Was it so wrong to try and mislead Alianna into thinking her elf...Husband..was unfaithful? Anything to have prevented the travesty that took place this day. Anything would have been justifiable.

A racist? Bah. One who wishes his bloodline to be perverted no more, one who wishes his sister to be the one special woman in the man she marries' life, rather than girl of the century..these damned elves live too long, if you ask me...I am not a racist. I was only looking out for her. Twisted? Bah. I've lived by my own rules for so long, what is twisted to others may be perfectly natural to me or vice versa.

All I know is I should've killed the damned priest, finished off the job. Little bastard ran away, and Mordred had his blade upon my neck. What was I to do, decapitate myself, the headless body of Alterio running off after RipClaw? Bah. ::Puts his quill down and rubs his temples, then closes out the page::

What I do know for a fact is this: The Pleasuredome continues to generate income, which keeps Lily-Anne's alimony payments and the financial support of my children current. I know that Teiyah had the upper hand last evening and might've done the Isle a favor by finishing me off. I know I care deeply for Jane, but expect her to do as all who've come before her have done: Either tire of me or get to know me ::too:: well, to a point where she no longer seeks my company. I miss my son. Not this mild-mannered ninnyboy..I miss my one year old Breuse. I want revenge on the Giants who did this..

::He closes the book once the ink is dry and responds to a knock on his office door. He makes it known that if others wish to utilize this area of the site for Journal Entries, that they are encouraged to do so:

--Journal entry 21 April Sir Carazzi.

It's late...the time for sleep draws near, though it is already into the wee hours of the next morn. Yesterday...I suppose it was, the love of my life married another man while I sat and watched the ceremony. Too cowardly to object, they said. Kept a stiff upper lip, they said. Bah. I only wanted her to be happy...truly happy. I told her of my feelings, she rejected me. I've moved on now...the wedding was closure enough for me.

It would have been best had I not said anything, especially to her brother, whom I thought would simply help me move on, instead, he did something completely crazy to his sister, her husband, and just about everybody else. I now see what a horrible mistake I have made...following my heart, but hurting everyone else in the process. It was not worth it...to put it simply, no good came of it, but much hurt was produced in its place.

Love...I see it in others...Bah. The weak-minded's escape. Thinking they have one that will be with them forever. I used to believe in it, yet everytime I let my feelings show for another woman, nothing good came of it. She shunned me, she found another, she left me, she lied to me, or simply ignored me. No more. I will no longer subject myself to such heartache.

24 hours from this moment I watched as my best friend fought a duel to the death with the woman who loved him. He lost, and was spared, thank Bahyrah. Nobody needed to die that night, rarely ::is:: there a need for one to die. I could do nothing to stop it, the two of them might as well be their own species. They're exactly alike, bull-headed, strong-willed, stubborn, whatever you would like to call it. That's them, through and through. The life of the isle is simply too strenuous...the toll it takes on my mind and body is nearly unbearable. My mind is shot. My body is aching. My whole being feels like it needs six months of spa treatment. ::Glances to the clock on the wall and sighs:: I guess 4 hours of sleep will have to do for now.

-Journal Entry 21 April, Black Warlock

These Crystal Shores grace a fine Isle, and I feel as a Skald, or Bard as we're called here I should recount some of the happenings from my perspective.

I've seen a wedding a birthday, sparring and even a death duel in my few days here. The wedding was showed an interesting view of the Isle's leading family.

The Carazzi's were there in full force--seeing as 'twas their daughter Alianna, flower of the family, being wed. Anthony was ejected by the iron rule of the family matriarch, and Alterio's good behavior was a model of forcible submission to the higher power of the rest of the family assembled. He only smoldered a little around the edges, and seethed like a leashed volcano. The bride was radiant and the wedding once the wedding party was assembled went off without a hitch. Still the rumors abound of threats and kidnappings preceding the wedding.

The night prior to the wedding was one of joy, tears and blood. The joy was at Zyllah's birthday, the tears were at Teiyah's desire to leave the Isle, and her sister. Teiyah's feud with Alterio was reaching epic proportions. She was coming to terms with her feelings for him--though he wasn't. The volatile mixture of her love and his hatred had been simmering for a while.

He chose a bardic competition--one they both had entered--to stir up the troubled waters once again--declaring his love for Jane Maichen in such a way as to infuriate Teiyah. Still, she held her control. It wasn't til Alterio chose to needlessly spew his vituperative scorn towards Zyllah, the birthday celebrant, that Teiyah lost control.

Seeing the threat to her beloved younger sister she dragged Alterio bodily to the arena--there to avenge her sister's honor in Carazzi blood. The battle was one of fire and ice, strength and speed, rage and fury. Her speed and raw fury defeated his rage and power. The final tableaux was one of a mailed knight supine before an enraged warrior--her blade to his throat.

All she sought, fury in check, was his apology to her sister: an apology that was not forthcoming. Alterio's life hung in the balance, Teiyah's Damoclean sword above his throat.

Finally she strode away--torn by fury--barely accepting the realization that the best she could win was the knowledge the rest of his life was her gift to him.

From this bloody field eventually came an uneasy truce.

This rede is done-- there will be others

Waes Hael! Drink Hael!

