"sighs as she looks around her room, she sits down and thinks before she starts to write"

The house seems empty with Val gone. He set sail at first light this morning for the mainland. It seems Alterio sent him to the mainland and I have no idea when he will be back. All i was told is he needs some things for his shop and Import/Export cant get it. I have a nagging feeling Alterio is up to something. He could have thrown his influence around to get whatever it was brought here. And then Val wouldnt have had to travel to get it. But what the hell is he up to?

Yule season is quickly approaching. I havent done any shopping for the children or anyone yet. It doesnt look much like Val will be back by then either. Shopping tomorrow i think if i have time.

Tis all for now. Have to return to the Boutique for a while then maybe to dome.

--Journal Entry, 9 December, Vixen

:::sits at the Shoppe, taking a break from Yule-izing it, to write in her journal:::

Well, it seems I have upset two of my oldest friends. Neo and Drac. They were both mad that I had stood over him and protected him while he was out cold on the arena floor.

I did not once lift my blade to hurt either of them. I used the flat of my blade to keep them back. I *did* knock Neo out, though. He was already so weak, and if I hadnt, he would have been hurt worse. Draco...well, the dragon is not happy. Im sure that it wont be long before he thinks of me as a snack as well.

Neo believes that I chose Ben over him. How is seeing to the well being of one you consider Family choosing them over someone who was supposed to be your companion? I fail to see where he gets that from. Its two totally different things. Marry Ben? I think not. That would just be too strange, and too much like being with Neo. There would never be peaceful moments between us.

I believe I will just stick to the one man who has treated me wonderfully through everything....Taelie. I miss him so much. I miss the late night talks, the walks, and just being near him. I believe now, since I have been with Neo, that the one I am supposed to be with is Taelie. I love him. Eventually, I will marry Taelie. I know I will. Fin...he has returned to the Island. I missed his company. He is always such a great friend. I do enjoy talking with him, and spending time with him. But, as far as a relationship...I just dont know. He is always hiding from Boss. I dont even want to know what will happen when Boss does catch up to him.

Uncle Alterio...seems he is full of anger lately. He compared me to Ali, which, despite how much I cared for her, really hurt. Yes, I do drink to excess sometimes, but, doesnt he? Yes, I do play in the cage...never to strip and dance. Please, I have more self respect than that. I only play in the cage to get to him. I thought for sure hed know that by now. I dont know what it is I love so much about tormenting him. I do have my ways, I am a brat. I dont deny any of that.

Well, Thia is determined to leave. Seems Uncle Alterio's words hurt her more than she will let him know. She is going to stay for a while, but, I will not even mention the reason she is staying here. Soon, I will write about it.

But, I dont wish to jinx it either. Im glad she is going to stay for a while, perhaps something will happen and she will change her mind completely.

Well, :::sighs::: time to get back to work...this stuff wont get done on its own....

~Lyrias~

::::she stands, leaving the journal open to dry on one of the work tables, returning to stringing tinsel and placing a few candles in the window of the Shoppe to give it at least a little of a Yule feel:::::

--Journal Entry, 9 December, Lyrias Dreams

*the young girl sits quietly in her chair at her desk after dinner, her hazy grey-violet eyes on Felina, who sits upon the bed, mending a pulled thread in her school frock.

Felina looks up at her, catching her stare. "Haven't you school work to do?" She nods quickly, remaining silent, and looks to the assignments neatly stacked on her desk, all completed as soon as she got home from the academy. She dips her quill in ink, and opens her diary*

Dear Diary,
I think things are going alright. Here, at least. I've been well-behaved, and I believe that I'm doing well in school. Father has not been upset with me since the last time. It's so hard to get used to not having Aunt Alianna and Paul around. I don't know if I ever will. But I do try because I'm told I mustn't dwell. Aunt Lyrias is still here, and now Jane's come to visit with the little baby. She's not so cheery as she once was, and so very busy, but it still is a delight to have her. Aunt Lyrias isn't cheerful so much either, these days. Why is it that so much upset exists here? Maybe it exists everywhere, it just seems rather excessive these days.

