"So I'll talk to you later then?"

"Yeah, Pet, tomorrow. Maybe I'll drag the lug with us to a movie."

"Okay, call me then," she says.

"I will."

"Night, Spike."

"Night, Sarah," I say before hanging up.

I think she's doing better. She seems it anyway; she's mourning her brother, but *not* going to demon bars, that I'm aware of. I'm kinda glad; she deserves better than *this* life.

*Night* *Sarah*, I repeat in my head. A*gain*.

Can I ask why he needs to talk to her on the phone nearly *every* *night*? Can I ask why he needs to *see* her nearly *every* *day*? I don't fucking get it.

He's *my* boyfriend. Sarah should just go get her *own* instead of stealing *mine*.

No, Spike. I do not *want* to go to the movies with Sarah. And NO I do not want to go out to dinner with Sarah. And NO! I do NOT wish to SEE SARAH!

"What's got you so pissy?"

Oh… I don't know. Maybe SARAH?!

"Just had a bad day," I reply as I kick off my pants. "Ran into a slub demon while I was tracking a vamp and they tag-teamed me."

"Well, c'mere. I'll give you a massage," he leers at me. *Shiiiiiit*. I can't help it- I get hard. And he knows it.

"You don't *have* to," I say stupidly.I don't know why I even bother.

"What? Touch you? Want you? Of course I do, Mate," he smirks as he crawls toward the end of the bed sexily- like a cat on the prowl. My Spike-kitty.

And lemme just say that the fact that he's naked is sexy as hell and- wait a minute, why was he talking to her while he was naked *any*way?

"Spike!" I yelp as he sinks his fangs into my cock. "FUCK!" I growl at him.

I bloody *hate* when he stops payin' attention to me. But my fangs in his cock make him regain his focus alright. He buries his hands in my hair and clutches me jussst so- just enough to hurt in the best way.

"Now, I'll say it again," I say, "Come *here*." And then I grab his hips and throw him down on the bed. "See? Was that so hard?" I ask, gripping his cock. "Guess it *was*."

"Guess so," he smirks. Good then. It's me time.

<Ring. Ring.>

Fuck.

Fuck!

"Angel-"

"Spike, I *have* to," he groans and literally *pushes* me off him. Fine!

"What, Cordy?" he asks. "Okay. Tell Gunn and Wes I'll meet 'em there."

God dammit! When do *I* get *MY* time??!! HUH?!

He hangs up and turns to me. "Just go," I growl before throwing myself down on the bed, my back to him.

"Spike, I- *have* to go. It's my job."

"Then bloody *go* to it then!"

Fuck!

"Come *with* me. We could always use an extra pair of hands. You *used* to come with me, Spike."

"Yeah, well, I used to be human too, but things change. Now leave me alone."

FUCK!

"*Fine*," I growl as I pull on my pants. Like this is easy for me! Like this whole *thing* is easy!

GOD, sometimes I feel he's right here with me and then other times he's so far away I can hardly *see* him. It's not FAIR! This whole thing is just… not fair.

Things are too different now- it's like I made some other vampire, not Spike, not Will. Course I guess I didn't turn the same human, so I didn't get the same vampire. Shitshitshit. I don't know how to fix this.

Bloody hell! Why can't things be simple again?

~*~*~*~*~

"Angel!" she calls and of *course* he goes running because it's his "job". Right- his job is to chase her around LA. Okay, so it *might* be. Whatever. I get that it's important to him but I'm sick of being convenient. That's right- I said it. I'm tired of waitin' around waitin' for him to fuck me. Seems like that's all we do anymore anyway- have sex, rut, shag, fuck, suck, blow, stroke- not like that's all *bad* but we also used to talk and play and sit and read. It wasn't always sex and it seems that's all it *is* now.

And now he's gonna go off and leave me here, so whatever. I'm gonna play on my computer, I guess.

I sigh and stand up- put my mug in the sink and rinse it before heading out to the lobby where the magnificent four are gearing up. Lucky them- getting ready, acting like everything is just perfect. They're probably sayin' "we told him so" behind our backs.

"Spike, why don't you come?" Legs' suggests.

