~curling into a corner of the couch at the dome, she pushes blonde strands grown too long again out of her face. She doesn't have the heart to cut it, not now. She quietly opens her journal, prepared to write down the few thoughts she has these days~

I saw to a family's burns today. A cooking accident set their house aflame. The burns were fairly minor, and I think they'll heal up alright. But the house was still smouldering, and so I offered to help haul water to help them cool the embers. I had no idea it'd take so long. Luckily, Paul didn't much mind. He was happy to sleep through most of it. Just as I was getting home, Hestia caught up with me, chattering excitedly about becoming a citizen, and wanting to stay. I'm glad she likes it here.

However, she also informed me that, oddly, Uncle Carlin wanted to request some time with Paul. Perhaps he's feeling the need to talk to someone who won't talk back. I feel badly for him, so I decided there was no harm. It would give me time to go to the dome, maybe see about some business, catch up on things, and rest without that nagging concern in the back of my mind that I was forgetting about Paul somehow. I'm so frightened of making a mistake.

Uncle Carlin seemed glad to have him, saw how tired I was, and offered to keep him until the eleventh mark. Uncle Kienen actually greeted me...a promising sign, I suppose. Nathaniel...oy. Nathaniel found it necessary to tether Rusher high to a tree limb that I couldn't reach. "I was afraid he'd bolt" was his excuse. My horse is better trained than *that*. Oh well.

Hestia told me she spoke to Aidan. Dear gods, I haven't spoke to him in ages. I think of him often enough, and his library. I miss joking with him. I haven't really joked with anyone in two weeks. Hestia didn't tell me much of what they said, but I get the feeling that there's likely slim chance for any sort of future there. Maybe...it's best. I don't know. I suppose, for Paul... I just don't know. My day to day life is so much simpler now, so set and organized. But when I try to look further, all I see is one big uncertain mess. Will I marry? Will I raise Paul by myself all his childhood? Will I ever fall in love? Will anything more happen? Will anything great occur? Will I ever find a track for myself? Will I ever reach my goals? It's a haze. It truly is. Not a haze of possibilities, so much as a haze of uncertainties. All of the possibilities are in Paul. I do hope to do right by him.

And I do hope Aidan will be happy.

Jane Maichen

~she tucks the book away and focuses on her surroundings~

--Journal Entry, 27 November, Jane Maichen

"wakes up late and groans having a throbbing headache, she sits up slowly and crawls out of bed holding her head..seeing the tray on the table with coffee, she shakily picks the pot up and pours some in the cup and sips it as she rubs her temples with her other hand...a bit later she manages to make it to her desk with a fresh cup of coffee and sits down to write"

I feel horrible this morning.. got home quite early this morning and my head is throbbing terribly. Gods the fighting last night.. Everyone was fighting I think.

Val finally decided to tell me the truth. I figured he would sooner or later. I didnt want to argue with him over his little flirting bout with Char. But I have done my fair share and aint no way in hell its one sided. Not when it went on for hours that night. Im not stupid and I god damn wish people would stop treating me like i am. Dumb blond... Bah they see my hair and think im dumb. Well im far from it. I may not be smart about a lot of things but I do know if i were as stupid as people think.. would i be rich? could i manage the businesses that i have? No I dont think so. Dont judge me by the color of my hair.

When it comes to men, love, emotions...Aye Im the stupidest person ever born. But I wont be played for a fool by -any- man. I think Val knows that now. No relationship runs smoothly and we all know that. But if its worth saving, then you at least attempt to save it. If its not, then you walk the hell away. Its a shame that some people are so frigging stupid though they dont know the difference between one that should be saved and one thats been a waste of time. Men are so damn quick t just walk away as if it was nothing. Alterio for one. He may be smart in some ways. But he is as stupid as any man Ive ever met.

"hears the hammering of the construction workers and cringes holding her head" God damn men.

"instructing the maid to start her a bath with lots of bubbles she shoves the jounal over, leaving it open on the desk and just sits there looking out the window for a while"

--Journal Entry, 28 November, Vixen

::::She enters her cottage, tossing her things on a chair by the front door and heads to the kitchen, swim forgotten as she moves in a state of bewilderment. Leaning against the counter as she waits for the water to boil, she spies her journal on the table and steps toward it, dropping down into the chair and pulling it closer, her other hand reaching for her quill:::

I do believe he was convinced he was alone...that no one heard. Yet I did. His voice resonated powerfully and unmistakably over the rush of the waterfall, the sound of which seemingly drifted into oblivion as I listened to his words, also unambiguous, their meaning very apparent.

