The Starfleet Officer Continued
“—I didn’t ask for a touching account about your old boyfriend, Kathryn,” Chakotay interrupted her. “I want to know about the mission!”
Kathryn was pulled away from her thoughts, and she gazed up at him in the darkness. After a moment, she said softly, “ I am getting to the mission. You said you wanted to know everything, so I’m telling you everything.”
He held her eye for a few moments. Kathryn was opening her soul to him; the truth was, he just didn’t know if he wanted to look inside.
After a moment, he gave a nod for her to continue.
She added, “ I just told you that so you realize—realize that I had as much to lose as you did, that I didn’t plot this from the beginning.”
This. This. The words hearkened back those terrible moments, right after he was called in to meet with Janeway and a few high-ranking admirals—Hayes, Nechayev, Paris. He’d been excited about being on Earth; he’d been nervous about recriminations against the Maquis. He came into the room and immediately began to accept responsibility for the actions of his Maquis crew when Admiral Hayes waved him silent.
“ As far as we’re concerned, your actions as a Maquis have been more than redeemed by your actions as a Starfleet officer.” Hayes smiled, and he felt Kathryn tense next to him. “ You performed a valuable service for Starfleet.”
“ Service?” Chakotay asked, and cast a confused glance over at Kathryn. She just stood there at attention, looking straight ahead of her, eyes like granite. She let the admirals explain everything to him. She just stood there the whole goddamn time, silent.
And then Janeway was speaking again.
To tell you the truth, it wasn’t until we returned from Ocampa that I received the order. A transmission. Starfleet Command had imbedded it into the computer, to be fed directly to my console the minute Voyager’s sensors detected a pattern similar to the array’s. I overlooked it at first. I spent the whole first night in the Delta Quadrant in my ready room, and I didn’t even notice the transmission. I guess they’re lucky I saw it at all. And when I did see it, I didn’t even know if I’d follow it.
She couldn’t believe it; she just couldn’t believe it.
What the hell kind of mission was this? What was Starfleet pulling on her?
She stared at the frozen image of Admiral Hayes on the miniature view screen. She had returned from the surface of Ocampa with Tuvok, Paris, and Kim only a few minutes ago. They were planning to return to the array, to convince the Caretaker to return Voyager to the Alpha Quadrant. Chakotay was on the Maquis ship with his own wayward crewmember, B’Elanna Torres. Everything seemed to be falling into order… until she entered her ready room to grab some data from her console and found an encrypted message, recorded almost a week before, blinking on her console.
Admiral Hayes, the old windbag who tried to make people laugh at cocktail parties, now looked solemn as he informed her that if she was viewing this message, then Voyager’s sensors had obviously detected a powerful entity known as the Caretaker. He listed her duties and obligations as a Starfleet officer to protect the welfare of the Federation, and abide by the protocols set by Starfleet’s guiding principles and her superior officers.
Then he ordered her to ensure the complete and final destruction of the array. The only way for her to do that, he told her, was for Voyager to remain in the Delta Quadrant for the time being, to make sure that not a single bulkhead remained intact.
Destroy the array? You’ve got to be kidding me! And strand her crew in the Delta Quadrant? Like hell she’d follow that order. She wasn’t that good a Starfleet officer.
“ The reasons for this must remain confidential, for the time being, Captain. All will be revealed in due time.” Hayes then continued, impassive, as though he were reading tomorrow’s lunch menu, “ But I cannot stress enough the importance of this endeavor. You must ensure the destruction of this array. The freedom of our quadrant depends upon your success.”
Just as Janeway felt her head reel from the implications of this order, he added that all hope of return was not lost: there was a known portal, about 4,000 light years away, that would take Voyager most of the journey back to the Alpha Quadrant. “ If you set the course now being displayed upon your console, you should reach what Starfleet Intelligence has uncovered as an ancient Iconian portal that will shorten your journey by a good sixty-five years.” He then smiled. “I look forward to seeing you in about five years time, with some interesting stories to tell. Godspeed, Captain Janeway. And good luck.”