"Yeah! C'mon," Gunn says. "You haven't come with since-"

He stops. We all know. Since *last* time- when I met a damn demon and became HUMAN. Well, thanks, but no thanks. I am *so* not going through *that* again.

Wouldn't trust myself to be around them *any*way- not when I unleash it and get violent. They couldn't tolerate violence- not *my* kind of violence. Do I even *have* a kind of violence anymore?

I don't know how he does it- how  he can be around them like that without going mad. Sarah's 'bout the only one I can take because somehow she *gets* it- she understands. I don't know how she does, but she does.

"Nah," I shrug. "Got a couple things to do."

"Like what? Mope? Spike, COME ON!"

But I don't pay attention to her, instead keep going up the stairs.

And there he goes! Off somewhere- to do something- hide in his computer room or something.

I just- I don't get this. I hate this. I thought we were past the crap but here we are, right back to it. And I don't know how to *fix* it. I don't know how to make him Spike again. He's so distant. It's like- he says he loves me but the emotion isn't there and I wonder if it's because of her or *me*. Or maybe things will just never be the same again.

"Angel?"

I blink and look at Cordy.

"Hmm?"

"Angel, we can handle this- you should go to him. Go upstairs and work this out. *Talk* to him or whatever *else* you two do. We can handle this."

"Cordy-"

"Nah, Man,, she's right," Gunn says. "We got this."

"Okay. If you're sure-"

"We're *sure*," she insists. "Now *go*, Angel. Fix whatever the hell is wrong, 'cause you're *both* pissin' me off."

I nod and head upstairs. Guess I'll check the computer room first, then maybe the bedroom. Don't know what I'll say, but- maybe I'll just start with: can we fix this? And I'll pray his answer is yes.

~*~*~*~*~

I pop a handful of popcorn in my mouth and shift a little. I opted for Matrix II. I just *love* those damn fight scenes- great choreography on those fuckers. I *still* have to see the third movie. I'll have to buy it, since I missed it in the theatres.

"Spike?"

"FUCK!" I jump, throwing my popcorn all over the bed. "OI! Did you *have* to do that, you ponce?!"

"Sorry- didn't mean to-"

"What are you doin' here anyway? Doncha have some ponce to save or something?"

"No- Gunn, Cordy and Wes said they could handle it."

WHAT? The big pouf said no?

"Huh?"

"I uh… wanted to spend some time with you, Will. We don't- shit- things just aren't the same right now. Are they?"

"No," I sigh.

"*Why*, Will? I don't understand why."

"I don't *know*," I reply as I shut the movie off. "I don't know."

"Is it because you're vamped? Is that it? Did I- did that screw everything up?"

"I don't *know*, Angel, OKAY?"

"Why won't you come with us anymore? You used to- you used to help us fight. You hardly wanna be around them."

"Who?"

"Cordelia, Gunn, Wesley, Virginia- all of them. Why won't you hang out with us anymore, Spike? You're pulling away. I feel you pulling away from me and it's *killing* me."

"Angelll-"

I sit on the bed next to him and touch his face softly. "*Tell* me, Will. Why are you running away from us?"

I just- I don't know what else to *do* here. I don't know how to make things the way they were and it scares me to think I might not be able to fix this.

"I don't know, Angel. Just because."

"Cut the bullshit, Spike, and tell me why!" I growl.

He growls back. "FUCK YOU! Angel! Think you're so great?! That this is *my* bloody fault? I don't *think* so! This is *your* life. Not MINE!"

Ouch. I stand up as well. "Oh? Then what's *your* life, huh? Where would you *rather* be? Huh?"

"I'm a BLOODY VAMPIRE!" he bellows. "I'm not *friends* with HUMANS!"

"What about Sarah?" I ask softly and his features automatically soften- fangs disappear, blue eyes lighten up… ohgod… like he was with… Dru. "Are you… falling for her?"

Oh shit. "Is *that* what this is about?" I ask. "Sarah?"

"*No*, *Spike*. It's about *us*. *Me* wanting *you*. Wanting to *be* with you."

"Well, you *are* with me."

"But you can't be with *them* anymore?"

"Who?"

"Our friends- you can't be with them anymore? People who have been good to you- who you-"

"It's bloody HARD to be around them! To control myself!"

"Oh," he states. "But what about-"

"She's different."

"Are you… *drink*ing from her again?"