Yule's coming. I can feel the faint twinges of excitement in the air. Of course, it won't be the same out here in the heat, by the ocean, with the sand. But Father says we'll have a traditional Yule one way or another. We'll start new traditions. That's really what we ought to do. A new family with a new home should have their own traditions. Anything would be much better than back home with him. The terrible hunts and sacrifices. Felina speaks of these things.

Felina frightens me at times, lately. She coaxes me to remember before. I just want to put my hands over my ears and shut my eyes and block her out. I don't want to remember. I just want to forget that I was ever there, that he exists, that any of it happened. Yet every day, relentlessly she'll mention something. "Mairin, do you remember...?"

Today she asked me about the apple orchard. I certainly remember the apple orchard. Our only haven. The only place we were safe, or so we thought. Until the day he knew that we were hiding there and set it aflame... How frightened I was, not of the flame, but him. And Liam tore me away from the fire and he ran, ran, ran to the pool with me in his arms and Felina by the wrist, gasping and choking. And then when he discovered us...well, I don't remember that. Sweet thanks, for it terrifies me to try.

Sincerely,
Mairin Carazzi

*she closes the book quietly, and Felina looks up again. "Mairin, do you remember the booth?" She pales, and clasps her trembling hands in her lap, staring blankly down at them*

--Journal Entry, 9 December, Mairin Carazzi

:::slips through the Manor, checking in on all of the children as she makes her way to her suite::::

All the children are tucked in safely. All sweet little angels, sleeping peacefully.

I find myself more and more prone to losing my temper. I dont know what causes me to be so edgy. I believe it is all the changes. Not having Paul, or Ali around. Though, I do enjoy spending some time with little Paul. He is absolutely gorgeous.

I worry about Mairin, with Felina around, after the talk we had. She will be very surprised if something happens to Mairin. I think, if Uncle Alterio will let me, after school tomorrow, I will take the girls shopping at the Bazaar. I think they would enjoy that. I know I would. I do love being around them.

Well, it is late. Time for me to sleep before returning to the Shoppe.

~Lyrias~

::::lets the entry dry as she dresses for bed, closes it, tucking it away in its spot. Climbing beneath the brocade quilt and sheets, falling into a deep sleep:::::

--Journal Entry, 10 December, Lyrias Dreams

::relieves the messanger sent by Alterio. He opens his journal and begins to write::

I thought I would be leaving this eve, but alas I cannot. I have made a promise to Eyas, and I must keep that before I go sulk around on mainland.

A few eves ago, a few friends, Ben, and I had a mass melee which ended up in a duel. I had knocked Ben out. *grins to himself* All was fine until the damn boy came to and started to cast spells at me. "Oh, but I wasn't in the melee after I was out" he says. Bullshit! Then to make matters worse, Lyrias and Mags stood over Ben so Draco and I couldn't get to him, AND Lyrias had knocked ME out!! Damn her to hell!

Seems that I have blinded Ben. Good, execpt now he claims to have my head on his mantle. HA! He is naught but a murderer, and needs to be dealt with. I am considering staying here until that day arrives, but I will need help.... but who.....?

~Neo~

::closes his journal and looks out over the waters from his balcony::

--Journal Entry, 10 December, Lord Neo

"finally manages to drag herself out of bed, her head still throbbing terribly her eyes puffy and red from crying...no tears left to cry and tired of the maid knocking on the door constantly all day she lets her in to start the water for a bath and takes the tray, she pours a cup of coffee and sits at her desk thinking as she writes"

I hope Val made it to the mainland safely. I havent heard anything from him as of yet. Maybe I should have gone with him. Alterio says I need to be alone for a while, that I need time to myself. How much more alone does he think I need? How fast he forgets, I have been alone most of my life. I dont like being alone. Orphaned as a child, in and out of relationships but yet I was still always alone. Married and even then I was alone. Half of my life I was with Alterio and yet I was alone.