I’m not
going to do it. There’s no way in hell
I’m going to do this.
Janeway staggered out of the office, numbly ordering Tuvok to accompany her onto the array, her mind awhirl with information. Starfleet already knew about the Caretaker? But how! And why did Hayes want her to destroy it? What was so goddamn important about the Caretaker that she had to maroon her crew on the other side of the galaxy for a good four years? And what about Mark! They were supposed to get married in three months! She couldn’t be out here five years!
On the array, the entity begged her to destroy him, to ensure the survival of the Ocampa. Hayes’s order still fresh in her mind, the entity’s pleas on behalf of the Ocampa, and the brutality of the Kazon currently pummeling her ship fresh on her mind, Janeway gradually allowed herself to be convinced to go ahead and destroy the array. Silently thankful to the Caretaker for giving her 1) an excuse to destroy the array, and 2) some justification in her own mind for the ghastly deed she was about to perform, Janeway returned to the ship, and ordered Tuvok to fire the two tri-cobalt devices at the array (devices that appeared so conveniently in Voyager’s weapons manifest. She hadn’t even thought to question the inventory when the ship departed Deep Space Nine!)
B’Elanna Torres ripped forward angrily when Janeway announced her intent, and demanded to know who Janeway thought she was to make the decision for all of them. Chakotay surprised Janeway by interceding on her behalf, and Janeway felt a rush of gratitude that he’d defended her actions.
The array blew to pieces, and Admiral Hayes’s order was fulfilled. Voyager was stranded in the Delta Quadrant, and Janeway was still a good Starfleet officer.
Her only comfort was the knowledge that the Iconian portal was less than 4,000 light years away.
Just
four years, she consoled herself, every time she began to feel the wear of
the quadrant. Four years, and we’ll
be home.
“ Iconian portal?” Chakotay demanded. He blinked. “ You never told me about this. We never encountered any portal.”
“ I know,” Janeway whispered, her eyes haunted. “ There was no portal.”
His expression softened. “ You had the array destroyed, upon orders. You followed those orders partly because you expected there to be this… portal, this way home Hayes mentioned. Did he lie to ensure your cooperation?”
She smiled wryly. “ He’s not that deceptive, Chakotay. He was telling the truth. There was a portal, but not by the time we arrived. I’ll get to it.”
He looked away from her. “ All that time, I never suspected you of lying.” His dark eyes flitted back to her. “ When we arrived at Earth,” he took a deep breath, his large chest puffing out, “ When they told us that you’d been on a mission for Starfleet, I wanted to kill you, Kathryn. I honestly did. I’d never felt so… betrayed by someone in my life. Even Seska.” A pause. “ I think I still feel that way.”
“ You have every right to feel that way, Chakotay, but—” she reached out a hand towards him, but he made no move either towards or away from it. His eyes upon her were hard and judgmental.
Kathryn sighed.
“ I think you better continue with your story,” he said, voice suddenly hard. “ I want to know just how you pulled off this little charade under our very noses. I want to know why.”
“ I nearly didn’t succeed,” Kathryn admitted. “ There was always one person who suspected me, who seemed to know something others didn’t. I should have known why she knew, why she read me like a book. She was Seska.”
It wasn’t so bad, at first. I knew that a way home was out there, just 4,000 light years away. The crews were integrating nicely, and you and I began to form an easy camaraderie. I knew that as soon as we approached the coordinates of the Iconian portal, I could order intensive scans of the nearby sectors, until we miraculously stumbled upon the portal as a way home. In the meantime, the crew never suspected. Or at least that’s what I thought.
Janeway grasped her shoulder and lolled her head to the side, stretching her tense neck. She’d spent the good part of the last two days arguing with the Prelates of Pentara IV, and she was looking forward to Voyager’s arrival later in the day to retrieve her along with the rest of the away team.
Ensigns Seska and Rollins were waiting on the street outside of the ambassadorial halls when she emerged into the fading daylight, expectant looks on their faces.
“ Well,” Janeway said with a smile, “It took two days, but I’ve got the dilithium. Voyager’s returning tonight, so you both have until about 1900 hours to enjoy the city. I’ll meet you at the transport site then.”