Well- at least he *asked* this time.

"No. She just… understands."

I don't get that but at least we're finally *getting* somewhere- the place where he can *talk* to me again.

"Will," I say, moving around the bed. "I wanna- shit- I just wanna *be* with you. Just wanna hold you or… I don't know. I just… I *need* you."

He lets me wrap my arms around his waist and then I lean forward and press my lips slowly to his and kiss him. Christ! I melt into his mouth because I actually feel him *here* with me for the first time in a long time. God. "Willl," I moan before he deepens the kiss.

His arms move around me and we just hold each other- our tongues caressing one another and it's perfect. Maybe things can be good after all. Maybe we can-

<Ring. Ring.>

Fuck.

FUCK.

I growl and pull away. "Get it," I snarl. He needs to go and help someone after all. I just… dammit.

"Hello?" he answers and then holds the phone out to me. "For you. It's Sarah."

"Sarah?" I answer quickly.

Of *course* it's *Sarah*.

"I'll be right there, don't move," he says and hangs up.

"Spike, we were-"

"I'm sorry, Pet. I have to go. She needs me."

"*I* need you!" I say forcefully.

"Yeah, only when it's convenient," he says as he leaves.

~*~*~*~*~

"Sarah? It's *me*, Pet," I say as the smell of blood fills my nostrils. FUCK. "LUV?!"

"I'm in here!" she calls and I rush into her bathroom.

"JESUS! What the fuck happened?!" I ask, rushing to her side. She's got a large gash that's bleeding on her arm.

"I was walking home and a vampire started chasing me. I got in here just before he- but I tripped while I was running and fell- metal fence or something and-"

"Why didn't you- it's deep. You need stitches," I say, taking the cloth to help her clean it off.

"I *know* that, but I couldn't go outside smelling of blood, *could* I? Might as well have hung a sign up saying come eat me if I did that. That's why I called you."

"Okay. How bad is it? Does it hurt?" I ask, wiping more blood off and rinse the cloth out. "We just… gotta stop the bleeding until we get there, so…" I grab one of her towels and I tie it tightly around her arm. "Okay, Luv. Let's go. *What* were you doing walking home alone in the dark *any*way?"

"I got stuck doing overtime at work and I couldn't find a cab. It's only four blocks."

"I've killed many a bird who was walkin' under that same principle, Pet."

~*~*~*~*~

Convenient, MY ASS!

GOD! How could he SAY that to me?!

As if it's *soo* easy being me. As if my life is so fucking PERFECT!

What the hell happened to us?

And Sarah calls and he goes running. Of COURSE! And I tried calling her place, but no one answered. I swear, if he's *here*, I'm going to kill him. I can't take this anymore. It's too much.

I look around for him but don't see him. I suppose they could have gone upstairs. I guess if it's too much to control himself around Cordelia or Wesley, then being *here* would be okay, right?

Fuck. I don't understand what's happening to us. We didn't have this problem when he returned unchipped- when I let him get it removed. So why now?

Is it because the demon is fresh in his blood? He hasn't learned to control it yet and he has nothing but himself to help him do that. Shit. He doesn't know how lucky he is- to *not* have the weight of the world on him like I do. To *not* have to watch what you say and how you act all the time for fear of the "Powers" smiting you. Shit. If *only* I had it as easy as to just- look around here and pick a meal. Seduce some pretty young thing into being my meal.

"Hey there. I'm Todd."

I turn toward him and *shit*. He's- not my Spike- but he's gorgeous. Cheekbones like Spike, big green eyes and jet-black hair.

"Hey," I answer.

"You uh… lookin'? Because I might be interested."

Ohshit.

~*~*~*~*~

"And you'd *think* for ONCE he could see it from my perspective! You know?!" I ask, but the deaf old woman just blinks at me. Fuck. *Please* hurry and stitch the girl up. Yes, because willing the doctor to hurry is so effective.

I just don't know why he can't see that I'm just- I need time to adjust to this- *new*ness. I wanna- I'm… I'm sick of sharing his purpose- *having* to share his purpose. You'd think I could just do my own thing. But…I love him and I don't know how to balance that with my vampireness. I did at one point, but now things are fucked again.

