Dear journal,

Alot of things have happened since my last entry. But the one thing that stands out more, is Ben. He has been there for me through everything. And by all rights, he could have very easily walked away. I know I hurt him bad when I married Alex. A for that, I regret it. I have made a promise to myself, to him, that I will never hurt him again. I love this man with all my heart. At first, I shoved my feelings for him aside. After Alex, I was afraid to feel anything. I thought maybe I was turning to Ben for security. He was with me when Alex died. Held me in his arms, till crying stopped. He was always there.

Holding, listening me, giving me advice. kind and gentle. I am amazed. I have never known such a wonderful man. I was afraid people might talk. My being with Ben. Especially after I realized, my feelings for Ben were true. I truly love him. All that time, both of us caring for each other from afar. Never telling the other our true feelings. Maybe all this was meant to be? I do not know. But I know one thing. I love Ben Calkane. I never want to lose him again. Never. I only hope, as our relationship builds, that make him as happy as he makes me.

--Journal Entry, 8 May, Lady Alianna Carazzi.

"picks the quill up as she looks down at the blank page, she sighs as she glances up and stares out the window , thinking over the past few days"

This is my first entry in the journal. I dont know where to begin. I stopped at the Dome earlier. As I sat quietly watching everyone laughing and happy, I feel more alone than ever. Well i guess not everyone is happy, but it seems a few are. I havent been to the Dome much the last few days. Not since the argument Alterio and Axalon had that night. Then Axalon blew up at all of us. Are we to take sides? I wont get in the middle of their squabbles. As much as I tried to avoid it, Axalon and I had some words. Im not angry at him or any of them. I understand that family members dont always agree with each other. But I refuse to pick sides and say one is wrong and the other is right. "she glances out the window as she hears sounds outside her home, she shrugs as she sees no one and knows its not Tae coming home... she looks back to the journal and continues writing"

I miss Tae so much, he has been gone several days now and wont be home for several more. How could i fall in love with someone that doesnt love me back? Black says its better to be with some one even if they dont love you than to be alone... Is This true or does it make the lonliness worse? If this is true, then why do I feel so alone...Tae has admitted he loves someone else and if she returns he wants to be with her. Where does that leave me? And today at the Dome, Green tells me he loves me.. And asked me to marry him. "sighs and shakes her head" I cant marry him... I dont love him. I cant put anyone through that.

Is this Island cursed? I have heard rumors that it is. No one can be happy here. Maybe they can for a while but it doesnt last. I watched Ali and Alex when they got married. They seemed so happy together. Now Alex is dead, killed by his own hand and died in Ali's arms. Then you have Alterio and Jane, engaged to be married.. Are they happy? They want us to think so...

"just lets that drift off, shaking her head not getting into that mess"

Well, I opened a new shoppe a few days ago, trying to keep busy. I dont want to think about whats going on around me. Keeping busy keeps my mind occupied and the time passes quicker til Tae will return.

"she lays the quill down and looks out the window while the ink dries... she doesnt want to reread what she wrote, this first time and maybe the last time.. She closes the journal as she stands and gets ready to go back to the dome for a little while"

-- Journal Entry, 8 May, Vixen Blade

::shakes her head as she sits in the woods far from her cove, not wanting to be there or really anywhere that she may be found as she tries to gather her thoughts::

Once again, thrown into the middle of a Carazzi battle of 'wits'.. will I ever learn? Probably not. Axalon god how he thinks he knows me so well, he thinks my eyes are completely blinded when it comes to his brother. To compare me to Alterio, am I like him? I don't know anymore. I do know that for Axalon to sit there and profess that I tried to hurt Ali and that I have lied to ali, that was just wrong... when have I ever tried to do anything but help her. For axal to say that I had turned my back on my own sister and walked away when she needed me, surely I know not what he is speaking about.

::shakes her head as she thinks::

I know ali is hurting especially after learning about what alterio was planning in regards to alex, but I have to wonder if exposing any of it was for anyone's good. Family turning against family, it makes me sick. Was axal's goal to hurt ali more then she already had been hurt? Or to try to prove that alterio is truly a monster? What I see is that alterio loved his sister to the point that he would have done anything to see her freed of the lies that alex had spun, to show her exactly what kind of a coward he truly was. I have to admit that had alex not taken his own life, had alterio not set that plan in motion to have alex killed... I would have done it myself.

::sighs softly as she glances around listening to the silence::

Alterio, ever the bad guy. Yes I know the man doesn't have a loyal bone in his body, and that everything he does he does for a reason, usually to benefit himself. I know that when he comes to my cove it is not out of love for me, not even out of caring for me. I know he takes women and claims them as his own, taking them to his bed, not wanting to 'really' give himself to them, but not wanting anyone else to have them either. Learning of his latest 'mistress' upset me, but it didn't really surprise me, although the woman... I had always thought better of her than that, it's a shame really. I guess in that particular case I was blind to that which was around me, but it no longer matters.

