::She bites her lip as she opens her journal, sitting on the beach outside the Pleasuredome. She sighs softly and opens her journal to a blank page, having stopped off at home to retrieve the book and a change of clothes. She yawns softly as she begins to write::

I never thought I would see what I saw last eve. I felt such a heartache, not really meaning to witness that argument between Ben and Ali, but I did. And when Ben came back into the 'dome, I couldn't help but make sure he was ok. I mean to go through such an ordeal, I'm sure I would want to talk to someone.

::She closes her eyes and sighs again::

So I listened...tried to comfort him with words the best I could... Which I doubt helped at all...just someone spouting things he's heard a million times and will hear again. I didn't see him since I left to get a few things from my house. Though I doubt he will know that I didn't leave his side until then...I didn't even sleep.

::She laughs a bit::

Doubt he'll remember that I helped him stumble home...I have never, that I can recall, seen him that drunk. Though he had every right to be, after everything that has happened. I don't know... perhaps I should give him some distance, I can't be helping things...at all... So I figure...maybe stay at my house, than the Villa and let him be when I see him. That is probably best... Well...I hope he's alright... ~Lina

::She bites her lip lightly and looks thoughtfully towards the ocean as she closes her journal::

--Journal entry 17 August, Lina Metallium

~sits in a chair in her borrowed room at the villa, her head in her hand, staring blankly at the wall, a journal entry in her lap~

I can't let it fall apart. Everything's fraying at the edges. People are shouting at one another. Lives are being lost. People are being broken physically, mentally, and emotionally. I fell apart last night, after the giant attacked. Standing there, so still in that office. I felt useless. Watching Alterio being crushed beneath a beam I could not move. I felt useless. Doing everything I could to save Alterio, yet leaving him still comatose and looking shattered. I felt useless. Falling beneath a beam and being saved by Paul. I felt useless. Watching Ben and Sethin emerge after steadying the structure. I felt useless. Being unable to splint my own broken wrist. I felt useless. Watching Ben fall to pieces, claiming no one ever cared, trying to tell him I did and failing. I felt useless. Being berated by the stranger for not acting quickly enough against the giant. I felt useless. All the planning, all the assurances I gave that everything would be alright. It seems to be worth nothing! Well enough of that. I'm just one girl. One healer. But I'm not relinquishing another home and more people I love. I can't do that. I can't run away or cower. I can't sit in a corner and cry. I bought the potions. Spent a good pile of gold on all 100 of them, but gold never meant anything to me. I just hope it works. Least we don't need the cows anymore.

My eyes hurt. So does my head...and my heart. My wrist screams everytime I move it. I don't care. I need to keep going. Maybe I'll go see Alterio today. Or maybe I won't. I hate seeing people weak. It makes me feel like I'm not in control. I have to stay in control. I can't be useless. I've never been useless. I won't be useless now. Snares...petition mages for illsuions...the stranger knows. I was never good at tactical. I was just good at getting the job done. I'm going to get the job done...

~she tears her eyes from the wall as she unconsciously scrawls those last words, then rises and leaves the villa~

--Journal entry 17 August, Jane Maichen

~~sits crying in a rented room on the mainland. not sure what to do, or where to turn. leaving everything behind, her brother her family .... Ben. her heart and soul. wiping away the tears, as she closes her eyes tightly .....still hearing his voice from last night. his hurt, his pain she caused him. she pulls a piece of scroll from the desk and begins to write~~

Dear Journal,

I am not even sure what to say. Or if any words will make sense as I write this. I .. I feel so numb. So lost and alone. I left last night for the mainland, with Taeliesyn. Ben's words, his screams still ...

~~pauses, wiping her eyes. missing him so much. she takes a slow, ragged deep breath and begins again. her hand trembling as she does~~

He was so angry with me. He .. he thought I lied to him about leaving. He had to have. He must of thought I was playing games with him. But ... I did not. I would never play games with him. I love Ben. I love with with all my heart. I have loved him since the first time I laid eyes on him. But my love alone obviously could not make him happy. I must not have been good enough. Or I must have done something that just was not right.