Angel has it easy. He has a soul and if the world ended tomorrow- he knows he'd be okay because he's a champion. But what happens to me? I don't *have* that clarity. He leaves me to go float up on some cloud or whatall while I burn in Hell?

That's not bloody fair yet it's the way it is. In the end? We won't be together.

I guess I'm having a hard time with that- seeing the point in it *now*.

~*~*~*~*~

"So… do you come here often?" I ask and it's such a line; I'm embarrassed to even *say* it, but…

"A bit," he shrugs. "Ya know how it goes… every now and then."

"Do you…" shit, I'm curious now. "I have a friend- comes in here a lot, blonde, British, handsome."

"Oh yeah! I remember that guy- Spike, right? Yeah… he's okay… nicer than most of 'em."

Ohfuck. He- "Did you and he… has he-" Oh*god*. Spike would rather keep time with *THIS* than *ME*? I thought it was just Sarah, but what? Does he have "friends" all over the place?

"A couple times," he replies before looking at me. "So…" he runs a finger up my forearm. "Do you?"

"*Yes*."

~*~*~*~*~

"So how does it look?" she asks as I take the bandage off.

"Like you got shot," I wink. "No, it looks okay- clean. It shouldn't get infected and if it does, I *told* you so!"

"You're such a pain in the ass; you know that, right?"

"No, but… you can tell me," I smile. Shit. This is… I just don't know what to do. "Can I… ask you something?'

"Sure, Spike, you can ask me anything."

"Do you… I mean, do you have feelings for me?"

"What?" she asks innocently, but I see it in her eyes. *Fuck*. "That's crazy. Have you lost your-"

"Sarah, you *know* I'm taken, don't you? I mean… despite the shit we're going through- we'll find our way back. We always do. I do stupid things, he forgives me… we'll find our way back to each other."

"Spike… I just-" she stops. "I *know*, okay? So what if I have a little crush? It'll pass. I don't wanna lose you. We have too much fun together, hangin' out and-"

"I know. You're the first… I've never had a friend that's just *mine* until you, Sarah. But I *am* taken. There's *no* chance here for anything other than friendship. Okay?"

"Yeah," she sighs. "I… well it's not okay *now*, but it will be." We just stare at each other for a few minutes and under different circumstances, I *would* have fallen for her- made her a vampire- kept her forever. But it's not different circumstances, it's *these* circumstances and my heart, my body, my blood- my everything is already claimed. Even if the big lummox is pissy at me, I'll just love him for it *any*way. I just… I love him. And I remember what Buffy told me- when I was human and he was trying to push me away. She told me to fight for him, and that's exactly what I intend on doing.

I'm gonna go home and tell the big-arsed hair gel wonder that he can be mad at me all he wants, but that doesn't change anything. Even though I'm a demon and I'm trying to deal with that, I still want him. I'll tell him that no matter how many people he feels the need to prance around and save, I still want him. In spite of everything, I still want him. And then I'm gonna shag him for twenty-four hours straight, with non-stop hard-ons and sucking and kissing. And *then* he'll forgive me and buy me Matrix 3.

~*~*~*~*~

He kisses me; and even as he does, I know it's wrong. I know it, but fuck, Spike hasn't kissed me like he needs me in so long. Todd's actually helpless in the kiss- helpless with his need of me- need *for* me and only me- what I can give him- release, pleasure, pain, death- pick one.

Spike doesn't need me- not like this, apparently. Spike doesn't need me because he's been just *fine* ignoring me for months- for this: *Todd*, *Sarah*, and who knows who else.

I see why Spike was drawn to humans like this- like Todd. I under*stand*. At least I would if it were just random Todds- but it's Todd and Sarah and others who got to feel my boy over and over again- feel his fangs in their necks. It's not fair.

"Angel," he gasps and bends his neck to the side.

Ohfuckme. Neck. Blood.

No kill- just taste- to remember what it felt like- to understand what Spike's feeling. Power. Demon power- the power to end or continue life- to keep it or finish it or nourish or weaken it. Art. Death is art and his blood floods my system and I remember it all… power.

*This* is what Spike is feeling. Christ, no *wonder* I'm losing him. I can't give him *any*thing that compares to this- or I *haven't* been anyway. I have to do everything I can to give him power- make him feel *needed* and wanted- to make him stay and not need *Todd*. He's a demon- *we* are demons- and I need to help him see that it's okay. That we can *be* demons. That things will be okay- that *we* will.

