:::::: He sits beneath the waterfall where he first saw her so many weeks ago in a soft bed of grass with his back to the rock wall and his journal on his lap before him. He allows the moon's gentle glow to bathe the pages in it's soft light as he writes about what happened... or didn't happen... to him earlier in the day. ::::::

I knocked on her door. My mind screamed out for my hand to stop. It yelled that I am not ready to meet her, to speak with her, to let her know me... truly know me. My heart would not listen. It took control of me, of my actions, as I stood there knocking on her door. It seemed like an eternity that I stood there waiting for the door to open. Waiting for the majestic beauty that is Rowsy to be there before me. It seemed like an eternity, yes... but in truth it was mere moments, perhaps five. I can only assume she was not at home as the door was ever opened. Is that a good thing? A bad thing? Again the war between my heart and my head rages on. My head tells me, "Why would she love you? You mean nothing, are nothing to her. You write her a few words and give her a few flowers and you just expect her to fall into your arms? You are a fool". My heart on the other hand tells me, "Love cares not for these things for it in and of it's self is the most precious gift of all. Why wold she not love you when you have so much of yourself to give? If you do not go to her.. you are a fool". Funny how either way I am a fool.

:::::: He stops for a moment and looks up to the sky and lets out a soft sigh. As he begins to move his face back down to the page before him he notices something odd. Someone has paced their clothing and weapons on a rock on the other side of the small lagoon. He figures he must have been too engrossed in his writing to notice whoever it was. He knows he is hidden somewhat in the shadows of the rockface he leans against so he was most likely not noticed either. Good. He is nae in the mod to speak with anyone tonight... well, never really. A soft chuckle escapes his lips as he once more thinks about the woman who rules his heart though she has yet to touch it.. rowsy. He writes in his journal once more... ::::::

In the night I toss and turn. The past haunts me. The future seems to call with empty spirals of the pasts mistakes. Yet in the dawn of a new day, In that bright light, I hear the beckoning of hope. Up I climb into the light seeking change and fufillment. Hoping today will be more. Wisely I look on the water as past rippling and then flowing into the present then into the future. Time will out. Tomorrow will be better. The future need not be as before. Truely those mistakes of yesterday stay there. Today we make others grow into the hope of tomorrow. The future is brighter. Love waits in the flow of what will be. Honestly waiting for enlightenment. Trying to see clearly where that soul will be.

How I strive to search. Whom it will be I know not. That is not true. Rowsy. Yet still I put myself on the line. Settling myself up for that fall... In love again. This time will my heart be broken? This time will my loves words be heard? Striving to find that intwined soul with mine. Hoping this time I will find the heart of my heart, soul of my soul, mind of my mind. Intwined forever. But if not.... I pick myself up once more. In sorrow I will walk. For as time passes joy returns and again I will forge forward, searching... for the heart of my heart...

:::::: He is stopped in his thoughts as he hears a woman's voice yell out from above him, "Take me" is what it sounded like. He decides maybe it is just a trick his ears are playing on him as the sound was barely heard over the rushing waters. Then he watches with no small surprise as a person, a woman, dives from somewhere above him into the water at his side. He watches her swim to te shore and emerge from the water. He quickly turns away as he sees he is without clothing. After a moment he turns back to see that she as well is writing in her journal. He squints his eyes to get a better look... is it? No. It cannot be. But it is. Rowsy. Perhaps his mind plays tricks on him. No. It is her. He knows it. He watches as she gathers her things and moves off down the trail back towards her small cottage. He breathes... finally. His thoughts ajumble he grabs absently for his book of poetry that lays beside him. ::::::
My life has come full circle
And yet I know much more
Than when I began my journey
To this fatefull shore
And though I still am questing
For all the answers fair
I will be presently resting
And not just standing there
For as my new light is shining
On my new shore
I see the old light dying
As it was before
Yet rising from the ashes
Of what I was before
With rippling spashes
I start my brand new chore
Im questing still for answers
My life is an open book
So I sit here near her waterfall
Where it was my heart she took
And yet my heart keeps yearning
For what I know not for
As water is a churning
On my new distant shore
And still I will reach out
To those that need me most
For life it is about
What we may do, not boast
And when I may be dying
At the very end of my life
I will still be trying
To end my inner strife
For knowldge is a yearning
To constantly discern
What was in the past
And will be as we walk our paths of life
Once our die is cast
So I'll contemplate my future
And evaluate my past
Yet still begin to nurture
Life as its lived till last
In hope that in tomorrow
Your spirit's soul will bring
Love and understanding
To my world as a circle makes a ring