Now what? Do I admit to Lord of Masks...Camden...that I watched him? Heard his song clearly? I almost felt like I was prying, although when I first saw him, I began to lift a hand in greeting, stopping short as his song reached my ears. And I stood there, unmoving, as the wonderful, rich timbre of his voice enveloped me, sending a shiver down the length of my spine, gooseflesh forming on my skin as I listened. I could not see him well for he was too far up.

But I recognized his form. And his voice...beautifully ringing through me...as I always imagined it would.

But what of the lyric...?

::::She stops and drops her quill onto the page, rushing to tend to the water that now threatens to boil over and prepares a cup of sweet berry tea, carrying it carefully back to the table::::

He killed a man. More than one, in fact...several, perhaps. For they viciously killed his wife. The song did not explain the foundation of the altercation, though I can well imagine if the perpetrators were as brutal as it would appear...undoubtedly unprovoked and senseless. I might have considered the song fictitious were it not for the last verse...about me. Why would he sing something imaginary only to toss in something genuine? That just doesn't make sense. And, as it is, it explains a lot of things. A lot of things about him. No, I have no doubt that it was real...perhaps a release...a liberation of sorts.

::::Blowing lightly into the hot tea, her gaze moves to the colourful blooms just outside her window, brow knitting slightly in perplexed contemplation as she brings the cup to her lips for a careful sip::::

Camden, Lord of Masks...do I confront you with my knowledge? Offer my condolences and solace? Only to make further queries to appease my curiosity. Or would that embarrass you? Cause you unnecessary discomfort or, worse, to withdraw into bleakness once again. For though your effort to conceal was admirable during the time we spent together, I could sense your underlying despondency...loneliness...as I am certain you could discern mine. What a waste that would be, for you have great talent. Yes, I think it best that I remain silent...for you to tell me, in time, if you wish. Although some matters are perhaps best left as-is.

::::She draws a deep breath, exhaling on the wet ink to dry the page and sets down her quill in the seam of the journal before leaning back with her tea, sipping at it pensively:::

--Journal Entry, 28 November, Rowsy

It's been a while since I've written here, so I have a lot to write about.

I've become an official wreckmaster for the Seamaster's Association, and that provides something for me to do during the day. I felt bad that I didn't have anything to do all day while Vixen worked her arse off at the Boutique. She really needs a vacation, that's for sure. But now, I have things to do as well.

I also am reviving the Tower of Enlightenment along with Lady Charquin, which I have written here before. All the stuff that happened between Charquin and I Vixen knows, and she's already forgiven and forgotten.

It also seems that today, I am taking over the potion shop at the bazaar. Many things for me to do now, I hope I can keep up with everything.

Things with Vixen have been tremendously excellent. Our relationship has taken a whole new level. We trust each other immensely, despite what has happened in the past. And we are almost inseparable at the Pleasuredome. We get gawked at now and then, especially people commenting on how I'm 'whipped.' Well, they can go to hell. I'm not whipped, I just am extremely fond of Vixen, and she shares the same feelings towards me. If that's whipped, oh well. Half those guys, they don't even have anyone to be whipped over, so bah.

Things have been rather peaceful, concerning the Sharken. One can only hope they have ended their current uprisal, but I'm sure they'll be back again.

However, there have been lots of errant fights at the Dome. I had to prevent Charquin from getting killed last night my Magdelennya. For some reason Mags thought Char was after Dan, and she 'esposed' her little scheme. That Mags, man is she chaotic. I sometimes feel sorry for Dan.

Plus, Nun tu Brite has been around, and not hiding his affection for Vixen. Him and a few others can't help but make subtle (and in Nun's case, not-so-subtle) passes at her, and I've almost had enough. I'm not nearly as uptight as I was before, but enough is enough already. Nun seems to have this delusion that he -will- have Vixen back, and that it's destiny or something. Bah, whatever he wants to think, he can. But I know that I am twice the man he is, if not in testosterone, then definitely in integrity, and most likely in...um...I won't write that here.

That's about all. I'll try to write here more.

--Journal Entry, 28 November, Valyndor Lyndrae

*Sits upon the Chaise..her bed for the last 2 nights, staring over the ocean as the early morning sun rises* Horrid..Horrid I tell you. This crazy notion that everyone seems to think of me. That I am not a true "lady", that I am bedding several of the local men. Dan, Nun, Val,..BAH..the list goes on.

Its ironic, when i first came here, they all thought I strange to wish to walk home alone, or to not involve myself to much with the men of this Island. They even spread rumors that mayhap I was more interested in women!!

Can ye believe that..Now, since I have found what I thought was a friendship with some of the men..I am forever being accused of bedding them!!! I do wish these petty jealous women would make up their minds...Either I am wishing to bed women...or i am bedding all their men. It cant be both!!