Instead of departing immediately, the crewmen lingered. “ Congratulations, Captain,” Rollins said. “ What are you planning to do, ma’am?”
“ I plan on getting a drink, Mr. Rollins, and perhaps doing some shopping. You’re welcome to come, if you’d like?” She caulked her head at him.
He offered her his easy smile. “ Thank you for the offer, Captain, but I actually was planning to look at the local art gallery. I’m told it’s the finest in four sectors.”
“ Very good, Mr. Rollins, enjoy yourself.” With a nod, she gave him permission to depart. She then turned towards the other ensign, that Seska woman, who was leaning back against the wall, partially obscured by the shadows of the foyer. “ And you, Ensign?”
Seska’s arms uncrossed, and she glided forward out of the shadows of the foyer. “ I take it that drink offer’s open to me, captain?” Her sharp brown eyes were intent upon Janeway.
“ Of course,” Janeway said without hesitation, offering Seska a smile that the other woman returned after a moment. Janeway felt the back of her neck prickle; something about Seska’s manner towards her set her on edge.
“ Then I’d love to have a drink, Captain.”
Seska graciously inclined her head for Janeway to lead the way, and with a half smile, Janeway began to walk down the street, the other woman falling apace beside her.
They made small talk, and Janeway considered the other woman. Seska’s manner towards her had often been brusque, more restrained than that of the other Maquis. While Kathryn assumed that Seska perhaps simply had more trouble adjusting to Janeway’s command than the other Maquis, even that logical explanation left Janeway with doubts.
During the past three months, since she’d appointed Torres Chief Engineer, Janeway would make some formal, and some not-so-formal inspections of engineering about once every week. Some crewmembers were defiant around her, some were nervous, others outright scared, and some cocky. Seska was a bit contemptuous, but that alone did not make Janeway nervous. It was the manner in which the other woman looked at her…
As though she could see right through her.
They reached a restaurant/bar establishment, and while Janeway perused the soft alcohol menu, Seska’s eyes glittered mischievously.
“ Give us the two strongest drinks you have!” she exclaimed jubilantly, sending the waiter away. At Janeway’s doubtful look, Seska exclaimed, “We’re planet side, Captain, and even you must have to relax now and then. I know Chakotay well enough to realize that being captain is a tough job. I’m sure it’s especially difficult for you out here.”
“ Amen to that,” Janeway said softly, a half smile pulling at her lips.
The server deposited the two steaming drinks before the women, and doubt once again flickered across Janeway’s face. Seska prodded her, “ One drink never hurt anyone. It’s on me.”
Janeway felt a smile creep across her lips. “ Just one drink.”
Seska raised her cup into the air, and Janeway followed suit.
“ To the Alpha Quadrant,” Seska exclaimed.
“ To the Alpha Quadrant,” Janeway echoed, clinked her glass with Seska’s, and then the two women took deep swigs of the strong liquid.
Janeway initially winced at the strength, then slowly felt the alcohol work its way into her system. She relaxed into Seska’s company, the alcohol slowly dimming the unspoken barriers between the two. They fell into an easy conversation, ordered a few more drinks. It felt good to have some female companionship after all these long months.
Janeway was careful to moderate her alcohol intake; she was well trained enough to recognize when she could and when she could not have any more. Though she was not intoxicated, she’d drunk enough to fail to notice when Seska stopped consuming any more of her own drinks.
Seska seemed to giggle at something. “ Don’t look now, Captain, but the Pentaran behind you seems to have taken your number.”
Janeway threw a casual glance back over her shoulder, to see a reptilian male quickly avert his eyes. “ Too scaly,” Janeway announced, maybe a bit too loudly. She looked back at Seska. “ Looks like a lizard.” The other woman snorted. Carried by the conversation, Janeway added with a crazy smile, “Or maybe a Cardassian. He’s got that slimy look about him.” Seska’s smile seemed to freeze on her face, and Janeway quickly regretted mentioning the Cardassians. She knew that Seska, as a Bajoran and a Maquis, must have had some bad experiences with them.