~*~*~*~*~

Ordinarily, I'd throw in a movie, kick back and relax, take a shower and wait for him to return from his noble mission. But- I'm not passive. Tonight? I'm seductive. Oh yes, I'm so seductive.

I'm completely naked, on our bed, one candle is lit. And did I mention I've got some mint lube all ready?

Gonna show him I want him and only him.

Fuck. I *know* I've been distant, but I was just trying to figure out who the bleedin' hell I *am*. Who this demon... no. That's a lie. A total and utter lie. I'm *me*. Spike. William. Will. Whoever.

That's, I guess, what I've realized through all this.

Chipped or not, human or vampire, old or new- I'm just "me" and "me" is just *his*.

And I've always bloody known that. We're too parts of the same; meant to be together. It's not destiny or fate or whatall- it's just *I*. Sure as the sun and the moon and I do *not* need Sarah to complete me. Or blood- innocent or otherwise. I just need him.

I'm ready to just… be *me* again. Be his.

And that is probably a good thing since he just walked in.

"Angel, I-"

His eyes darken immediately.

*Shit*. I really didn't expect him to *be* here. Why would he be, when he has *Sarah*?

"Spike, I'm glad you're-"

"Who *was* it?!" he growls, as he sits up. Fuck. He's *naked*, too. Shit- he was waiting here for *me* with a candle and I think I smell the mint lube he likes so much.

"Spike, it was-"

"WHO?!" he growls again, eyes flashing yellow.

Fuck. I was really hoping I'd go to Sarah's after cleaning up and I'd find him and apologize and then things would be okay. Shit. "I didn't *mean* for it to-" and he's sitting here, ready to… what? Make love? Fuck. Do *I* feel like shit, not that it'll matter that this is exactly how *I've* been feeling lately.

"Mean for your fangs to slip in? Mean to come in your pants?!" he growls and stands up.

"Well, it's not like I haven't been sitting here nightly waiting for YOU lately, IS it?!"

"I *NEVER* CAME IN MY *PANTS*, *ANGEL*! I *al*ways came home for that!"

"Well, I'm *sorry*! I can't control my URGES like *you*."

"All I *DO* is control my urges!" I growl and stand. Poncy-bugger thinks he can just come here and take the high and mighty?! I don't *think* so!

"Right- like biting *SARAH* was controlling your *urges*?!"

"I *NEVER* *CAME* WITH SARAH!" I scream at him. "I've *never* been unfaithful to you. NEVER!" I mean… how *dare* he?! "I *ALWAYS* came *home* to *YOU*!"

"But I can't give you what you need, huh? Have to run off to your *whores* to feel like a demon?"

Oh, *that* gets him. He growls and lunges at me, kicking my jaw with his foot before landing. "SHE IS *NOT* A WHORE!"

"Defending her, huh, *Boy*? That's ex*act*ly what she is!"

Another punch but I block it and get him with a right hook. Shit. I can't stop myself. God- all this time he's been *cheating* on me with *her*- *them*- not sharing his demon side with *me*. That's the point. And *why*?

"Then *what* *is* she?" I snarl as I roundhouse kick him back into the dresser. "Huh? You're *using* her!"

"USING HER?" I scream as I grab the lamp off the dresser and crack it across his face. "HUH? FOR *WHAT*?" I growl and hit him again with it. "You know me *so* well? Then *TELL* me, oh mighty Angelus!"

Shit ,that hurts. I kick his legs out from under him and pin him to the floor- my thighs on either side of his waist and my legs hooked over his so he can't move.

"To make you feel like a demon- to give you power- but *I'll* make you feel it, Boy," I snarl. I tighten my grip onhis wrists with one hand, so I can use the other to undo my jeans. Shit, I'm so hard.

FUCK! He bucks up and throws his head into mine. *Shit*! He tries to pin *me*, while tugging my jeans down but I punch his chest and it stuns him just enough so I can flip him over.

Fuck, this is gonna-

"SSSSIIIIIRRRREEE!" I howl when he *slams* inside me.

