do with that.” “No. She was your responsibility. All I did was make lots of hot chocolate.” “Then you think it’s something I should seriously consider?” Harm pulled Mac a little closer. “If you like the idea, yeah. When do you have to let Frank know?” “Not until after Christmas. He’s going to have me ride shotgun while he works out some preliminaries over the holidays.” “Then I say you have plenty of time to do your own research, maybe talk to Bud and AJ, see what they think.” Mac placed a quick kiss on his lips. “Not a bad idea. I think I’ll do that.” Harm was just about to kiss his wife more thoroughly when the rushing sound of heavy paws came thumping down the stairs and Lady stuck her large snout between the couple. “I know, Lady, I know.” Mac reached down and petted the dog. “Know what?” Harm wondered; that the dog doesn’t like us hugging? “It’s time to pick Trisha up from Girl Scouts.  You want to flip for it?” Mac stepped back a little. “Nah.  I’ll go get her. Maybe I’ll head over to Bud’s for a little while too.” Mac smiled and nodded. She had been worried about what Harm would do with himself. He was still spending small amounts of time learning and catching up, but it wouldn’t be long before he’d be waking up with nothing to do, and that had worried her. Maybe this could be a good fit. Chapter 41 Christmas Eve Rabb kitchen Mac had crawled out of bed earlier than the rest of the household that morning.  Things seemed to be going well with Frank and the foundation.  The few days they’d managed to devote to the task, Harm had come home happy. The idea of helping children put the same spark in his eyes she would see when he was standing on the deck of a carrier about to climb into one of his beloved tomcats. The new position wouldn’t pay as much as he’d earned in the Navy, but with his pension it would be very doable.  The really nice thing would be the flexibility of his schedule. That appealed to both Harm and Mac. Under normal circumstances, her job was strictly nine to five, no travel. Harm had been the one with the grueling job that had often kept him locked up at the pentagon until the wee hours of the morning.  Having both of them on the same schedule would actually be a welcome change. Still standing by the kitchen sink, staring quietly out the window, she could almost forget how close they were to a big city.  This old house had a great backyard. “The bed was cold.” Harm slipped his arms around his wife. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Mac had been so lost in memories that she hadn’t heard Harm come into the kitchen. “Good thing you weren’t guarding the hen house. The fox would have had a field day.” Harm brushed Mac’s hair aside and kissed the back of her neck. Mac turned her head looking quizzically at her husband. “Barnyard analogies?” “Hey, if the shoe fits,” he shrugged.  “Now, tell me what has you so restless that you’re out of bed at 5:30 in the morning on a day off?” “I’m not restless, just thinking.” Mac leaned back into Harm’s arms. “What about?” Harm resisted the urge to feast on her neck and drag her back to bed. He could tell something serious was on her mind. “You, us, everything.” “Hmm, that covers a lot of territory.  Care to get more specific?” “You are happy now, aren’t you?” “Very,” Harm answered without a moment’s hesitation. “Why would you have to ask?” He turned her around to fully face him. “Technically it hasn’t been THAT long since your accident. I mean there were times during the last few months when it felt like forever, but it isn’t a lot of time to adjust to having a wife, kids, a new job. You’ve had a lot to deal with.” “I won’t try to say some of it wasn’t hard,” Harm smiled at the crooked look Mac shot his way. “Okay, a lot of it was very hard, but with a great deal of help from you, Mom, the kids, and some wonderful friends, I worked through it.  I’m still learning, but I’m not complaining. I had a pretty good life to wake up to once I was willing to accept it.” “What about this new job?” “What about it?” Harm was beginning to wonder if maybe this conversation wouldn’t be best held sitting down somewhere more comfortable. “Facing the uncertainties of a new job can put a lot of pressure on a person.” “I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with the unknown.” Sliding his hand down over hers, he clasped it tightly and gave her a slight tug. “Why don’t we go sit down on the sofa? I get the distinct impression you’re going the long way around to get at something.” Mac smiled softly. He had gotten very good at reading her in a very short time. Sitting down on the overstuffed sofa in the den, Harm looked at his wife, “Now, what is this really all about?” “I worry about you sometimes. I...I don’t want to put too much on you.” “You won’t.” Harm was beginning to think something was seriously wrong. “Have I done something?” Mac chuckled