A beat passed, and Seska remarked slyly, “ Well, company in any form can’t be too bad. I suppose it gets lonely in the big chair, doesn’t it, Captain?”
Grateful that the other woman had steered the conversation into easier waters, Janeway shrugged. “ I don’t give it much thought.” But she did. Oh, how she did.
“ But you can’t be alone for the next seventy-five years. Even your fiancé can’t wait forever,” Seska pressed.
Janeway looked into her drink. Four years. “ I’m hoping he won’t have to,” she said softly, suddenly feeling a pang of longing for his easy smile, his warm eyes. They would have been married a week now. They would have been on Risa together.
“ Well, you always have Chakotay,” Seska’s voice sounded casual enough, but Janeway could detect an unusual strain of emotion in the other woman’s eyes. “Everyone knows he’s got it bad for you.” The tone of the other woman’s voice was slightly harsh, and Janeway had the creeping sense that she was jealous.
To assuage her, Janeway waved dismissively. “ We’re just friends. Nothing more.”
“ So you’re not fucking him?” Seska asked intently.
Janeway’s eyebrows rose at the use of language, and Seska sputtered a laugh, waving at the alcohol. “ I’m sorry, Captain, it’s the alcohol talking. Of course I know that’s just a crazy rumor.”
“ A rumor’s going around about Chakotay and me?” Janeway exclaimed, both surprised and faintly amused. “ Really?”
Seska laughed, but her voice rang somewhat hollow. “ You’d be astonished what crazy rumors circulate around the ship, around us folks on the lower decks. According to hearsay, you and Chakotay are lovers, you and Paris are lovers, you and Harry Kim are lovers,” Kathryn almost spit out her drink laughing at that. Seska, on a roll, added, “And you know what else I heard—an absolutely crazy rumor…”
“ What?” Kathryn asked, grinning.
“ They’re saying,” Seska said, voice light, “That you were under orders to destroy the array, and that Starfleet actually had some crazy secret mission for you in the Delta Quadrant.”
Janeway’s heart clenched in her chest, and she looked up sharply at Seska.
Seska’s expression had lost the slightest hint of airiness, which later led Kathryn to wonder if the drinks had even touched her in the first place. Her eyes were suddenly fastened onto Janeway’s face, intense and keen, scrutinizing Janeway like a hawk.
Janeway couldn’t take a breath. She knew the expression on her face could only be construed as mute shock, and the pleasant whirling in her head had suddenly dissolved into a clear, panicked focus. The other woman’s careful scrutiny did nothing to reassure Janeway as to the nature of her remark.
She
knows, she knows, SHE KNOWS!
“ Crazy rumor, isn’t it, Captain?” Seska’s asked again, her expression suddenly incredibly comprehensible to Janeway—the look of calculated indifference, of masked cunning.
Janeway was suddenly reminded full well why she avoided this woman, why she couldn’t stand being around her, why she had to stay on her toes around this woman.
Janeway forced her gawking mouth closed, and pulled at her lips to form a half-hearted smile. “ That’s incredible. People actually believe that?”
Seska studied her face intently. Her voice was almost a whisper when she replied, “ Like I said, Captain, it’s just another crazy rumor.”
Janeway could hear her heart pounding in her ears, and she laughed, a false, forced laugh. “ Well, never underestimate the power of the imagination.”
She found herself rising to her feet, swaying slightly. Seska didn’t move, her eyes alone traveling with Janeway’s.
“ Well, I think I’ve had more than enough to drink for today.” Janeway forced another shaky smile. “ I think I’ll get some shopping done. Are you going to stay here, or would you like to accompany me?” She prayed Seska would decline the offer.
After an interminable moment of thought, Seska let her off the hook. Her expression slipped back into that of a comrade in arms, a companion for a drink. “ I think I’ll just down some more before I return to the daily grind.”
“ Don’t get too drunk, Ensign,” Janeway tried to come off as both stern and joking. She failed at both. “ There are some bad people out there.”