::smiles a sweet angelic smile as her thoughts turn to ardsheal::

When I met ard I knew, he was special. That drow, god how he loves to irritate me. I see a such a tender side of him when no one else is looking, the feathery kisses turning to passionate kisses. The way he forcefully takes what he desires. Yet there is a loyalty in him that I have seen in no other on this island, a loyalty to me that I don't think could ever be tested. Do I love him? Not the way that I loved once before. I care for him deeply, even though he often tests me with his words, he doesn't cause me rage like the one before did, but he does intrigue me beyond belief. What he sees in me I haven't figured out yet, I probably won't ever figure it out. I will continue to spend time with him and see what happens, but I know that when I need him... truly need him he will be there. I know that I will not find him in the arms of another, and I do so want to trust him.

::she sets the journal down letting the fresh air dry the pages as she leans back against a tree and closes her eyes thinking:

--Journal Entry, Teiyah, 9 May.

::sits overlooking the ocean with her usual bottle of whiskey and stares out watching the waves before remembering that she is now putting her thoughts to paper::

So much has happened the last few days I know not if I can put all my feelings and thoughts into words. Dan has a daughter, who would have ever thought that. I was so angry with him for not sharing his past with Zyllah. If he would not have been truly in shock it may have come to blows. Zy's innocence is being swept away and I fear she likes it naught. Dan why did you have to get involved with one so young to the ways of the world? Then there is the fact that he declared he loved us both. I will never understand men.

::looks out to the sea to find an answer and none comes::

Last eve I heard Teiyah and Axalon fighting about loyalities and family.I begin to wonder what is behind the serene mask of the islands inhabititants. I hear of more deaths and of love in one place. What is it about this isle? Is no one to be happy?

Other than my love for Dan I am happy here...I finally am getting me some new clothes and some armor...

::picks at the threads on my worn vest some::

I also see now they are selling plots of land. I must go find a job so that I can make some more money for the place I want. Something where I can look out and see the waves to calm me.

One last thought before I go...I also finally met the head of the Carazzi family last eve but he seemed unhappy with his family and his fiancee left as he stormed into his office. I should watch the family more for they seem a very powerful force on this isle.

::notices the bottle is now empty so puts down the journal and curls into a ball watching the waves and waiting for answers:

--Journal Entry, 9 May, Magdelennya Smith.

::she sighs as she begins writing::

Well, there isn't nuch to write about really. I am doing well lately, in a better mood than I have had. I have met new people and befriended a few. I still play my music and hope to become a great Bard one day. Some say I will, I have the talent. I am glad that people think so. Not much major has happened at the 'dome, aside from arguments taht will never die. My mind is cluttered with many things, making it hard to put anything to paper. I'm just glad that it hasn't been as violent as it had been in the past. That is all I can think to write for now...

Goodnight.

--Journal Entry, 10 May, Lina Metallium.

~~walks out onto the balcony of her room at the villa. sipping her tea she smiles brightly. she feels so much happier. Better than she has felt in months. she leans against the rail a moment, watching two rabbits frolic in Ben's garden. laughing softly as they charge each other, then run away quickly. she sighs with a smile as she turns, heading back into her room. she sets her tea cup on the desk as she sits, pulling out her journal and quill. she thinks for a moment, dips her quill and begins writing~~

Dear Journal,

So much has been happening as of late, I have not even stopped to write it all down. The main thing, Ben is alright. I thought I lost him.... again. It was a thought I could not bear. Ben has been so kind and wonderful to me. I love him so very much. When I found out he was missing, it was like I lost him all over again. I just could not bear the thought of losing Ben again.

But we found him last night. Alterio formed two search parties, and prepared to do this on both his and Ben's boats. Alterio would not tell me what was going on, he was loading up his boat and Ben's too. Vixen, Mags, Dan, Rowsy and several other people, were getting in the boats. Alterio ordered me back to the 'dome to sit and wait. I could not do that. I had to go. I had to. If they were searching for Ben, I wanted to go as well. So I snuck on board Ben's boat, just before they pulled away from the docks. We sailed for what seemed like hours, all the time I was hiding. Hoping to not get caught. Take the chance of someone telling Alterio.

We met up with Anthony's ship and eventually had to tie both ships to his. I seen the most incredible thing. This .. this ~huge~ serpant came out of the water. Dan started playing a soft tune. Trying to calm the serpent. This thing opened its mouth and there stood Ben. He lowered his mouth to the deck, and out he walked. He looked exhausted and frazzled. But he was alright, he was alright. I can not even describe the happiness I felt in seeing him walk towards me. And quite surprised this serpent did not take Ben away from me for good. I was so very happy, Ben was back. I didn't lose him. He was back. When everything was over, and we were docked down by the 'dome, Ben kept apologizing. Said he was so sorry. He thought he broke his promise to me. A promise that he would never hurt me or worry me. I was just so glad he was back, safe and sound. No promises had been broken. I helped him home last night. Prepared a hot bath for him. And as he soaked all the troubles and fears away. I made sure his room was ready and brought in a light supper for him.

I did not want to leave him last night at all. As he laid there, sleeping so peacefully. I sat in the chair beside his bed, watching him. I was afraid to leave him. Afraid I would lose him. So when I woke this morning from my seat in the chair, quite surprised the guards had not made me leave the night before. He was there. Sound alseep. I love this man so very much. And I never want to lose him again.... Never

~~ lowers her quill and rises, making her way down the hallway to Ben's room. peeking in to check on him once again. she smiles softly watching him a moment, then hes to the kitchen to prepare breakfast ~~

--Journal Entry, 12 May, Alianna Carazzi.