Dear Journal:
Gods I am so sick....what have I done. I cant eat, cant get dressed, my voice is so rough and scratchy it hurts to even open my mouth. I..I just want to sleep, and not move, everyone muscle, bone, ligament in my body hurts bad. My head feels as though someone is inside pounding on my skull, my chest hurts even to breath, with each cough I feel as though death would be welcomed...please take this agonizing pain away...please. I .. I cant take it any more, I never shouldve been traipsing about the isle the other night, and this is what I get. I hate being sick, I do even have the energy to uplift my head let alone make myself a cup of tea, I will just die. **over looks the small decanter of poison** I almost will you to me. *goes into another coughing jag* **winces and grows very weak again, the inkwell knocking over as the quill slides down the ledger as she wrackles in pain slamming onto the floor to try and catch her breath...only to topple over into a heap of sickness, she lies there fainted from the pain, lips of colbat, cheeks of drained coloring, more chalky white, then of real transparance.

Journal Entry, 18 December, Chastity D. De`Kartan

(2 entries within hours of each other by the same author)

"after soaking in the tub for what seems like hours, the water now growing cold she gets out and wraps a towel around her as she looks for something to wear...grumbling and tossing clothing on the floor as nothing fits since she lost so much weight, she finally gives up and just slips on the last dress in the closet and shakes her head as she looks in the mirror, she then yells for the maid to clean the mess up as she brushes her wet hair and frowns at her reflection"

I feel horrible and look horrible. I cant eat, i have no appetite at all. My clothing just doesnt fit and I dont feel like having more made. Eh well not that i plan on anyone seeing me cuse im not going out. Maybe just for a walk around the garden later, not sure of that right now either. "glances at the tray the maid sets on the desk and gags" Take it away! IM not hungry.

"her stomach queasy from smelling the food she shuts her eyes tight til the feeling goes away"

Gods cant they listen? I dont want anything to eat, If i did I would ask for it. Well I think I will go for that walk. I need some air. ------

"still angry at that old man but knows theres no use to try talking to him, she sighs and will deal with him later as she writes"

Well it looks like Val will be back within the week. Received a brief note from him a while ago. And the letters from Alterio make no sense to me. He isnt answering the letters im sending to him. And im sure now he isnt getting the ones I write. That senile old coot is monitoring his letters. Although I have said nothing in mine to worry Alterio. That old fart is still messing with them. All i have done is to try to reassure Alterio things will be fine and havent told him of how things are on the island. Chicken Ugh..I dont eat chicken.

Eh well I will start getting Ori ready to run the manor and the estate and Chandra on the shops for me. I feel i may be going to the mainland soon. I think Alterio needs me there and i want to be with him.

Journal Entry, 18 December, Vixen.

*as he sits at his desk in his cabin on his ship*

12/18
Log 418
I always seem to screw up one something with chas. I guess I might as well not even try anything. She isn't worth following. I might need to set sail and head back to the mainland befor any thing else happens at this damn place there is too much death and someone always trying to hit me.

Reminder to find that island of the mer. If there is such a place.
Captian Khalidan

Dear Journal:
I finally pulled myself together, and went to the Dome. Much to my suprise Khalidan entered, although, I didnt show it I was elated...and infact more delighted then anything. I just dont feel good, I am ill, I am weak, and I am just not myself. Well we got to talking abit and he offered to massage my back, I didnt have my normal stamina to argue with him, so I just let him....it was wonderful it has been awhile since I have allowed a man to touch me in such ways, even though a backrub is not intimate, it is the fact he kissed my neck...I do believe that portrays intimacy...and I was stunned....I think I have upset him with my reactions...mayhaps I will try and have a talk with him to make him understand why I am so unsettled with such meaningless acts of kindness...mayhaps I shall... *begins to illustrate him a simple notation*

Journal Entry 19 December Chastity D. De'Kartan .

