:::Sits alone in the suite at the Manor, journal opened, as she paces about restlessly in the sitting room. With a deep sigh, she sits, and begins writing, not her usual measured, flowing script, though mere scrawlings on parchment as she tries to capture the emotions tumbling inside:::

I dont know where this comes from. I have no idea how it begins, or even why it happens. I just...get these urges. These tendencies from time to time. As though all the pent-up anger inside of me threatens to explode. How do I control it? How am I supposed to stop it? Where, even, does it come from?

It's not caused by anyone. That much I do know. I can feel it building inside. Perhaps it is the karma of things I have done in my past. Perhaps it is caused by the way of life I used to lead. Maybe, even, it is caused by the nightmares I have. I simply dont know, I dont know how to stop it.

::in an almost unintelligible hand, she scrawls out these verses as they come to her..quickly and without much thought of what her mind leads her hand to pen:::

~Anger~

Anger storms in at every level of my being.
Clouding my eyes so Im not sure of what Im seeing.

It takes hold of my mouth, my thoughts, my mind,
Gradually building over an expanse of time.

Setting my hands to tremble and quake,
Im not sure how much more of this I can take.

Its nascent waters fill against the silent dam...
Each wave threatening its level, crashing against it like a ram.

Consistently ascending, reaching a higher tier..
Until its brimming, and then I fear..

I know not how much longer my urge can I control,
Before its filled and threatens to overflow.

Leaving those I love awash in surprise and pain...
Knowing their eyes will never see me the same again.

~Lyrias~

::::she rises, feeling a bit better, her outpourings having pushed back the tide she fears inevitable, and begins her pacing once again until shes afraid she will wear a hole in the floors of the Manor::::

--Journal Entry, 7 November, Lyrias Dreams

~she sleeps with her cheek pressed to her book, the ink transferring faded letters onto her face. The Archivists sneak in to tug the paper from beneath her to copy before carefully returning it to its original position. The entry reads as follows:~

It's been a trying couple of days. I heard tell of bad business. Sabriel told me that Boss had been hired to watch Vixen and record what she did, but thathe had been omitting information. We all discussed it, and agreed that dishonest business was no good thing. It makes me itch. So I spoke to him of it, giving him a piece of advice: word of bad business travels fast in small places. I can't stand so dishonourable an act as scamming someone out of gold. I believe, however, that Vixen may think that I only approached him because it was *she* that he was to watch.

When I mentioned that I would dislike it if Ben were selling faulty toys, of Tigs bad paint, she didn't seem to believe me. Well, I have no reason to care what she does, and it seems very odd to me. But we haven't really been getting along lately, not since the campaign against Mumphra and his control over Alterio. There's nothing I care to do about it. Live and let live, I say. She has a right to her feelings, and I can brush it off. She's having a hard time just now, anyway. Besides, my repuatation speaks for itself.

Aidan's ill. Very ill. I think it may be influenza. He has a horrible fever, chills, fatigue, and aches. I'm giving him some teas and oils to help. His fever hasn't yet broken. I'm going to try to find something better today. If all else fails, I'll try chasing it back with my own energy, though that's not how I like to react to illnesses.

The body has to build up strength to fight these things off naturally, and if yiu Heal them away every time, they never will. I'm doing my best to be pleasant about him, joking with him when he was in the dome, but I think his trips there just made it worse, and I feel bad for not insisting he return home and to bed. Mostly he sleeps, so I do work outside the house so as not to disturb him. I miss relaxing and laughing with him in the dome though. This is one of the very few lulls in catastrophe that I've got to just calm down and enjoy myself with someone. Someone who's content to quip about sex and not actually expect it to happen. I like it like that. No men allowed in my bed. It messes everything up. And I'm too busy dealing with other stuff to have to deal with that, too. Well, the point is, I wish him to be well again, though I don't think this lull will last long.

We saw a ship the other night, with a crystalline hull and carnival music playing. Firecrackers lit up the sky, but soon formed the shape of a skull and cross bones. The sound of a scream pierced the air, as well. None too friendly, I don't imagine. It makes me nervous. Now I remember why I hate the sea. Too much exposure. But if this turns into a large, unsolveable problem like the giants, I will not be asking the midgets to help. Not with how the people on this island treat them. They fail to recall how the midgets saved all our backsides, and it infuriates me. I'm tempted to ask the midgets to go, and never bring wishes to the ungrateful sots ever again. They don't deserve it. Racist jerks. The midgets deserve our respect, no matter what size they are, or how they speak or behave.

