This is my third entry into my journal. My days sem to be getting better, since speaking to my husband and Teiyah. both helping me to see things more clearly. Teiyah, she has been a good friend. Or has tried to be, when I let her. Although her love for my brother, has her speaking things about him of which she does not truly know. And if she ever follows through with her threat of harming my brother .... ~sighs, rubbing her temples, thinking of Alterio. she dips her quill and contiues with a sigh~

Alterio. I have seen a difference in him since we came here. I worry for my brother something fierce. I know there is many troubles inside of himself right now. Many fears he is hiding to protect us all. But if he only realized, all he has to do is ask. And we would ~all~ be there for him. Axal and myself especially. He has been my constant source of strength when I needed it most. Although sometimes I know I have tried his patience. But I am only trying to make him see the things he needs to see. Things he has blocked out, for fear of showing those emotions because, as our father said .. "You are not a ~true~ knight if you show emotion! Suck it up! Be the man I am making you into! Not some Mary boy!" Many a times I heard him say those words to my brothers. A many a times I wished I had the strength to stand up to him. Protect my brothers from his harm. Hs ignorance.

~stops, thinking of her life growing up. remembering times that ~should~ be locked away. Knowing all of the Carazzi siblings where affected in some way. And why, their mother did not do something to stop his wrath. sighs, dipping the quill in ink and continues again~

I seen my brother last night at one of his most vulnerable moments. He was at a loss of what to do with Bethony, the ward he took in. He was at a loss of what to do. How to help. My brother not knowing how to show the love he so desperately feels inside of him, for a little child he does not know how to help. He has become inreasing more agitated since finding the twins, affected by a curse, he has no control over. No way of helping them. And, due to the way father brought us up, he has no clue how to help Breuse. Who, is scared himself. Breuse, my handsome nephew. He looks so much like my father and Axalon. And yet, he is more like myself on trying to please his father. Trying desperately to make Alterio proud. Not knowing if he truly cares, because Alterio will not let that side of himself show.

~dips her quill sighing softly to herself then continues~ Alterio spoke to Alex for the first time last night. Respectfully. When Alex shared with me their conversation, I was at a loss. Him apologizing for everything that happened on our wedding day. Then offering to hold another reception for us as a conselation. My brother, dear sweet Alterio. Let down those walls. Let our family in. You will not be less of a man. If anything, you will grow stronger. I love my dear sweet brother, with all my heart. Oh if there was a way I could help you. If there was a way you would let me in.

~looks up from her writing and smiles brightly, Alex walking into the kitchen. She lets the ink dry as she rises to hug and kiss her husband good morning. closing the book once the nk is dried, and begins to start their day~

--Journal Entry, 25th April, Lady Alianna (Carazzi) Giovanni.

::A shaky hand is applied to a quill, between fits of coughing and wheezing::

Weakness..something I've learned to accustom myself to, accomodate the age I've become..weak of body but not frail of mind. I see what's happening..I see the young, charming man doing as he pleases to get his way. I see that he's headed for a fall if he doesn't step back and breathe. A young Knight as I was at one point, but this one has no apparent conscience, or chooses to shut it down. I cannot reasonably see him surviving his birthday next if he doesn't tone himself down.

The rest of his siblings are delightful to behold. Well-mannered, intelligent...alright, the drunken pirate isn't particularly one of my favorites but he too seems to have redeeming qualities. But what I do appreciate about all of them...even the arrogant one..is how they've led others to this Isle. A place too beautiful not to inhabit. Oh, the stores bustle and the city hustles..this is how it should have been with the first colony..had they survived. They were wonderful people, all of them. But not of this stock. Look at the newcomers..you've got grizzled ones such as that Halfdan lad, who's seen much in his life. Have the little girl Vixen with the big mouth and even bigger heart. Have many, so many, that can thrive, and memory fails to name names. The healer, the priest, the one they call Idiot. All with qualities that separate themselves, making them easy to differentiate. And I watch them from my window, when they don't know when I'm looking, when I'm able to sit up. Keep coming, good people, for if my prediction of the lad Alterio's self-destruction comes to pass, then all of you can share the responsibility he squandered, and come into your own. But Lord Khlamar, please keep them safe, one and all: Protect them from the dangers and evils of the island I've yet to tell them of. Maybe I am a bit like the one I've chastised in this entry: Maybe I wish not to warn them of what lies within the isle, because I am being a selfish old fool and don't want them to leave?..I

::Goes into a coughing fit once more and his nurse elf tends to him, taking the journal away and fluffing his pillow::

--Journal Entry, Lord Merrick Pryce, Island Elder, 25th April.

::She sighs as she sits down to write::

This is my first journal entry since I arrived here... I haven't seen the need for one, nor had the time. I love it here. The island is beautiful, but other things bother me. And that is why I write this. Being on your own for as long as I, you tend to find other ways to sort your problems other than counting on someone to talk to. I tend to keep to myself, not liking unwanted attention. I only speak when spoken to, or when I deem appropriate. Though I have made this Island home, I still feel a bit of an outsider...a feeling which I doubt will leave me. I do not mind at all though. I have few friends, and luckily no enemies.

::dips the quill in the ink as she thinks for a moment::

I have given up on love all together...never works for me anyway... But thats alright...I like being on my own for the time being.I can engross myself in my work, that always seems to be enough. I have been thinking on these subjects alot more lately, as I watch the goings on around the tavern, always keeping quiet...you learn a good bit about people that way. When I do speak to someone....it is usually greeted with a snide remark or something of the sort. I have come to the conclusion not to talk at all... I have been witness to few things here, none good...but I dont feel right to put them to paper...I did not feel right being a witness to these events. So I will it it at that...

