PAIRING : Buffy/Spike

RATING : PG14

SPOILERS : possible season 5 ending?

DISCLAIMER : I do not own these characters. Nor do I own “Hanging By A Moment” by Lifehouse.

WARNING: possible character death!

//Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I’m closer to where I started
I’m chasing after you//

He’s watched her for days, months, weeks, seconds… time is not of the essence when one has forever. Time is inconsequential for those with eternity but not for those who know the pain of loss. He watches her from afar, not daring to get close, not wanting to invade her space. He wants so many things for her that he knows he can’t give her. He wants her to have her family. He wants her to be safe. He wants her to feel complete again. But those aren’t his to give. So he watches from afar falling even more in love with the small slayer.

Falling for a slayer is perhaps the dumbest thing he has ever done. He knows this. He’s not stupid in that respect. He learned his lesson while he watched his grandsire fall in love with her. But His grandsire had something to lose. Spike has nothing left but her. He’s let go of all he’s ever held on to.

She knows this. She knows of the love he has for her. He’s professed it too many times. She knows what he has to offer her. Love? Companionship? Friendship? All things are unimportant when she sits beside the grave of her mother and sister.

He watches over her, as he as for the past week. Her friends come and go but she doesn’t know that. She just knows that her family is below her instead of beside her. All she knows is that she killed her sister. All she knows is guilt and sadness and pain.

She feels a vampire inside her bones, part of the curse of being the slayer. She also knows which vampire it is. For some reason, she also feels the love he has for her, as she felt Angel’s as well. He’s been standing there ever since she fell to the ground at the funeral. She wasn’t sure how he was able to be there during the day, but she knows he hasn’t moved since that moment.

She begs and pleads with him through that bond. She wants to hear a voice other than her own, other than the screams of her sister as the sword…

Buffy cries. Spike runs to her side. It’s the first time she’s cried.

//I’m living for the only thing I know
I’m running and I question where to go
And I don’t know what I’m tapping into
Just hanging by a moment here with you//

“I killed her.” Buffy whispers.

He has nothing to say. He knows it true. He was there. He saw. Everyone did. “There was no other choice.”

“There’s always a choice. You choose to wake up. You choose to live another day. You choose not to kill your sister.” She sobs.

“It was either the entire world and everything in it, or her. It was reality or your sister. There was no other choice.” He repeats. “It was not fair, but it…”

“Sometimes I think maybe I should have let reality crumble.”

“What?”

“There’s nothing else to lose, Spike. There’s nothing else to find. There’s nothing in the world besides family and I killed mine.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. And nothing can change my mind. There’s nothing else.”

“There’s me.”

“What?”

“I’m falling even more in love with you; letting go of all I’ve held on to. I’m standing here until you make me move. I’m hanging by a moment here with you.”

She looks at him and wants so desperately to just fall. She wants to have someone and not to care. She wants to forget all the pain and sacrifice. She wants to not save the world. She wants to spit in the face of whoever made her what she is. She wants to dance.

“Forgetting all I’m lacking; completely incomplete. I’ll take your invitation, you take all of me now.” She pulls his mouth to her neck. She knows she has nothing left to fight for.

“Slayer?”

“I’m finished, Spike. I’m done with this life, with this body… it’s over. I have nothing left.”

“You have me.” He insists.

“Then make me eternity.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Do it. I don’t care anymore. Make me not care anymore. Make the pain stop.” His face changes and he kisses her deeply.

“Are you sure?”

“Will the pain stop? Will it stop hurting?”

“Afterwards… you’ll only feel strong.”

“No pain?”

“No pain. No regret, nothing but power.”

“I’m sure.” She says and fists his jacket as his fangs sink into her neck. He drinks deep. Her heart slows and she drinks from his wrist, thankful that the pain will soon subside.

~El Fin~