After talking to him yesterday...I feel like im just worthless. Not fit to be around others. Not good enough for any decent man. Maybe if I worked on the docks he would be happy. Because he makes me feel like Im one of the whores. Ali use to tell me how strong i was. No she was the strong one. Her pain and misery has ended. I on the otherhand still try to live with mine. Some times I wish I had the strength she had and just end it. Maybe some day...maybe when I cant stand it any more.

The tears, the pretending is getting very old and frustrating. How much longer can I pretend? Do I even want to keep pretending? I let the anger take over the other night. I punched Char in the mouth. I cant control it any longer and funny thing is I -dont- want to control it. And when she was down I wanted to punch her again. Kick or stab her, It crossed my mind and Im not sure why I walked away from her. Because I was still angry.

I left Dome last night, my head throbbing horribly. I didnt have a headache when I got there. But when I walked in and saw Thia i wanted to just rip her throat out. But do I want to break a nail on a sleaze? hmmm Well maybe holding back is why i got a headache. That and a few other things.

lyrias asked me what I wanted for Yule yesterday. What I want I wont get. I dont really want anything else. Only one person knows what I really want. I wish the holidays were over. Another one I will be spending alone. Oh yes I was invited to the manor But I dont think Im going. I would rather be locked in my room alone with a couple bottles of whiskey, than in the same room as Alterio. Alkane can go to the manor and spend Yule with his father. With the help gone I can just drink til I pass out.

"takes a sip of coffee and gags as its cold now she shoves it aside and rises to go soak in the tub and then maybe go to the Boutique for a few minutes as she hasnt been there today at all"

--Journal Entry, 10 December, Vixen

::He arrives home after a long soak at Crystal Spas; he was covered head to toe with blood from the Market. How he labored today; if no one knew who he was, they'd have thought him a common laborer, the way he threw around the cow carcasses, his muscles bulging and sweat pouring from his brow as he worked so hard.. Must have processed a few hundred pounds of meat this day, and shown Embrich the ropes on how to work the shoppe, for he feels it's time to branch out, not content to be merely the Butcher anymore. Arriving home, a bit of fatigue in his face, he greets the children and excuses himself to the study to write::

Blood. Gallons of blood today. Was like I took a bath in it. Hacking, hacking, cutting just right, the dead animals to sell at Market.. Kept thinking about last evening as I did the butchery. The line blurred after awhile. I was slicing a live lamb's throat, bleeding it.. It bleated and her eyes glazed over, and in that bleat, I could've sworn she said something in common..

"For you." That's what it sounded like. All I heard Xanthia saying last night, out of this little sheep's dying breath. "For you..."

I severed her head. The lamb, that is.

How I worked skillfully with the cleaver; last night, just a tiny dagger in hand, I threatened Xanthia. Had her pinned to the floor and could've slashed her throat, yet I acquiesced. Why? Isn't love, I know that as much.

Between Katelin's snickering and leaving..Xanthia's staunch denials.. I know now I should've killed Katelin years ago. Half-arsed attempt merely left Old Carazzi Manor in flames.

I should've finished what I started. Had I done so, there'd not have been a Christopher to be used as a pawn in their headgames.

The sisters...Damn them both. Xanthia's fawning over me, when she knows damned well she was the same one who wished Katelin not to have fallen for me..now Katelin, laughing, taunting and leaving, and Xanthia playing the innocent...Enough. Enough.

The Morgan girls are poison. Xanthia says she's leaving, to give her a good reason to stay..::Thinks::

Best reason I can conjure is to allow the Master Butcher to bleed you like the lamb..deftly, skillfully. For I cannot fathom living in peaceful coexistence after last night. You almost succeeded, you and your sister, in your mindgames with me. Aye, you stated awhile ago you were trying to cajole Kate into allowing Chris to reside with me..

..but that was the beginning of the game, wasn't it. Wasn't it, little one. And now I see it all unfolding.

Stay to the well-lit paths, Xanthia. As for you, Katelin? Sweet Pet, ..run, run as fast as you can. You are prey now.

::A rap at the door breaks his thoughts, and he leaves his journal open upon the desk to dry.::

--Journal Entry, 10 December, Sir Knight Carazzi