softly, “I wouldn’t put it quite that way.” “Mac... we promised, nothing between us, no secrets. If I’ve done something I shouldn’t have you need to tell me.” “A few years ago I would have wrapped this up in a pretty little box and given it to you under the tree, but now I have no idea.” Mac slipped the small item she’d been fiddling with in her pocket into Harm’s hand. Harm studied his hand intently. He could feel a wave of frustration threatening to overtake the moment. He knew damn well this was something important to Mac, something that had her acting more nervously than he could remember ever seeing her behave, and yet he had absolutely no idea what he was looking at. “I...I’m sorry. I...” Harm looked up and at that moment he saw a single tear slip from the corner of Mac’s eye. “Oh, Mac.” He pulled her into his arms. He needed to hold her right now as much if not more than she needed to be held. “I was afraid it would be too much for you,” Mac mumbled into his shoulder. “Too much for me?” Pulling back, Mac nodded her head and reached for Harm’s hand still clenching what she’d given him. “I just wasn’t thinking. Everything was so unexpected. I...” Mac rubbed her hand across her brow.  “Mac. I’m really sorry, but I have absolutely no idea what’s going on at the moment and you’re scaring the hell out of me. What’s wrong? What does this mean?” Harm took back the plastic stick and held it up. Mac stared at him blankly. Once again she’d forgotten how many pockets of memory loss Harm had. A small smile crept across her face at the realization he wasn’t upset with the results but at not understanding the significance of what he currently held in his hand. “The little blue line means I’m pregnant.” Mac took a deep breath and waited for his reaction. An immense rush of total elation rose through his body.  He was about to pull his wife into a crushing embrace when the apprehensive look on her face stopped him cold. Why was she so distressed by this? Was this not a good thing for her? What was he supposed to do? “Say something, please.” Mac’s insides were infested by a flock of restless geese. “Are you okay?” he mumbled softly. Other than being scared to death, yeah she was probably okay. Mac nodded her head.  The geese were fast becoming more agitated. Harm couldn’t help it any longer, a broad, full blown, flyboy smile spread across his face.  Reaching out, he let the flat of his palm rest gently on Mac’s tummy. “A baby? Really?” Relieved at the bright grin, Mac smiled wider than a carrier deck. “Really.” Harm couldn’t stand it any more, pulling Mac tightly against him, he whispered in her ear, “I love you so much.” Squeezing him just as tightly, she kissed the side of his face. “Then you don’t mind?” “Mind!” Harm kissed her square on the lips, dragging her across his lap. When he finally pulled back he looked deeply into her eyes. “You were afraid I’d be upset?” “Well, it was different with Trisha and Tommy. We were trying to get pregnant so it wasn’t so far out of left field. Besides, I was a lot younger then.” Harm’s brow curled instantly with concern. “You did say you’re okay?” “I’m not THAT old, but 43 is a little older than I’d planned on to still be having children. We’ll have to have a few tests, but so far everything is normal.” “I couldn’t be happier. Don’t you see? This is my first. Now I understand how I must have felt when you told me about Trisha and Tommy. Soon I’ll get to feel our child grow and kick. I’ll get to hear his first words and watch his first steps. I’ll be able to teach him how to ride a bike and throw a ball.” “Him? You’ve already decided,” Mac happily teased. “Him, her, as long as the baby is healthy, I couldn’t be happier!” Harm couldn’t resist and dragged Mac into another searing kiss. His hands began roaming gently across her back and down around her hips. Blazing a trail of hot wet kisses, starting at the edge of her moist lips and slowly descending down her long neck, he froze when his hand came around and brushed across her stomach. Harm’s eyes were open wide as he pulled away. “Is this okay? I mean should I be doing this?” Grinning impishly, Mac brushed her lips tenderly against Harm’s. “You’d better believe it, buster.” In a move that surprised and thrilled Mac, Harm managed to slide out from under her, stand, and scoop her into his arms as if she were a new bride.  With the agility of a much younger man, he carried her up the stairs and into their room, his lips never releasing hers for a single moment. “Thank you,” he whispered. Nothing on the day he woke up in what he thought was a horrific nightmare could have prepared him for the wondrous joy that would be his life. “I love you Sarah Rabb.” “I love you Harmon Rabb.” The End                                                                                    BACK                                                                   HOME