PAIRING : Buffy/Spike

RATING : NC17

SPOILERS : Wrecked and Smashed

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters. Nor do I own "Tainted Love"  by Maryln Manson and someone else.

WARNINGS : Please note that this is not a lovey dovey fic!

            Where the hell is she going?

            What the hell is she thinking?

            And why aren't I allowed?

            You'd think after that undeniably unfuckingbelievable shag-fest, she'd be more receptive to my presence. I mean, we *did* kiss a bloody lot. And she liked it too. She liked wrapping her little fingers around my biceps. She liked forcing her tongue into my mouth. She liked the way I bit her lip, she did. No matter what the bloody hell she says, she liked it.

            She *is* right about one thing, though. I *do* have a pattern with these things.

            The list is miles long, starting with my pop. He thought it was a good idea that his boy learn discipline. So I did. Only thing is that back then, it was okay to beat your kids to a pulp. Still, Mum didn't like it when he hit her too, so we left. Went to stay with Auntie Mary and her three boys. They continued the tradition of let's torture William.

            We won't even *start* on Sessile.

            Dru just wanted a toy. Maybe she did love me at some point… though I'm not sure when. She was too crazy to ever return my affection. And Angelus? He loved you right into oblivion as he pounded straight through your body. I don't know how the Dru survived all those years. 'Course he *loved* her. Or at least respected her. Not me though. I was the runt. For both of them. At least with Angelus I occasionally got to come. With the Dru, however, I did *not*.

            We won't talk about the three slayers that got away, though.

            Flash forward a hundred years. Dru's still crazy and unable to give me anything except when she wants cock, which isn't that often from me. Brazil wasn't the first time she'd strayed into a demon's bed. Apparently my cock just wasn't as bruising as Angelus'.

            Then I'll take Angelus Part II for five hundred, Alex. He was *much* worse than Part I.

            And then, there were the years of getting my arse kicked by Buffy, every other Tuesday.

            Then Harmony, Glory and now Buffy again.

            But no, there's no pattern there! No way.

            Whatever! Don't care.

            I stand by the bar and watch her little body gyrate against her partner of choice. (The second one of the evening, mind you.)

            And don't even think that I *missed* that one she fucked in the alley an hour ago.

            Don't know what's come over her. I just know it's been three weeks since one of the most perfect nights of my entire existence and she hasn't been back since, except when she threw the candle at me.

            I don't care.

            Really, I don't.

            I'm sick of it.

            Yeah.

            That's why I'm here.

            It's so bloody obvious, once I explain it. Ain't it?

            Okay. Number three is better than one and two, but not as good as last week's two.

            She's destroying herself. Wouldn't let Angel do it. Won't let me do it. And she's too chicken and dutiful to do it herself. So she comes here.

            And I swear as fuck, I don't care.

            And if I *keep* tellin' myself that, it might actually be true.

            Okay. New plan. I'm gonna walk over there and tell her she's fuckin' insane.

            I walk over and tap on her shoulder.

            "WHAT?!" She screams over the music. Okay, she's pissed.

            "Sla- Buffy," I say but she punches me before I can get a word in edgewise.

            "BITCH!" I scream back and punch *her*. "Why do you have to be such an ice queen?!"

            "Oh, me?" She asks.

            "Yeah! You don't have to freeze me out and fuck these losers!" I point to number three.

            "Been following me?" She asks.

            "Yeah, and I got somethin' to show you." I grab her arm and drag her into the alley. At least it's quieter out here. The music is still pounding, but it's better.

"Look!" I say and point to the wall she was pushed against not an hour ago.

            "Jealous?" She asks.

            "Of you on a self-destruct mission? Fuck no. You wanna bother me or hurt me, there are other ways to do it."

            "Other than what?" She challenges me.

            "Other than gettin' knocked up or fucked up."

            "I *like* getting fucked, *Spike*. It makes me feel good."

            "Until you get crabs or somethin'. But that's your business. You don't give a fuck about anyone who cares. You choose to take it against a brick wall in an alley. That's great, Buffy. I'm sure your mum would be real proud."

            With that, I turn and start walking away.

            "FUCK YOU!" She screams as she slams me into the ground. "You don't know anything about *my* *mother*. Or my life for that matter! You've known me a few years, Spike. I'm more than that!"

            I buck her off me and jump to my feet. "Are you?" I whip around to face her. "You're right; I *do* know you, Buffy. More than you'd like to admit."

            "Oh yeah? And what do you *think* you know?" She puts her hands on her hips.

            "I know that you like to get beat down just as much as I do."

            "Fuck you!"

            "NO, Buffy. Fuck *you*!" She's a little more than shocked. "Why the hell were you 'friends' with Angel, if not to hurt yourself? And why stay with Riley? You *knew* you didn't love him. You just liked the sting."

            "What sting?"

            "Same sting I craved from Dru, *Luv*. Perpetual stings, Buffy. Face it. You're just as much of a masochist as I am and it's the only reason why you've kept *me* around as long as you have."