-Journal Entry 21 April, Halfdan the Black.

::She brushes her fingers through her hair as she curls up in her cove away from everyone, a brief moment of clarity passing through her otherwise twisted mind. She picks up her journal and begins to write as an enormous amount of pain passes through her emerald eyes::

When I first came to this island this cove was the only thing that could subdue my blood lust. Now it's a constant battle. I battle within myself against these new emotions that emerged within me. I watch as the man I love is with another. Love what is it to me now? I personally wish I could turn back the hands of time and never have allowed these feelings to have shown themselves to me. Torment.... I see love as torment. Where I once found it as only an emotion that the weak-minded knew or spoke of, I know I am neither of those. Has this island cursed me?

::she sets the book she is writing in down and rubs her temples, then proceeds to write again::

I should have killed him, his stubborn pig headed foul mouthed ways should have earned him that death. They did earn him that death. Many times I have let Alterio push me over the edge into a deep rage, but never as badly as when he called Zy a 'bitch.'

::a tear streaks down her cheek and hits the page she is writing on, she lowers her head more so that the guards in the cove don't see the sign of weakness::

Yes I should have killed him, but when he looked at me and told me to follow my heart, I broke. My heart screams at me to love him, to be with him. I watch him with Jane, it's slowly driving me insane. I feel I must leave this island, or at least retreat to my cove to find a way to forget everything I feel. Why now? Why did these emotions come to me? After all these years of never knowing what others spoke of or felt..... why now?

::she stops for a moment to wipe the tears away from her cheeks and shakes her head making sure no one sees her::

My heart yearns for something it can't have while my soul and my mind tell me that this thing is so unnatural that it must be some kind of spell. What is his hold over me? After I walked away from killing him... I hurt. A truce was called that night but I knew it wouldn't last, and indeed it didn't. I look at him and the other Carazzis now and wish that I could just make them disappear from my thoughts, that I could not care about what happens to any of them, that they meant nothing to me. I hurt Alianna by saying such, but she doesn't understand. No one truly understands..... I betrayed myself.. something has gone wrong where I once felt nothing now a whole flood of emotions blind me. Gah it has to have something to do with this island. I have to leave here and find my way back to what and who I truly am. I have to forget about this man Alterio that would rather spew venom at me then accept what it is that I 'feel' or think.

::closes her eyes thinking for a minute the finishes writing::

I don't understand anything anymore. My only love was of bloodshed, the smell of it in the air as my hands become soaked in it. I don't understand why this man takes so much pleasure in causing me pain. Yes I should have killed him and been done with it for good, but my heart now betrays my training.

::she sighs and shuts the book tucking it away::

--Journal Entry 22 April, Teiyah

~settles down at a small table in her modest cottage, now filled with aromatic roses. A single lamp burns at her side, and a troubled expression clouds her young face~

I feel as though I've lost control of my own existence. This island is a wonder, but it also seems to have bewitched me, and driven me from my firm convictions and the Code that aided me in every situation. I feel like a pawn being pushed around by...everyone! It all started with Alterio...

The minute he began to show interest in me, warning began. Don't trust him, he just toys with hearts, you're just a notch on his belt...he can't feel love... But I never listen to anyone but myself, I only believe what I see, and what I saw was a man who cared. But now I feel like I'm standing on the side-lines, watching a war.

Teiyah loves Alterio, truly and honestly. She's sure of her feelings, I'm not. He will not return her love, and on they feud. I feel she hates me, blames me for having Alterio's affection. I hate that. I know this: I would do anything for Alterio, and I would rather lay down and die myself than hurt him, and that frightens me. I always promised myself I'd never let my actions be dictated by another, but it's like I can't help it.

I don't know if Alterio trusts my feelings in him. I don't even know if he loves me. I know he thinks I can do know wrong, something I don't deserve. I also know he'd do anything for me, like I would for him. But he likes to take care of me, keep me out of danger, and some days I feel like I'm suffocating...but I can't imagine what I'd do without him. I don't understand why he'd ever wish death, but he has, many times. Maybe it's his pride, and maybe he doesn't realize it'd kill me...

Jane Maichen, chattering on about the throes of love. Ironic, isn't it? I think I'm too young to understand any of this, and I hate being the last to know everything. I find out about Alterio's near death days later, secrets are kept from me by those I'm closest to who mean to "protect" me. Since when do I need protecting? I was trained in swordplay for six years, I've lived virtually on my own for two. I can handle myself.

I can't stand not being in on things, being tiptoed around, treated like glass. I've nothing to do these days but write, write, write and pray Teiyah doesn't snap and hurt someone, namely herself, that Alterio doesn't get himself killed somehow. I don't think anyone realizes how much all of this is confusing me. My head aches all the time.

If everyone keeps telling me what to do - marry him, leave him, stay here, go there, smile - I'm going to lose my mind. I don't even know what I want anymore because I can't grasp what's happening around me half the time!

At last, to the end, I hate being a pawn. I want to be able to fly, make up my own mind. I know in my mind and heart that I feel more strongly for Alterio than accounts for even the strongest friendship, and if that's love, then I love him, but I'm afraid. Of what? Who knows.

--Jane Maichen

Journal Entry 22 April, Jane Maichen.