*Lia sits before her 'journal' with only a handful of her colors. Staring blankly at it she looks horrible..Her eyes are empty hungry and hollow, a lifeless color eminates from her usually bright cheeks. Her body language is sluggish, broken and careless. Reaching out a trembling palm she pushes at the pages, an empty one lazily rolling over nad beaming up at her. Frowning, she lowers her eyes partially, a sting of tears spreading a bubble of pressurized sobs to rise in her throat. She shudders. Carefully she selects one of the three colors...a red one. Making a sort of ovally shape she colors it in slowly, next she draws two brown figures, one very very tall and the other very small with squiggly curls all over its head. Then, with her black color she slowly and harshly blackens out the tall lilting figure, beautiful even in the childish lines that make it up. Lia bows her head, having heard of Torlin's passing, squeezing the color until it snaps. Rising she leaves her drawing open, her colors askew on the floor. She runs out, unsure of where she's going, coming to realize there is no escaping it..

--Journal entry 16 August, Thirlia

Vash lies on the bed in the room given to him by Allexia. He has tried for hours to fall asleep but can't, can't seem to sleep, to rest. Finally he sits up, grabbing a small book out of the bag he brought with him to this island, opens it and flips it to the first blank page.

Journal Entry - 56th day of summer, 25th year:

Today, was oddly different, I went to the dome only to find it badly destroyed, and everyone in a depressed mood. I didn't think much of it, I heard giants attacked but paid no attention. I went back later, there were many more people this time. I got a drink as I usually do. Suddenly, something that sounded a lot like really loud drums rang out, and I didn't know what to do. It was a giant, I hate giants almost as much as I hate those stupid mages...

Anyway, The giant ate the new bartender! (God rest poor Hank's soul) Something inside of me like snapped, and I attacked the giant, and no sooner had I sliced into his ankle, did he give up trying to eat people and leave. I guess that makes me a hero, I saved everyone else's life but Hank's.. I feel bad about him.. he just started today and look what happened to him. I wonder who's gonna be the new bartender.. Oh well.. I just hope the people around here are grateful that I saved them! And I have something of a plan to keep those stupid giants away from us, but I don't think anyone else will go along with it. Looks like it's upto Good ole' Vash to save the day again by going on some fool-mission. Okay.. I'm tired now.. I'm going to sleep.

--Journal entry 16 August, Vash the Stampede

::He sits at his office desk, within the Pleasuredome, looking as if the whole thing was about to cave in around him. He sighs and stares down at the blank page, gathering his thoughts and feelings, attempting to put them into something resembling order before leaning over and scrawling them out. His face is sullen, normally bright eyes dulled over, and his whole being seems horribly exhausted::

Well...what a fine end to that chapter.

She's gone. Gone for good. I finally did drive her away.

I wonder...if it really was my fault, if I really did do those things she said. Was I not there for her enough? No, that can't be it...I was there whenever she needed me, I came running as she called my name. Did I spend too much time working, securing our future together? Possibly...now that I think of it, it's more than likely. I did things for the long-term. I married her to keep her at my side, because I loved her...I -do- love her. I kept the shop instead of relinquishing it to someone else to keep our income steadily flowing. I never wanted her to worry about money...not that she'd ever have to regardless. I built the Villa the way I did, spent the money I spent, so that she would be safe, even when I was not around. If all that was wrong, if all I did for her wasn't enough, then I don't know what I could have done differently. What did she want? She never told me what it was that she -really- wanted.

A baby. That had to be it.

::His mind keeps returning to this point, the one thing he knew had come between them as soon as the words left his mouth, and he knew it would be an obstacle they both would have had to overcome. He sighs and re-dips his quill, a forefinger tapping against his temple in thought as the res of his hand holds up his head, elbow upon the desktop. He leans back over, steadies the page, and continues::

A baby. She wanted to be a mother. I knew that from the first week I knew her. She's always wanted to be a mother...maybe it was too much that I couldn't give her that. Maybe that's one of the reasons things went downhill like they did. I wasn't ready to be a father. I mean, can you imagine me, ME, the Village Idiot, the man who drinks and gambles and "goes whoring" with his friends as a Father? I can't. I wouldn't know the first thing to do. I found more respect than ever for Alterio and Vrax, all the rest, after I realized I couldn't be a father. Sure, Alterio's not the best father around, and he has maids and nannies and wives do most of the work for him, but he -is- a father, and he -does- love his kids. I wouldn't be any good to them, I know I wouldn't...I wish I could.

