You've got questions? He's got answers! Go ahead and Ask The President

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Letters to Ask The President may be edited for clarity.

Dear Mr. President,

Are you really that stupid? Were there really "weapons of mass destruction"? Did you know that the united states has more weapons of mass destruction than the rest of the world combined [excluding russia]?

thanks again,
Danny

Dear Danny,

Let me answer all your questions as quickly as possible: 1) Yes, 2) Probably not, and 3) Really? Is that true? In that case I should use more of them!

God Bless Me,
W

Hello dubya!

Did you enjoy your visit to England? hope your coming back real soon (not). No matter what anyone says I think your real cool, as long as you stay that end of the pond!

Luvvya Dubya,
Akin, London

Dear Akin,

Yes, I did enjoy myself in England. As you know, I am good friends with your king, Tony Blair. I'm glad you think I'm cool, that gives us something in common because I think I'm cool too. By the way, what pond are you talking about? Are we going fishing or duck hunting or something?

God Bless Me,
W

Dear Mr. "President",

What exactly did you mean when you said "If a frog could fly, it would hit it's tail on the ceiling? Did you ever actually pass elementary school English, or did Daddy pass some money under the table so that you could go on to the next grade?

Sincerely,
Maria Coulter

Dear Maria,

When I was talking about the frog, I meant exactly what I said. As anyone knows (or at least anyone who lived in Texas during my governorship) when frogs get polluted enough to grow wings, they also has a tail as well. They also has extra limbs and eyes, but you didn't mention anything about that, so forgets I said anything. Also, I will have you know my Daddy never, ever passed money under the table. No, he always passed money through shadowy front companies and through shady contacts he met during his times with the CIA.

P.S. Say hi to your sister Ann for me. She's a great American!

God Bless Me,
W.

Dear Mr. President,

How come you dropped your dog on its head?

Sincerely,
B. Melhorn

Dear B.,

Look, I didn't do it on purpose. In fact, it's not my fault that the danged dog didn't know enough to land on it's feets instead of it's noggin. It's got four feets and only one head, so do the math. Also, I'm not sure I like your accusitorial question - I think you're trying to make me say I made a mistake, but I ain't gonna do it. Because I never make mistakes. Ever. Never ever. Nope, not this cowboy.

God Bless Me,
W

Dear Mr. President,

If this country is the land of "the free", why are people made to take off peace T-shirts in malls by security guards.

Sincerely,
Fred Rupert

Dear Fred,

Of course we is still the land of the free - them security guards is just trying to keep you safe, that's all. You see, as I've said before, terrorists hate our freedom. And they would likes nothing better than to kill a bunch of people at one time. So if they (the terrorists) sees you in a mall with a shirt that indicates how free we Americans is, they may decides to blow themselves up and you along with them. So really, them security guards aren't a reflection of how fascist America is becoming under my watch - they is just trying to keep you alive so you can shop and spend a lot of your hard earned money.

God Bless Me,
W

Dear Mr. President,

How come there aren't any weapons of mass destruction, but we're still fighting there? Iraq wasn't tied in with any terrorist orginizations, so why the heck are we fighting there?

Sincerely,
Alfanzo Soriano

Dear Alfanzo,

I don't know if you've read the papers in the last few months, but I won re-election against that John Kerry fellow. So clearly, the American peoples has given me a mandate to rule as I see fit. And as long as I say that Iraq was a threat to America and that they had weapons and that they was a terrorists, then dang it, it's so! You can cling to reality all you wants to, but it's my version of history that will go down in the school books that kids read. Especially the kids in Iraq. We've built some mighty nice schools for them, and we're making sure all them Iraqi schools has copies of the book "My Pet Goat" to give the kids. That should really piss off Michael Moore!!!

God Bless Me,
W