"arriving home hours ago, she is still awake sitting on the balcony thinking, she looks up at the dark sky smirking slightly remembering the last time she looked up there then shakes her head ::so much for prayer eh:: then looks away as she opens the journal"

I should write Alterio a letter but why bother, Whatever I write doesnt get to him. And now his father is back on the island. He thinks i have issues.....yeah i kinda get issues when I feel someones not telling the truth. I want Alterio to get better. Im sure his father does to but I can see ulterior motive written all over his face. I know he cant come back to the Island. I couldnt bear to see him die again. I agree the mainland is the best place for him. But -is- Achethe the best place for him? Im sure that old tyrant will do his best to keep him there though anyway he can. Eh well im sure Alterio will be recovered fully and he isnt a stupid person. He will see right through his father.

His father says we can visit in a few days.Jane of course wants to take all the children there. Is he ready for that? I really dont think he is but she will have her way. I wonder if his father knows how many times she has put Alterio in danger, how many times she has turned on him, and that Alterio would be alive, and here on the Island he loved IF she hadnt defended the murderer...If she had minded her own business, the murderer would have been arrested months ago and Alterio would be alive -here- where he wanted to be.

None of this would have happened. And then Mairin wouldnt be ill now if her father hadnt been killed. Or Thirlia. I really dont know how she lives with herself. I hope one day Alterio will realize that he cant trust her. She might have the wool pulled over his eyes but she sure doesnt fool me. I dont trust her. She uses him.

I have had to be on the same island with her for months now. And I guess going to Achethe will be no different. I dont know if i can handle that. Thats another reason for me to not stay there. As much as I love Alterio, I cant go there and watch her put his life in danger again and maybe have to watch him die again. Thats another reason to just disappear.

"she sighs and closes the journal"

Journal Entry, 19 December, Vixen.

Dear journal;
I hear rumors of what is happening and I can scarce believe it. First let me put this into perspective: Alterio was killed by Ben te in her anger, Vixen killed Ben. Now Ben is branded murderer bc of killing Nemesio (if he did it.. which really I dont doubt) and Alterio is hailed as a dying hero bc of trying to apprehend Ben... and Vixen, .. well she gets off scot free, even if she did kill in anger. No trial, no arrest, no nothing. I probably would have done the same thing she did, having seen Ben kill Alterio but I am sure I would have been arrested for murder. That is the way things are.

Ah well. Dead is dead. I heard Anthony took the body and diced and pureed it to the point that it was simply unrecognizable as even human flesh. And I did pay final respects to Alterio before his father took his body away. I dont think the meeting went badly, but, I dont think he liked me. Not that it matters. I know regardless of how I feel or felt for Alterio, it is useless. But his death was so ... oh gods, I hurt ...

On his death: I have heard rumors on that too. That he is alive. I am sure if it could be done that it was. Oh.. If HE was Resurrected! My heart rejoices but I cannot be selfish in this. I thank whatever power would have been elicited to bring him back. But I know I will more than likely never see him again. I dont think he would wish to see me any way. If I have heard right, the fate of his life will rest on the Mainland, and more than likely the children will be taken to him, as is right. I know it sounds odd but I would hope Vixen will also see her way clear to go be with him as well. I know from her reactions that she loves him deeply and if she can secure his happiness then regardless of anything else, I would learn to be content with life. Not that my life matters to to him, or to her or to anyone else here on this island. After all I am just an elf.

I should go out. I have been 'holed up' in this office long enough. Havent done much of anything since I went to talk to Alterio's father. .... I just dont know. Maybe just lay down and sleep some more. Go out later.. maybe

Journal Entry, 19 December, Xanthia

"she slips out of bed and stretches as she lets the maid in to run her a bath, she picks up the cup of coffee and takes a sip as she sits at the desk looking at the blank page"

Theres not much to write about really. I stopped at Dome last night and found it almost empty. Lina came in and we talked for a while, then Attrei and Ros arrived a bit later. They were surprised to learn that Alterio isnt dead. Well as far as the island he is dead but on the mainland he isnt. I was asked if i was going to the mainland. Of course I will go to Alterio. Is there any doubt of that? Ros asked me what about Val. Well, i have no answer. He knows that I love Alterio and always have. The only reason I havent gone already is because his father says he cant have visitors yet. I will go as soon as Im allowed to. Im using this time to get things arranged here so I can go.

I managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours last night and no it wasnt from drinking til I passed out. I have had nothing more than a glass of wine since I received that first letter from Alterio. hmm Wonder why he hasnt answered my letters. I hope he is feeling better. I will have to write another to him in a bit. I really wish I could be with him for Yule but i guess thats impossible.

I just realized he never did tell me what he wanted for Yule. Maybe I should ship myself to him in a trunk..nude."snickers" bet that would cuse the old man to have a heart attack. But then again its cold there and probably snowing and I'd freeze my butt off.

"she finishes the cup of coffee as the maid appears to let her know the bath is ready"

I still have some things to do to be ready for this trip, like getting warmer clothing for myself and the children.

Journal Entry, 20 December, Vixen

(2 from the same author posted within hours of each other)

:::reclines in the chaise at the Manor, in the early morning's light, simply watching out the window. While sitting as near to serenity as she can be in a time like this, begins to write in her journal:::

It has to be close to time for Taelie to come home. Its been long enough since he was away. I miss him soo much. In times like these, I just want to curl up into his arms and just sleep. Make the nightmare go away. I am going to marry him. I think Ive waited long enough. Uncle Alterio isnt here anymore..and neither is Ben.

:::sighs, standing to go and give Lia some water, and feed her a bit more broth. Cleaning the child up, she snuggles her back down into the blankets, giving her forehead a kiss, then dresses for the day::::

I think Im going to go to the dome for some breakfast, Lia will be taken care of. I have the guard, and the girl who brings her water. Ill just have her sit with Lia a little bit, while I get some fresh air. Ive been here in the Manor enough these last few days, and I just cant stand to be here much longer. I need to be outside for a little while, feel the sunshine on my skin, and think. Its so hard to not be able to openly grieve Ben. I miss him, definitely. Alot. But, what can I do? If charges were brought against Vixxy, what about the kids? I know had I been in that position with Taelie...Id likely have not had the capacity of mind to not retaliate. I dont know that Id kill. Ive killed enough in my lifetime. So much death already...:::sighs:::

I miss Uncle Alterio, of course. But, I am so relieved that everything worked. He is alive. I've been telling Lia her Daddy is alive all night. Maybe that will bring her out of her daze. I hope so..I know she can hear me. I just want her to wake up, to come back to her senses, to come out of herself. I know thats what shes done...shes withdrawn into herself again. She will come out of it, I know she will.

Well, Im going to go have breakfast, and check the shoppe. I believe Ill unlock it this weekend, and run it as normal from there. Its time to get back to doing the normal things. I cant remain this way long. I have to have something to keep my mind from straying.

::::signing her name, she stands, walking through the Manor to retrieve the guard and the girl. Looking to both of them, she speaks.."Matti, I want you to check on Lia every thirty minutes. Feed her, and give her water every hour. Im going to the dome for breakfast, and then to the Shoppe for a while."...Matti nods her head.."Yes, Ma'am."...turning to the guard, she speaks to him..."Stuart, you will stay with the child. Just outside my doors."...he nods.."yes, Ma'am."...she turns to Matti again.."Well, then get started, Matti. I fed her already, so feed her in a bit."...the girl nods, darting off, as she turns back to Stuart..."If she does not enter that room every hour, you will send someone to tell me."...he nods again.."Yes, M'Lady"..."One last thing, no one is allowed into my rooms besides, Vixen, Janey, or anyone accompanied by me or Vix. Understood?"..again she gets a nod, and sends him on his way, heading to the dome for breakfast::::

--------------

:::an urgent letter is delivered to Lyr at the Manor, unfurling it she reads the contents and begins to pen an entry:::

Something's happening on the mainland. Looks like I am going to have to leave for a little while. Matti will take care of Lia. I hate to leave her, especially now, but, I dont have a choice. I have to go. Im not sure what is going on, the details are sketchy at best. So, off I go to take care of this, and return to the Shores again.

Journal Entries, 20 December, Lyrias Dreams.