::sighs a bit as she dipd her quill in the ink and glances about in thought, a small smile appearing on her lips::

If I had not given up on love long ago...I would find myself trying my best to win the heart of one man...Also keeping that a secret. Though I see him sit with many women at the tavern, I barely get the chance to speak. We had been friends on the mainland....before I came here and to much my surprise found him again. Though that is another story for another time.

::blinks a few times, not believing she wrote that...thinking of scratching it out then gfeciding against it...who was going to read it anyway? She sighs and thinks for a moment before continuing her writing::

I write this, so I may remember my experiences here if and when I decide to leave. Now it is getting late, so I will continue this later perhaps...maube I will write something of importance.

Good night,
--Journal Entry, 25th April, Lady Lina Metallium

::grips the tequilla bottle in her hand tightly as she tilts her head and the tears streak her cheeks openly::

It's all for the best, Lauralana was the one to tell me about his engagement to jane. Good for them. The pain rips deeply in me, but I will soon enough turn it back into what it should be.... coldness. Now I am free to try to find my way back to who I am supposed to be instead of who everyone wants me to be.

::wipes the tears from her eyes and takes a rather long drink from the tequilla bottle::

As far as I am concerned the matter is closed, once and for all. Dan was wrong our souls were not meant to be entwined forever... I told dan back then that alterio would be with jane, that she is his path.

To think alterio actually accused me of having a curse placed on him, as if I would have anything to do with magic. Even if I knew of such a way to do something like that, well I would find a better use for it... like removing emotions from myself.

::shoves the scroll from her and proceeds to get rip roaring wasted from bottle after bottle of tequilla. Lifting the first bottle and almost sneering::

To their long lived wedding, happy home and being together!

--Journal Entry, 26th April, Teiyah.

::Having once more walked the floors, seemingly wearing a path into the Manor's newly constructed halls, he pauses, glass of rye in hand, and watches the sun rise. Then moving to his desk, he scribbles down a thought birthed of sleeplessness, alcohol and agony::

I've claimed her. Perhaps the poking and prodding fingers of the piggish boors will stop..Perhaps she told truth when she told me how she feels for me. I do care for her deeply, and want to do right by this one.

But can I? Do I know how to do right by anyone? I care for her deeply..but can I control, contain my urges, my wandering eye, my ways that destroyed my other marriages. And how do I dare express the lust I feel for her...So tiny, I'd likely injure her..so young and fragile and sweet and kind...Damn you, Alterio..

Could never leave the prettiest thing in the shop window, could you? Or leave well enough alone? No, indeed. You procure them and then break them, destroying the beauty and then knowing not what happened...This WILL NOT happen again. Not to Jane..

::Swigs his rye, his stubble scratching his wrists and forearms as he lays his head on them, upon his desk, trying to figure a way to protect Jane. For the only monster who can harm her is not the giants, the dwarves or the sharks...time has told in the past with the others and damned if it will tell the same tale again..that it is he who is the monster, the predator of all that is beautiful and pure..::

Torlin...get your arse back here and help me. NOW.

--26 April, Sir Carazzi.

It's done. I felt it last night. It was peculiar. He was just...there. Really there, all of him, right there for me to see. And I liked what I saw, I did. In fact, I loved what I saw. My heart literally seemed to expand. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before, and I was almost over-whelmed. It was a moment of clarity, something I'd never truly experienced before. Enlightenment. Odd for a young girl like myself to say, but I've always known myself very well, and I just knew. I knew I needed him, and I feel he may even need me, and I've never had that before. Wesley certainly never needed me.

This thing of love just makes me want to burst. I literally ache sometimes when I think of him. But it's joy, and that all-encompassing glow and warmth... Words fail to express. And I think I love him the most when he lets me see behind his armour of self-assurance, and I know that he truly is human, in need of compassion and understanding, no matter how well he hides it. I will give him those things. Others don't seem to understand his ways, but others don't see him as I do.

His marriage proposal took me by surprise. But there was no shadow of doubt clouding my acceptance. How silly it seems to say my life flashed before my eyes. But it seemed to just then...myself as a small child with no talent, no looks, being over-shadowed by a respected family, and only liked for my dowry. Myself growing up, moving on, meeting Wesley, and becoming a fighter. The tragedy of that attempt at marriage when I was only twelve, and how my world fell apart, and then how it fell when I let Riena die. I grew up too quickly, I think. I learned too much too fast. It's made me hard on the outside, but vulnerable within. Alterio's the only one that's never tried to break me. I think he understands how I am.

I almost feel reborn, as ridiculous as that sounds. I'm willing to give the most important part of myself to him, to take the risk, instead of laughing off his affections as I've done with others. I only pray he'll offer me the same. I'd do anything in this world to make him truly happy. I feel softer, somehow, less rigid and cold. I no longer rebel against the thought of being married to one all my life. I even welcome thoughts of being a loyal, respectable wife. I've even had the vague notion of one day - in the far distant future - becoming a mother. Oh what has the world come to?

~she chuckles to herself before leaving the desk in her new room at the Carazzi manor, blowing out the lamp, and crawling into bed, a soft, sweet smile gracing her lips, indeed giving her face newfound softness and light~

--Journal Entry, Lady Jane Maichen, 26th April.