Since I have decided to make the Isle my permenet home, I thought it well that I should begin to form some friendships, thus the guild idea with M'lord VAl...

*shakes her head, her thoughts back to Val*

Ah, yes M'lord Val...I trusted him, even wished him to join the guild with me..He caused me more hurt then he will ever know, How dare he claim to care for Lady Vix, and then withold such info from her, allowing her to believe that I was flirting with him, and it was all one sided. How truthful is that for a Mage of the Tower. Aye, he claims he told her the truth now, for that I am glad, yet I wonder just how he worded it...Did he just tell her that he flirted a bit? Did he tell her that I flirted more? Did he tell her the truth that the reason we were up so late was over simple guild business? I do nae wish Val in anyother mannor then a guildmate..and i thought mayhap a friend..though now i question that. Though i do nae suppose it matters, he IS in the guild, and I will be true to that, no matter how he upsets me..I will defend him if need be, and nae ever use my magic to harm him..no matter how many feelings of mine he hurts. I ment what i said...Being true to ones guild sometimes does "cost" yet it is something we have to do. I only wish he would nae have upset Vix so much, I never had an ill feelings towards her, and i do wish i could explain, however now, while she tollerates me, i fear she will nae ever believe that i never wished for his company more then a friend. Some women just have a problem with security. I hope she can resolve hers soon.

Well it does seem that Lady Mags has taken to her usual tormenting of me once again...I swear that woman if anyone needs to be bedded and soon...I sent a letter to her the other eve thanking her for the rye, and it seems somehow that it got sent to Carazzi Manor by mistake.

Normally this would not have been a problem, except unbeknownst to me..Mags had STOLEN the rye from Alterio's office... I dont think i need to explain just how furious M'lord Carazzi was upon recieving a thank you letter addressed to Mags, for HIS rye..it was horrid, she is doing pennance, and fixing his lock upon his door, and he nae even acknowledges her existance now!!! While on a humorous side this may be a blessing for M'lord Alterio..to nae acknowledge Mags existance....she now feels it was I who intentionally sent that letter to him...BAH how could she!

She is nae stupid, she knows just how much frustration and anger I have towards that man at times..She knows of his constant propositioning of me...How dare she even think i would do something to assist him like that! He infuriates me!! I only wished to thank her for her hospitality. She actually struck me last eve with the hilt of her sword...*rubs her aching back* I still feel it. Yet i refuse to fight her..she is quite the moody one at times, so I'm sure this will pass soon enough, yet i do think she was determined at the time, to end my life, ...she was ever so upset...

Speaking of Moody...*glancing back towards her bed, seeing the sleeping Eyas there*

M'lord Eyas has spent the second night at my home. The first night he was injured and could nae travel far so i offered him to stay with me as i do have the extra room, this eve, i was so shaken by the goings on with Vix and Mags, that i did nae wish to be alone, and he as a good friend, agreed to stay with me and keep me company.

However, in my haste i forgot that i did nae order the rest of the guest bedding and furniture for the downstairs as of yet..So I allowed him to stay in my personal quarters upstairs. I would nae ever expect him to take the chaise, so i offered him my bed, he argued, but i insisted, and I myself have taken the chaise. I must order the furniture as soon as possible, as though i know it is all proper, I'm sure if anyone knew, they would assume the worst..that does seem to be the general concensus of many lately...That i am only hiding behind my title, and that i am really one of those horrid creatures upon the docs...

M'lord Eyas is a good friend to me of late, almost as good as Rosalyn..he seems not to place any stock in the rumors that others are spreading, and for that I am extreemley grateful. Though i trusted many others once, and now see how they are treating me, I do so hope he doesnt change his opinions of me as well if something questionable should arise..I do hope he comes to me and asks before making any judgements. I nae wish to loose his friendship as well.

We have nae seen M'lord Attrei in some time, Ros and I...I fear she is growing lonely without him, and i can understand. tis not gentlemenly like of him to dissapear without so much as a word to his lady like that. I do hope all is well with him, and that he returns soon. I know what its like to feel lonely, and I do nae wish Ros to feel that way.

Well enough for now, I do believe a hot bath is in order, as the chaise is not the most comfortable of beds, and my body is nae as young as it once was. I must order that guest furniture soon...I nae wish to make Eyas feel uncomfortable, as if he was stealing my bed from me...*chuckles* Ah, a thief..uncomfortable stealing something from someone...now THAT is ironic....

Char

*allows her journal to dry, and tiptoes quietly past Eyas, heading towards the tub*

--Journal Entry, 28 November, Lady Charquin