I hate to sit here and write this, all these words, filling all the space in the page with useless thoughts and ramblings about things that can't be changed. If I could go back, I don't even know how far back I would go to right what I did wrong. The change from happiness to toleration was so slight, I couldn't and still can't distinguish where one ends and the other begins.

The wish. Ah, yes....that must have been it. Our wedding night.

Nemesio...that rat bastard. His vengeful, hateful, spite-filled heart had to be at the center of it, had to. His wish, changing me to look like the Elf...it changed me. I know sometimes I don't act it...but I've let that change change me inside as well. Alianna couldn't see the physicality of the change, but everybody else could. I can't even see my...

::He lets out a roar and scribbles that last sentence out::

I can't even see his face on mine without it enraging me! I had the Villa furnished without a single mirror in the whole damned place. All I had to do was walk past one and catch a glimpe, and I'd be angry the rest of the day. I can't have that, I really can't, not being the way I am. That would have driven me outright insane.

Alianna saw the changes within me, that must have been what it was, she saw how I changed inside and it scared her...but she stayed. She stayed until I did those things, until I did what she accused me of. She stayed until I did them one too many times, then she couldn't stay any longer...but she couldn't leave either.

::He sighs and turns the page, this being the longest, easily longest journal entry he's ever written. He re-dips the quill once more, sighs, and continues writing, becoming evermore tired as time passes::

She couldn't stay, and she couldn't leave...so what did she do. She left, but didn't really leave. The perfect solution. Threaten your husband into shaping up by threatening to leave him, but never really leave because you can't. She told me she was going to the Mainland, that she would return after we had both cooled down. She didn't step foot on the ferry. She went to stay with somebody....Tiger, was it? I think so. I don't blame Tiger, she did nothing wrong, but Alianna, lying to me like that...her plan would have worked, too.

Yes, threaten your husband, shape up or leave, and give him time to think it over...it doesn't matter whether you leave or not, as long as he thinks you're gone. But she made a mistake, and it drove me over the edge. She let me find out she lied to me, coming into the dome a couple of days later. If only she hadn't let me find out she lied...She'd have had me wrapped around her pinky like a ring when she came back.

::He runs one forefinger and thumb over the spot his wedding ring used to reside, feeling the odd lack of anything there, and sighs, jaw setting once again in anger as he remembers last eve.::

I wished her the best, I screamed at her, I did everything I could to keep from outright punching her in the face. I would never even consider raising a hand to her, but last night...it almost came to that. I couldn't control it, I just shouted, outright shouted in her face while she desperately tried to keep from crying. She failed, numerous times, and I kept right on going. I shouted, waved my arms, lucky for me I didn't hit her, and I gave her my ring. I think that's what really broke my heart...and hers. Giving her back the ring and wishing her well with her next. I couldn't even look at her after that, I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to leave...but after all that had happened, I couldn't stay with her. I just couldn't.

I walked to the dome and drunk myself into a stupor, I don't remember much else. I think Lina was there, but it could have been wishful thinking....I don't know. I know I woke up in my bed this morning....alone. And if this hangover tells the truth, I was far too drunk to make it there on my own. Yes, now I believe Lina was there....though that's trivial at best. I'll have to thank her for dragging my arse home. Maybe when I decide to return to the dome.

I'm done...completely drained. Maybe I'll have another drink and go home, collapse in bed a while. Hell, I just woke up three hours ago, maybe I'll sleep another 12 or so. It sure as hell sounds better than living the life I've got at the moment.

Ben.

::He sighs and looks up at the closed, locked door of his office, letting the quill drop from a hand to the floor. The nearly full two pages of writing he leaves to dry, and rises, moving slowly towards the door, wondering if he can put on a smiling face and act normal for the patrons.::

--Journal entry 17 August, Ben Calkane