            "Don't flatter yourself, Spike."

            "Why? Am I wrong? I don't think so. You *like* it when I'm around, because it hurts you to think that you've lost a chance at love."

            "I'd never love you, Spike."

            "NO, you'd never give it a chance." I turn away and say, "I'm through."

            I wasn't really meaning to say it, but…

            "What?" She asks.

            "I'm through with this," I repeat. "I'm not gonna stand around and watch you destroy yourself."

            I head for the club door when I hear her voice, barely a whisper, a desperate plea. "You're leaving me?"

            ARG! She's so fuckin' infuriating! I turn and look at her. "I was never *with* you in the first place."

            And then, I hear one of my new favorite songs. Bloody kick ass it is! And perhaps it's my favorite just *because* of how bleedin' appropriate it is!

            "You *know* you drive me crazy, right?" I ask before singing, "Sometimes I feel I've got to run away. I've got to get away from the pain you drive in the heart of me."

            She rolls her eyes and I stick my tongue out at her. "The love we share seems to go nowhere. And I've lost my light. I toss and turn. I can't sleep at night."

            I walk toward her and she steps back. "Once I ran to you. Now I run from you. This tainted love you've given. I give you all a boy could give you. Take my tears and that's not nearly all!"

            I reach out quick and grab her waist. I slam her against my body and whisper against her lips, "Tainted love. Tainted love."

            I kiss her quickly before pushing her away. "Now I know I've got to run away. I've got to get away. You don't really want anymore from me. To make things right you need someone to hold you tight." I shrug at her.

            "Ya think love is to pray.  Well, I'm sorry I don't pray that way. Once I ran to you. Now I run from you. This tainted love you've given. I give you all a boy could give you. Take my tears and that's not nearly all."

            "Tainted love. Tainted love."

            She takes a step toward me and raises her hand to my lips, but I step away. "Don't touch me PLEASE! I cannot stand the way you TEASE! I love you thought I hurt you so. AND NOW I'M GONNA PACK MY THINGS AND GO!"

            Then, and only then, does she push my hands out of the way and crush me to *her* body. Her lips crash into mine and she pushes me against the brick wall. "NO!" I growl before pushing her away. "Not gonna let you abuse me that way," I tell her.

            "Not even for tainted love?" She asks, that devious betrayal in her eyes. She takes my hand and slips it under her skirt. "Tainted love?"

            Fuck me.

            I kiss her again. And again. And it feels so fuckin' good. Fuck, she feels good.

            So fucking good when she unzips my trousers and grabs my cock.

            Shit. So good.

            Tainted love's bitch, I am.

            "Slayer," I moan as she jumps up on my hips. I push her skirt up around her waist. It's a shorter one this time.

            "FUCK!" I groan as she impales herself on me. Sure, I'll fuck her through other men's cum. *In* other men's cum. It's not like I had any dignity *before* this evening, so it won't matter if I have none *after* this evening.

            And she still feels so bloody wonderful.

            Her eyes lock with mine, just like that night. And in these minutes, when she's moving and squeezing and riding me, hanging onto my body with her legs and her cunt… in these minutes and these minutes alone, I can actually convince myself it's worth it.

            Tainted love.

            I spin us around, just like that night, and slam into her. She groans and scrunches her face. I can't imagine that many of them can do this for her. I doubt any of them can do it as hard as I can, as hard as she needs.

            Once I ran to you!

            Now I run from you!

            This tainted love you've given!

            I give you all a boy could give you!

            TAKE MY TEARS AND THAT'S NOT NEARLY ALL!

            This time, I don't fall. This time, she's not on top of me. I'm pounding her against the wall her back has been pressed against for three weeks now. I guess it's only fair that I get her here too.

            I wonder if she purposely recreates that scene when she's with the others. *Our* scene.

            But does it even matter when she's squeezing around me and making me come?

            Not really.

            Gods, I wish I could bite her. I wish I could make her mine for just one second. Just *one* second.

            I guess it's gotta be enough that I make her scream my name when *she* comes.

            She relaxes against me for a minute before letting herself down. I slip out of her used hole and tuck myself back into my trousers.

            She fixes her skirt and looks at me. "You're not leaving," she states, as if it's a fact. As if she *knows* that if she fucks me every couple 'a weeks, I'll just stand around and wait my turn.

            And ya know what?

            She's abso-fuckin-lutely right I will.

            I may be number four tonight, but maybe tomorrow I'll be number three. And maybe in a few months I'll be her first choi-

            Okay.

            So what if I like getting beat down?

            It's the only thing I bloody know!

            Of course I'm gonna like it!

            Plus, she's not nearly as mean as the others.

            And ya know what? Getting beat down *this* way feels a fuck of a lot better than any *other* way I've experienced. So I'll take it. And I'll keep comin' back for more.

            Whip me. Hit me. Chain me. Fuck me. I'm yours, Buffy.

            Yeah, beat me down. Only *you* can.

~El Fin~