Murphy's Laws
Murphy's laws of sex
- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of
trouble.
- Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get
or how long it is going to last.
- Virginity can be cured.
- It is always the wrong time of month.
- When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
- Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't
either.
- The younger the better.
- There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than
sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
- Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
- Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
- Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter
words to convey its full meaning.
- You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
- What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
- Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are
unimportant.
- ``This won't hurt, I promise.''
Murphy's laws of war
- Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
- Teamwork is essential -- it gives them someone else to shoot at.
- Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
- Friendly fire - isn't.
- Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
- The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
when they're ready.
when you're not.
- If the enemy is within range, so are you.
- Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
- A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a
plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
- Things that have to be together to work usually can't be shipped
together.
- When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
- It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed.
- Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer
to do anything.
- The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
If you have anything you would like to see added to this list, please send it.