"That's *right*, *Boy*. That's what I *am*! Your fucking *Sire*!"

He pulls out and drives himself back inside, his hands gripping and pinning my wrists painfully to the floor. *Shit*. It hurts so bad but feels so… I don't know- twisted and wrong and good and horrible all at once.

That's right, Spike. *Feel* it. Feel *me*. How much I need you- love you- want you. You need to feel like a demon- if this is the only way I can keep you- then this is what I'll do.

I created him- I created his need for this- I made this part of his system, so *fine*. If he can't overcome it, then *I'll* change, because I can't be without him again. I tried and it didn't work. Last time I tried to be with him, I couldn't change, wasn't ready. But this time? I will. I know what it'll cost if I don't.

I slam back into him again and remember the *last* time I was like this with him… shit- I don't wanna *think* about that. Miami… we don't-

I growl when I feel his fangs tear into my arm and he literally rips into it, tearing the muscle and scraping the bone and I *scream* and *howl* as I come *so* hard into him. I continue to thrust into him though, feeling him tear and bleed as I do.

FUCK!

I growl and scream and buck up into him and away from him as I spill myself on our floor. I spill what seems like *buckets* of cum, but it could also be my blood- spilling from me as well.

*Shit*.

*Ass*hole!

I grab the lamp as soon as he relaxes his grip on my wrists and crack it against his skull as hard as I can.

BASTARD!

It knocks him out, and I slowly stand up. Shit, that hurts; not as bad as back in- shit.

He fucked me with a cock covered in cum that some *boy* made him spill. Some… *human*. And I tasted that human in Angel's blood- in my sire's blood I tasted him- felt how much he wanted it- wanted Angel- my *sire*.

He's MY *sire*. MY mate. I am *not* going to give him up.

I pull my jeans on, tug a shirt on,, before lacing up my boots. I grab my duster and look down at him- laying in a puddle of my cum and blood.  There is *no* way I'm going to let some *shmuck* be claimed by *my* *sire*.

I'm gonna find him.

I'm gonna set him straight.

~*~*~*~*~

Damn my head hurts.

"Shit, Spike?" I ask as I open my eyes. God, in a flash everything comes back to me, the argument, the fighting, the fucking- shit. "Spike?" I ask a bit louder. But he's not here.

Fuck. I glance down at where he tore into my arm and it hurts. I stand up and see his duster is gone from the chair where he always leaves it. His boots are gone too.

Where could he have- "TODD!"

FUCK! He's- I *know* him. Spike is- he's like me- he's the jealous type. And if I were him- all newly demonic and jealous, I'd go eliminate my competition.

SHIT!

I'm out the door immediately, *running* back to the club. Hopefully it's not too late. I hope he just went home. God, please, if there *is* one, let Todd be home safely.

I wonder how far behind Spike I am… a minute? An hour? FUCK.

~*~*~*~*~

I started at the place where he found me with Sarah since I figured that was prolly the first place he'd go if he were to-

God, I can't *believe* he'd- claim someone else. Of all the- horrible lousy things to *do* to me- to throw it in my face like that? Like showing he wished I were still… *like* that? Does he regret turning me back? Or turning me at all? Is that what he wants? Some doped up, high off danger *human* who'll let him drink?

What the hell *happened* to us? And there I was- waiting for him at *home* while he was off *gettin'* off with some- I was here for *blood*, not *sex*, but *he* betrayed *me*!

I did catch the boy's scent- the scent of Angel's cum, but the boy wasn't there. Someone knew him though and was mad because evidently "Todd" was his regular. Vamps know who Angel and I are and he was mad that Angel had taken *his* regular.

But he *did* tell me where Todd was headed when he left, which is where I'm heading now.

~*~*~*~*~

I get into the club and immediately head to the bar.

"Hey," I say as the bartender walks over. I grab him and yank him over the counter. "I was in here earlier with Todd. Where is he?"

"Look, Angel, lemme-"

"WHERE?!" I demand loudly. I don't have time for this. I have to find him before Spike does.

A blow to the back of the head shocks me into letting the man go. I spin around to one angry but handsome vamp.

"You bastard!" he screams and throws another punch unexpectedly. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Killing our kind and then coming in for a drink the only place you'll let us feed? You hypocrite!"