:::::: A decision is made. He jumps up and gathers his own things then runs towards her cottage. He does not take the path as she did but instead he sprints through the forest. The branches snap as the whip into him painfully yet he does not slow. Finally he breaks from the woods and rushes up to her cottage. Yes. He knows he has beaten her home. This time there will be no knocking, no door as a barrier between them. It will be him and her alone. He waits for her to arrive. His heart beats more rapidly than he thought possible. Finally... there... is it? He sees a small figure coming over the rise on the path she had taken. He stands upon her porch. He does not think she has seen him yet. A moment of panic. He knows not what to do. Will he stay and confront his feelings for her and offer her his heart? Will he flee like a coward once more? He makes his decision. As she gets closer he looks at her with love virtually ashine in his eyes and he..... ::::::

--Journal entry 24 August, Lord of Masks

*She walks inside her cabin slamming the door shut.* "How could she even show her face? Oh why didn't I do anything?" *She sighs then sits at her desk and begins to write.*

Gods, why didn't I attack her? She deserves to die and that excuse about self-defense, oh if I weren't so weak I'd kill her myself....but I promised Ardwin not to do anything. Even if she does deserve it, I can't bring myself to do it...Why am I so soft? I hate her with a passion but I can't kill her...And Ardwin is gone for a full two days. What will I do if she does decide she wants to kill me? I won't let her of course...I won't even fight her. Ardwin was right...I am not a fighter, in fact I detest fighting. Then why these feelings of rage when I know I can do nothing to avenge my poor friend? Curse the gods for this evil spell they put upon my heart. Will I never learn to be cold and heartless? Must I care so much that I cannot even attack a woman who killed a close friend of mine? Oh, life's questions...but as Claude said the million dollar question is 'Why?'

*She finishes the entry almost tearing the page. She sighs and falls onto the bed. "Curses..."*

--Journal entry 24 August, Nestasia

Death is about…

The innocent died yesterday while being chivalrous & avenging. His death was pride when he couldn’t accept my retreat. The funny thing is that is lady friend who they call Stacey with a sparkling smile had left with another man. The man I first encountered, they call him Darwin, I believe. He looked at me with much hatred in his eyes. Now this Stacey claims me a murderous thief. Well I guess she is not dumb after all. But then again, even the naïve can see the obvious.

There’s one they call Stacia, she will die at a young age eventually right after I kill this Stacey. I know they would be alert this time. Nevertheless the task of this assassination will be easy.

Oh the man that died was called Sethin and word is his brother is about. If his brother shall dare decide to avenge his death, then it will be a terrible year for their mother.

--Journal entry 24 August, Maeji-Qko

"sighs as she looks around the empty room...she goes over and looks out the window as she sits down at the desk... she shakes her head thinking to herself and picks up the quill and begins to write.."

I find myself all alone more and more each day. Since the Ship of Wishes was here and Alterio is back to normal, i hardly ever see him. I have no idea where he spends his days or nights for that matter. I feel like im a piece of the furniture. Just something to have around to look at.

"she rubs her eyes after another night of tossing and turning"

I have been thinking the last several days of going back to the mainland for a while. Maybe for good. Would anyone even notice if i was gone? I doubt they would. Everyone seems to have their own problems and demons to deal with. I go to "Dome and try to socialize, pretending nothing is wrong. No one seems to notice the loneliness I feel. I go through all the motions of smiling and such.

Its not like i havent been through all this before. Many times.. to many times. I heard once that you are in control of your life..your destiny. Is that true? Are any of us really in control of our lives, our happiness or anything for that matter?

Well, from what i see around me.. it doesnt seem to be so.

Is it time to move on and start over yet again? "sighs sadly shaking her head" I wish I knew. Ah, Questions that i have no answers to.

"she glances over the page seeing her ramblings from being overly tired.. so very tired" What should I do eh?