Seska smiled, her eyes intent. “ There certainly are, Captain Janeway.”
Janeway turned away, on shaky legs, feeling Seska’s eyes on her back. She hoped, prayed, that she’d salvaged something from that mess of a conversation, cursed herself for ever indulging in alcohol and the promise of some companionship with one of her crew. She hoped to God that she’d managed to cover up her momentary slip.
But when she turned to glance over her shoulder, Seska’s eyes were still on her—eyes that were sharp and knowing.
That day
was enough to raise my suspicions, though I didn’t know just what I suspected
Seska of. I kept an eye on her, even
asked you some about her. “Captain-ly
concern”, you understand, Chakotay. The
fact was that I wanted answers; I wanted to know just why I was ordered to
strand my crew in the Delta Quadrant. I
wanted to know why, in Admiral Hayes’s words, the freedom of the Alpha Quadrant
depended upon our success.
She knew Chakotay realized that she was watching him, and she waited until he looked up. “ What is it, Captain?” He asked her softly.
Janeway felt a bit embarrassed all of a sudden; she didn’t want the handsome commander to think she was staring at him like some lovesick teenager. Her thoughts were actually on someone else entirely.
“ Commander Chakotay, can you tell me something? Something just between us?”
He leaned forward curiously, suddenly paying close attention. “ Confidential, I promise.” Janeway relaxed. She trusted him. They’d only been together on this ship for six months, and yet she already trusted him.
“ Can you tell me about Seska?”
Chakotay drew a breath. “ What do you want to know?” A beat, then, “Are you asking about Seska and me?”
“ Seska and you?” Kathryn asked. He must have realized that she was clueless about what he was referring to, and she could see a flicker of regret on his expression that he’d even mentioned it, but he had to explain further now.
“ We were involved… for quite some time.”
“ I see.”
“ We aren’t anymore,” he added quickly. “ And I promise you, we work well together; it won’t complicate any workings of the chain of command.”
Janeway nodded slowly, feeling an irrational surge of irritation at the thought of this man involved with Seska. Seska didn’t deserve him; he deserved someone…
Janeway broke away from her thoughts, and said, “You must know Seska quite well, then.”
Chakotay nodded once. “ I think I know her better than anyone else on this ship; she doesn’t talk much about her past.”
“ Why did she join the Maquis?” Kathryn asked. There was a silence, as if Chakotay was debating what he should say.
Finally, “The Cardassians killed her family, butchered them all. She was just a child.” A pause, then, “A few years later, around the time the Federation partitioned out the Demilitarized Zone, she was leaving a bar and was… assaulted by a number of Cardassian troops.” Janeway caught her breath, and Chakotay added sadly, “The Cardassian Government never punished them, so she came to us.”
“ That’s horrible,” Janeway breathed, looking swiftly down at her hands.
Chakotay just nodded. The two sat across from each other, on either side of her desk. They shared a long, grim silence.
Seven years later, in the Mission District of San Fransisco, Chakotay’s face now looked stormy. “ That lying bitch,” he mumbled, remembering those heart-to-heart conversations he’d had with Seska, curled up together in his quarters on the Maquis ship. “ She played every chord of sympathy she could, didn’t she? And it was all a goddamn lie.”
Janeway was watching him, and he hated that her face looked so damn compassionate. He twitched his hand, drew her eyes back to the phaser in them. “Are you going to continue, Captain?”
Janeway almost smiled knowingly, her eyes glassy and faraway. She knew Chakotay would never use that phaser on her; let him maintain his pretense of control. She could tell him all he had to hear.
That
conversation was enough to dampen my suspicions. I didn’t realize my mistake until we actually unmasked Seska for
a Cardassian, and she fled to the Kazon ship, then I simply wished I’d
discovered her sooner.
But it wasn’t all a
travesty. Sometimes I’d wonder if I’d
even received the transmission, or if I’d simply imagined the whole thing. Perhaps Hayes’s visage had simply been an
illusion, or a dream. At those times,
strange as it may seem, Seska was a comfort to me. She was an affirmation, the only definitive proof that I hadn’t
fabricated the real mission in my mind.
