Louise's story

Louise's story as told by me, her Mum

Louise Ruth Pass - born 3:40pm 23rd January 1990
died 2:00am 2nd July 1990

Louise's story begins with her pregnancy. I was relatively small compared to my first pregnancy but I thought that was because I was taking better care of myself. We were living at a place called "Tahlee" at the time. It is a residential Bible College on the north coast of NSW, Australia. A very beautiful and serene place to live and study.

We were one hours drive from the nearest hospital in Newcastle and three hours from the hospital where Louise would be born in Manly NSW. Throughout the pregnancy I visited the local doctor and as the pregnancy seemed to be progressing well we (that is my husband and I) decided that no ultrasound or testing of any kind would be necessary. Later I felt that this was God's hand on us guiding and protecting both me and my unborn child.

Because we were living at Tahlee, during the summer break we would spend the time with my family in Sydney which is why Louise was born in Manly. We were glad to be away from Tahlee on the morning of the 28th of December 1989 (approximately 1 month before Louise was born) because there was an earthquake in Newcastle and a few people died and many buildings were damaged. Louise was due on the 9th of January and we joked that she might be the first baby of the New Year and then that date came and went and her due date came and went.

On the 22nd of January I visited the hospital to beg for an induction because I was 13 days over my due date. The midwife was doing some routine examinations when she discovered via palpating my stomach that Louise was in a breech position. I was taken for x-rays to determine whether or not I could deliver the baby vaginally. The ob/gyn on duty said considering my obstetric history (1 average sized baby delivered vaginally in April 1987) that I should be able to deliver this baby vaginally too but to prepare for a c-section.

My labour was started with a syntocinon IV line (syntocinon/oxytocin is a hormone used to stimulate contractions). I progressed very slowly and by 3:20pm I was tired, not from the pain but just from waiting around all day so I lay down on the labour bed. When I lay down I was overcome by the strongest contraction I had felt all day and stopped breathing, my husband buzzed for the midwife and she came into the room just in time to see the waters ballooning out. She broke the membrane and meconium stained fluid splashed all the staff. Seconds later Louise's bottom was visible and an episiotomy performed. One small push and the midwife caught Louise. She was covered in vernix and not breathing very well. They took her to the corner of the room to resuscitate her. Shortly after she came over to me for a quick cuddle and then was taken to the nursery for some special care. Manly hospital is a small hospital with no SCN/NICU, only a few isolettes in the nursery for sick babies. We had no inkling that Louise was sick. We phoned to tell family and friends that the baby was here and that her name was Louise Ruth. It seemed ages before I was wheeled around in a wheelchair to see her. She needed some assistance breathing and feeding but I thought this was due to her 'quick' entry into the world and her small size 5lb 3oz or 2350g. After 6 days in the maternity hospital I was ready to go home and feed this scrawny little girl up. I was blind to the blueness of her skin and her little hands were just cute to us. The paediatrician had other ideas but he gave us no idea as to why he wouldn't discharge us.

Westmead Children's Hospital Sydney

Our next step was to visit the Children's Hospital at Westmead. This hospital is now known as The Children's Hospital Westmead. In those days it was still the old 'rabbit warren' not the beautiful new Hospital that we have now. We had to find our way to a very small room at the back of the hospital where Louise was booked in for an echocardiograph and an ultrasound. She was stripped naked (wrapped only in a blanket) and these tests took hours in the end. These tests revealed significant heart defects and renal problems as well as problems with bone structure. The doctors then ordered a full skeletal survey (x-ray every bone in her body while she was taped naked to the x-ray table!). Because we were lead to believe that these tests were routine we were actually becoming quite suspicious. I was a wreck because Louise was so upset and also because I felt I had let David down in some way, so I asked David to get us a cup of hot tea. The doctors came to tell us that Louise would need to be admitted to the cardiac ward for further tests with a view to surgery for the heart defects. He approached me while I was sitting in the corridor waiting for the x-ray (David was still getting tea at the time) and I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All of this was news to us as we had believed the tests were routine for breech presentations.
A young cardiologist came to see Louise and said that he thought we should see a geneticist as he believed Louise's condition was chromosomal. This was a huge shock because the only condition we knew of that had anything to do with chromosomes was Down Syndrome or Trisomy 21. After talking with Dr Anthony Lipson we decided to have some blood tests and a lumbar puncture to establish a diagnosis. Dr Lipson's first impression was that Louise had Trisomy 18. The next day we received the results of the test and he was proved correct. Louise did have Trisomy 18. We were left to make some very tough decisions and ones that no parent should have to make. Through a lot of prayer we decided to take Louise home and give her a happy, comfortable life for however long we could. Louise lived a very full and happy five months with us she died at home with her family and for that we are grateful. God has given us some wonderful gifts and Louise was one of the best!!!