"tossing the quill down she rises and leaves the journal open on the desk... she goes to check on the children once again...then to dress and go for a long walk to think"

--Journal entry 25 August, Vixen Blade

~sits in the 'dome, finishing her breakfast. her appetite coming back alittle more each day, but still not has it should be. dabs at her mouth with the cloth napkin, laying it gently back into her lap. she pulls the ink to her as she begins to write in her journal~

Dear Journal,

I saw Ben last night. He was in the 'dome asleep, and it appeared he had been drinking just a tab too much. I did not realize he was on the couch, until after I sat down.

~pauses, sighing softly to herself as she remembers him last night, and how he reacted to her touch. her helping him to get more comfortable on the couch, instead of his slouched position. wrapping the throw around him for warmth~

He still has my heart. I try everyday to fight it. To tell myself it is over. I messed up. We both messed up. But the urge to move up beside him, to cuddle next to him, it was all I could do to stay where I was.

I miss him so very much. And ....

~sighs, running her hand through her hair~

His reaction to my touch, he looked so handsome. But then he always has been handsome. I do not know what to do anymore. The few times I have run into him at the 'dome, he has not spoken a word to me at all.

Ben is my heart, he has been since the first day I saw him. I love him so very much. What has happened between us? Could it all have been solved? Could I be with him now? I am not such a bad person. I know now he thinks I lied to him. Tried to play games with him. But that is not true. I had every intention of leaving the island.

But besides that, he should know me well enough. He should know I do not play games. Could it be he really did not know me at all? Everything that has happened, was it so hard to let it go and move on. Try to work it out?

I do not know anymore. It seems every time I give someone my love, and I know Miss Jane told me this is not true. But every time I give someone my love, I always end up hurting them in the end.

~pauses in her writing, rubbing her temples~

I wish I could talk to my brother right now. Alterio always has a calming affect on me. What I really wish for, is that my mother could be here for me right now.

As I grew older, she and I grew closer in some ways. And I really miss her sometimes. Especially times like these. She could give me the answers I needed.

"Guide me" as she always put it.

She should be here now anyways, she would love her grndbabies. And Miss Vixen's spunk.

I wish I could talk to someone right now, and not feel like I am burdening them.

~redips her quill~

Claude Torrent sent me a wonderful scroll yesterday. He wanted me to know that he was here for me. I thought that was so sweet of him. He was on the mainland at the same time I was. But I did not know it. I think he was leary of saying anything to me, just out of not knowing what to say. And since I have been back I have just felt out of place, feeling I have so few friends. But that is just me, my guilt over what I have no clue But knowing I had Tiger beside me, now Claude, that just means alot to me. His scroll really made me smile.

Well, I should sign this off. I need to get to the bakery. But will write more soon.

--Journal entry 25 August, Alianna Carazzi

::She sits in her bed, looking out the window. It seems a beautiful day, perhaps something interesting will come about. She opens her journal and flips it to an empty page. As she writes, she bites her lip in thought.::

Hmm...Let's see...not much has happened since last time I wrote. I feel much better though, actually pretty happy with my life, alone or not. Yes I've always hated to be alone, but yet now I find having someone isn't very important, and besides if I am not happy with myself, I cannot make someone happy. Hmm...suppose that's a life's lesson that just took me a while to learn.

What has happened the past week hasn't ruined my friendship with Ben, though I do believe it has strengthened it. I feel a bit better after our talk the other night. Though I still know I harbor feelings for him, I believe I may have come to terms with them and now it isn't so hard for me to be around him. And as always, he helped me through that rough patch.

Hmm....Sethin died the other night. It was so sad. He was such a sweet person. Though I wish I got to know him better, but he was shy and wouldn't talk of himself that much. Though the other night I did meet his brother. He seemed a bit like Sethin, though spoke a bit more...

Hmmm...Ali...Ali, she kept asking me what was wrong before when I felt horrible, but I just couldn't tell her. I mean how do you tell your friend that you are and have been for a while, in love with their ex- husband? Eh what a perdicament that was...

Well all seems pretty much balanced again upon the Island. Though how long it will last is the question. Ah well take the peace and quiet while you can get it right? I believe that's all I shall write now...

--Journal entry 25 August, Lina Metallium