When we
received the terrified transmission from Seska, claiming that Culluh would kill
her and your son, I knew it was probably a trap. I knew it. But there
Seska was, with the child we assumed was yours, and if she were killed, I’d
lose that link, that last tie I had to remind me each day that I’d marooned us
out here for a reason, and not simply out of whim or sheer idiocy.
Seska
and Kes. Seska was the only other person
who knew the truth, and Kes was the daughter of the race we saved when I
destroyed the array. They comprised my
compass, strange as it may seem. They
reminded me that I’d done the right thing.
And I was terrified of what would happen if I lost either of them.
So I agreed with the plan, and foolishly took the ship headlong into Kazon space. And when the ship was taken, I knew just what a damn fool I’d been.
Shortly before the crew was herded to the cargo bay, Seska, prowling around the bridge like a triumphant hyena, stopped and leaned over to whisper something in Culluh’s ear. He cast a look of scorn in Janeway’s direction, and gave a brusque nod. Kathryn tensed as two Kazon stalked over to her and unceremoniously grabbed her arms and hauled her to her feet.
“ Hey!” Chakotay began, but a fist to the mouth sent him sprawling back to hit the floor of the bridge.
Janeway passively remained in step with her “escort” as they hauled her towards the lift. She knew they were just waiting for an excuse to beat her, and she was determined to give them none. She would not be humiliated further in front of her crew.
Seska stepped in behind them and barked, “Deck 6!” Janeway had a feeling she knew where they were going: Janeway’s own quarters.
A few minutes later, after she’d been firmly secured to a chair in her own bedroom, arms bound behind the back of the chair, Seska dismissed the two Kazon lackeys. She made a show of snooping around Janeway’s quarters, picking up her things, examining them in an infuriatingly slow manner, then casting them unceremoniously to the ground.
“ Nice quarters. I didn’t realize they were so large.” She looked around a little more. “ I have to admit, I expected flowery frilly things. Isn’t that what you human women decorate your homes with? I didn’t expect them to be so Spartan.”
“ I didn’t have time to pack before we left,” Janeway retorted.
Seska turned to her, expression suddenly hard. “ Let’s cut the bullshit, Janeway.” She stepped closer, and sneered, “ You had a mission for Starfleet, and I want to know every last detail. You’re going to tell me.”
Janeway feigned surprise. “ Mission? What mission?”
Seska backhanded her with surprising strength. Janeway’s head snapped back, and the chair she was strapped to wobbled and nearly toppled over.
“ Don’t play dumb with me, Janeway,” Seska hissed dangerously. She looked intently into Janeway’s eyes, and then drew back a step, her expression suddenly very calm and neutral. “ What do you know about the Obsidian order, Kathryn?”
Janeway didn’t say anything. She just held Seska’s gaze.
“ Do you know just how thoroughly it trains its agents in the art of information extraction?” The way she said ‘extraction’ led Janeway to know the true meaning: torture. Seska continued, “I can have you begging to tell me everything you know, pleading for me to slit your throat and end your miserable life within an hour.” Seska rocked back on the heels of her feet, eyes narrowed into slits. “Not that we have any time constraint. Your ship and crew are under my control. You are under my control. We can take our sweet time.”
Janeway stared hard at her, and enunciated slowly, “ I don’t know what mission you’re talking about, Seska.”
Seska’s eyes blazed. “ Have it your way,” she spat.
She withdrew, and slipped out of the door. Janeway heard her shuffling things around in the next room, and strained against the ropes to see what Seska was doing. Seska returned then, holding Janeway’s phaser, and a ceremonial dagger presented to her by an Aegian ambassador. Deliberately in Janeway’s view, Seska fired a thin phaser beam at the dagger, until the metal of the blade lit up to glow bright orange.
“ Ah, now that’s lovely,” she crooned, grasping the wooden handle tightly and holding up the glowing blade for Janeway to admire. The orange light lent Seska’s face a demonic edge.
After admiring her handiwork a few moments longer, Seska’s gaze slipped away from the blade and locked upon Janeway’s face.