He tries to throw another punch but I block him am about to just dust him when I catch a familiar scent on him- Todd.

"Where is he?" I growl. "He's in danger. Where is he?"

"Leave him alone! He's fine!"

"No he's not- my mate is looking for him and he's *not* too happy right now."

"The blondie?" he questions.

"Yes- that's him."

"Shit. I told him where he'd- there's a bar he likes-"

"*WHERE*?"

Shit. I do *not* have time for this.

Neither does Todd.

~*~*~*~*~

I walk inside and start scanning the place. It's not as dismal and dark as the other place- and it's cleaner. 'Course they also charge a twenty dollar cover and fifty bucks for a feeding suite. They can afford to keep it cleaner.

I just have to find him- that bastard who now shares my mate- who's now his bloody *property* because he would *not* be a flicker in Angel's blood- not a taste- if Angel hadn't drunk him- scarred him- *claimed* him- like he did me. I have to know- see it for myself. I need proof.

I scan the room- wondering if I could pick him out- wondering if I know my sire as well as I think I do. Because if *I* were Angel, I'd pick…

Aha. My eyes land on him and I *know* it's him. I know my sire's type- green eyes, cheekbones, dark hair… I walk over and inhale. Yeah- it's him.

"Hey," I smile as I sit down next to him.

"Hi," he says and turns back to his drink. Playin' hard to get? Fine. I glance at his neck and sure enough- there it is. The *right* side too- the side of claiming. Angel's mark is deep too- I can smell him on the  man. *My* Angel on *this*… this… *thing*.

How fuckin' *dare* he?

I *have* to destroy that mark.

I slide a hand up under his shirt and he inhales sharply. He's interested.

"What do you *say*?" I ask as I lick his neck- tasting MY Angel on HIS neck, "Should I get us a suite upstairs?"

"Okay," he whispers- whore. Loser doesn't even *know* what it means to be claimed by Angelus. He doesn't *deserve* him. He can't possibly grasp the concept of being Angelus'.

I hand the bartender a fifty and he gives me a key.

As soon as I get him in the room, he's on me- touching, kissing-

I growl and violently push him away back into the bed.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! HE'S MINE!" I growl.

"What the FUCK? *Who*?"

"ANGEL! HE'S MINE! You unworthy bastard!"

I slam him against the wall and tear my fangs down his neck, destroying Angel's bite. He screams and cries and tries apologizing and begging- god how he begs and the fear and-

I punch him. "He's not YOURS!" Again. "He's MINE!" I punch him again.

I'll finish this once and for all, *Angel*. You will NEVER claim another human as yours. EVER. Think you can re*place* me?! Think again!

"I'll *show* you what a demon is," I announce before sinking my fangs into his throat.

~*~*~*~*~

Fuck fuck fuck. Ten minutes.

Ten minutes is the number of minutes the bartender said Spike and Todd have been up here.

Ten minutes.

"SPIKE!" I scream as I slam through the do-

Ohgod.

"What did you-"

Todd's laying on the floor- bleeding from the wound in his neck. He barely has a pulse.

"Todd…" I say. Spike's lips are covered in blood. "Spike… *why*?"

"*No* one can take you away from me," he adds. "You wanna claim someone? *Fine*, but I'll destroy each and every one."

"Spike, you- you- you're… a monster," I finish softly.

Christ- what has he done?

"I'm what you made me, *Sire*," he tells me before grabbing his duster.

"*Spike*," I say as I catch his arm.

"Don't, Angel, okay? It's… we can't keep *doing* this."

"Doing *what*?" I ask him. "What are we-"

"*Hurt*ing each other. We… we *did* this once before, Angelus. Don't you remember?"

"I do," I say softly. I remember Miami just as much as he does. But… "It's different this time. *We're* different."

"No, Angel. We're *not*. We're exactly the same. You've got a soul, and I'm a *monster*. Remember?"

I let him go. I have to.

I have to help Todd. This was *not* his fault. It was mine.

I created a monster. I killed everything wonderful and good and amazing and pure about Will and made him a monster again. This is my doing. Spike is my responsibility.

I'm a monster.

Pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.

But- I can't stay here- things can't keep going like this.

We're too different to be together anymore.

Ironic , that's what *he* said- in Miami…