I have tried to think of what it is I have done wrong. What it is that I could have done to make him more happy. Ever since our wedding night, Ben has changed completely with me. Maybe he realized I was not want e wanted. Maybe it was my working all the time, what with the shop and bakery. I do not know what I could have done. I just wanted to make him so proud of me. Ijust wanted to make him so happy.

~~chokes back the tears, as she lays the quill down, rubbing her temples. worries of her brother worries of Ben, everything coming through her mind like a rushing flood. she takes a deep breath, tears falling from her eyes to the parchment, smearing some of the ink~~

I seem to fail everyone that has come into my life.

My mother, my father. Alterio, oh how I let him down. Everyone I am around, I seem to bring them unhappiness. Ben, sweet Ben, he thinks he was not good enough for him. But that is not true. I worried constantly about not being good enough for him.

Ben deserves so much happiness. So much joy. And .. and I guess I could not give it to him. Everytime we were together after we married, he snapped at me. And I tried, I tried so hard to make it better. I know the wish was part of his hurt. His pain. But I loved Ben more the anything in this world. More than my life itself.

I ~still~ love him. And Nothing can break that love. Not even a wish made by someone who tried desperately to hurt us. Nothing or no one can take that love away from me. I am holding onto that love as long as I can.

When I was with Ben, I finally felt love. I finally felt I belonged. To be in his arms. To be near him, it ...

~closes her eyes, crying again. she bites her lip hard, starting again~

I wish he was here now. But I ruined it. I broke his heart ... again. I promised him. I promised to never hurt him. And look what I have done.

Tiger, I miss my friend. I wish she could be here now.

She was so wonderful to me, always.

Finding me on the dock the night I was to leave for the mainland. She was so worried about me. She did not want me to get on that boat.

And I did not want to get on it either. I have nothing here on the mainland. Excpet my neices. And I can not go there now. Not like this. And father ... I can not see him. I see everything he did to my brother, to my mother, all of us. Everytime I even think about him, it makes me want to kill him.

Tiger, she knew though, she knew I could not leave. She stood there for a long time, trying to convince me to stay. And I fnally accepted. I went home with her. But I had to see Ben. I had too. I could not sleep, I could not eat. I needed him.

My heart is with Ben .....

~wipes her eyes, crying harder~

Oh Ben, what have I done? I am so, so very sorry.
I love you so much. And .. and ... I miss you.

~lays the quill down, pulling her knees to herself tightly. as she sobs in them, rocking back and forth. realizing she has lost her one true love .... forever~

--Journal entr, 17 August, Alianna Carazzi

*she sits on the beach looking out and holding her journal, quill and ink near by. She opens it and begins to write in a bit of poem like story*

She was sobbing at the docks...she was my friend, so I went to her. I comforted her as I had comforted another that day, and her love the day before. I was so worried for her safety, I didn't want her to do anything she'd regret, so after so long in trying to convince her, she came home with me. I let her stay and I guess she couldn't be away from Ben much longer.

He took it the wrong way I think..Lina told me she thought she heard them fighting about how she lied. Ben is so wrong..she did not lie, she was going to go, but I insisted on her staying..I wouldn't be surprised if Ben will be angry with me, and if Ali is. But he needs to know the truth of why she stayed. Ali Where did you go? Are you alright? Don't do anything to hurt yourself..i know you can't hear me but I pray in my heart your alright...I'll always be here for you, my friend as I am here for all the others. This goes for all my other friends as well...

*she stops writing letting the ink dry, then closing the book and walking home in silence*

--Journal entry 17 August, Tiger Goddess

Vash sits quietly, looking down at the bed where the sleeping Allexia lies. He smiles a bit from the chair next to her bed. He pulls his journal from his bag and opens it to begin writing.