“ I’ve always known that you’re a fool, Janeway. Stubborn, impulsive, stupid. I also know Starfleet Command, and they don’t get into anything they can’t get out of again. If they sent you to this quadrant, they must have had a plan to bring you back.” Her eyes narrowed. “ Tell me.”
Like hell I will, Janeway thought. Seska wasn’t going to get within one sector of the Iconian Portal.
“ Seska—” she began her disavowal.
As though she already sensed the other woman’s imminent denial, Seska swept around behind Janeway, and in one swift motion, grabbed her hair, yanked her head back, and pressed the superheated blade to the flesh on the back of Janeway’s neck.
At first, she didn’t feel it.
Then the pain drilled into her. A scream ripped from Janeway’s lips, and her body jerked against the confines of the chair, straining to escape the heat against her neck. The pain filled her mind, blotted out her awareness. She didn’t realize at first when Seska withdrew the blade, or notice the instant that her struggles sent the chair tumbling backwards and crashing down to land on top of her restrained arms. She came to herself slowly, her entire weight painfully crushing her arms, her breath heaving in and out of her chest, and her eyes stinging with tears. Her neck throbbed in hot agony, and her head ached dully. After a few moments, she felt her arms begin to prickle because her weight had cut off their circulation.
Seska appeared in her vision, towering above her. The Cardassian knelt down, grasped Janeway’s uniform shirt, and attempted to rip it apart. When the material resisted her, Seska changed her tactics and instead yanked it up and pushed it above Janeway’s chest. Seska straddled her torso, and sat heavily upon Janeway’s body, adding more strain to Janeway’s rapidly numbing arms.
Seska deliberately considered the other woman. Her eyes raked Janeway’s flushed face, then raked down her body, lingered upon her chest. “ Not much there,” she mused thoughtfully. “ Chakotay would be disappointed.”
Janeway just gazed at her, trying to steel herself for whatever the other woman was planning. She willed herself not to betray the pain she still felt from her burn, from her arms. However, an involuntary gasp escaped her lips when Seska made as if to lower the blade to Janeway’s exposed chest. The Cardassian stopped its descent less than an inch from Janeway’s skin, and Janeway could feel the heat of it on her bare torso.
“ Tell me how you’re getting this ship home,” Seska intoned.
Janeway’s body was rigid in anticipation of pain. She could barely speak over her rasping breath, “ If… I... had…a…way…home….” she inhaled deeply, and forced out in one jumbled burst, “ Don’t you think I would have taken it already?
“ Wrong answer.”
Seska pressed the blade to Janeway’s breast.
Janeway’s screams drifted down the corridor. Scream after scream as she cried out in her endless torrent of agony.
Seska continued her relentless torment, burning one area, then another, then another, sometimes slashing with the knife, scouring Janeway’s chest and abdomen, leaving ripped and blistered skin, filling the air with the stench of burning flesh.
And after an interminable period of pain, Janeway’s awareness returned. Culluh was there, and he and Seska were arguing in unintelligible words. Through her tears of pain, Janeway could barely make out Culluh’s gesticulating and nodding towards her.
“—On the planet with the others—”
Seska cut in, “I haven’t finished with her—”
While Culluh was saying “—she has every command code on this ship… it’s too dangerous … I won’t risk keeping her on board—”
“—You can kill her when I’m finished—”
“ What do you need from her?” Culluh brought her up short.
Seska fell silent.
“ We have Voyager,” Culluh gestured extravagantly to his surroundings. “ What do you need from her? Are you interrogating her?”
“ I’m not interrogating her,” Seska protested quickly. “ I’m having some fun for the hell she put me through on this ship!”
“ I will not risk our victory for the sake of your whim,” Culluh spat. “You had your fun, now I will have mine. Leave. Now. Will you dare disobey me, female?”
Seska looked rattled. Janeway could tell she wanted desperately to continue to the interrogation, but she couldn’t tell Culluh why she was truly questioning Janeway. She couldn’t tell him that she had other ambitions—that she still wanted to return to her people.