I'm almost done this letter to my Uncle Yorath. I'll have it sent to him soon. I'm considering addressing it to both him and Aunt Amy. That way someone coherant can catch wind of my dilemma. Gods, I hope this works. I need my name back. If I want to plunge head-first into politics, I can't just be "Jane". How would that look? Maybe I should start a Better Business Bureau... Hmmm...

~again unsigned~

--Journal Entry, 7 November, Jane Maichen

Had another night of not sleeping. I just walked the floor in my bedroom thinking. Not drinking for once, just thinking. I have made a decision on something, now i just wait. Wait for an answer. Well not really an answer, I kinda got that. But I still have to wait for a decision.hmm yeah I think thats it.

The Ship of Wishes? "shakes her head" I've been hearing the last few days its been spotted. Will I wish for anything this time? I dont think so. Whatever I -may- want, I wont wish for, not if the ship of Wishes does come again.

As far as that lil report that Kuno turned in to Alterio. I would have told alterio what i did anyways. As far as Jane and Casi sticking their noses in. Well, I think some people need a life of their own. Did either of them pay him? I dont think so. Was it gold out of their pockets? No. They just seem to have such a boring life they have to get involved in other peoples lives. IM just soooo Glad they find -my- life so interesting they cant seem to stay out of it. Ah, well, what can you expect from losers eh? And Janes bullshit about not likeing -bad business- is just that "Bullshit" and nothing else. Besides, which god died and left her in charge of things on this island. And -if- a god did die Im damn sure they wouldnt leave a naive child in charge of anything except maybe the toybox her dollies are in. "smirks" thats why she is queen of the midgets.Arent they children? Short enough to be anyways. I think Alterio should feed them all to Draco.

Last night at Dome was pretty much the same as usual. I was silent for the most part. Kuno came over and asked why i wasnt talking to anyone. Well after i looked around at who was there....I had nothing to say to any of them. So why bother to talk? I figured my glass of wine was better company and could carry a conversation better than they could. And yes, maybe im a bitch. But you see, I dont really care right now.

"shakes her head and sighs as she looks out the window she gets up leaving the journal open to dry and heads back to the Boutique for a while"

--Journal Entry, 7 November, Vixen Blade

::Walking the corridors in Carazzi Manor, he hears his sister crying. Oh, she's trying her best to muffle her tears, but in a house of this grand size, echoes are imminent. And he is PISSED. Not in a rage, that needs to be simmered out of courtesy to her and the sleeping children. He's going to try and be rational. For Alianna's sake. For now, anyway.

He stops walking the corridors after a long while, Ali's sobs searing his soul, and goes downstairs to his study. Taking first to the bottle of rye, then taking a seat at his well-wearing chair, pulling his journal near. It's a letter to Alianna, but one he'll never give her. It's recorded in his journal, maybe a catharsis of his conscience::

What to say to her? What could I possibly say? "It's in our bloodline to falter with our mates?" Or.."I was the one who told you to marry him to begin with..blame me wholly" or even "He's an idiot, what do you expect?" There's nothing I could say to make sense of this, little one, and I'm sorry. I never, in my wildest dreams, saw it coming, that he would do this to you.

While you're not blameless in the breakup..you did return to him. Now, even if things couldn't be worked out, a common denominator of decency on his part should've come into play. It hasn't. It has woefully lacked, him being decent. This will stop.

This..prick..is the one who refused five thousand gold from me on the day you wed the Elf..out of "Moral Turpitude" or what have you. Oh, how he declared his "agony" on the day you wed the Elf, how he sat in near-tears and yearned for you. He then got you..and what has he done? This is that man now. The same one who's gotten in my face and preached to me, telling me to slow down with women..don't overdo it..and now I see him trying to get near the likes of Xanthia and Tika Flynn. Two women whom hopefully would know better..You are young, Alianna. I expected you to know better regarding that elf..but dammit, I trusted this one. I know you trusted him and loved him purely, solely, wholly.

He will not mock that love.

What enrages me most now? I thought you and he went to the registrar already, plunked your sums down and had the union nullified. Had I known you were still a Calkane by marriage, I'd have castrated him right in the Pleasuredome at first sight of his cavorting...being married to a Carazzi, and mocking you? Me?