Journal Entry - 57th day of Summer, 25th year:

My life changed a little bit today.. Allexia finally told me she loved me. I was so happy, she also told me she wanted to be with me forever, I think she was hinting toward something. I'm not sure, I love this woman with all my heart and soul. I guess I should ask her, Perhaps I will ask her tomorrow I guess I'll have to see how things go. I would love it if she accepted it though. I'm just personally not sure if I could give her what she needs and what she wants. I mean, I'm a hunted man, with a huge bounty on my head. I doubt I could give her a peaceful and quiet life. Who knows.. perhaps I'll wait till my business is settled, perhaps I'll do it sooner. I dunno, well I'm off to bed now so.

--Journal entry 17 August, Vash the Stampede

:: the sea breeze blows gently through the sails, as the ship makes its way back to its home port. It sails proudly down the path, as its captain frowns leaning against one of the railing. ::

:: he scribles in his journal handwriting not sloppy, but hazardly put together. ::

The air, it seems different. As if it is the world, coming to an end. My shoulder still hurts, from the last giant attack. Lorax, must be hurting too. But poor Lina..she suffered the most, though Tiger healed her. I felt so..so foolish though. It was as if we go through nothing but motions. No excitement until, until we decide to. I must try harder..I know I love Lina, but..can I measure up? Lorax, has left the isle..Conceeded to something I don't know exists..He charged me with the protection of Lina, and I will do so, but can I love a person that doesn't love me? Is it possible? I can see the way, she looked at Ben, with that appology of his, I can see the way, the two have always got along, but am I putting on to much? Perhaps they are just friends, but how can I, do such...Love her..knowing she does not truly, love me. Am I that far gone, that desperate? Will I be a puppet of blind affection? Lina, my feelings for you, have became my soverign. Making me hate those that hurt you blindly, and love those that love you. It has made my loose my edge, I attacked that giant with reckless abandon, and nearly lost my arm for it. Lorax fell for you as well, only to find you are a fickle mistress, am I better than him? Am I better, so I will not get cast aside again? No. No I am not. But I speak such strong brash words, in here...In this journal...Not to your face, Lina. Could I? If I wanted to...Could I? Of course not...My boldness left with Row, My bravery left with my unbearable coldness, and my naive nature, left with Teiyah so many months ago. However..one other aspect, I remember Alianna. It hurts me deeply however, to see that young lady go through the pain Ben is putting her through. Yes, so she may of brought it on herself, or she may have not. But Alianna, deserves only the best, I do not love her, I barely know her, but I sympathize, she once sought to help me, but I cannot help her. Benjamin, we were friends once, now you do not know me, you think you may, but you do not..I would plead to you, if possible to, to seek out Alianna, she is your Row.. The one person, that fits perfectly with you. However, these words are only in my journal..nowhere else. Row, why is it, you still probe my mind with your prescence..and I probe yours? I know you try to move on, I can feel it...still in the air. I saw the man, leaving letters to you, that Dragon, the bardic knight. I know his intentions, he has commited himself to a blind love, just as I have now. I love you no longer...Not how we did. But why is it, that I must remember you? Why there can be no resolution between us? Why must I blather on, like a idiot, through these pages, making lines of text, on my unhappiness, or my spurts of joy. Why? Why do I ask Why? Would it help, if I knew? I love Lina, yet Row is imprinted in my mind. I feel Ali's pain, though I know only of the kindness she once bestowed to me, I know the deepness of my sorrow, yet not the deepness of my joy, I know that hate, swells within me, yet the love of Lina, makes it ebb away. So am I wrong to pursue, vain ideals, and seek a goddess, I cannot attain? No. Not in the least. I am not wrong to pursue, Lina, but am I wrong to be destroyed because of it. No, I would deserve such a destruction. However...I dread it, I only wish to know, will the waves of time, wash away my sorrow, my transgressions?

--Journal entry 18 August, Claude Torrent