After a moment, “Yes, Maj.”
Janeway’s head slumped back to the carpet in relief. Her breath heaved in and out of her, and she tried to concentrate upon steadying it instead of feeling the brunt of pain forcing its way into her consciousness. She actually was going rather numb, at this point. She knew that it would be in agony later, but her body was simply throbbing at the moment.
Footsteps behind her.
She felt the chair being lifted up to its upright position, and large hands intertwining with the restraints on her arms, working at them, tugging them off in a rough, jerking motion that sent hot needles of pain up her arms.
When her arms were free, she found herself still unable to move them, numb as they were, and she could only slump helplessly when she was grabbed, and hauled across the room, then deposited unceremoniously on her back on the bed. She stared up at the plain, gray ceiling a second as her mind worked out what would happen next.
Of course I should have expected this, Janeway thought. Culluh, who spent the majority of their encounters ranting about the evils of females in command, who desired to show her “a woman’s place.” What better way to rub in his victory than by violating her body?
She didn’t have the strength to fight him, didn’t have the will to try. It was better to let him get it over with, and possibly spare her crew for any recrimination should she put up a resistance.
Janeway peered up with weary resignation as Culluh kneeled between her legs, tugged first at her pants, pulling them down to her knees, then fumbled with his own. He seemed to be avoiding looking at her burnt and cut flesh, but he couldn’t resist the occasional quick glance. His hand tugged furiously at his own crotch, and his frustration seemed to mount. At some point, with a soft grunt of frustration, he grabbed her by the shoulder and flipped her over onto her stomach to hide Seska’s handiwork from view. Janeway moaned in pain as her tender flesh rubbed against the bed sheets. She could feel him grinding his hips against her buttocks, and his fingers fumbled around and probed her sex, then returned to work on his own genitilia. He fumbled for a little longer, trying to arouse himself, and then with a growl pulled back, and jerked her by the shoulder up to unsteady feet, sending a lingering look of disgust towards the blistered and shredded skin left in Seska’s wake.
“ I should have come before she worked on you,” he muttered, and shoved her to a sitting position. He seemed both repulsed, and embarrassed by his own impotence. “Get dressed.”
Later, Janeway made her way on shaky legs across the cargo bay to lower herself next to Chakotay, relieved that she’d been given a little time to rest and recover before being escorted to her crew in the cargo bay. The skin beneath her shirt smarted painfully against the coarse material of her uniform, but she relished the pain. It was stupid, stupid, stupid of her to fall for Seska’s ruse, to bring the ship into Kazon space, and this pain was the least of what she deserved.
Chakotay seemed relieved to see her looking well. Her face was unblemished; there was no way for him to discern the ordeal she’d just been through. And when she lowered herself next to him, stinging with the humiliation of defeat, she was able to bury the ordeal as well.
Janeway came back to the present, emotions churning in her stomach along with the memory of that day. She looked up. Chakotay’s expression was dark.
“ You never told me about that,” he said quietly.
“ It wasn’t important,” she replied in a whisper.
He looked up, suddenly angry. “ If your wounds had gotten infected while we were stranded on the planet, you could have died!”
“ Well, they didn’t,” Janeway replied calmly. “ And even if they had, there was nothing you could have done about it.” She took a steadying breath. “ Chakotay, it was a long time ago.”
“ And when I think of that bastard Culluh putting his filthy hands—” his voice was shaking, and he abruptly stopped speaking.
Janeway looked away, gave him a moment to recover his composure. A part of her knew that his concern was not for her ordeal; it was for the ordeal suffered by the Kathryn he’d known and loved five years earlier. Janeway remembered that their four-month sojourn on New Earth had been just a few weeks before the incident with the Kazon.
When he looked at her again, his face had lost any hint of emotion. “ So that’s it? Seska never told you anything?”
Janeway smiled wryly. “ Actually, she did. Later on, she told me most everything.”
“But Seska died. You never would have had the chance to speak with her again.”
“ That’s where you’re wrong,” Janeway replied. “ You see, Seska wasn’t really dead.”
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