Home sweet Home, time to build memories

Once at home we decided that we needed to be able to remember Louise especially because she wasn't going to be with us for very long. Jenny was 2 years old (turned 3 in the April) at the time and I knew at that age that she would have difficulty remembering her sister unless we made some very special memories. We had lots of wonderful people who visited us and supported us when we lived at Tahlee especially during the time that Louise was with us. One of these people used to bring us little food packages with those little extras that we couldn't afford at the time. One of those extras was cashew nuts I'm not sure how this person found out that I was partial to cashews but there was always a packet in the basket. One day we decided to go fishing with Jenny and Louise so we packed up Louise in her pram and wheeled her down to the little boat harbour to fish. David put some of the cashews in his shirt pocket and to this day Jenny remembers catching a fish, showing it to Louise and eating cashews out of Daddy's pocket. Another thing that Jenny remembers is that Louise was so tiny that she could carry her around the house no trouble at all and she used to love helping me at bath times and change times. We used to go on a lot of walks with Louise (she hated the car with a passion!) and I would carry her in a pouch on the front Jenny would walk beside me patting Louise gently on the bottom. Sometimes we would walk her in the pram and one particular day we parked the pram outside on the front verandah and before Daddy even had a chance to reach in for Louise, Jenny exclaimed "You're not going to leave my sister out here!" We took as many photos as our budget would allow at that time and we have an album full of beautiful photos, especially some beautiful close-ups that my Dad took. We also have some video of bathing and Louise's Dedication service. These are so special to me and I have watched them from time to time over the years. I am very grateful for the time we had with Louise she was a great blessing to our family.

Do you believe in angels? We do!

Louise taught us many things in her life and our faith in God was and still is very strong. I have always believed that angels exist, however, I didn't think that I would ever encounter any. The day Louise 'gained her wings' we had been to the Nursing Home to visit Louise's Great Grandmother 'Old Nanny'. We had had a very pleasant day chatting with family and Old Nanny and passing Louise around for cuddles. We were staying with the in-laws at the time. It was a bit late in the afternoon and was quite cold when we got home. Louise was in her baby capsule we had carried from the car and I noticed she was very quiet. We had taken her to the ER the night before because she had a chest infection and needed some medication. They had put her on oxygen there and she was so pink and beautiful I wished I had had my camera. The young dr there had no idea what medication to prescribe so after discussing this with us she gave us some antibiotics and we took Louise home. So that the next night we tried to give her medications and she bubbled it back in her throat. Her eyes had lost their fight and we were pretty sure this was the end. We sat up very late that night just holding Louise. Just the two of us. It got quite late and she was breathing like a steam train at this stage we were so tired so we took her bed into our room. At about 2am I was woken by voices. I heard someone say "Shh Shh she's waking up" when I opened my eyes the room was dark, I was a bit disoriented, I thought my in-laws had been in the room and expected to see a light on. I then realised that I couldn't hear Louise breathing anymore so I woke my hubby to go look, sure enough, our little girl had 'gained her wings'. I believe the 'voices' were the angels escorting her to heaven. This has been a great comfort to us and a very special experience.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory & honour. 1 Peter 1:6 & 7

email me by clicking the angel