How DARE he. He thinks I forget things after awhile, and some things I do. But not this.

He was the one I wanted you to have, and wished you happiness with..now while marriages do fail sometimes, it boils down to a level of respect afterward..I even know that. Granted I was not a faithful husband to the wives I've had..but never did I flaunt my lovers under their noses. Not even after parting ways. Did I ever walk to Lily-Anne with a girl on my arm and introduce them? NO. Would I ever have done such a thing? Never. That's beyond cruel, and completely unnecessary.

I'm all the way downstairs and still I hear you crying now. My heart breaks for you, little one, and I will see to it that you are happy again. I don't quite know how ::Doesn't think buying a pony would cure this one but damn, he'll do what he has to::

But know this if nothing else, little one, he will not hurt you again. I won't allow it.

::He's agitated now. Locking his journal in his desk, he decides to go out for awhile, maybe down to the shops. Maybe to a Toy Shoppe. Maybe to the Citadel first, to buy a bow and arrow. Maybe to ignite the arrow and shoot it through the plate glass window. Then maybe take a walk through the village, and near the beaches. Maybe to stop by a particular villa, light another arrow, or maybe a slew, and fire at will. The night is still young.::

--Journal Entry, 7 November, Sir Knight Carazzi

::The Citadel closed at Midnight, and won't reopen until 8am. So instead, he breaks out the case of rye that Ali bought him, and drinks in his study until the sounds blur and fuse, and he doesn't hear a whole lot. In a rather long, unsteady hand, he writes a rather peculiar journal entry as he slumps over his desk, never letting his glass empty, fresh bottles at his feet waiting to be cracked open at the neck::

Women I know. There are more, but my legs are getting wobblier by the hour. And to think some said I'd build a tolerance to my rye. A ha ha mmmm...never. So here goes with the women I know.

-Aemelia. Not only my boss, but also a relative. Not an option.

-Aemeryllis. ::Smirks:: Too young, too bratty, too eccentric.

-Adriana. Neo's had her. I don't want leftovers.

-Alexandria. Lexxie? Gods, like a sister. No.

*Amber. Dan's daughter. Hmm, prospect.

-Anastasia. More like "Attitude." No. Don't like her.

*Arachne. Sweet. Mark her down as a Maybe.

-Casidhe. Married. So? Maybe. Well, sometimes, when she's not in obnoxious mode. Which she's in most of the time. Nevermind.

*Chandra. There's a cute one. But too quiet. Perhaps.

-Chastity. Another cute one. But too loud. And isn't she Mumphra's fiancee? Bah. Nevermind.

-Clarity-Dawn. My biggest fan. But no bigger than my thumb. Damn.

-Crysania. Never dated a girl with blue skin before. Don't think I'll begin now.

-Crystal Mother. NO HELL NO NEVER. GOOD GODS NO.

-Daniela Maria. Pretty casing, empty head. I'll pass.

-Eris. A fork in my eye would be more pleasurable than an evening with that wench.

*Felina. Looking better and better.

-Jane. With Aidan now? Lucky I don't throttle her..I'll always care for her but don't want her sullied..not by anyone.

*Jasmin. There's one who hasn't really wronged me. Maybe..

-Joia. Too young and likely afraid of me. Not an option.

*Lady Charquin. Ask around if Calkane's touched her. If so, I'll cross off her little star..otherwise, a definite possibility...

-Lyrias. Another relative. Too bad, she's not bad-looking for 128 years old.

-Mags. NO. Enough said.

-Rosalyn. I don't like her, I don't quite know why, but I just don't. Likely because she snapped at me and knows not her place.

-Tiger. Married. So? No...too good of friends with Vrax. Well, who knows. I can always turn that mark into a star later on.

(no mark) Tika. Tika, how could you have gotten entangled with him..::sighs:: I've always been fond of you. I'm disappointed..

-Tori. Another one tarnished by the Idiot. No longer an option.

*Vixen. It will never truly be over, will it.

(again, no mark) Xanthia. In the same vein as Tika, ones I truly admire as people...how could you stray from your principles and even consider that fool as a beau?

Well, perhaps when I sober up, I'll go down to the Registrar's and get a full Colonist List and look up the rest of the Isle's women. But I'm tiring of being alone, I'll tell you tha.........

::Slumps in a drunken, sleeping stupor, inkwell going over, on the desk::

--Journal Entry, 7 November, Sir Knight Carazzi