Received 12.5.2000

Well, the day that I have been fearing for almost two years has finally come, my fiancée whom one day I was going to marry and share my life with has left me. She told me that she "rededicated her life to Christ" and that if I did not convert then what we had worked so hard for would all be for nothing, well I would not give up my personal beliefs for anyone or anything, she has totally changed and feels nothing for me anymore she does not even like talking to me anymore. This was once the woman who loved me more than anything in her life and wanted nothing more then to make me happy and content with what i had...it pains me to think that she went to church one night and everyone crowded around her and started to pray for her until they broke her down with emotions and then rebuilt her in their image and told her that she cannot have a relationship with a nonbeliever and that becoming a Christian zombie is the way for her to live...sigh...

Well my heart is broken and everything that i held true and dear to me has destroyed me, i hope the Christians who come on here and rant and rave see this post so they can see the business end of their religion at work....it separates friends, families, lovers and even countries...i don't know what i am fighting for anymore, just to survive in this country i have to hide what i believe for if I would ever speak out about it I would never get promoted
and I would lose ties with family and friends and I would start finding bibles on my work desk...very few people have the strength, courage and guts to break away from what their parents told them was right, but it comes at a high price a very high price...it makes me wonder if it is truly worth it... 

an extremely sad Atheist

ShadowMoon24@aol.com

My Reply:

It was saddening to read your note. Jesus befriended the tax collector and dined with prostitutes. It strikes me that the Christian habit of ostracizing those who do not share their mission is, well... unchristian.

Your unfortunate situation epitomizes the theme of this web site. Fear and misunderstanding can make atheists outcasts, when in reality they are probably the only group not prejudiced by religious dogma.

They way your fiancée was won over sounds creepy. I have heard about how cults will smother new members with attention. I don't know what your girl friend's situation was, but I would imagine that the typical person considering a cult is not a beacon of strength and self-confidence. How many stories have you heard about bottomed-out drug addicts finding Jesus? For someone suffering from a poor self-image, unconditional attention would be quite a high.

You ask if it is worth it. I think the real question is, do you have a choice? Can you choose to believe or not believe in God? Whether or not you believe is something your experience dictates. I can not make a conscious decision to believe in God. I could pretend I did and go to church every Sunday, stick a Jesus-fish on my car and say grace before meals, but I would be a hypocrite. My experience clearly tells me that there are no gods and I cannot choose to believe otherwise.

I sincerely hope things improve for you. At least you can be fairly confident that things can only get better. Send me an update to let me know how you are doing.

Reply Received 12.7.2000 

Thank you for responding to my letter. It has been over 3 weeks now since she left me, when she came over to get her stuff out of my apartment she brought 2 friends with her to preach to me and try to persuade me to convert so that this would not happen, and I told them that I grew up Christian and it took my innocence and youth away and has scarred me for life, why would I want to return to being a sheep? And of course I got the usual response of "you are going to Hell if you do not become a Christian" but that scare tactic has been used so much on me that it has no more meaning for me. 

One of the things you said was so true about how Jesus befriended and talked with people who were not like him, and about 90% of Christians condemn and do not speak with people who are not like them, not only is this hypocritical but it leads me to believe that if there was a Hell then it would be a lot more crowded than people believe, most of these fire and brimstone Christians might find themselves there also.

Well anyway, it is very hard for me to cope with this loss and it has dealt a heavy blow to my beliefs system and I have felt in limbo for the past two weeks, but as one of my friends told me, life is about building and rebuilding, so I must move on. 

Shadow Moon 

Reply from another reader.  Received 12.10.2000

I can feel this guys pain. I have had two girls leave me because I am an atheist. I can not pretend that I am a Christian. I have been told I am going through a phase, ill grow out of it. this insults me more than anything. I have been told ill become a xian on my death bed. I don't think so. just thought I would share.

Daniel

My Reply:

My experience with other atheists tells me that this is a largely one-sided occurrence.  I have never known an atheist to end a relationship because their partner would not give up God.  It is something to think about.

Reply from yet another reader.  Received 4.27.2001

Interesting too is how their own holy book says it *should* be the other way round in 1 Corinthians 7:13

"And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."

But like all christians, consistency isn't a strong point.